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Author's Chapter Notes:
i felt like shooting spike when i wrote this. and i was the one who wrote this. it's saying something, right?

don't kill me.
Chapter 6 I love you…
L.A.

The lights were dimly lit and Buffy felt the heat of all the sweaty bodies brushing passed her, bumping into her, closing in around her. With each second that passed, she felt like throwing up. In a few minutes, she would be facing the love of her life, the man that took her then rejected her and she didn’t know what she would do. Had no clue what she would feel.

“Willow…” she gasped, clinging on to her friend’s arm. “I- I don’t think I can do this… let’s get out of here.”

“It’s okay, Buffy,” her friend soothed, putting an arm around her. “We can leave if you really want to.”

Buffy numbly nodded and they turned around. There were bodies everywhere, jumping up, shouting, muffling all sounds. The more she looked around, the dizzier she felt until the world seemed to swirl and dance and twirl around her. The faces became a hazy blur and the sounds all meshed into one, great siren.

Until she heard his voice.

“HELLO LOS ANGELOS!”

Suddenly, everything cleared up. She wasn’t surprised that he still held that effect over her. He could still stop her heart from beating by his mere presence and make the world stop spinning at one word. One welcoming phrase.

She didn’t remember or even think she heard a word coming out of his mouth after that, she was too caught up in the smile of his face, the gleam of his blue eyes. Everything became a vacuum and all that was there was him. She couldn’t decide whether to cry or laugh, the emotions were too strong. Her body was overjoyed at being in his presence, but her heart ached at his last words to her. I don’t love you…

She wasn’t sure exactly when he started singing, but familiar words suddenly filled her ears, ringing through the shouting of the hundred fans.

sing me a song
with your voice like silver
you'll right all my wrongs
with your golden touch

Buffy’s heart soared when she heard the first few words and recognized the song immediately. He had written it for her and sang it to her on her fifteenth birthday. The instant she closed her eyes, she was pulled back into the beautiful memory of what seemed to be so long ago…

Flashback

All sounds and movements stilled at the first words that came out of his mouth. Buffy felt her insides melt together and her love for him expanded beyond the barriers of the Bronze’s walls. She had been completely taken by surprised when he began a dedication into the microphone. “This is for the one person that I’ll love forever and beyond…” Every syllable he sang confirmed her place in her life and warmed her from head to toe.

take me along
when you walk by the river
then sing me my song
that I love so much


Spike saw the girl sitting at the corner booth, looking up at him with adoration in her eyes and everything that had been holding him dissolved into thin air. Where had she been all his life? he wondered as he continued to sing.

fill me with might
I’m resisting my pride
I’ve put up a fight
so I can be by your side

He smiled, lovingly, and she smiled back. The simple gesture warmed him. She had come into his life when he was blocking out the world and seen him for who he was. Since he had recited his poem for his childhood infatuation to her, she had regarded him with a sense of wonder. Made him feel like it was okay to write, okay to pour thoughts out on paper. Made what he wrote seem beautiful and worthy of her.

now give me the strength
to give you all that I can
go longer lengths
let my feet stay on land

He realized at that moment that he loved her. There was no question about it. He was absolutely, positively, head over heels, church bells ringing, diamond ring, soul bound, can’t live without her in love. With Buffy Anne Summers.

you sang me my song
you lay me in sand
you righted my wrongs
monster waves all banned

He marveled at his newfound knowledge and another revelation came to him. She loved him, too. She had told him once before and he had taken it lightly, not really believing. But now there was no if, and, or buts about it.

you took me along
secured me on land
then you sang me my song
I know I’m safe in your hands

Buffy felt her eyes begin to tear as he sang his last words. He looked straight at her and smiled.

“I know I’m not a perfect person,” he said in a low, reverent voice and held her gaze. “Before you came along, I was lost. I gave up on life, love, everything that mattered. I didn’t care about anything anymore. But then, I met you… a saint dressed up in girl’s clothes. You saved me and I saw what it was that I was missing for so long. You’re my everything… my song, my muse, my love. I love you,…”

Back to Present

The present-day Spike had saw Buffy the instant he stepped out on stage. She wasn’t even facing him and he could feel her. He had swallowed deeply and looked away… looked at anything but her. What’s she even doing here? It hurt him to think about her… to think about the way he had hurt her when he denied his love for her. The love he had had for her… the old love. No matter how many times you lie to her,… you can’t lie to yourself, you sodding git, his mind scolded him. But she was another part of his life that he had to set aside. She didn’t belong in the world that he was now in and he had to let her go. He had to make sure that she knew this and wouldn’t come running back to him. It was the best for both of them. As he started out the concert with their song, he knew at that moment that his heart would break and break hers in the process. …That is, if it wasn’t already broken beyond repair, you bloody wanker.

He ended the song with the same speech. The same declaration of love…

…my song, my muse, my love. I love you… “…Drusilla,” he finished. The instant the foreign name came out of his mouth, his heart dropped to his feet. Buffy’s eyes fluttered open.

That was when the world collapsed on itself.





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