Buffy stifled a yawn as she entered the kitchen. There was no need to let everyone know how little sleep she had managed to get the night before. She had tossed and turned most of the night until she had finally fallen asleep out of sheer exhaustion. She had actually gotten up once or twice, but had managed to catch herself before she had opened the bedroom door. She had been harsh with Spike—probably more that he deserved—but even he couldn’t deny she was right. She had to get on with her life and make Dawn her first priority. She couldn’t get involved in another relationship, even if he wad human now. It wasn’t exactly like her track record was all that good to begin with. Dawn needed something normal and stable, with an older sister who was the Slayer that was next to impossible as it was. No matter how guilty she felt she just couldn’t let herself get involved with anyone.
“I don’t remember them forecasting a hurricane on the news last night,” Buffy plastered a fake smile on her lips as she took in the state of the kitchen.
Thankfully, she had the night off from the Palace, since she’d probably be spending the day cleaning the kitchen. Apparently, someone had decided to make breakfast judging from all the dirty dishes piled in and around the sink, various smudges of pancake batter decorating the counter, the floor, pretty much everywhere, an the small stack of blackened discs sitting on the plate on the island in the center of the kitchen.
“We, um, were making breakfast,” Willow confirmed from her post in front of the stove.
“We were going to surprise you,” Dawn pouted vainly trying to brush a few spots of dried batter from the red sweater she was wearing. “Spike thought you would like breakfast in bed.”
“Breakfast in bed?” Buffy gazed angrily as the blond ex-vampire sitting on a stool next to the island in the center of the kitchen. She just bet that’s what he thought she would like in bed! He was relatively clean in comparison to the other two. She must not have been harsh enough the night before, she decided.
“Nothing’s too good for my Slayer,” Spike added with a smirk.
“Sorry about the mess,” Will chimed in. The sparkle in her brown eyes left Buffy no doubt that she hadn’t missed the “my” in Spike’s comment. “Tara made this look a lot easier than it actually is.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll clean everything up,” Dawn added. Her smile nearly broke her older sister’s heart. If only things could be as simple as Dawn thought they were.
“Sure, kiddo,” she replied with a smile as she leaned against the counter and picked up one of the blackened pancakes. She examined it for a moment and then dropped it back on the pile with the others. “How about you take Spike into the living room. I’m sure there’s a talk show or something on that he wouldn’t want to miss.”
“But we’re not finished making breakfast,” the girl objected. “I’m sure the next batch will turn out better, well, at least, edible.”
“That’s okay,” Buffy ventured another look at the dark circles lying on the plate. “Really. I think a cup of coffee will be plenty.”
“But…”
“Come on, Bit,” Spike rose from his seat and gave the door a brief nod. “I think that’s a hint that we should leave. Girl talk is about to commence.”
Dawn’s brown eyes darted from her sister to Spike. She paused a moment as if deciding on a good excuse to stay and then with a sigh she gave up and followed her friend to the living room.
Willow took the pan from the burner and added it, half-cooked pancakes and all, to the stack in the sink. She rounded the counter and pulled the chair Spike had just vacated next to the Slayer.
“So, um,” the Wicca plopped down smiling with fake enthusiasm, “sorry about the kitchen. Spike suggested breakfast in bed might cheer you up. I didn’t think the yummy goodness would turn into such a messy disaster.”
“It’s okay, Will,” she answered. “It’s the thought that counts. That’s not what’s wrong.”
“Then what’s the matter?” Willow asked fingering one of the pancakes nervously. Since she had come back, Buffy never really opened up about anything. If Buffy was willing to talk about what was bothering her, then it had to be something big.
“You know,” she sighed still not feeling particularly comfortable about discussing the topic.
“Well,” she dropped the charred pancake and brushed her hands together briskly, “if it’s not the breakfast that didn’t want to be, my best guess would be Spike.”
“Who else has made it their mission to annoy me?” confirmed Buffy.
“So what’s wrong, Buffy? I mean other than the normal sarcasm, he seems to be on his best behavior.”
“Sure, he’s just been a real peach, hasn’t he?” her eyes rolled towards the ceiling. “Don’t you mind that he’s staying here?”
“Mind?” Willow nibbled her lower lip considering her answer. “Well, I..I suppose not. I mean, he is human now. He really shouldn’t be living in that crypt. It really wouldn’t be fair to spend your first week as a human after a century with a nasty case of the sniffles.”
“So, it really doesn’t bother you?” she pushed, her unwavering stare making Willow shift uncomfortably on her seat.
“Well, I guess not. It’s kind of weird him walking around in the daytime and all, but I suppose I don’t have a problem with it,” she paused a moment to study her friend still as confused as ever. “Should it bother me?”
The blond studied her hands that were clasped together so tightly on the countertop that the knuckles were turning an unnatural shade of white. Slowly her eyes drifted up to meet her friend’s gaze. Her look was pleading as if she was willing her friend to say it for her.
“Will,” she started slowly, “don’t you wonder why he did it?”
“Well, yeah, I suppose so,” she replied, “but he loves you, Buffy. I just figured he did it for you. It’s kind of romantic.”
“Romantic?” Buffy scoffed. “Think about it, Will. He’s claimed to love me for a while. Why now?”
“Buffy, what are you trying to say?” she asked still fighting to understand what her friend was getting at.
“I…nothing,” she sighed. “I really shouldn’t be bugging you with this.”
Willow laid her hand on the Slayer’s wrist before she could bolt from the room. “No, Buffy, bug me. Really, if it’s bothering you, then you should talk about it.”
“Will, I…” she blinked her eyes rapidly trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. She shouldn’t have even started on this topic, but she was just so tired of pretending that everything was all right.
“You have enough on your mind,” Buffy continued. “You should be worrying about Tara. You shouldn’t have to worry about me too.”
“But I want to worry,” she gave her friend a weak smile. “I miss Tara, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not here for you too. Just tell me.”
“I…” she took a deep, unsteady breath and squared her shoulders. “I broke up with him, Will.”
“Well, I guess that would upset him. I know how I felt when Tara left, and… Wait.” Willow’s eyes grew round with understanding. “You need to be with someone to break up with them. You were with Spike?”
“Yeah,” she answered her voice hardly louder than a whisper.
“Buffy!” her grip tightened on the Slayer’s arm. “When? How? I mean.. No, um, you really don’t need to give details.”
“You’re disgusted with me, aren’t you?” she couldn’t look Will in the eye as she withdrew her arm from the Wiccan’s vice-like grip. “I’m sorry, I just needed someone to talk to, and Tara wasn’t around.”
“No…no, it’s not that! I’m glad you said something. Really, you must…wait…Tara knows? Have you told Xander? Anya?”
“No!” Buffy’s eyes snapped up. “No, Will, they can’t know. Xander would never understand. What I did was so wrong.”
“Oh, sweetie, no,” Willow forced herself to stay put. She wanted to give her friend a hug, but judging from her expression, that was the last thing Buffy wanted. “How do you feel? I mean, it’s not wrong if you care about him.”
“That’s what Tara said,” she wiped the back of her hand across her eyes and tried to force a smile.
“Well, she’s right, Buffy,” Will smiled back even though she was still feeling extremely uncomfortable. “You, ah, you love him, don’t you?”
“I…” she studied the ceiling for a moment. She knew this question was coming. Why did everyone think it was so simple? “That doesn’t matter. This is Spike, remember?”
“He’s human now,” Will reminded her. “He did it for you.”
“And the wish could backfire at any time. Even if it doesn’t, how do I explain him living here?” she pleaded. “You know how happy that caseworker was when I tried to explain you and Tara. Dawn deserves something normal.”
“We live on a Hellmouth, Buff. I think we’ve got it about as normal as it gets. Besides, Dawn seems pretty happy he’s around. So which do you want? A happy teenager or a normal miserable one?”
“You make it sound so simple,” Buffy sighed. The lack of sleep was quickly catching up with her.
Her eyes searched Buffy’s face for a moment. Realizing the conversation was over, Willow slowly got to her feet and headed for the door.
She paused a moment before leaving the room glancing over her shoulder at her friend. Buffy hadn’t moved from her seat, sitting there just staring off into space.
“It’s only hard, because you want it to be,” Willow added before departing to join the others in the living room.
Buffy raised her fingers to her temples moving them in a slow circular motion. If being exhausted wasn’t enough, she was pretty sure she was on her way to experiencing her first migraine. She shouldn’t have told Willow about Spike, but it was just becoming too much to keep bottled up. Perhaps, she should have bared her soul to Xander. Sure, he would have been disgusted by her actions, but it was a sure bet he wouldn’t be joining Spike’s growing cheering section.
Buffy pushed back from the counter with a groan. She had to stop obsessing about the bleached blond ex-vampire before she drove herself insane. She left her eyes take in the kitchen one last time as she rose to her feet. She had at least a few hours of housework ahead of her to keep her mind occupied.
After a brief hesitation, she followed Willow into the living room. She was far from anxious to confront Spike again, but she couldn’t hide in the kitchen forever.
They made such a normal picture sitting there watching the television. An outsider would never have expected that they were looking at a Wiccan battling a magic addiction, an ageless, mystic Key, and an ex-vampire. Both Will and Spike sat comfortably on either end of the couch. While Dawn lounged on the floor leaning back against Spike’s leg. Buffy focused on the empty space in the middle of the couch. How easy it would be to fill that space, to let him put his arm around her, lay her head on his shoulder, just forget who she really was, but she knew she couldn’t. How many times had she tried to pretend she was something normal, only to have everything blow up in her face?
“So, anything good on TV?” she asked leaning against a nearby chair. She forced her lips into a smile hoping her eyes weren’t too red.
“Just your usual daytime fare,” Dawn replied rolling her eyes a bit. “The usual high school dramas, game shows, talk shows about strippers…I mean good, wholesome educational shows on PBS>”
“You’re letting her watch stripper?” her eyebrows rose in mock shock as she crossed her arms over her chest and took on her best parental “you’re going to get such a lecture” stance.
“The Bit’s got the remote, luv. We’re at her mercy,” Spike replied with a smirk. “Although, they did have some very educational ideas on the uses of chocolate syrup. I could fill you in, if…”
“In your dreams,” she tossed him a glare and then turned back to her sister. “I think you have a kitchen waiting to be cleaning.”
“Hey, breakfast was Spike’s idea,” Dawn pouted as she headed back to the disaster area in the kitchen.
“Don’t worry, you’ll have help in a minute,” she called after her sister. “So, are we up for another research session tonight?”
“Um, I think we’re pretty burnt on the old research thing,” Willow replied.
“Still trying to find a way to get rid of me, pet?” Spike growled angrily reverting his eyes back to the television.
“The world does not revolve around you,” she snapped. “We really need to find out what Warren and company are up to.”
“Yeah, but they’ve been really quietly lately,” Willow sighed. “We thought we’ take a night off. Maybe go to the Bronze. Besides Anya and Xander could use a night away from the wedding planning.”
Buffy nibbled on her lower lip. She had forgotten about the upcoming wedding. As if she didn’t feel guilty enough, now she was making her friends stress out too. She had been making a point to throw herself into her work and her slaying to forget her problems. She hadn’t even noticed that she was forcing her friends to do the same.
“I’m sorry, Will,” she managed a weak smile. “You’re right. You guys do deserve a night off.”
“Well, you can come too,” Will replied quickly. “No play makes Buffy a dull girl.”
“That’s okay. You guys go and have fun,” she dropped into the chair absently watching the television. “I think I’m going to do a quick patrol. I haven’t really been keeping up with the Slayer duties.”
“I’ll go with you,” Spike suggested.
“No,” Buffy snapped shooting her houseguest a glare hoping to cover up the nervousness creeping around in the pit of her stomach at the prospect of spending the evening alone with him. It was so much easier to keep him at arm’s length when her friends were around.
“What do you mean ‘no’?” he demanded. “I can help you…”
“That was before you decided to be human again.”
“Now, you’re going to gripe about me being human?” his blue eyes narrowed as his hands curled into tight fists. “You’re the one who said you couldn’t love me because I was a soulless thing!”
Willow’s eyes flickered nervously between the two. Quickly, she rose to her feet and followed Dawn to the kitchen. “I, uh, I think I hear Dawn calling for some help.”
“I didn’t ask you to go out soul shopping!” she growled not even glancing away from the man on the couch as her friend left the room. “I’m just saying you’re human now. You won’t be able to protect yourself.”
“Construction boy is human too,” he reminded her. “You let him go out and wander in the dark.”
“Xander has experience fighting demons…”
“Experience?” Spike scoffed. “Hello, Slayer, I was a demon for a hundred years. I think I might be qualified! Besides, I really need to stop by the crypt for a change of clothes. Unless, you enjoy the smell…”
“Fine!” Buffy snapped. “But be ready to go at eight, or I’m going alone!”
[Reviews - 20]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 2073 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +