Chapter 23 Confrontation #2
New York City
Gabriel wasn’t quite sure exactly how he remembered to breathe. All he could think about was how soft and hot her bare skin was against him, how her breathing was ragged and how she gasped when he ran his hands down her stomach to the buckle of her belt. He knew he was burning up and he had never been so excited in his whole life.
But suddenly, her body went rigid and for the very first time, it didn’t move in synch with his as he struggled to pull her jeans down her thighs. He felt her shudder, but for some reason, he felt that it wasn’t because of something he did… his blood went cold as he raised his head to look at her face. Did he do something wrong?
“Buffy?” he asked, softly, his voice a little raspy from desire and he struggled to control himself. Her face had gone from flushed to pale in absolutely no time and it was scaring him. “Buffy… did I do – “
She raised her eyes and stared up into his dark, dark blue ones that were questioning hers and ran a gentle hand through his dark locks. I can’t do this to him, her head struggled with itself, fighting to keep the image of a certain bleached blonde face from rising to the surface. She couldn’t think about him while she was with Gabriel. She wouldn’t let herself.
“I’m sorry,” her voice was quiet and tinged with sadness. Buffy cupped his face with both hands and lowered his head down to hers, kissing him softly on the lips once, twice, lingering kisses that were sweet and comforting – nothing like the underlying passion in the ones before.
Gabriel sensed the change in mood and breathed a few times, slowly, trying to gain composure before lying down on the bed beside her and taking her into his arms.
“Is something wrong?” he asked her, stroking her hair when she buried her head into his chest. Her shoulders were shaking and he felt tears coming from her eyes onto his skin and held her tighter, trying to comfort her. He honestly had no idea what was happening, but all he knew was that the right thing to do would be to hold her until it passed.
“It’s not you,” she told him, then turned her head away from him, pushing away his arms. His eyebrows knitted together, confused and she shook her head. “I just need to get this out. And turn that off….” She nodded towards the radio before climbing to her feet and walking over to it to hit the power button as hard as she could.
The sound of a distant memory’s voice died out immediately and her heart pulled for a split second at the loss of connection. Her finger lingered on the round knob just a little longer before she forced herself to leave the stereo and go back to Gabriel, who was waiting for an explanation.
“Do you want to talk?” he asked her as she got back into bed and sat up against the headboard.
“Yeah,” She nodded.
Gabriel sat up as well. “Is it something that I – “
“No,” Buffy turned to him sharply and covered his hand with her own. She needed to tell him what bothered her. She needed to open up, but it wasn’t easy. After years of hiding a build-up of emotion, letting it all out was proving to be as difficult as it gets.
But she had to do it.
“About three years ago…”
…………
Los Angeles
The wooden door cracked open and Willow stood on the other side, wringing her hands in a apron she was wearing over a UCLA sweatshirt. Her eyes were red and worn out, signs of lack of sleep were evident in the drawn look of her face and the messy strands of hair sloppily pulled back.
“Hello, Red,” Spike greeted, lowering his eyes. He couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eyes. She didn’t answer him, just pulled the door open wider, giving him just enough room to slid into the apartment.
“Oz is in the bedroom,” she said, shortly, turning her back on him and situating herself on the sofa in front of a spread of papers. Homework. Something Spike hadn’t seen since high school.
He only let himself stare at her going through her work for a few seconds before walking around, behind the sofa, to get to the bedroom at the other side of the small apartment. Something in the kitchen beeped and he heard Willow scramble to her feet and race to the oven. Spike couldn’t help but sigh. Oz was right when he said that this wasn’t the life for them.
The bedroom door was halfway open and Spike slipped into the darkened room. The desk lamp was on and Oz was sitting on a chair, busy filling something out. When he heard Spike enter, he looked over his shoulder.
“Hey, man,” Oz greeted, putting the pen down on the desk and getting to his feet.
“Hey,” Spike nodded to him and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets. He paced over to the bed in the corner and sat down in it, looking around the room, trying to think of what he was going to say. The walls were bare – it seemed as though all their photographs and posters were packed away.
“So, uh,” He finally said, focusing his gaze on Oz, “Packing?”
“Seems like,” Oz nodded. Spike nodded too and they fell into silence again. Though they had been friends for a long time, the tension in the air was evident and Spike nervously tapped his feet. Through the closed door, they heard Willow’s frustrated shouts mingled in with a loud clanging sound.
“She’s baking?” Spike asked, nodding towards the door. Oz shrugged.
“Think so,” he said, thoughtfully. “I think it relaxes her.”
“Oh.” The silence resumed as Willow cursed vehemently. Right. Real relaxing.
There was a time when the two of them were happy and carefree. Spike remembered it clearly, though now it seemed to have been a lifetime ago. They always laughed, they were always touching somehow, linked together by a pinky, clasping hands, arms slung around a shoulder, a waist. It was clear they were in love.
And they still were, he realized. Willow was right in the other room, ready to support Oz in whatever he choose to do. Why couldn’t I have done this with Buffy? Then he remembered pushing her away, backing up, telling her he didn’t love her, hurting her, himself, and everything they stood for.
Oz picked up his pen and twirled it in his finger while he studied his friend who seemed to have drifted off in thought. The air conditioner grunted and died again.
“I never asked you what you planned to do,” Spike said suddenly. Oz stopped twirling his pen and placed it neatly on top of the stack of papers.
“I applied to college,” he replied. Then added, “In Sunnydale.”
“Both of you going back?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh.”
Spike didn’t know why it was so hard to talk to him. Maybe it was the apology he had planned out in the back of his mind. There was so much to say, yet words seemed not enough. They jumbled things up and mixed up with each other. He started understanding why Oz chose not to use them. His words sounded tacky in his mind and he knew it would come out worse than how he had played them out.
“What about you?” Oz asked him after a moment. Spike rubbed the back of his neck.
“Don’t rightly know,” he measured his words carefully. “School was never the place for me. I’m thinking of going solo. I canceled the contract with Drusilla, did you know? Ripped it to pieces…”
“I heard,” Oz cracked a grinned and the heaviness lifted marginally. “I heard she’s been calling Angel, trying to get him to change your mind.”
“He say no?”
“What do you think?”
They laughed and the apology passed with no words.
“If it’s worth anything,” Spike started, “I’m really – “
“Yeah, I know.” Oz nodded, cutting him short and smiling. “Talk to Angel. He needs it.”
The silence was comfortable this time. The noise in the kitchen had died down and Spike wondered if Willow had went back to her homework. He pushed off the bed and stood up slowly.
“I have to go,” Spike said as Oz got to his feet.
“Okay.”
The air conditioning whizzed and seemed to cough and sputter at them. There were words left unsaid, but they both knew what they were. That was the thing between them – what made their bond what it really was. It was a level of understanding that words could not reach. Words weren’t necessary. Spike straightened out his jacket and walked towards the bedroom door to leave.
“Hey,” Oz’s voice stopped him and he turned. One word could convey so much. Oz told him to take care of himself, keep his head up. He told him that he could always go to him. Friendship. Something valued above most. Spike smiled.
“Yeah?”
“After our album goes public, what do you think you’re gonna do?”
Oz was smiling and Spike saw a light open down another path. A hopeful path. So many of the steps he had taken had been in the dark or the mist or down an uncertain trail. So many steps lead to pain and hurt and heartache. And here was one with a light. A light that seemed to expand in his heart and warm it.
He grinned as he backed out.
“I think I’m going to see about a girl…”
…………
New York City
Buffy had fallen asleep curled up against his chest. She’s so beautiful… , Gabriel thought, running his hand up and down the smooth skin of her back. Talking about her first love exhausted her and before falling asleep, she had wrapped her leg around him and snuggled her warm body as close as it could get to his.
He wanted her. Badly. There was no doubt about that. But then, at the same time, he realized she had been hurt. The idea of sex seemed to bring up a terrible memory for her and when they did it, he wanted it to be about the two of them. Not some ex-idiot who couldn’t see a diamond when it was shoved in front of his face. Buffy shuddered in her sleep and Gabriel tightened his hold on her and kissed the top of her head.
Gabriel thought about the man who had left her heart broken and didn’t know what to think. He wanted to kill him, for one. Strangle him for hurting the girl so badly. But then, he wanted to hug him for leaving her because if he was still around… Gabriel looked at Buffy lying on the bed next to him.
She had taken off her jeans and they were both on their underwear, intertwined on a nearly twin-sized bed. Her skin glowed where the moonlight touched it and he carefully moved his hand to trace a finger lightly where her skin was illuminated. At the contact, she seemed to sigh softly and he felt her lips curl slightly against his chest. God, he wanted to make love to her.
He palmed her shoulder and gently rubbed her upper arm, letting his thumb brush against the lacy bra barely covering her breasts. She stirred a little and shifted her leg, rubbing it against him.
Suddenly, she tilted her head until her mouth was against his ear and whispered two words that made him hard and drove him crazy.
“Touch me…” her breath warmed his ear and she licked the lobe gently. Gabriel stared at her wide open eyes in disbelief.
“I thought you were asleep.”
“Was. But now I want you.”
She twisted her body and pushed him on his back, getting up to a sitting position and straddling him across the waist. Gabriel’s mouth went dry as she unclasped the hook of her bra and let it dangle in front of her.
“Buffy…” he tried to speak, but he couldn’t really think straight. “Are you sure…”
“Does it look like I’m sure?” she smiled and let her bra drop away down. “You listened to me, you held me…”
He was so mesmerized, he didn’t even realize she had taken off her panties until she was just about to lower herself down on him…
The door opened and the lights streamed on in the room, brightening everything and blinding both of them. There was a shove and a push and a banging sound followed by three girls screaming and a guy widening his eyes in disbelief.
“Oh, fuck!” Faith yelped and stopped in her tracks, making Kendra topple over on top of her.
“What you stop for – oh,” Kendra made her own little shriek. Buffy realized what was happening and screamed as well, making a dive for the sheets. Gabriel was disoriented and still blinded by the lights.
“Sorry!” Faith pushed Kendra into the hallway and the door slammed after them.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry for such a long time lapse. Between AP's, finals, parents, no internet access, preperation for Graduation... I had practically NO free time to write or even think about writing. I'm also going on vacation in about a week for the entire summer and i'm not sure about what type of internet access I'll be having. I'll try my best to update, but i can't promise anything. Really, really, really sorry.... just trust me that i WONT give up on this story. Or any of my other ones. I just need some time. Thanks for the reviews, guys. They really help motivate me.