Chapter 5

“What’s going on, Buffy? You’ve been acting weird since we left their house.”

“It’s nothing. I just wasn’t feeling very well.”

Lindsey didn’t look like he believed her, but he accepted it anyway. There was no point in arguing. “I’m going to bed.”

Buffy watched as he went upstairs, Spike’s earlier words echoing through her mind.

She’d never been so confused.


* * * * *


Later that night, Buffy was lying in bed next to Lindsey, unable to sleep. She had to prove that Spike was wrong somehow. There was plenty of love and romance in their relationship. She looked at Lindsey and smiled, then moved closer and placed soft kisses on his shirtless chest.

Lindsey woke up and turned drowsy eyes on her. “What are you doing?”

She shrugged. “I was kissing you. What? I can’t be affectionate with my boyfriend?”

Lindsey rolled his eyes. “Not right now, Buffy. I have an early day tomorrow and need my rest. You should be doing the same. Quit fooling around.” He rolled over on his other side and fell back into a deep sleep.

His words stung. She hated that Spike was right. Lindsey hardly ever wanted to touch her anymore. She wondered if there was something wrong with her.


* * * * *


Buffy ended another day of class on Monday and started to straighten up the room as the parents arrived for their children.

“Well, if it isn’t Miss Buffy. Did I tell you how bloody adorable that is?”

Buffy sighed and turned around at Spike’s voice. Her day was officially complete. “Are you stalking me now?”

He flashed her a smile. “Don’t flatter yourself, love. I’m here to pick up the kid.”

She rolled her eyes. “Nice try. Cordy picked him up early today because he had a doctor’s appointment.”

“Right, I guess you caught me then. Are you going to punish me? Do I have to sit in the corner like a bad boy?”

Buffy couldn’t help herself from smiling at that.

“Knew I could get a grin,” he drawled, returning her smile.

She quickly wiped the smile off of her face and got back to the point. “Why are you here?”

“I thought that was pretty obvious. I wanted to see you. I was hoping we could get a cup of coffee and see if you’re better at not spilling it.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Spike held his hands up. “I just want to talk. I promise to be on my best behavior.” He crossed his heart to solidify his honorable intentions.

Buffy didn’t think he was capable of keeping that promise, but she gave in and nodded anyway. “Okay, but I only have an hour.”

Spike smiled again, ecstatic that she agreed to go with him. He took her hand and they walked out of the school.

Buffy stopped suddenly when she noticed what his form of transportation was. “You have got to be kidding me.”

He frowned, offended. “Hey, it’s a damn good vehicle.”

“It’s a motorcycle, Spike. You have seen me, right? Did I somehow give you the impression that I’ve ever been on a motorcycle before? I don’t even like to take the bus. I knew this was a bad idea.”

“It doesn’t bite, love. You just have to trust me. I’ve been riding one of these things since I was a teenager. You’re in good hands. Besides, when was the last time you did anything fun?”

Buffy pouted, hating when he was right.

Spike had an urge to take her bottom lip into his mouth and nibble on it. He was definitely a sucker for her pout.

“I’m not really the fun type.”

“No, that’s where you’re wrong. I can see it in you, Buffy. I can see the fun girl inside of you that wants to be let out, but she’s trapped because of that git that you decided to date. He’s the one that doesn’t know a damn thing about having any fun and he’s trying to drag you down with him. You never have to hide from me. Admit it; I know you want to get on that bike. Am I right?”

Buffy nodded eagerly. She used to be more daring when she was younger and a part of her really wanted that girl back.

Spike smiled, relieved. “That’s my girl,” he replied, helping her onto the motorcycle.

Buffy didn’t even care to correct him and just put on the helmet.

Spike did the same and mounted the bike after she was situated. He revved the engine and rode off to the Espresso Pump. The first place that they met, where their lives, whether or not they knew it yet, had been changed forever.


* * * * *


“So, why are you with him?”

Buffy looked down into her cup of coffee, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

“I’m just trying to understand more about you.”

She glanced up. “You seem to think that you already have me all figured out. Why don’t you just take a guess?”

He nodded and did just that. “You were the smart girl in school. Never that popular and always cared about getting good grades. You didn’t think you would ever be noticed by anyone, until Lindsey came into the picture and gave you attention. You probably met in college or something like that. You gave everything to him and no matter how hard you tried, it was never enough. There would always be something that was missing. I think you’re with him because you’re afraid to be alone. You probably think that you’re not meant to be with anyone else.” A pause. “Am I close?”

Buffy’s jaw practically dropped. “A little too close. How do you keep doing that? How do you know so much about me?”

Spike smiled and grasped her hand in his. “I just took a guess and figured that you were a lot like me. I basically described myself.”

“Somehow I find that hard to believe.”

He shrugged. “It’s the truth. I was a complete outcast in school. My grades weren’t always so great, but I was never noticed by anyone. I guess you could say I was pretty much a loser, until I met the one woman that changed everything. She took interest in me and I was a goner after that. I changed my attitude, my appearance. I would have done anything that she asked of me, that’s how far gone I was. No matter how much I did for her, it was never enough. I loved her with everything that I had, but she never loved me. I don’t think she could have ever stooped that low, even after I changed everything for her. She wasn’t always all there. She would talk about how I was blinded by the sunshine and that I didn’t belong in the dark with her. Whatever the hell that meant. It was the last straw when I found her with another man. It turned out that she was cheating on me the whole time. I was just a joke to her. It was at that moment that I decided no woman would ever be worth anything. I figured that they were all like her.” He took a deep breath before he continued. “This is the part that I’m not so proud of. I was so hurt after Drusilla’s rejection that I started to use women. I would treat them nice and get them to sleep with me, then I would end it. I never stuck around because I figured they were all the same. I hated my actions, but it was hard to stop. I knew that things had to change and that’s why I left England and came here. I just needed to get away from everything.”

Buffy pulled her hand out of his. She couldn’t believe everything that he told her.

Spike saw the fear on her face and had to make things right. He hoped he wouldn’t regret telling her the truth. “I’m not like that anymore, Buffy. I no longer think that about women. I would never treat you like that if you ever gave me a chance. I knew from the moment I saw you that you were different. I had a feeling that I would be able to relate to you.” He reached over and touched her hair, running his fingers through the long tresses. “I think I finally understand what Dru was going on about. I was meant to be with the sunshine. There’s no doubt in my mind that she was talking about you. She always had a way of seeing things that were yet to happen. I think I was brought here for a reason. And as corny as it may sound, I believe you’re that reason.”

Buffy was quiet for a minute as she took everything in. Then, slowly, she stood up.

Spike sighed, figuring that he blew it. She would walk away, probably never wanting to see him again. Thus he was beyond surprised when she settled next to him, rather than storming out. His breath caught in his throat at the look in her eyes.

Buffy caressed his cheek and moved her lips toward his, giving him a soft kiss.

Spike willingly responded to her kiss, surprised at her boldness.

They knew that nothing would ever be the same again.





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