Chapter Twelve
Buffy lay in bed starring sightlessly at the ceiling. Sleep eluded her as the events of the night replayed in her head over and over. Every time she thought of Spike’s body pressed against her, his hand upon her breast, she burned anew. The tips of her fingers brushed repeatedly over her nipple, emulating his touch. Quiet whimpers of need sounded in the silence of her room as her back arched off the bed. The memory of his voice, harsh with lust, only served to fuel her arousal further. But then, just as the sensations threatened to overwhelm her, she remembered that right now, at this very moment, he would be with Drusilla. The image of them together, their bodies entwined, flashed in her mind and a fresh tear rolled down her cheek.
A startled gasp escaped her as she heard a strange noise. For a moment she lay frozen, listening. When she heard the knocking again she threw back the covers and scrambled down the bed to the window. Casting a quick glance outside she felt her heart begin to race as she undid the latch and slid the window open.
Spike eased quietly into the room. He looked exactly the same as he had when she’d seen him at the club, except now his hair was all mussed. As if he’d run his fingers through it repeatedly. Defiant curls were finding their way into the gelled locks and Buffy realised that she preferred it that way. It softened him somehow, made him seem more…touchable. Halting that thought in its tracks Buffy looked down at the floor. No touching. Bad Buffy!
Spike watched Buffy nervously as she stared at the floor. He’d been pacing beneath the tree outside her room for the past hour trying to figure out what to say. Now that he was standing in front of her even the woefully bad speech he had prepared had completely deserted him. She looked so sweet in her Yummy Sushi pyjamas. There was no trace of the vixen who’d earlier stalked towards him and blithely asked him if she’d made him hard. Instead he was captivated by the small feminine toes that wiggled anxiously beneath the hem of her pants, the twin plaits that hung across her shoulders, the innocent face, now free of make-up, which seemed so solemn. Looking closer he thought he saw a tinge of redness about her eyes and his gut twisted at the thought that he could have caused her tears.
“Buffy.” His voice was hoarse and he cleared his throat before trying again. “I’m sorry for just showing up like this but…I had to see you.”
“Why?” She was so quiet he had to strain to hear her.
“To apologise. I’m sorry for how I acted tonight. I never should have treated you like that. I just…” He paused, taking a deep breath before plunging on. “I was jealous as hell. It tears me apart to see you with other men.”
Buffy looked up suddenly, anger flashing in her green eyes. “I don’t belong to you Spike.”
“I know.” He kept his eyes downcast, determined to acknowledge the truth of her words despite the possessiveness that streaked through him.
“You had no right to criticise me,” she continued.
“I know, you’re right.”
Her anger deflated in the face of his ready agreement and she was left feeling oddly dissatisfied. “Well then…I suppose I accept your apology.”
Spike smiled in relief. “Thank you.”
Sighing heavily Buffy sat down on the bed, motioning for him to join her. “So where’s Dru?” she asked, trying not to sound bitter as she forced out the name. “Have you taken her home already?”
Looking uncomfortable Spike ran his fingers through his hair, further mussing it. “No. I…I don’t actually know where she is.” At Buffy’s puzzled expression he explained. “I broke things off with her.”
Buffy’s eyes lit up with surprise. “Really?” When he nodded she felt delight bubble up inside of her and ducked her head to cover her grin. Then she thought to wonder, “Why did you do it? Because of what happened tonight?”
“Yes and no.” Spike shrugged. “It would have happened eventually, tonight just kind of sped things up.”
In spite of her misgivings regarding what he meant by that statement, Buffy found curiosity getting the better of her. Crossing her legs in front of her on the bed she rested her head on one hand and tried her best to look only mildly interested. “How so?”
“You know how I always thought Dru was kind of…intriguing. The way she’s always saying strange things and talking in riddles. I guess it appealed to the poet in me. I wanted to get inside her brain and wade through all the mysteries of her universe or some such rot.”
Rolling her eyes Buffy picked at a loose thread on her bedspread, not really wanting to hear about Spike’s infatuation. “Yeah, I remember.”
“Well,” he continued, “it turns out there isn’t that much to wade through.”
“Huh?” Surprise made Buffy meet his gaze.
“All those riddles and things. She seems to be saying profound things but scratch the surface and she’s just bug shagging crazy. None of it means anything. Made for really boring dinner conversation.”
“Oh.” It was all Buffy could think to say.
“Not that she much cared, all she ever wanted to do was–” Spike broke off suddenly, turning red. “Umm, yeah, so anyway…I ended it.”
Deciding to ignore the awkward change in topic Buffy asked, “How did she take it?”
“Let’s just say that by the time I left the club she was tucked into a corner with Angel doing things that were making her fellow patrons blush.”
Despite his light-hearted tone Buffy felt a lump form in her throat. “Doing things she has been doing with you.”
Spike froze. “Yeah, I guess.”
“You told me you’d just kissed.” Her tone wasn’t accusing or disapproving, but the traces of hurt he could hear in her made him feel guilty as hell.
“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I just…I didn’t know what to say.”
“Did you and she…”
“No,” Spike replied emphatically, already knowing where her question was leading. “She wanted to but, it just didn’t feel right.”
Buffy released a pent up sigh as relief coursed through her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t even have asked. It’s none of my business.”
Spike took her hand in his, squeezing her fingers. “Hey. It’s okay. I want you to know.”
“I could tell,” Buffy snuck a glance up at him, her eyes suddenly curious. “When you, tonight, the way you…were…with me. I could tell that you’d done those things before.”
“Buffy no,” Spike frowned, distressed by her words. “It’s true Dru and I made out a couple of times but it wasn’t like–” He stumbled, unsure how to explain without sounding like a complete tosser. “It was like it didn’t mean anything. I guess that’s why I stopped her. There was no feeling behind it, no warmth. That’s what I realised tonight. I could never want her the way I…” He trailed off, fearing the response he would get if he revealed how much he wanted Buffy now. Cautiously raising his eyes he saw that she was still staring at the covers, steadfastly avoiding his gaze. Kicking himself for pushing her too fast he tried a different tack. “I miss you Buffy.”
Silent tears slipped down Buffy’s cheek. “I miss you too.” The corners of her mouth lifted and Spike felt hope flare anew in his chest.
“When all this started we promised to be there for each other. But already we’ve yelled at each other and hurt each other more than anyone else ever could. How the hell did we manage to screw it up so damn fast?”
“I’ve been asking myself that same question.” Buffy laughed, finally starting to relax for the first time since she’d caught sight of him outside her window. “A part of me wishes we could just go back a week and start over.”
“Not a full week I hope pet.” Spike’s voice was low but teasing. “There are a few experiences near the beginning there that I’d rather hold on to.”
Knowing he was referring to the night they kissed Buffy couldn’t help the silly grin that appeared. Self-consciously she looked away. “True. Maybe just from Monday morning then.”
Spike appeared to mull that thought over for a moment before suggesting, “Why don’t we?”
Buffy frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean Angel and Dru are both history. And here we are, still best friends and single. It appears to me that we’re pretty much back where we started. Can’t we just go back to the way things were before school started?”
“As much as I’d love to say yes it’s just not that easy. We dated the most popular people in school and then dumped them both in one week. That’s going to have repercussions.”
Spike shook his head. “I know but I’m not talking about that. I don’t care about other people – not anymore. I just want to know that we’re okay. I want things to be the way they were between us.”
Buffy sighed. “Okay,” she finally conceded. “I’ll try if you will.”
Spike smiled gratefully. “Great.” He rose from the bed. “I should probably get going before your Mum walks in and finds me in your bedroom in the middle of the night.”
Buffy followed Spike back to the open window. When he turned and pulled her into a fierce hug she met him willingly, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. “Friends then?” she asked happily, her head tucked comfortably in the crook of his neck.
Pulling away so he could see her face Spike grinned mischievously, his eyes flitting from her sparkling eyes to her mouth and back again. “For now.”
Leaning closer he placed a lingering kiss on her cheek and then slipped out the window and into the night.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hi Everyone. Thank you so much for the best wishes for me and my son. And also for the support you've given me regarding this story. It's nice to know that so many of you are willing to be patient when it comes to updates. I really do want to keep this story moving as quickly as possible and your support means the world to me. Hugs, flibble.