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Chapter 22 Confrontation #1

Los Angeles

”She’s been feeding off of your weaknesses,” Dr. Travers said, leaning close with his hands clasped together on his knees. “She waters your fears, makes them grow inside of you like a parasite. If you don’t get rid of her, she’ll consume you until there’s nothing left. She might not know of your past, but she knows that there has been something terrible in your life and she’s been using it against you. This is not healthy, William.”

…………

Spike found himself outside of Drusilla’s apartment once again. He knew what he had to do, he knew he had a purpose for being there. But why was he still so terrified of what lay behind the door? Was it really the pale-faced woman he was so scared of? Her or… was it himself?

He stood there for a good while, contemplating whether he should knock or let himself in. The key was in his hand and he fiddled around with him, biding time.

“So you’re going to stand there all day or are you going to go in?” he heard the tired voice behind him and he turned around, surprised, to see an exhausted Drusilla leaning against the wall by the staircase.

Her face wasn’t it’s usual white, in fact, it seemed to be an off-shade of green. There were circles under her eyes and her hair was in a tangled mess, clinging to her neck and falling haphazardly down her back. He stared at her for a few moments, taking her in.

“Well?” she prodded, then shook her head and started walking towards him, moving her hands around her body, searching for her own key.

“What happened to you?” he barely registered himself asking her. Drusilla threw him a look and extracted the key from the back pockets of tattered jeans.

“The usual. You’d know, wouldn’t you?” she laughed haughtily and the smile stopped at her mouth. “Drunk, wasted, partied a little too much. It’s a routine.”

“You’re sober,” he noted, following her as she pushed her way into her messy apartment.

“You’re an observant puppy, aren’t you,” the sarcastic tone wasn’t missed. Spike couldn’t wrap his mind around this Drusilla. He had seen so many of her personalities, experienced her through drug after drug, drink after drink. But he had never known her sober and tired. Worn out. He knew it wouldn’t last and God help him, he felt sorry.

“Look,” she sighed, turning around to face him. “If you’ve come for a fix… you’ll have to come back later. Maybe in an hour to when I’m plastered again.”

He stared. “Who are you?”

She stopped moving abruptly. “Someone you’ll never meet again. Come back later, William. I need to be alone.”

He took another step closer to her and shook his head. “Nobody ever needs to be alone. I’ve been alone for a bloody long time and look where I am now,” he gestured with his hands at the old, familiar apartment and scoffed.

“This is touching,” she rolled her eyes and made her way into the kitchen, heading straight for the liquor cabinet. “I’m not a touching person. And I’m telling you that I want to be alone.”

“And I’m telling you that you need help,” Spike insisted, closing the door of the cabinet as soon as she had it open, making her whirl around to face him.

Her eyes flashed angrily and her face contorted until her eyebrows were nearly touching. If looks could kill.

“And who’s going to help me, my William,” she sneered, pushing him away roughly. “You? Oh, my love, you’re too confused to help anyone. You don’t even know yourself. How can you come here telling me I have to change? Some people are too far gone. You’re almost there.”

“Yes and no,” he wouldn’t let down, blocking her from her goal and knocking her down in the process. “You’re right. I was confused. I was lost. I was everything, pet. But somebody helped me… somebody picked up the pieces and look at me now – “

“Lost and confused as ever,” she glared.

“I’m on the right path, love,” he told her gently. She growled and kicked out as he took a step towards her.

“Great path you’re on,… why are you here? If you’re on such a wonderful path, this would be the last pit stop,” Drusilla got to her feet and fisted her hands, ready to fight.

“I’m here to let go,” Spike was getting angry. What did it take to get through to her? “I’m here to give you this,” he threw his key at her feet and pulled out papers from inside his coat. “I’m here to do this – “ the papers ripped in half and flew every which way, “ – I’m here to distance myself from you.”

She straightened her back and stared at him. Something in her eyes flickered and died; Spike tried to comprehend, but he couldn’t. After a moment, she shrugged as if what he had done was absolutely nothing.

“Fine. Distance yourself. Go,” she said, flatly, then narrowed her eyes and moved forward again. “But get the hell out of my way now.”

He could have stayed, could have tied her down, could have dragged her to a bloody rehab for all he was worth. But all he did was stare into her lifeless eyes for a few seconds and moved out of her way.

Some battles weren’t meant for him. He couldn’t save her, he couldn’t save the world, he could try with all his might, but there wasn’t enough of him to go around. Anyways, he wasn’t even done saving himself.

“Once you’re out that door, you’re never coming back! NEVER! Understand, William? You’re out! You’re nothing! You’re worthless, you… SCUM! You’ll never be anything because you’ll always be empty. Always!”

A bottle crashed to the floor, followed by thuds and smashing sounds and insane screaming. Her voice was broken, but it still pierced the air like an arrow and in it was the story that was her life.

No, he couldn’t save her.

But that didn’t mean he wasn’t sorry.

…………

“And how do you feel about that?”

Spike sat back and laughed humorlessly. He ran a shaky hand through his tousled hair and looked ahead at Dr. Travers, who was sitting in his usual chair with one leg crossed over the other, serious expression in place.

“Oh, the stereotypical Pysch 101 question. Thought we were over and beyond that, doc,” he chuckled and shrugged. “What with the connecting and all that rot, yeah?”

“I’m serious, William,” Dr. Travers shot him a look.

“Oh. Right then,” Spike leaned forward and rocked on his knees a little bit, thinking deeply. “I guess I feel free. Just a little bit. Liberated, I guess? I hear this is how people feel after a baptism. How ironic.”

Dr. Travers didn’t laugh at the irony. Instead, he sighed and nodded.

“Do you feel like this was a good step on your part? Have you finished undone business, tied up all loose ends?” he asked, hand poised over a clipboard.

“For the most part…” Spike muttered and looked away.

“But…” Dr. Travers prodded him.

“I wish I could have helped her,” he admitted. “When I went to see her… she was different. Sober. Something she isn’t normally, at least 99 percent of the time. Huh. Think we almost had a soddin’ heart to heart. Funny, innit? But you know… devil’s drink got in the way of that.”

Spike stopped and had a thoughtful expression on his face before continuing. “For a while after that… I thought that maybe if I just… stayed a while longer, I could have helped her… could have changed things. But that’s all wishful thinking, I reckon. With a past like hers.”

“It would be hard,” Dr. Travers agreed, then said, “but nobody is ever incorrigible. It takes time. Hope is an important thing, William. When you lose it… “

“Yeah.”

…………

New York City

Professor Walsh was getting fed up. Buffy could tell by the way her lips were pursed together and the way her eyes seemed to cross each other. Gabriel must’ve gotten his looks from his father’s side of the family, she thought, amused, because she looks like… a rodent.

Buffy tapped the keyboard, nervously, waiting for the Professor to speak. When she did, it nearly knocked her off her bench.

“Buffy, have you ever been in love?” Professor Walsh asked, abruptly. Buffy blinked and turned away before slowly nodding. The Professor got up from her seat and quickly shooed her off the bench, taking her place at the piano.

She placed thin, wiry hands on the keyboards and started playing part of the Chopin Prelude Buffy was currently working on, closing her eyes as the melody flowed out of the piano like a fountain of clear water.

“When you play…” she said, moving her arms steadily across the keys, “you evoke the most human emotions from your listener. You play with passion… you play with feeling. You play with love, Buffy. Make love to it. Feel it in all of you. Just let it… overtake you.”

She stopped suddenly and shook her head. “Don’t just play the notes. Nobody pays to hear that. For God’s sake, all they have to do is to buy a keyboard that plays itself! When you’re on stage, Buffy… you’re an actress! So act! Nobody pays to see you read the words, they want to live through the story! Feel the emotions! Heavens, Buffy, have you forgotten all of that?”

“N-no,” Buffy stammered, rubbing sweaty hands on her old jeans.

“No? You used to play with the fire, dear,” the Professor’s voice softened marginally, taking in the girl’s saddened expression. “Get it back. Your performance is in only a little over a month. Don’t make a fool out of yourself.”

Too late, Professor, Buffy thought, miserably, …too late.

…………

A few days later…

“Do you…” Buffy paused as she turned to face Gabriel by the elevators of the Residential Hall. “Uh, do you wanna come up?”

A slow grin crept up his face. “You’re sure the roommates wont mind?”

“Faith and Kendra are going to be out late tonight. It’ll just be you – “ she took a step closer to him and ran a hand up his chest slowly, “ – and me.”

Gabriel gulped. He wasn’t expecting this. Up to this point, Buffy had been pretty adamant about taking their relationship slowly. Hell, they hadn’t even kissed yet. Nothing more than a peck, anyways. But here she was, looking up at him provocatively through her eyelashes with a seduce-me smile played across her lips, hand rubbing circles across his chest…

“Yeah,” his excitement got caught in his throat and his voice came out as a whisper. Buffy’s smile widened and she took a step backwards to press the up button, pulling him against her as she pressed her back to the wall.

“Kiss me,” her breath tickled his neck. Gabriel stared down at her hooded eyes and lowered his head to capture her lips. Who was he to deny a lady?

They hardly noticed when the doors slid open and two girls walked out, looking at them with little smiles and eye rolls. Buffy stuck her hand out to press her level as they tumbled into the tiny elevator. Gabriel’s lips were locked on hers and his tongue was slipping past her lips, into the warmth of her mouth.

Her hands went around his neck and entangled themselves in his hair to pull his head closer to hers. This is good… this feels good… why haven’t I done this before?… ran through her mind rapidly before she squeezed her eyes shut and forced all thoughts away. Buffy concentrated on the way he made her body feel, the way she was starting to heat up and want more.

Was this what Faith was talking about?

The elevator door opened behind her and they fell out. Buffy’s back hit the hard floor with Gabriel landing on top of her with a muffled “Oomph!”. Gabriel opened his eyes and scrambled to his feet, smiling sheepishly and held out a hand to help Buffy up.

She took his hand and winced, rubbing her sore head and twisting her back.

“Not the most graceful exit,” Gabriel grinned.

They wasted no time connecting instantly again and making their way slowly to her dorm room. She fumbled around in her pockets for a key and by the time she was about to say ‘screw it’ and just have him right out there in the hall, she felt the cool metal material in her hand and slid it into the lock.

“Got it,” Buffy flashed him a grin and backed her way into the room, keeping her eyes on him the entire time. The sides of his lips turned up slowly and his eyes raked her body, hungrily as she made her way to the sound system Faith had insisted on setting up.

But before she could find a nice, romantic station, Gabriel had sidled up beside her and was running both hands slowly up, under her shirt.

“Mmm,” she breathed in and turned around so she could face him, completely forgetting about the radio that was currently playing some country song she had never heard before.

Gabriel pulled her closer to him and lowered his head, slowly kissing up the side of her neck until he reached her earlobe and nibbled on it playfully. Buffy’s mouth opened as she gasped and shuddered, then pushed him off of her.

At his confused expression, she giggled, turned around, and sprinted to her bed before leaping onto it. She rolled onto her back and propped herself up on the headstand, grinning at him the entire time. Gabriel stood where she had left him, a little too surprised to speak or move.

“C’mon,” she beckoned, playfully, crooking a finger at him until he finally took a slow step towards her.

“ - And that was “My Sunshine” by Dancing Cowboys! We’ll be playing a few new songs after Dave gives us the weather forcast – ”

He climbed onto the foot of the bed, killing her with his slow movements. Buffy could practically hear her heart beating quicker in anticipation. Gabriel crawled up her body like a lion on the prowl before he was head to head with her and bent over to gently kiss her lips.

“ - Cloudy today with nice breeze, New Yorkers! 30% showers tonight and thunderstorms tomorrow. Wouldn’t plan on having a picnic, that’s for sure - ”

She raised her hands over her head and lifted her back from the headstand, giving him a look that he couldn’t mistaken. His hands went under her shirt and moved up, taking it with him until it lifted up her head and fell, forgotten by the side of the bed. She unbuttoned his blue, cotton shirt, kissing her way down until the last button was undone and it joined her discarded piece of clothing by the side of the bed, too.

“ - This is Chuck Swindler, giving you the 7-8 show in New York City. In just a moment, you’ll be hearing from newcomer band, “Dingoes ate my Baby”! They’re originally from a small town in California and just on their way to making it big! We’ll be playing “Love me like you mean it” in just a few moments! - ”

Buffy didn’t immediately catch onto the familiar band name. Even if she had, she probably wouldn’t have done anything about … Gabriel was making her feel things she hadn’t felt in a long time. And no way was he about to stop when his hands were playing at the buttons of her jeans and pulling them down…

“Met a girl on my very front porch,
She lit a fire in me stronger’n any torch,
Held a light by my heart,
Said ‘Baby, what’s your deal?’
Told her I loved her,
She made me feel…so”

But that voice made the world go cold and the fire freeze over and at the very second his voice came through the radio waves, Buffy’s universe came crashing down.





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