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A/N: I have decided that whenever there is a dream sequence, flashback, or journal excerpt in a chapter I am going to highlight ALL the WARNINGS. As you might expect, these glimpses into Spike's past and psyche are not pretty. However, they will always be clearly marked, and if you wish to skip the more graphic descriptions you can be assured that you will still get the gist from the remainder of the story.

Chapter 32: Shattered Dreams

Sitting alone in the sauna, Spike was also thinking about trust. He had trusted Buffy with his home, and his secrets, and his heart. It seemed that she had betrayed all three. Hours had passed, but the news of Buffy’s complicity was still raw. He wasn’t used to being taken for a fool and he wasn’t sure yet just what he planned to do about it.

It barely seemed possible to him, that someone he had trusted so easily could turn out to be so false. Of course it had all happened once before…


************************Dream Sequence*******************************

He was back in China, but no longer in Beijing. He had gone on a trip with Angelus, Darla and Drusilla into one of the outlying provinces. His mother hoped that being around people more his own age would be good for him. She was going to one of the many temples for a cleansing ritual that would last many days, and hopefully leave her healed.

It was the hottest part of the day, and Angelus was lying in a hammock outside while Darla sat nearby. Drusilla was upstairs taking a bath to help her cool off, and William was carrying out cold drinks to share with his friends. The ice was a luxury here, like almost everything else.

“Angelus,” Dru’s voice floated out the open window and down to her friends assembled below. “Angelus, I need you.”

Sipping his drink and smiling at William, Angelus made no move to reply. The call came again. Still he continued to relax in his lounge, leaning back and closing his eyes.

A fourth time his name rang out. “Aren’t you going to answer her?” William asked.

“No,” Angelus smiled. “She doesn’t know where I am, I’ll just tell her I didn’t hear her call. I don’t feel like getting up right now.”

“But…but whatever she wants…What if she needs something?”

“There are servants here. Let them see to it. I’m resting, and don’t want to be disturbed.”

Angelus leaned over towards Darla and kissed her full on the mouth. It was one of the hardest things William had had to get used to. In his native England, people, at least the people he knew, were never so public with their affections. Ostensibly Angelus and Darla were husband and wife, and Dru was in their care. But recently William had discovered the truth of it. Neither Darla nor Drusilla actually held the title of wife, though both women fulfilled that function. Occasionally at the same time.

His mother would be scandalized if she knew, and that would be the end of his socializing with them. And since they were the only English speaking people he knew who were anywhere near his age, life here without them would be intolerable. Not for the last time did he wonder why he had ever thought this journey would be fun. But of course that wasn’t the reason they were here. They were in China to try to help his mother get well again. The warm climate was good for her, even if the shamans were as little help as the doctors at home had been.

Dru’s cry rang out again, and William flinched. Angelus had his hand down Darla’s dress, and didn’t even seem to notice.

Blushing red, William stood to leave. It was obvious that he wasn’t wanted here, and he knew from past experience that his presence in the garden would not deter either of the two lovers. It was time for him to leave.

“I’ll just go and see what she wants, then.” Even as he heard himself speak the words, a part of William was hoping that he could find an excuse not to. For the life of him, he couldn’t think why – but he couldn’t shake the thought.

Darla moaned, “Yes, why don’t you do that then. Drusilla has been ever so tiresome lately. Why don’t you go see if you can make her happy?” Darla smiled at her lover and shooed Spike away.

Tentatively, Spike knocked on the bathroom door. He shouldn’t be here. Somehow he knew that something bad was about to happen, but he couldn’t stop himself. It was as if he wasn’t in control of his own actions.

“Finally.” Drusilla sighed. “Come in, come in.”

William opened the door a sliver and called out, “It’s me Dru. What can I do for you?” He desperately did not want to go into that room. He could almost hear the music swelling up around him, warning him that something momentous was about to happen.

Drusilla smiled. “Well, you can’t do it from there, silly boy. Come in.”

“I can’t Dru. You’re not decent.”

“Of course I’m not. I’m in the bath.” Dru knew he was going to be stubborn about this, but that just made it more fun. “Don’t be such a prude, William. I’ve seen you starkers.”

Blushing furiously, William stammered, “You have?”

“Yes,” she answered, although it was a lie. But Angelus had seen the boy without his clothes, and he had told her that Spike was absolutely delicious looking. In a shy and virginal way, of course. One had to fancy that sort of thing. But of course, Angelus did. Dru tended to admire rough and wicked herself, but turning the one into the other – that held its own appeal.

“All right then, I’ll get up. Wait there.” She moved as if to climb out of the tub, then deliberately slipped and slid back into the water with a cry. In seconds, William was by her side, helping her out of the water and into a towel. All thoughts of impending doom fled from his head as a near naked and dripping Drusilla clung to him prettily as he helped her hobble across the floor and to her bed.

“Are you all right, Dru? Shall I run get Angelus?” Maybe this was what he had been afraid of. Was Dru was seriously hurt?

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine. Just twisted my ankle a bit. Could you get a brace for me?”

Anxious to be of help, William ran back to Angelus’s room and got the med kit. Angelus, Darla and Dru were all experienced travelers, and they had told him that they found it wise not to travel without adequate medical equipment. A short look found the promised bandage among the other paraphernalia. He presented it to Dru triumphantly.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to put it on for me. I’m not very good at these types of things. And I’m afraid I’m still wet. Could you get me another towel?”

When he came back from the bathroom he could see Dru perched with one foot in the air, trying to dry herself with the soggy towel. Of course that left the rest of her body uncovered. He swallowed hard as he realized that she was even more beautiful than he had imagined, and tried his best not to look. The nonexistent music filled his ears again.

“Well, bring it here.” Drusilla eyed him as if she was looking for something. Her voice sounded as if from far away. “Have you never seen a woman naked before, dear William?”

Shaking his head, he handed the towel to Dru and began to back out of the room. Something was telling him that this was his last opportunity to get away safely. And yet he couldn’t take his eyes off her naked body.

“Well, don’t go now. I still need you to wrap the bandage.”

Abashed that he had forgotten, he looked down at the floor, biting his lip. When he looked up, Dru was sitting on the edge of the bed holding her foot up to him, both towels completely forgotten.

Swallowing, he knelt at her feet and began to wind the bandage. It was a wonder he could hold the pose at all, his cock had never ached so much. He had to get out of here.

“That feels so much better, William. Thank you. You have gentle hands.” She bent and kissed him on the cheek, leaning into him so abruptly that her breasts brushed his shoulder before he had a chance to move away.

Involuntarily he let out a small moan at the unexpected contact. He needed to get out of here, fast, and get back to his own room before he embarrassed himself. Privately he considered it a small miracle that he hadn’t already ruined his pants. He started to rise again, but Dru called him back.

“Could you get me my book, on the table?” She lay back on the bed and raised the bandaged appendage. “And maybe an extra pillow. I believe an injury like this should be elevated, isn’t that right?”

Walking was agony by this point. Yet he brought the requested book and placed the pillow under her petite foot, trying not to stare at what she had inadvertently revealed to him between her legs. He had seen pictures in books, but pictures were not the same thing at all. Unbelievably, his cock throbbed so hard he almost cried out aloud.

Guilty at being caught looking where he shouldn’t, he didn’t even question it when Dru asked him to sit beside her and read. Carefully he faced away from her on the edge of the bed as he fumbled for the page, trying desperately to hide his huge erection.

At first Drusilla’s hand lay innocently on his knee. He was helpless to stop it as it caressed further and further up his thigh. When her fingers finally brushed against his rock hard cock his teeth drew his own blood as he bit his lip to keep from crying out as he spurted all over his pants. Drusilla’s fingers didn’t seem to notice. She unfastened his buttons and continued to stroke him until he was hard and aching again.

The book was long forgotten by now, and Drusilla carelessly threw it aside as she wrapped her hands around his naked flesh and pulled him away from his sodden clothes. He moaned as she continued to caress him, all thoughts of modesty gone.

“Would you like to know what it feels like, William? I know you’ve listened to us, all alone in your room at night. Tell me, do you touch yourself when you hear us making love? Wouldn’t you like to know what all the fuss is about?”

He turned to look in her eyes then, unsure. She wasn’t his. He could hardly speak. The best he could do was croak out one word and hope that she understood. “Angelus?” Gods, what would Angelus do if he found them together? Spike knew the big man could crush him with one hand if he desired.

“Is busy with Darla,” Dru replied. Spike knew it was true. They had already been necking in the garden when he had left. Still, he was unsure, but all worried fled as Dru held him firmly and pulled him down on top of her. Whispering softly she cooed in his ear, “It’s time for the boy to become a man.”

******************************End Dream********************************


Disoriented, Spike woke with a start, shivering in the sauna. He tried unsuccessfully to clear his head. With all that was going on, with all the thoughts on his mind, why had he dreamed of Dru?

And why that day? The day that he had lost his virginity? In the way of dreams, it hadn't been entirely accurate, but it hadn't been that far off either. That had been one of the best days of his life. Why then, in his dreams, had it seemed like a nightmare?

As he exited the sauna he realized that he was being paged over the intercom. It had to be Warren. He must have found out something. He hurriedly dressed and returned to his office, half in anticipation and half dreading to know what Warren had found.





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