Ch. 27 It's You
After the concert
After Buffy had played the final monstrous chords of the Brahms, the audience had roared up to their feet, clapping, whistling, and shouting "Brava" intermittently. Spike and Angel rose too, both clapping politely but not feeling comfortable enough to shout any Italian complimentary phrase… due to lack of knowledge and lack of wanting to seem like overzealous, fanatical ponces.
The two girls sitting in front of them were especially enthusiastic; the dark-haired girl screamed, "YEAH, B! That's what I'm talkin' about! Yeah!" and the black girl next to her had shouted something similar. Angel watched them as they made their way across the row full of people and ran down the aisle to thrust a bouquet of flowers up at Buffy, who looked like she had just narrowly avoided death: relieved, ecstatic, dazed, all of the above.
When all the fuss finally died down, both men kept an eye on the girls who were making their way backstage.
Angel poked Spike in the ribs.
"Want to follow them?" He asked over the noise, gesturing towards the two girls who had just disappeared through a discreetly placed side door that blended in with its surrounding wall.
Spike swallowed, staring off after them. There was nothing he wanted more than to see her, but he was… nervous. Oh hell, he was scared shitless. There were close to a hundred and twelve "meet Buffy" scenarios he had orchestrated in his head, none of which involved her blessing him with a warm greeting. Was he ready for the rejection that was bound to be thrown his way? Not so much. But, of course, he had always been a glutton for punishment - and anyways, he had told himself no more waiting around - so he nodded.
"Yeah," Spike's voice wavered, uncharacteristically. "Sounds alright."
The two of them weaved through the crowd and fought their way to the back of the stage in search of a certain Buffy. An old friend for Angel and an everlasting love for Spike.
………
………
The exact millisecond she had gone back through the stage doors after her third bow, she was assaulted by an excited Professor Walsh.
"I knew you could do it! It was marvelous, Buffy!" She gushed, grabbing Buffy into a tight hug. "Truly beautiful playing. It was artistic, it was moving, it was everything I could ever hope for! Of course, there were a few spots in the Beethoven that could be cleared up - but we'll talk about that next lesson! Great job, my dear!"
"Thanks," Buffy blushed, feeling the blood run up to her cheeks. Professor Walsh patted her back.
"Be sure to get a copy of your performance, dear," she advised, taking off her glasses and letting them hang on their elaborate chain, "Send it to your previous teacher, Mr. Giles. I'm sure he'd be thrilled to hear you."
Buffy smiled and thanked her again.
Another wave of people hit her. Faith and Kendra had brought an entourage of friends who had instantly glued themselves to her side, congratulating her, hugging her, laughing, chattering… she couldn't help it but to feel a satisfied, warming glow spread through her body.
"So cool, girl!" Faith slapped her back and whooped, "You were definitely the shit."
"The shit, huh?" Buffy smiled, a little dazed.
Kendra wrapped an arm around her shoulder and squeezed. "It was very good," she said slowly before releasing her.
"More then good!" another voice rang out from the happy crowd.
"Yeah!"
Tons of voices chimed in and Buffy laughed, feeling overwhelmed.
The little hall behind the stage was filling up with different professors, teachers, and students, all waiting to shake her hand. She could sense the beginnings of her body rising to a natural high as she fought the urge to just laugh out all her tensed up emotions in relief. It was over! Her first performance… it was finally done and she had done a great job!
Buffy scanned the heads of the crowd, looking for Gabriel. She needed a hug from her boyfriend. Her very stable, very nice boyfriend.
Her eyes caught sight of a familiar face and suddenly, she froze…
Angel? She widened her eyes. What is he doing here? Angel was looking over at her with a wide grin and making his way through the crowd.
At first, all she could do was smile. She hadn't seen Angel since…
He shifted and her eyes stumbled upon the intense, blue gaze of the man who had once-upon-a-time been her entire world.
Spike… his name ghosted across her lips as a torrent of emotional chaos stampeded her. Some minute, infinitesimal slab of her heart that she hadn't even know existed leapt up in crazed delight and crashed head first through the nearly impenetrable barrier she had spent the past three years building. Spike was standing all but three yards away, separated from her by a herd of bodies and already, she felt a vaguely familiar and exhilarating prickly sensation sweep across her bare skin. It was a sensation that she felt whenever he had been close to her; It was a sensation that she hadn't felt in… three years.
Seeing him was like… God, it's like… a small glimmer of joy rose up from deep within and she almost caught herself starting to smile. Then suddenly, everything came crashing back, violently washing out the small flicker of bliss like a pitcher of ice cold water on a feeble wax candle.
He was standing right there with his hands stuffed into his pockets, his thumbs sticking out of the fabric, tapping nervously across the denim of his jeans. His back was slightly slouched over in a mirage of stances; an onlooker would see an indifferent man, bored, tired, and ready to leave, an acquaintance would recognize the arrogant, flippant positioning of his upper torso,… she saw the protective hunch of his shoulders, guarding his feelings from the world, trying to hide the nervousness that was visible in those blue eyes of his.
It was impossible to turn away, yet it was impossible to go to him. It was impossible not to love him, yet it was impossible to trust him. Buffy felt her insides being torn into two. How did he always manage to do that?
She didn't hate him, that much was a given. True, the year after he had ruthlessly broken her heart, she had been miserable. She had wanted to kill him, to run back to him, to cry with him, to cry over him, to hit him, to hurt him, to… do anything to alleviate the damned, burning pain that was eating her from the inside out. But over the years, the pain had lessened until she believed that she didn't care anymore.
A few weeks ago, if somebody asked her about him, her eyes would have hardened and her head would have turned away and she would have been able to speak in a cool, indifferent voice. She would have told them that he was a forgotten lover, a man who broke her heart once upon a time. But no matter how many times she repeated that it didn't matter or that she didn't care, inside, there had always been a part of her that wondered if things would be different when the day came that they would meet face to face.
She never knew it would be this different. She never knew that when the time came, she would feel all the buried away feelings rushing back to her like the angry ocean lapping at the harbor. She never knew that she would have to fight the urge to reach out to him. She never knew that she would feel the intense, burning pain in her heart all over again.
Just when she thought the scars he had left were sufficiently hardened up, they knife came barreling back, violently ripping through the old wounds. And it hurt so much… she almost hated him again, though it had never really been hate.
She couldn't quite put a finger on what it was.
In the time she was trying to sort out her feelings, Angel had walked straight up to her and opened his arms for a welcoming embrace.
Buffy smiled through the haze of strangled emotions and walked into his big, bear hug. "Angel!" her voice was too bright, too happy.
"Aw, Buffy," he squeezed her affectionately, rocking her back and forth, "Giles told me you'd be playing here tonight. God, it was amazing! I couldn't even believe it was you! Our own, little Buffy in Juilliard!"
Buffy laughed and Angel brought his mouth down to quietly whisper in her ear, "Don't hate me for bringing Spike with me, Buff. Just… listen to him, okay?"
She didn't know what to say. He released her and she let herself stare into the comforting face of her long-lost friend. Had it really been three years since she had talked to Angel? Why hadn't they kept in touch? She hadn't seen Xander, Cordelia, or Willow since graduation the year before, but they still occasionally picked up the phone or emailed each other. And here was Angel… hugging her and talking to her like not a day had passed since they exchanged good-byes.
Angel moved to the side and Buffy turned to see Spike only a few feet away now, silently looking at her with transparent eyes.
"Hello, Spike," she greeted, softly, crossing her arms in front of her chest in an almost protective manner, as if she needed to guard her heart to keep him from breaking it all over again.
He stared at her, his voice catching in his throat as he heard her say his name in that quiet, sotto voice. Those two words translated into so much more… how are you? Why didn't you call? Why didn't you love me? Why did you hurt me? Why are you here? How can I trust you? I'm afraid…
"Buffy," he breathed out, holding her gaze. Oh, Buffy. Oh, love. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you and I'm terrified. Please, Buffy… give me another chance. Could she read into his mind like he could hers?
The widening of those expressive eyes told him she could. He took a step closer to her, daring to close the space between them. She backed up and he froze in his spot.
Before he could grasp what was going on in her head, he saw a tall, dark-haired man with crystal blue eyes walk up to her and wrap an arm around her waist.
Buffy looked up at the man next to her and graced him with a smile.
"Buffy," the man bent down and whispered none-too-softly in her ear, "You were incredible. Wait, nevermind, incredible doesn't even describe it."
Comprehension flooded into Spike and his stomach tightened as if it had been punched. She was leaning into the guy's side and smiling. Suddenly, as if she just remembered him, her smile disappeared and she turned back to fix him with her hardened green gaze.
"Gabriel, this is Spike," she said, gesturing slightly with her hand. At his name, the man - Gabriel - seemed to stiffen. She paused for a moment, before speaking again, "And Spike, this is Gabriel… my boyfriend."
Spike came to a slow, painful realization. Getting sucker-punched in the gut like that? It bloody hurt like hell.
………
Gabriel and Spike sized each other up, the taller man staring at the shorter man with icy eyes and the shorter man caving in, exhausted, with a short, fleeting glance. Buffy eyed the two warily and slid her hand through the crook of Gabriel's elbow, gently squeezing and silently trying to tell him everything would be okay.
Spike stared at where their bodies were joined, not missing the subtle message she sent to her… boyfriend. A fire started simmering inside and he clenched his fist, trying to put it down. The jealousy that consumed him at the sight of her with her… boyfriend almost took him by surprise. Well, not so much as by surprise, as by a blinding shock of insatiable fury that made him want to pound the guy into the ground, but that was beside the point.
Suddenly, he was so tired.
Without a word, Buffy turned around and led her … boyfriend away. Spike silently watched their retreating backs. It had been a long day and he didn't have the energy to put up the fight that he needed to. Maybe tomorrow…
"I'm sorry, man," Angel said quietly, reappearing by his side. Spike said nothing and continued to stare after her. Realization had finally dawned on him.
He had known long before this moment that in order to win her back, he would have to fight for his life. He had thought it would take infinite declarations of love, millions upon billions of acts to prove his love and his devotion, … but he had been so sure that he would eventually have her back.
And now, …
He would just have to work harder.
I'll think about it tomorrow, he thought, echoing the very words of Scarlett O'Hara, After all… tomorrow is another day.
[Reviews - 349]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 1931 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +