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Hey guys. Thanks for sticking with me. Each and every review has me bouncing in my seat. : )
Chapter Eighteen

Buffy opened her mouth to allow Spike to pop a hot buttery piece of popcorn between her lips. Chewing happily she watched the beautiful people on the screen face down the dire villain. It was big explosions, noisy gun fights and car chases galore. Then, just near the end of the movie the hero was struck down and lay, apparently dying, in the arms of his lady love.

Sniffing, Buffy furtively swiped at her eyes, hoping Spike wouldn’t notice her tears.

“Would you like a tissue?” Spike whispered.

Buffy groaned softly in embarrassment. Crying at the one sad moment in an otherwise enormously violent film. She was such a wuss! However, now that she knew she was found out she nodded. “Yes please. There’s some in my purse.”

Reaching down Spike nabbed Buffy’s purse and started to root around inside it, coming up with…a condom?!

Spike sat staring in shock at the small square plastic package in his hand. His mouth hanging open. Unable to speak he turned to look at Buffy.

Her eyes were wide as saucers as she stared back, seemingly as shocked at the contents of her purse as he was.

Without a word Spike quickly shoved the offending item back into her purse and pulled out a tissue. Handing it to her he turned back to the screen, suddenly engrossed in the film.

Buffy swallowed heavily, having no idea what to do next. Deciding to follow Spike’s lead she turned back to the movie, the tissue clutched tightly in one hand, her tears forgotten.

**********

Spike stared at his coffee as he stirred in a teaspoonful of sugar. The movie had finished about twenty minutes earlier and they’d come to their favourite coffee place afterward. They had barely spoken a word to each other but the silence was deafening. Full of unspoken questions and tumultuous emotions.

Spike sighed. The sugar was well and truly dissolved. Soon the coffee would go cold and he wouldn’t be able to drink it. They couldn’t sit here all night ignoring the elephant in the room. Looking up he blurted, “You have a condom in your purse.” Okay Spike, he thought to himself. Not quite as smooth as you’d hoped for. But it definitely got her attention.

Indeed, Buffy was staring at him in shock. Her mouth opening and closing as she tried to form some sort of response to his blunt announcement. Finally she settled on a simple, “Yes. I know.”

Becoming increasingly flustered Spike dropped his gaze back to his coffee cup. “The way you looked when I pulled it out. I thought maybe you didn’t know.”

Buffy cleared her throat awkwardly, sure she was blushing right down to the tips of her toes. “No, I did know. I guess I just forgot it was there.”

“Why do you have a condom in your purse?”

“Will you please stop saying that word so loudly?” Buffy hissed.

Balking, Spike glanced around the room to see several people looking at them with expressions ranging from disapproval to amusement. Nervously raking a hand through his hair he slumped down in his chair and lowered his voice to little more than a whisper.

“Sorry. It’s just that we’ve only been dating for a few weeks. I didn’t think you were ready to…” He gestured lamely with his hands before throwing them up in the air, “…you know.”

“I’m not.” Buffy shook her head emphatically. “Look, my Mom gave me a box of them after she saw us kissing that morning. She was afraid we’d go all hormonal or something and not be able to stop ourselves. So she made me promise to have one of those in my purse at all times. Just in case we needed it.”

Spike’s eyebrows climbed so high on his forehead she thought they’d disappear into his hair. “Your Mum did that?”

“Yeah.” Buffy rolled her eyes. “Right after giving me a lecture on how it would be better to wait.”

Seeing his coffee cup Spike picked it up and drained the contents in a few long swallows. Yep, cold. Yick!

“So you’re not ready then.” It was a statement more than a question but Buffy decided to answer him anyway.

The last few weeks had been wonderful. The best of her life. They’d had so much fun together. Their easy friendship had stretched to accommodate their new couple status without a hitch. Though they didn’t often find the opportunity to be more intimate, when they did it was amazing. Exhilarating. She craved him in a way she never would have believed was possible. They hadn’t, however, gone further than their initial make-out sessions. Hadn’t even gone as far as they had that second time by the lake. It was hot and it was heavy but it was still above clothes at all times.

There were times when she wanted more but…she always stopped herself. She was scared. Sex. It was such a big step. A big irreversible step. She had no qualms about giving herself to Spike emotionally. But the thought of giving herself to him so completely in a physical way. What with the being naked and the having him inside her. The thought made her tingle in all kinds of good ways, but it also scared the crap out of her.

“No,” she said quietly. “I’m not ready…yet.” She snuck a look up at him from beneath lowered lashes. “You are though.”

Spike smiled wickedly. “Honey I’m a guy. I was born ready.”

Buffy snorted. “That’s so stereotypical Spike. Not every guy on the planet can be like that.”

“Okay, okay.” Holding up his hands in surrender Spike took another glance around the room and leaned toward her. She knew then she would get a real response this time.

“You know it’s not just about the physical for me. It not about ‘getting laid’. But Buffy, you’re my girlfriend. I care about you. I want to be as close to you as I can get.” He looked intently into her eyes as he spoke and Buffy felt shivery all over. “When I touch you it’s like I’m connected to you on some primal level. It’s like I’m drowning in you. And I only want more. I only want you.”

Silence reigned as Spike gave her time to assimilate his words. She was breathing heavily, her eyes still locked on his. “I want that too,” she whispered. “It’s just so overwhelming.”

Spike smiled warmly. “I know. And it’s okay. There’s no rush.” He reached out to take her hand, rubbing the back of it comfortingly. “When we make love, I want it to be because we both want it. No regrets. I will wait for you Buffy.”

Expelling a relieved breath Buffy grinned at him. “Thank you.” Leaning out across the table her lips met his in a light, heartfelt kiss.

**********

Later that night Buffy stood in front of her mirror looking at herself. Spike’s words played in her head. I only want more. I only want you.

Pulling her night gown over her head she dropped it on the bed. Her eyes ran up and down her naked body. It was a nice body. With high full breasts, a narrow waist and well-toned limbs. She liked it, it was pretty.

She imagined standing like this in front of Spike. Letting him watch her as she was watching herself now. She saw her breathing pick up at the thought, causing her chest to rise and fall faster and deeper.

Reaching up she used one finger to circle the nipple of her left breast. It quickly hardened and she felt little sparks of pleasure radiating from the point of contact. Using both hands now she cupped her breasts and lifted them, kneading the soft mounds gently. In the mirror she saw the way her curves were enhanced by the movement. She imagined Spike’s larger hands in place of her own and whimpered at the heat that flowed through her body at the image her mind created.

Her legs felt wobbly and she stepped back to sit on the edge of her bed, still in view of the full-length mirror. Unable to look away she trailed one hand down her body, a smile curving her lips at the shivers it left in its wake. She bit one lip, hesitantly reaching between her legs to touch herself and saw her own eyes widen as her muscles clenched in response. Bolder now she explored the moist folds, coming back again and again to the bundle of nerves that caused her hips to rock and small sounds of pleasure to escape her parted lips.

Giving in to her own curiosity she slid one finger inside her heated body. It was a strange, pleasant feeling and she began to draw the finger out before pushing it back in. She could feel her internal muscles hugging her finger as it moved and she finally forgot about the mirror as she concentrated on the workings of her own body. She thought of Spike and how large he’d seemed in her hand when she’d stroked him. How could he possibly fit inside of her? Experimentally she added another finger to the first and felt her pleasure increase as she was stretched slightly on the inside. Her whole body was now moving and twisting to the rhythm of her fingers and she lay back on the bed, imagining Spike’s hard body above her. His body joined with hers as they moved together. She closed her eyes as small tremors began to flow through her body, starting at the place where her fingers still moved, more and more quickly, and rippling outward. Her breath caught in her throat and her back arched as her body went rigid with ecstasy. When the tremors began to ease Buffy collapsed limply on the bed, her fingers now simply stroking her slowly, leisurely. In her mind’s eye Spike was pulling her close, kissing her forehead tenderly and enveloping her in his warm embrace.

A smile appeared on Buffy’s face as she sighed in contentment. Perhaps giving herself to Spike wouldn’t be so scary after all.





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