Chapter Twenty-One
Buffy slowly opened her eyes, cringing at the brightness of the sunlight streaming into her room. For a few moments her mind was merrily blank. Then the memories of the night before assaulted her and she snapped her eyes again in an attempt to shut them out. It didn’t work. I’m not going to cry again, she told herself firmly, before giving a defeated sigh. At least not yet.
She’d managed to sneak into the house the night before without waking her mother. Closing the door to her bedroom she’d done no more than shed the outfit she’d been so excited about before crawling into bed. There she’d buried her face in her pillow and cried herself to sleep.
Sitting up she tried to run her fingers through her hair, and groaned loudly when she found a tangled mess of knots. Looking at herself in the mirror she felt numb. The remnants of last night’s mascara trailed down her face. Her eyes were swollen from crying. Even traces of her red lipstick were smudged across one cheek. She’d never looked worse in her life. At least the outside matches the inside.
Knowing that her mother would have left for the gallery by now, where she’d be all day, Buffy headed for the bathroom. Getting into the shower she made the water as hot as she could stand it before stepping under the stream. Scrubbing until her skin hurt she washed away all traces of the previous night’s debacle. Despite her best efforts not to think, visions of Spike and Dru bombarded her mind and before long fresh tears mingled with the water from the shower. How could he do this to me? she wondered miserably. I thought he wanted me.
When the water began to run cold Buffy dragged herself out of the shower. She dressed in an old pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and went downstairs to the kitchen.
She’d just poured a cup of coffee when Spike suddenly appeared in the kitchen. Gasping in fright Buffy jumped, spilling hot coffee all over her shirt. “Damn it.”
“Sorry love. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Holding the steaming shirt away from her skin Buffy demanded, “How did you get in here?”
“Your Mum let me in. Apparently she thinks you’re at Willow’s.”
“Yeah well I didn’t expect to be coming home last night. I had to tell her something.”
They stared at each other for a moment in awkward silence, both thinking of how she’d planned on spending the night.
“You knew I was here?” she asked, deliberately breaking the moment.
Spike shook his head. “I didn’t know. I figured you either had to come down the stairs or through the front door eventually. Your Mum said I could wait.”
“Well you waited for nothing,” she said curtly. “Now get out.” She brushed passed him dismissively, heading for her bedroom so she could change.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Spike followed close on her heels.
“Damn it Spike why are you even here?”
Grabbing her arm to halt her progress up the stairs he waited till she turned to look at him before answering. “I’m here to explain to you what happened last night,” he said confidently “When I’m done explaining I’ll graciously accept your apology.”
Buffy’s eyes widened in indignation. “My apology! For what?”
“For not trusting me.”
Angrily Buffy yanked her arm out of his grip. “I did trust you. Till I found you in a lip lock with Drusilla. I saw you with my own eyes Spike, there’s no denying it. Now leave me alone.” Spinning on her heel she fled up the stairs and into her room. She flung the door shut behind her, knowing he’d followed her again when she failed to hear a satisfying bang.
Refusing to turn around Buffy swiped angrily at the tears that had started yet again.
“I don’t deny what you saw,” Spike said quietly. “But I do deny what you believe it meant.”
Figuring the only way to get rid of him would be to hear him out Buffy turned to face him. “Fine. Go ahead, tell me,” she said angrily. “What did it mean?”
Realising he was finally getting his chance to speak Spike launched into his explanation immediately. “I was coming back from the bathroom when Dru came into the hallway. She told me that she wanted me back. She’d realised she didn’t love Angel and she wanted to give us another chance. I told her I’m in love with you.”
Buffy looked at him before she could stop herself. He’d never said that before. Neither had she. Even when they were just friends they’d openly said they loved each other but ‘in love’? She knew it wouldn’t have been long before they said it but still… Swallowing heavily Buffy murmured, “Go on.”
Sighing heavily Spike continued, “I don’t think Dru is used to being told no. She decided to try to change my mind. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. I did not kiss her back. I put my hands on her waist to push her away, but by then it was already too late. You’d walked into the hallway, seen us, immediately thought the absolute worst of me and stormed out.”
Taken aback by the anger the crept into his voice as he finished, Buffy stared at him for several long moments. She wanted to believe him. But how could she? “It’s a very convenient story you have there Spike.”
“S’not a story pet,” he said firmly. “It’s the truth.”
“So you expect me to believe that it was a coincidence? That I just happened to walk in on you in that precise moment between her kissing you and you pushing her away.”
“Yes.”
Buffy threw her hands up at the idea. “That’s ludicrous Spike. Moments like that only happen in the movies, not in real life.”
“Twenty-four hours ago I would have agreed with you.” Spike crossed the room to confront her head on. “But that’s what happened. And you have to believe me,” he said with certainty.
“Why?”
“Because I would never lie to you.”
Buffy shook her head, her mind whirling in confusion. Her heart wanted desperately to believe every word he’d said but her head warned her against the likelihood of it being true. “I want to believe you,” she cried. “Of course I do. But Spike–”
“No! No Spike,” he shouted, grabbing her arms so she couldn’t turn away. “There is no Spike. He’s just a name I made up to go with a stupid leather coat. It’s over. I don’t need him anymore.” Suddenly letting her go he paced the room for a moment, his hands running through his hair in frustration, before he faced her again. “I’m still me Buffy. I’m still William.” Closing the distance between them he stood just a few inches away from her. “It’s a simple question really. Would I lie to you?”
Looking into his eyes Buffy suddenly saw beneath the bleach and the leather for the first time since the great transformation. There, behind the clear blue depths, was the man that had given Spike his fire. The man that fought for her and encouraged her and challenged her. Her best friend. Her William. Would William ever lie to her? She didn’t even have to think to know the answer. Shaking her head she whispered, “Never.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Wow! I should throw a spanner in the works more often. I get more reviews that way. hehe. Thanks all for the great reviews people, and for not trying to clout me over the head for ruining Buffy's well-laid plans.