Author's Chapter Notes:
Yeah, i realize that it's only been like... 3 hours since i posted the last chapter. The thing is that i feel like this goes along with the other one. It just fits together, don't you think?

Thanks for the reviews... the only thing is that it would be nice to receive something substantial such as what you like, what you don't like, what you feel, what you think. Anything other than a simple "good update!" with nothing else would be nice since i always like to hear your thoughts. thanks guys.
Chapter 5 Playing with Fire

Sunday, July 17th 2005

Fourth entry.

I took a walk out in the park today. It was really beautiful. I bought one of those corndogs that you can get in one of the venders on the side of the park. Normally, I find those disgusting, but compared to the food you guys feed us in this dump, it was like a gourmet meal.

Yes, I’m trying to tell you something. Something about the food…

Anyways, back to business, right?

So it all goes back to that same night… after the dance, after the amazing kiss, after he led me outside to the alleyway behind the Bronze and had me shoved up against the brick wall. I can almost see you wiping those glasses, Giles…

Same night… Sunday, April 3rd 2005

I wasn’t thinking straight anymore. All coherent thoughts were thrown out the window as his lips were pressed against mine and I lost myself to the feel of him. His hands were everywhere, cupping my face, clutching my arms, on my waist, my hip, sliding under my shirt. Everywhere he touched was fired up and my skin screamed for more contact.

And his tongue, god… his tongue. In my mouth, dancing with mine, tracing my jaw, licking my neck, doing wicked things that made my legs go jelly-like.

I wanted him so badly.

“Buffy…” his voice was muffled as he peppered kisses along my collar bone, following them with light nibbles and nips.

“Y-yeah?” I couldn’t find breath to talk with and I held on to the back of his head as my body arched against his, craving his hands, his mouth, his tongue. He was doing amazing things with his hands as they slipped their way under my shirt and glided up along my stomach. I was tingly all over. A thorough, complete, utter mess of tingles. I loved it.

“Tell… me to – “ he gasped as I pulled his head up to kiss him fiercely, wiping the words right from his mouth. I took my mouth away from his and gently bit down on his chin then kissed where I bit him.

“Tell you to what?” His hands found their way up to my breasts and slowly massaged them making me feel the shiver way down in my toes. I kept nibbling and kissing his jawline until I reached his earlobes, then I nibbled on that too. Oh god, he tastes so good…

“.. to stop,” he managed as I flicked his earlobe with my tongue and traced along the arc. His hands danced all over me and he pressed me harder against the wall.

Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop. Keep doing that… yeah…

I slid my hands up his firm, muscular arm, along his neck, until they were cupping his face. I pulled his face away from mine so I could look into his eyes. They were dark, clouded over with the lust and desire that had been building up since that very first doctor’s appointment.

Doctor’s appointment. Oh god, what the hell am I doing?

I swallowed hard and kept looking into his eyes. He must have felt the change because he slipped his hands out from under my shirt and just held me loosely at the waist.

“Do you – “ I swallowed again so I could get the words out. I was still a little breathless. “Do you want to stop?”

He leaned forward and pressed a chaste, lingering kiss on my lips.

“God, no,” he whispered against me. “But this… this is wrong.”

Yeah, it was wrong. But it felt so right. I wanted to take a step back so I could breathe without inhaling his scent – his tobacco and leather scent mixed in with a whiff of musky cologne.

I gently placed my hands on his chest and pushed him away. My body quivered from the loss of contact and the loss of the heat his body had been transferring into mine. He looked away and I thought I caught a trace of hurt and dejection.

“You’re right,” I agreed, hugging my arms around myself. I shivered. The chill of the night was slowly settling in.

“Yeah,” he scoffed and kicked some invisible pebble from the ground, “I’m right.”

I didn’t say anything to that. What could I say, anyways? You’re right, this is wrong, bye now!

What I really wanted to do was to step into his arms and stay there for the rest of the night. Being separated from him… that felt wrong. Not whatever we were doing a few seconds ago.

Finally, I decided to break the silence.

“Yeah… ‘cause I just met you and everything.”

He nodded and offered his own bit of insight.

“And you’re not even legal.”

I wanted to throw daggers at him with my eyes, but all I could manage was an angry release of breath. Did he have to put it that way? I was legal! Just not in the adult sense. And in the alcoholic-beverage drinking sense.

“And you’re like a slimy old man.” I snorted out.

He grunted and shot me an exasperated look.

“Now that’s bloody mature of you. With an attitude like that one, you’ll be growing a ripe old beard on your chinny chin chin in a matter of seconds. It’s doing wonders in adding years to your age, love.”

Oh, sarcasm. I ignored it.

“How old are you anyways?”

I watched him reach into his pocket and pull out a carton of cigarettes. He concentrated his gaze on it as he pulled out a stick and shoved the rest back into his pocket.

“Too old for you at the very least.”

That annoyed me. A lot. I almost growled but I reigned in my inner monster. He stuck the cigarette into his mouth.

“Answer the question.”

He reached into his pocket again and pulled out a lighter.

“Twenty-eight.”

He flicked his thumb and a little flame appeared, dancing around happily without a care in the world. He brought it up to the cigarette dangling from his mouth.

Twenty-eight. Well… it wasn’t that bad. Faith had a thirty year old boyfriend once, I felt like telling him. But I kept my mouth shut and focused on the little glow the cigarette butt made as it lit.

“That, and I’m your bloody physician, pet.”

“Yeah, speaking of physicians… aren’t you supposed to know something about health? You know… how smoking makes your lungs yucky and gives you syphilis or something?”

He shot me a look. If looks could kill… he’d be long gone by now, I decided, glaring at him as well.

“Doesn’t give you sodding syphilis.”

“I was just kidding.”

I looked up at the sky and saw that it clear. Moons, stars, shooting stars – or maybe it was just a plane overhead - I thought I could see the galaxy above. Sighing, I looked back down towards the beautiful man standing before me and slowly watched as the white smoke left his mouth and drifted higher and higher, fading into the night.

“Well… some people have doctor fantasies… something to do with the kinky.”

He let out a sharp laugh and turned his head away from me. I lifted my back from the brick wall. Ugh… my back was going to be extra sore tomorrow.

“What, love, you comparing us to sadistic animals and sex-craved monsters now?”

It was my turn to let out a sharp laugh. He waved his cigarette around in the air, showing his frustration.

“I’m just saying – “

“It’s wrong.”

I took a step closer to him and put a finger under his chin, turning his face around so he would look at me.

“Then why does it feel so right?”

He didn’t answer me and just continued to stare deep within the depths of my eyes. I took another step closer to him. We were only about an inch apart and I reached my finger up to trace the sharp edge of his cheekbone. His eyes closed and he leaned into my touch.

“You’re playing with fire here, pet.” he whispered into my palm. He flicked the unfinished cigarette into a nearby puddle and we watched it sizzle a little then lay still, limp and useless. I brought my other hand up to caress his other cheek and slowly brought his face closer to mine.

“Let it burn,” I said, softly.

He closed the distance between us by reaching out and wrapping his arms around me. Our lips met again.

It was different this time around.

………….

At that moment, Giles, all that was there was us. It didn’t matter that he was eleven years older than me, didn’t matter that he was my doctor, didn’t matter that we hardly knew a thing about one another. All that mattered was him and me and that we were together. Yeah, we were in our own little world that we created for ourselves and I guess we found out the hard way that the world we actually live in is not as nice. But that’s another tale for another time.

Anyways… hey Giles, are your glasses all shined up, now? Geezus, I honestly don’t get your problem with displays of affection. It’s only human. Not something morally wrong and degrading. What you need is to find yourself a woman.

So you see, what we had wasn’t wrong. I mean, yeah, we had some stuff we had to work through. It never was all daisies and sunshine, you know?

I’m thoroughly tired now. So this will be so long and farewell.

Until next time.

Here endeth the lesson. Or actually… the entry. Since your the one that’s supposed to be teaching me the lesson and all that…





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