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Author's Chapter Notes:
I updated this Tuesday about 10 minutes before the site went down on Tuesday and the fav story emails aren't going out (though that would mean neither did one for this chapter...) so anyway, my point is, make sure you've read Chapter 41

okay, so if you read it before I screwed up and hadn't switched Harmony's name, sorry about that
**Make sure you read Chapter 41**



Chapter 42

Buffy was home.

And God did it feel good. True, she's only been in the hospital for a few short days but it already felt stifling. She just wanted to get out of there; she wanted to get home and back to her life. Or, rather, get to rebuilding her life. How it was before certainly wasn't going to cut it now and she knew that. But there was no other way to get things put together than to just do it. And she couldn't do much while in the hospital.

Her house looked lonely though...She still missed having Spike in it. But she'd just have to....or did she? Really?

Before she could do more than walk in the front door, she turned and went across the lawn to her parent’s house. Despite the fact that she'd wanted to get home to get away from all of the people in the hospital, she couldn't see being alone just now. At least not yet.

"Mom!" She yelled as she came in through the back door. "Giles! Are you guys still here? I thought maybe I could hang out here for a little while; go home in a few hours or something," By the end she was muttering to herself as she walked through the house looking for them.

Buffy made her way quietly up the stairs, figuring that since she'd really just barged in, the least she could do was be quiet until she found out if they wanted her around at the moment or not. Passing her old bedroom brought a flood of memories. She could remember all of the carefree times talking on the phone with Sasha; discussing her latest 'catastrophe' at school and what she and Angel were doing. She also remembered her mother coming into her room that night, after her birthday, to thank her for listening to them about Angel. Joyce has said how she knew it must not have been easy for Buffy to just give up her boyfriend but she respected her daughter for trusting them and doing what was right.

If Buffy hadn't been feeling so broken and crushed that night--hadn't been trying so hard to figure out just what, what Angel had said meant, she might have cracked then and there and told her mother everything. As it was, it had been torture to sit there and listen to her mother tell her how proud she was of her for not doing something that Buffy had actually done.

Buffy sat down heavily on her bed as she all of her happy high school memories assaulted her all at once. She could remember lying crosswise on the bed, the phone pressed against her ear as she had those talks with Katey or Sasha--but more so she could remember how after everything with Angel she had tried so hard to keep the facade up. Could remember how she had thought that if she could just pretend hard enough, well enough then maybe it really would get better.

But eventually even the airheads she'd hung out with started to notice a change in her. By the end of her junior year they were all drifting apart--or at least she and the rest of them were; everyone else was as close as ever. That summer had been horrible for Buffy--at first. For once in her life there weren't ten million people around her every hour of every day. But as it moved towards August she started to adapt, started to get used to it.

Which was good since, when school started up later that month, she'd been all but abandoned by her former group of friends. Buffy figured she should have seen it coming; she's hardly seen them all summer after all. But it had still stung.

For a few weeks. Until she was able to numb herself to it. And ever since then she'd slowly become the Buffy that she was up until just a few days before. She had lost her interest in school. her grades fell and she put off attending university. She quit cheerleading, didn't do any extra curriculars. All in all Buffy withdrew from life and become a completely different person from who she'd been her whole life.

And now she was about to do it all over again--change who she was. Because it was a complete change from who she had been being but it also wasn't quite who she had been years ago. She...she was older and wiser now and was a different person. She just had to be a good different person.

Done with the memories at least for the time being, Buffy walked quietly towards her mother and Giles' bedroom. As she got close she could hear their muffled voices--possibly arguing--and knew she should just get back to her own house. Their door was closed and they were talking, she didn't need too many more signs to know she needed mind her own business. It wasn't hard to get down the stairs quietly--she'd learned long ago how to sneak out without making a sound--and soon Buffy was on her way back across the lawn.


Yeah, so hiding in the bathroom wasn't the most manly thing to do but Spike wasn't quite ready to leave it or the safe haven it provided just yet. He was well and truly scared of facing the woman that would surely be waiting on the other side. The last time he had seen her he'd done a right job of being a prick and pissing her off. And now he was here to work his way back in...he was scared.

But it was time, as they said for whatever reason, to face the music. Why did they say that actually? It wasn't like music was--Spike stopped himself when he realized he was stalling again.

Who knew a girl could be so terrifying?

He took one last steadying breath, switched the lock on the door and drew it open as slowly and quietly as he possibly could, listening for any noises as he stepped out into the main room.

He was home and it was time to stop running.


TBC........soon, I promise





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