Chapter 13
Already There
The first week she spent reading journals and making notes on every possibly identifying feature of Will’s biological father she could find. It kept her mind of him and where he might and what he might be doing.
He called once, just a quick ‘I’m fine. Don’t worry. Gotta go.’ that was so rushed it had the opposite affect of what he’d probably intended. Where was he, that he couldn’t talk for five minutes?
By the end of the second week, she was praying for a call even if it was that short. She put aside his mother’s journals, and picked up the latest of his.
Johnson is a bloody idiot. Nosey ass. I’m offering him the weekend, and he just looks at me with his blank beady little eyes and wants to know why. Like I’d tell him. But he’s the only one who has the same days off as her that should’ve really wanted the weekend. Got a wife and kids, don’t he? You’d think he’d jump at the chance to have his time off the same as theirs. Know I would, if I had that. Moron. I’m gonna have to come up with something else if he doesn’t get finished ‘thinking ‘bout it’ and get back to me.
Far as I can tell, she doesn’t have anyone else sniffin’ around her. What the hell am I doing, anyway? Lot of trouble for nothing, more than likely. Still, can’t get her outta my head, can I? Tried that. Didn’t work. Just something there, tells me I wanna know this girl.
Pretty little thing, too.
Elizabeth blinked. Read the passage again. Blinked again. She started flipping pages, going back in time trying to find the first entry that mentioned her. That’s when she realized that he hadn’t mentioned her name at all, that it might not be her. But the date and the fact that he’d changed to her days off and then tracked her down in a park - well, only an idiot or a nutcase could make themselves believe he was talking about someone else.
Okay, so there was no way to skip backwards and find her name when she didn’t see her name anywhere. She skipped forward a few pages before something caught her eye.
I fucked the whole thing up. I know it. She’s gone, I’ve got the hangover from hell, and she was throwing Spike at me like she had some bloody idea who he was. Part of the point of her was the not knowing, wasn’t it? ‘Least I thought so until I saw her with her hair tied all loose on top of her head sitting on that park bench. She laughed, and I was even further gone on the bint. I’m acting like a soddin’ teenager, only not me. Some middle class glee club teenager. Bet she wore a little cheerleader uniform and bounced around the school like queen of the world. Too good for me. Yeah, she acted like it was fixed when she walked out, but was probly just a way to get out of here and forgot that she fell down to my level for a night.
Wasn’t gonna do that shit again, was I? Never shoulda had the first drink. Never shoulda done anything after the crap afternoon I’d had. What with Gunn being a bleeding wanker and then Liam getting’ in my face. Wish that one would just fall over dead and not be hanging about reminding me he’s the prick that helped ruin my fuckin’ life. Knew what he was doin’ when he did it. Supposed to be my bloody partner and he tells the whole world I’m liable to kill somebody.
I gotta get out. Go do something. Get away from the whole bloody mess.
She’s got these tiny little hands. And she tastes like sunshine and pure things.
Elizabeth sighed. Well, he was right about the reading in order or not getting the references thing.
But she didn’t need to understand all of it. The part that showed her Will wasn’t as confident and swaggering as he acted.
He was terrified, too.
She wanted to hold him and tell him he most certainly was good enough. How could he not see it? How could he have been so oblivious to the fact that he was pulling her out of a deep, dark whole that would’ve sucked the life completely out of her in the end?
And he wasn’t here for her tell him.
Why didn’t he call?
“Elizabeth!”
She stopped walking, taking a deep breath and turning to see Rosenburg jogging across the parking lot in her general direction.
“Hey, Willow.” She’d only just remembered her new friend’s first name. Her use of it made the other woman blink.
“Hey!” Willow was blushing, or flushed from chasing her across the lot one. “Look, I know I’ve been caught up woman and not really talking and stuff, but I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat?”
“Not tonight. Sorry. I’m beat, and I just wanna go home and have a hot bath and sleep for three days.” With her cell phone clutched firmly in her hand, waiting for a call that after three weeks she was thinking wasn’t going to come. Had Will changed his mind about her while he was off doing cop things?
“Oh.” The other woman’s face fell. “I guess. Okay. Are you mad at me? I mean, I would totally be mad at me, and it’s okay if you are, but I’m really really sorry.”
“I’m not mad. I figured you were in love with this mystery person and didn’t realize we hadn’t done anything in over a month.” Elizabeth smiled, knowing it probably came across looking sickly but completely unable to tell the other woman that it had nothing to do with being angry or upset. At Willow. Crap. “You know what, I changed my mind. Let’s go grab something to eat.”
They ended up in a corner booth in the same dingy diner where she’d had greasy cheeseburgers with Will on what she supposed was their first date. Not counting his apartment. And ignoring the fact that she had claimed they weren’t dating at the time.
“It’s weird without Spike around.” Willow said later, over apple pie and coffee.
Elizabeth jabbed the top of her mouth with a fork prong.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, he was just always around. I mean, I wasn’t friends with him or anything. But it’s weird not hearing Britishisms floating around. Wonder what he did. Oh! Xander said he heard from Jonothan that Spike flunked a drug test. And he was kind of, I don’t know, bouncy? Always movin’ around. I know when he sat next to me he drove me crazy bouncing his legs and beating on the desk like it was his own personal drum kit or something.”
She forced to stop gritting her teeth.
“I liked him. And I never saw anything that made me think he’d flunk a drug test.” She couldn’t help it. She was supposed to be keeping her mouth shut about this stuff, but this was the fourth rumor she’d heard. Each one as unflattering as the last.
Willow shrugged. “Well, it’s not like it matters. Just make you wonder, you know? He had that meeting in the office, and then walked out in the middle of the day never to be seen or heard from again. And the Sergeant just keeps saying ‘that‘s not anyone‘s business’ like we didn’t work with the guy forever!”
Elizabeth looked around like she was just making sure no one else could overhear. “Look, Willow, it’s not like that.” She exaggerated her paranoia. Willow knew she didn’t take part in gossip. Okay, before - it was because she didn’t notice other people enough to put faces with half the names. But she detested gossip on principle. And therefore would fight fire with fire.
“You know something!”
Elizabeth shrugged. “I don’t talk much at work. Sometimes people don’t realize I’m around.”
“What people?”
“Actual people in the office?” She shrugged. “Not the rumor mill. The thing is, nobody is even supposed to know, much less say anything. That’s what he asked for, I gathered. Just believe me when I say he’s not fired, he’ll be back, and it really isn’t anybody’s business?”
Willow was frowing at her. “Is he okay?”
I don’t know. Oh God, I wish I knew. Out loud, she said, “Yeah, he will be. Family stuff. It’s a personal leave of unknown duration, though. He’s not fired. And that’s all I’m saying about it. At all. Ever. Shouldn’t have said that. I was just sick of hearing all the crappy stuff he supposedly did when the poor guy’s got some - well, they gave called him and then gave him the leave right then, didn’t they? I won’t say stuff I’m not supposed to know, but when’s the last time you got immediate time off with no hassle?”
There. That should do it. Willow, at least, was looking really guilty. And she didn’t even really lie. Much.
“Beth?”
Her eyes flew open, and Elizabeth sat straight up in bed. She’d been exhausted before the dinner with Rosenburg, and so soundly asleep later that night she hadn’t realized which phone was ringing until she heard the voice on the other end.
“Will! Are you okay? You haven’t called. I’ve been worried sick!” And she shouldn’t be yelling at him, should she? Especially when it made him be all quiet. “Will?”
“Yeah, I’m here. Sorry. I’m sorry, baby. I’ve been trying. But I’ve not had a bloody minute to myself when I was sure I wasn’t being - I’ve just not had a chance. Are you okay?”
“I am now. God, Will. I’ve been a mess.”
“So you like me bit, do you?”
Infuriating man. She missed him.
“No, I think you’re evil incarnate. A bloodsucker out to drain me dry and leave my lifeless body in an alley somewhere.” She rolled her eyes. “Yes, I like you. Thus the worry.” She glanced at the clock. It was after two in the morning.
“You’ve got tomorrow off, yeah? I’m not keeping you from sleeping?”
“Have you been not calling because you didn’t want to wake me up?” She was not yelling. Quite.
“Well - it’s not like I had many chances. I didn’t want to -”
“Like I’ve been sleeping with you who knows where doing God only knows what - you asshole!”
“Right. Got it. No trying to be the thoughtful -”
“Thoughtful? You are unbelievable, do you know that? That is the least thoughtful thing I’ve ever heard in my life. You knew I was waiting, completely useless with worry, and you just didn’t bother to call? I can’t believe you, Will.”
It was quiet for too long. He hung up. Or something happened. Or -
“Sorry. I’m sorry.” He sounded so tired.
But he was still there, on the other side of the phone.
“It’s okay. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.” Except she was really angry. Only she shouldn’t be really angry right now. It was wrong, wasn’t it? To be angry right now? She was supposed to be the understanding supportive girlfriend. “Oh! Did you know that you apparently either flunked a drug test or got caught having sex with Andrew in the men’s room?”
“WHAT? Bloody - Andrew? Bethy, tell me you made that one up.”
“Nope.” She was smiling.
“I am not gay!”
“That’s a comfort.” She teased.
“Who said that?”
“Doesn’t matter. It’ll blow over. But I really wanted to go postal when that one started making the rounds. Except for when Andrew, this little mousey guy, stood in the middle of the break room yelling that you most certainly did not because he would have taken you up on it but you weren’t gay.”
There was the indistinct sound of sputtering and several British curses in the background, and Beth snuggled further down under the covers.
“Well, now I’ll be completely uncomfortable around the little geek.”
She laughed. “He waxed poetic about your forearms and tight asss.”
“Bloody hell.”
“Although, I must admit, he had a point. Several. Although, I really think he underestimated the size of -”
“Will you stop?”
She giggled.
“I miss you.”
He sighed. “Soon.”
“How soon?”
“Don’t know. It’s like living in glass box. Everythin’ I do watched like a hawk with half of ‘em waiting for me to screw up and the other half afraid I’m going to take their bloody job. Can’t get away right now.”
“I just wish you were here.”
“I’m there.” He whispered. “Every time I close my eyes, I’m back in that big soft bed of yours with - are in bed?”
“Yeah.” Her breath hitched when his voice dropped into a familiar tone and cadence.
“You naked?”
“I can be.” She whispered.
It was the best phone call she’d ever had.
She spent the first part of the fifth week on the floor of her bathroom with her head hanging over the toilet. It sucked. Especially since she’d taken off two days to be with Will before he left, and couldn’t afford to do so again. She vowed to never call in sick when she wasn’t again, because it led to having to work when you were sure you would die any minute. But there was no fever, so whatever it was probably wasn’t contagious.
She got sent home on the third day when she failed to make it all the way to the bathroom before losing the contents of her stomach. As seemed in line with her run of luck, she found herself feeling better in the afternoon with nothing to do but hang around waiting to see if Will called.
Her research project had wrapped up in the second week. It hadn’t been nearly as time consuming or difficult as she’d thought it would be. Well, maybe not. She wasn’t sure, but she thought the Dr Rupert Giles she’d found working in a museum was the right one. But of course there was no way of knowing.
As she sat on the couch with her new sketchbook doing yet another pencil drawing of Will, her eyes kept straying to the desk and the pile of notes stacked on the corner.
She was drawing again. Not painting yet, because she had no supplies and - and well, she just wanted to play around with her pencils for a while and see if the desire returned to her. So far, she’d only drawn Will.
She was obsessed with that damned stack of papers, and the stamped and addressed envelope teetering on top of it.
It wouldn’t hurt anything to try to confirm it was him. She’d been battling this particular temptation for three weeks now and she would not invade Will’s privacy by -
It hit her at hurricane force, knocking the wind out of her.
Will had been gone for five weeks.
She hadn’t had a period in over eight.
She threw up all over her living room floor.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This fic is completed on my hard drive and updates will be on either Monday or Tuesday of each week until complete.
Chapter End Notes:
Yeah, I know. I skipped the phone sex. I'm sure there was a reason when I wrote it, but I don't remember what it was. It's been a while.