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thanks for the reviews and support!!
A/N: Song's "Heaven" by DJ Sammie. There's a lot of remixes of the song and the one i'm thinking about right now is the techno remix.

Chapter 9 We’re in Heaven

Saturday, July 19th 2005

Eighth Entry

Do you ever wonder what heaven’s like? I do. Sometimes I sit by myself and think about it. The streets would be paved out of silver and the buildings would be lined with gold. It would look like Rome, with the beautiful architecture, statues, art. The sky would always stay light blue and the sun would never set. That is, until you’re in a gondola, floating out in the dark, still water with the moon shining overhead and the stars scattered across the sea. And there would be music. Romantic music everywhere you go and there would only be love.

I would wear a toga. A gorgeous white, satin toga decorated with the best fabrics… silk, velvet, adorn with pearls, jade, diamonds, anything my heart desired. The air would be warm and it would smell of strawberries, chocolates, perfumes, everything. It would be perfect.

And then he would be there, standing in the middle of the glittering, silver street with his arms outstretched, waiting for me to jump in them and twirl me around forever and ever.

cont… Friday, April 8th, 2005

The first night of Founder’s Festival seemed to start off like hell with the sun beating down our backs, Cordelia being the evil slave-driver, me seeing a glimpse of heaven and then heaven running off to hide under the pavilion. After we did our cheer with the band, we had about half an hour to have fun before the big finale.

I spent every minute of the half an hour trying to find him. Willow and Xander must have thought I was crazy when I shook my head to a game of volleyball.

“Aw, come on, Buff!” Xander complained, tossing a the ball in his hand and gesturing wildly towards the white net, “It’s tradition! You’re breaking a very important tradition!”

“Sorry, Xand,” I tried sounding sympathetic, but I was never really good at it, “I’m all tired out and I’ve got to save my energy, you know.”

He made a face that clearly stated no, he didn’t know, but I shrugged and walked away. I was on a hunt. The thing was that I wasn’t exactly sure why I was on this hunt. The only thing I knew was that for some extremely weird reason, I needed to talk to him… to see him. Every cell in my body was moving faster and faster and beginning to tingle in an excited anticipation. I needed him.

“God, what’s happening to me?” I groaned to myself as I approached the crowded pavilion. Suddenly, an arm snaked around me and I was seized by the waist.

Nononononono… I so don’t want to deal with this right now. But, of course, I was dragged to the side and spun around to face a very smiley-faced R.J.

“I saw you out there,” he leaned down to whisper in my ear. It was a little creepy and I shuddered involuntarily. But, he apparently misread my body signs as … a shiver of anticipation?

Oh, please.

“Yeah, um, lots of people saw me there!” I said cheerfully and tried extracting myself from his arms, but his grip tightened around me. He bent his head to kiss my neck. To tell the truth, if this was a few weeks ago, I probably would have went along with him and we’d be making out in the shadows by now. But it wasn’t a few weeks ago, and right now, I wasn’t interested at all. So I pushed him away.

“What’s wrong, Buffy?” he asked me, smile still on his face.

“No offense, R.J., but I really really don’t want to do this,” I stepped back and my back collided into a tall wooden column. He took a step closer.

“You sure, babe?” his voice was down to a whisper and his arms were trying to make their way around me, but I slapped them back.

“Yeah,” I grit my teeth. What was wrong with him? Couldn’t he take a hint? “In case you forgot, we’re not exactly dating.”

“But we could be.”

Ever so persistent. And it was beginning to annoy me.

“I don’t want to, okay?” I raised my voice as he stepped closer and closer. Suddenly, there was a divine intervention, and I was saved by an angel.

“I think the lady said she didn’t want to,” somebody grabbed onto R.J.’s arm and pulled him away from me. I almost sighed in relief.

“What the hell, man?” R.J. glared at the tall, dark-haired man. The man took towered over him and he backed off. “Fine, she’s not worth it anyways.”

After he scampered off, my divine-intervention-angel turned to look at me and I nearly gasped out loud. It was the man from the picture! The very… hot, gorgeous, broody man from the picture!

“You okay?” he asked, brow lifting and seeming concerned. I nodded.

“Yeah, it was really… nothing I couldn’t handle,” I smiled, “but thanks for that.”

“It’s no problem,” he smiled back and stuck his hand out. “I’m Angel, by the way.”

I took his hand and bit my lip to keep from laughing. Saved by an angel… named Angel. What were the odds?

“Nice to meet you,” we shook hands, “I’m Buffy.”

His eyes seemed to widen a little bit, but he turned away before I could really work out his expression. Must be the name. People always get that look when I tell them my name.

“Well, uh,” he scratched his hair, making it stick up a little, “Nice meeting you, I have to, uh, you know, … go.”

So he did and left me standing there alone, a little confused and a lot distressed. Oh well, back to my hunt.

“Yo…B! Hey, where the hell were you!” Faith intercepted me halfway through my careful perusal of the packed pavilion, which was pretty much going nowhere. It was really hard to look for someone in such a crowded place. People were running around all over the place and I wasn’t exactly the tallest person in the world, otherwise, I would’ve just looked over their heads…

“Around, why?” I wasn’t sure what she wanted, but Goddammit, could it wait?

“The queen bitch is going crazy,” Faith rolled her eyes, and mimicked Cordelia’s voice, “ ‘Anyone not down here in five minutes is gonna get their asses kicked off the damn squad!’ so lets get a move on.”

I felt like screaming, but I just followed Faith out of the pavilion, past the bonfire, past the band, the theater people, the football players, back to our area where half the girls were already back in their outfits and stretching.

I have to admit, after listening to Cordelia yell for what seems to be a lifetime, you start to drown her out and do your own thing. So I ignored her as I put on the little yellow skirt and the yellow and white top that I had to wear, ignored her as I stretched out and did a few warm-up somersaults, ignored her as we lined up and shook ourselves out to get ready.

“And now, I have the pleasure to present Sunnydale’s finest,” the guy with the loudspeaker drawled out, “Sunnydale’s most beautiful, Sunnydale’s very own cheerleaders!!”

Please, could it get any more corny than that? Apparently so, since Cordelia let out an earth-shattering cry and everybody – the band, the athletes, the school clubs that were in our way – parted like the red sea so we would have room to do our thing.

I loosened my shoulders as I took the lead with Cordy, trying to look at anything but the crowd that had grown silent as they watched us.

Then the music started and I closed my eyes to go through the motions.

Baby you're all that I want
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in heaven

Techno. We’re in Heaven. DJ Sammie. Cordelia was really into that kind of thing. I opened my eyes and they locked with a piece of heaven itself as I found myself staring at the man in black with the yellow-white hair that glowed in the dark and the blue eyes that could light a fire within. Oh yeah, we’re definitely in heaven.

We're in heaven

Something about seeing him set something off inside me. I wasn’t just dancing and tumbling anymore… I was performing. I was giving the audience a show. I was giving him a show. And suddenly, we were the only ones there.

Oh, thinkin' about our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free
Now nothing can take you away from me
We've been down that road before
That's over now
You keep me comin' back for more

I saw his tongue curl behind his teeth as he smirked at me and gave me a daring look as I flipped into Amy and Melanie’s arms and was tossed in front of him. I raised an eyebrow as he looked me up and down when I had my hands on the sides of my hips as I danced for him and for him alone. Yeah, he was all that I wanted.

Baby you're all that I want
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And lovin' is all that I need
And I'm finally there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see,
We're in heaven

We're in heaven

My gaze never left his as he moved around the inner circle of the audience, his stance predatory and his expression serious. The crowd cheered as we did a complicated formation but I didn’t even notice them.

Now nothing can change what you mean to me
There's a lot that I could say
But just hold me now
Cause our love will light the way

I could have hugged Cordelia right there in the middle of our routine in front of hundreds of people. Hugged her for her foresight with the song. The song meant everything. And I tried to tell him that as he kept his eyes on me.

Baby you're all that I want
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And lovin' is all that I need
And I'm finally there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see,
We're in heaven

Now our dreams are comin' true
Through the good times and the bad
I'll be standing there by you

We're in heaven

And your loving is all that I need
When I'm finally there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
We're in Heaven.

The crowd went wild as we froze, our chests heaving and our breaths erratic from that vigorous routine we had practiced on and on every afternoon in the blazing sun. It had paid off. There were whistles, catcalls, bellows, but all I could hear was the slow clapping of his hands and all I could see was his face as he nodded.

Then he backed up and disappeared off into the crowd.

Wait, what? I got up and dusted myself off. Where did he go? Where was he? Why?

“That was amazing,” Cordelia squealed and gave me a hug that took all the breath out of me. I hugged her back, but my eyes were scanning the heads of the audience, trying to find the bleached one that had been there a few seconds ago.

Why did he leave?

“Nice job, B,” Faith slapped my back. “You really did it. They loved you.”

Parents swarmed up to hug their daughters and congratulate them. Thus ending Founder’s Festival, Day One. Formally.

But my parents weren’t there. I already knew they wouldn’t be, but somehow, that didn’t stop the pang in my heart as I looked around for their familiar faces. Yeah, yeah… they even told me that they had to be on a business outing. That it was just a little performance and they’ve seen me dance a million times already.

But that pang was mellow and nothing compared to this emptiness that I was feeling. Because he wasn’t there.

People around me gave me hugs, high-fives, told me I did a great job, and I thanked each and every one of them.

I took off my uniform and threw it into the box with all the other discarded yellow and white outfits. I was only in my bikini and I was a little cold, but it was really no big deal.

“Hey, ready to head out?” Faith’s voice broke through my dazed mind. I looked at her and saw that she was smiling and holding up our purses.

“Nah,” I shook my head and took my purse from her. “I’ll hang out here for a little bit. Don’t worry about me, I just want to think some things through.”

She nodded and turned towards the parking lot. I turned the other direction and stared off into the peaceful Pacific.

It was finally dark and in the ocean, I could see the silver reflection of the moon wave back and forth as the water rolled about. I breathed in and caught a slight hint of the smoke from the dying bonfire and the food that was half-eaten, half thrown away.

The clean-up crew had arrived and was going around, collecting garbage. For a second I contemplated helping them, but I decided to wander off on my own.

Founder’s Festival. Whoop de freaking do. I still didn’t see the big deal.

I made my way to the edge of the public beach to a more secluded area that was close to the forest. It was rougher, with a few boulders and large rocks near the sandy area and little patches of grass here and there. The sand was colder and less fine and I walked along the edge of the water, feeling the cold liquid come up over me feet and recede, come up, recede.

I breathed in again and smelled the freshness of the air which made me smile. It was starting to get cold, so I wrapped my arms around myself and walked over to a boulder to sit down and just… think.

What was it about tonight that made me feel so … alone? I saw parents with their children, brothers playing with sisters, fathers talking amongst themselves over barbeque, friends chatting, girls flirting with guys… and I felt sad. Despite the fun and light atmosphere, the loud cheering that still made my voice hoarse, the tumbling, flipping, cartwheels, everything that usually made me happy… I felt like I was dead. Despite the occasional adrenaline rush before a routine, I had been closed off and dazed the entire night. Except for that one dance.

When I saw him, I had suddenly become alive. I smiled and chanced my luck, dancing for him and him alone. I loved it. Showing off for him, beckoning him with a sway of the hips, thinking of him as I went through my movements. It wasn’t about just going through the motions anymore, it was something else entirely.

I wasn’t sure if I was ready to feel this. He sure as hell wasn’t, since he ran away and all.

Why did he run away anyways? Especially then of all times? Was he scared? Oh yeah. That’s right. Whatever we had was supposed to mean nothing.

But that was bullshit and we both knew that. Right? If it was nothing, I wouldn’t have these insane thoughts or gahhh!!

“Ughhh,” I groaned out loud and buried my head in my hands. “I’m not supposed to feel this way…”

I felt like screaming and throwing something. Something sharp and dangerous and preferably through his stupid, British, bleached blonde head. That was how frustrated I was with myself and him. All his stupid fault.

“It’s all his fault, dammit,” I muttered to myself.

And suddenly everything froze as a velvety voice purred at me from behind me.

“Talking to yourself, love?”

(continued in next chapter)

A/N: This meeting is really important so i wanted to drag it out. Sometimes i get the feeling that a lot of things i write seem to be too rushed, and i wanted to take my time with this.

Hope you enjoy!





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