CHAPTER 7
William arrived a few minutes before lunch break. Buffy was still busy with her lesson, training girls surrounding her with all sorts of self-defense strategies so he waited patiently, watching her move. It was funny how such a petite figure could convey such strength. She didn’t look especially fragile, but he could sense a great vulnerability in her.
But maybe he wasn’t sensing it, maybe it was simply because deep inside of him, he knew her. Since last night, a deeply buried part of him had awakened. The part that remembered how easy it was to love her. A feeling of belonging, protectiveness and partnership.
All that rush of emotions was a little overwhelming, but he didn’t care. He needed it.
He needed her.
He wondered how he could need so much someone he had met only a few days ago. In his heart, it made sense. In his head, the idea was bordering on scary. It was probably normal, considering their previous relationship had been quite intense.
Buffy noticed him and waved with a smile before finishing her lesson. “That’s it for this morning, girls. I’ll see you this afternoon.” She intercepted a pretty black-haired girl. “Yani, could you get Mr. Giles for me, please?”
The young slayer smiled. “Sure.”
She followed the others in a brouhaha of laughs and talks. William watched them leave. “They are pretty impressive. I wouldn’t want to meet one of them in a dark alley one night.”
She went to him, smiling, and he welcomed her in his arms. They exchanged a passionate kiss.
“I missed you,” he whispered. “Last night was amazing.”
Her face lit up. “I missed you too. Even if technically it’s only been…” she checked her watch. “…five hours.”
“An eternity,” he said in a dramatic tone, and she giggled.
Giles arrived and they separated. William turned to him and held his hand. “Mr. Giles. I’m William Atherton. But I guess you know me already.”
Giles took his hand and shook it slowly. “Indeed I do. It’s…nice to see you again, William.”
Buffy had already told him everything, so Giles was prepared. But even then, it was still a shock to the older man. Of course the former vampire looked slightly different – the hair, the glasses, the sun-kissed complexion. But other things – the blue eyes, the trademark smirk, the casual look, jeans and leather jacket – screamed of Spike. From what Giles had read and heard from Buffy, William was a perfect mix between his former human and vampire self.
He had already started to write about it in the Watcher’s diaries. He had witnessed countless extraordinary things in his career, but this one was a first. At least for him.
Buffy could almost see the wheels turning in Giles’ head and she cleared her throat. She knew he couldn’t help it, but she didn’t like the ‘fascinating specimen to study’ look he had when he was looking at William.
William didn’t seem thrown by it. “I wish I could say the same, sir. As a compatriot, I’m sure we would have a lot of things to talk about.”
Buffy snorted softly. Lots of things indeed. Like how Giles had tried to have him killed while he was distracting her.
“Buffy told me you’ve been having dreams. Did you remember anything else?”
“Not really. Sometimes it feels like a memory…a scent, or an impression of déjà vu…it’s always very vague. So I guess meeting people I used to know is a big help. The first concrete dreams and memories happened after I met Buffy and Dawn.”
“I see. Well, if I might be of any help, just let me know.”
“Thank you sir. It’s greatly appreciated.”
“Please call me Giles. Buffy can give you my direct phone number, in case you have questions, or just want to talk.”
“I sure will. It’s nice to know I have friends, especially one from the mother country,” William said with a smile.
“Right.” Giles seemed a little bit embarrassed, and did what he always did in these occasions: cleaning his glasses.
“Do you have time for lunch?” Buffy asked.
William sent her a regretful look. “Actually no. I already have a date. Tall, cute brunette…goes by the name of Dawn,” he said, avoiding stealthily her playful slap.
She pouted. “I can’t believe she double-crossed me.”
“She called me this morning. She said I had no choice since it was my fault she stayed alone all night.”
William had barely finished his sentence when he realized Giles was still standing there. He turned a crimson red, matching the pretty colour on Buffy’s face.
Giles gracefully ignored the comment, smiling. “I wish you a nice day, then, William. I’m sure we’ll see each other soon.”
“I hope so. Have a nice day, sir…Giles.”
“Buffy, could you come in my office when you have a minute?”
“Sure,” she said.
Giles was about to leave when William held him back. “Excuse me, but do you have a son named Randy?”
Buffy and Giles looked at each other.
“No,” the older man said. “Why?”
William shrugged. “The name ‘Randy Giles’ suddenly came to mind. I thought maybe…”
“Randy Giles is not my son. It was a made up name you were given during a…” he looked at Buffy helplessly. “…a role playing game we did once.”
Buffy smiled. “See? I told you things would come back.”
Giles nodded. “That’s certainly encouraging. Buffy, when you’re ready…” he said before leaving.
She rolled her eyes. “Well, I’m certainly in for a lecture.”
“I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I didn’t realize what I said until it was too late.”
“Don’t worry. I would have told him eventually. I told you, he’s like my dad. Very protective.”
“Is that why he had such a distant behaviour? I did get the impression he doesn’t like me very much.”
Buffy sighed. “He never approved of our relationship…I tried to make him understand you were a good person, but he had all sorts of prejudices…some of them were reasonable, but still…”
Look who’s talking, Buffy, a little voice said inside her head. “Things are different now. He’ll come around,” she assured him. Of course Giles had been very impressed by Spike’s sacrifice, and there was a form of respect when he talked about the vampire after that, but when it came to Buffy and her feelings, his position had remained unchanged. There had been a certain trust between Angel and him, until Angel had killed Jenny after losing his soul. Giles had never trusted Spike, even with the chip and the soul, and he could never accept Buffy’s involvement with him.
William cleared his throat. “By the way, about last night…we didn’t use any protection. I should have thought about it, but I was rather busy,” he finished, caressing her cheek.
“Don’t worry. I’m on the pill.”
“Oh, good. Not that I wouldn’t, but…I mean, that would probably be a little too rushed.”
She chuckled. “I agree. But no worries. And I haven’t been with anyone else since you. So I should be safe on that side too.”
“Same here. When I was found they ran all kind of blood tests on me and I was clean. I didn’t know who I was, but I was a string healthy bloke,” he joked. “If you prefer, I can buy some condoms for the next time.”
She blushed slightly. That was definitely an unusual and awkward conversation to have with him. She put her arms around his waist and looked at him tenderly. “No. I don’t want anything to come between us.”
He smiled and pressed a kiss on her hair, her forehead and then on her lips. “I can’t believe I spent the last two years not remembering you existed. And now I can’t even imagine life without you.”
“I know the feeling,” she said, pressing her body against his. Their mouths met again in a lingering kiss.
“Jim and Anna will be back this afternoon. Do you want to come by tonight? I want you to meet them.”
“Yeah, sure. I have a lot to thank them for.”
“I’ll pick you up at 7 pm?”
She nodded and he let her go reluctantly. “Have a nice afternoon, pet.” He kissed her one last time before disappearing.
Buffy sighed, torn between happiness and anguish. This was way too good to last.
§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§
Buffy walked into Giles' office, and sat down in one of the comfortable chairs in front of his desk. The place was welcoming, with wooden shelves full of books. The sun was coming in through the window, its rays giving a warm luminosity to the place.
He took off his glasses and put them on the desk. “Do you know what you’re doing?” he asked her quietly.
She lowered her head. “No. I don’t. I just know I can’t lose him again.”
“Buffy, obviously you can’t keep the truth from him.”
“I know that! God, I can already picture that conversation: ‘Hey William, by the way, you were a vampire for 120 years, and you killed hundreds of people, but you made amends and saved the world, so I guess it makes it ok.’ Yeah, that’s going to go well.”
Despite the situation, a small smile crept on Giles’ lips. “Maybe a bit more delicacy would be appropriate.”
Buffy sighed. “There’s no way he can take this right Giles…can you only imagine…? Having him back like this…it’s like a second chance.”
“And no one deserve it more than you and Spike, even I can agree with that. But Buffy, it’s not a second chance if he starts his new life like this. And are you really willing to spend your time lying to him?”
“Of course not. The whole situation is tearing me apart. The only hope I have is for him to remember by himself…and even then I’m scared to imagine his reaction. You’ve seen him Giles. He looks happy. He’s got people who care for him, a job. He’s a normal human being. How can I ruin that?”
“You could be totally selfless and walk out of his life. But…” he added off Buffy’s look, “I guess that was not an option you considered.”
“Does that make me a selfish person?” she asked, feeling slightly ashamed. That option – and Giles was right, she hadn’t considered it – would solve the problem. But Hell would freeze over before it happened. That was the coward’s way to avoid problems. That’s what Angel had done 6 years ago and she had always resented him a little bit for that.
“Not really,” Giles said with a soft smile. “Besides, seeing how William looks at you…it’s much too late. Avoiding each other would make both of you profoundly miserable.”
“I wouldn’t be able to do that, Giles. There has to be a way…I don’t know what to do, or what to say. Where to start.” She put her head in her hand in a defeated gesture.
Giles cleared his throat. “Buffy, have you ever thought that Spike might not remember? That he’s not supposed to regain his memory?”
She shook her head, confused. “What? What do you mean?”
“I went to see Wesley, yesterday.” Buffy’s eyes grew wide and he added quickly, “I didn’t tell him it was about Spike. I made up some story…you should definitely tell Angel, by the way.”
“I’ll call him tonight,” she said.
“Anyway, when you told me the first time, I immediately thought about the Shanshu.”
“Angel’s prophecy?”
“Yes. The terms of the prophecy were rather fitting…but it turns out that it concerns Angel, and only him. Wesley went further in the translation and if Angel’s name isn’t specifically mentioned, all signs obviously point to him. So I dropped that theory. The problem is, it is an unprecedented event. I couldn’t find anything, so I had to make my own theory…for what it’s worth.”
“I’m all ears,” she said.
“You know that with the Shanshu, Angel will one day become human as a reward for his atonement and fight against evil. But at the same time, he will have to live his life with the memory of what he did. The guilty conscience will never really go away.”
“Yeah, and we know how good he’s at that,” she said without malevolence.
“So I thought, if this resurrection is supposed to be a reward, as it probably is in William’s case, the memory loss makes sense. It is supposed to be a second chance for a redeemed demon, to live a normal life. But how could it be normal if the person has to live with a memory full of evil deeds, mayhem and murders?”
“But William did remember some stuff,” she objected. “About me, Dawn…even you, a few minutes ago.”
“Probably because he was brought in contact with you, which wasn’t supposed to happen.”
She rolled her eyes. “Then whoever brought him back maybe shouldn’t have put him in the same city.”
“I know you don’t like to hear this, Buffy,” Giles said with a half smile, “but Spike’s resurrection had nothing to do with you or where you were. He was brought back where he died, and I guess that whatever Powers did it, their work stopped there. Whatever happens to him afterwards is not their problem anymore.”
Buffy thought about it for a few minutes before a smile crept on her face. “Then that means that Spike and I are bound together. That whatever obstacles we encounter, we always find our way back to each other.”
“I suppose that’s the romantic vision of things, yes. The less romantic part will be when you have to tell him the truth. Because I don’t think you can pursue any kind of relationship with him and lie for much longer.”
The defeated look was back on her face, and Giles’ heart broke for her. She wouldn’t be spared anything.
He got up and went to sit on the chair next to hers. “I know you hope for him to remember. So you don’t have to be the bearer of the truth. But you have to consider the fact that he may never remember anything really concrete before months, even years. At some point, you or Dawn are going to have a slip of the tongue, or it will become simply unbearable.”
“So I have to ruin his second chance at a normal life by telling him the truth. I don’t think he’s going to like me very much after that.”
Her eyes were dry but Giles could hear the tears in her voice. He put his hand on her shoulder. “Buffy, I thought you of all people would have more faith in Spike’s feelings towards you. Even death – yours and his – couldn’t keep you apart. Maybe it won’t end as badly as you think it will.”
She gave him a weak but grateful smile, before hugging him quickly. “Thank you,” she said, and many more words of gratitude and love hung between them but she didn’t need to say them. And here she had thought he wouldn’t understand. Despite the few differences they had had, Giles was the solid and faithful anchor of her life.
Spike had been the other one. He had died, and still had succeeded to find his way back to her.
Maybe destiny would be lenient this time and she would have her happy ending.
Maybe.
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