The room fell silent for a very long moment, as each of the assembled group gradually took in the weight of Willow’s confession, with all of its troubling implications. Their reactions varied in severity and true comprehension of what it was that she had done, as each simply processed this new information and tried to decide just what exactly it meant.
Xander was the first to break the silence.
“So – I’m really having a hard time seeing what’s so terrible about this,” he admitted, his tone slightly challenging as he rose quickly to his best friend’s defense. “Yeah, the spell backfired and it affected Buffy too, not just Spike – but it’s broken now – right? And she was only trying to help…It’s no big deal, really…”
“I was, Buffy,” Willow hurriedly agreed, a desperate plea in her eyes as she sought her friend’s face for the forgiveness and understanding she craved. “I was only trying to help – I know I messed up, but…”
“No big *deal*?” Buffy cut her off incredulously, still focused on Xander’s words, her eyes narrowed and blazing with disbelieving fury. “My entire family was nearly murdered – by *me*! This thing got completely out of control, and it nearly destroyed everything and everyone that means anything to me – and you have the *gall* to say it was ‘no big deal’?”
“Buffy – that’s not really – what I meant…” Xander mumbled, his eyes downcast, suddenly painfully aware of how clumsy and insensitive his choice of words had been. “I’m just saying – Willow’s your friend…and even if what she did had bad results, her *intentions* were good…so I just don’t think it’s the smartest thing in the world to take *Spike’s* side over…”
“You are the one who is making this about sides, Xander.”
Buffy’s voice was quiet, still and calm, as she interrupted him again with a tone of quiet authority. “I didn’t say anything about taking sides. We’ve all made some terrible mistakes over the past few days – and I have to point out that Spike’s have been the least of them. But the situation is what it is, now – and there’s no way to change it. I don’t particularly *want* to change it. So if any of you can’t deal with that – let me know now. So I can adjust to the fact that you will no longer be a part of my life.”
Her stunning words, spoken so clearly and calmly, without hesitation, once again stilled the protests rising to the lips of her friends.
Finally, Giles dared to speak, his own voice soft and cautious. “In your understanding, Buffy – what exactly *is* the – the ‘situation’ that you are so reluctant to change? Because – I am certain that you surely cannot be referring to – to the trauma and suffering of the past few days.”
Buffy was silent for a moment, her eyes downcast as she tried to gather her thoughts. “No,” she agreed softly, shaking her head. “I’m not.”
She hesitated, taking a deep breath as she tried to find the words to explain exactly what she was talking about. It was simple, really – just a matter of speaking the words to her Watcher, her friends, and revealing to them the feelings that were now so very clear to her – and to her mate.
Actually – she was amazed at how easy it seemed, now.
After a moment she looked up to meet her Watcher’s eyes, determined and unyielding as she replied.
“Spike is my mate. There’s an eternal blood bond between us – and I don’t want it broken.” She paused, allowing her friends mere moments to take in that bombshell before she went on, “He’s – a part of this family now,” she said softly, glancing behind and beside her at her mother and sister, as they moved in instinctively nearer to her and her mate, offering their silent support. “In human terms – you might say that we’re married…and there’s no possibility of divorce…”
Xander’s eyes lit up momentarily with a malicious hope, and he opened his mouth to make a suggestion – but was immediately cut off again by his friend.
“…and if any one of you even suggests killing him again – you’ve just told me very clearly whether or not you want to continue to be a part of my life.”
Xander’s eyes widened in shock, but his lips quickly shut again, as he stared at her, reluctantly listening in silence as she went on.
“This whole idea was a bad one from the start. Spike couldn’t have hurt anyone. The chip kept him from doing that – so it was just – cruel, and unnecessary, and just plain *wrong* to try and – and turn him into a *slave*…”
“Buffy, that was never my intention at all…” Giles interrupted, shaking his head, his eyes widened in dismay at her words.
“Then just what exactly *was* your intention, Giles?” she demanded, her voice trembling slightly with a mixture of anger and remorse, as she thought again of what they had tried to do to the blonde vampire. “To take his free will, and make it so that he could only do what I *allowed* him to do? To make him even more helpless than he had been before? What would you call it?”
For all his knowledge and study – the Watcher had no answer.
So the Slayer continued, unhindered. “But – it’s not completely your fault,” she conceded softly. “I agreed to it. No – I *wanted* to do it,” she admitted, her voice softening with her guilt. “I – I liked the idea. So – I went into it, unprepared and not really having a clue what I was getting into. A dominance claim would have been bad enough – but with the changes you made to the spell, Willow – you placed us all in greater danger.”
“I’m sorry,” the little redhead whispered miserably, unable to meet her friend’s eyes.
For the moment, Buffy ignored her. She was not particularly concerned at the moment with whether or not her friend felt remorse for her foolish actions. Those actions had been done, regardless – and right now, all she was worried about was the results.
“So – the spell affected both of us – me and Spike…it turned off his chip, giving him his power back – and it released the Slayer – who later tried to kill me…”
“But – the spell’s broken now,” Anya ventured hopefully, flinching slightly as she met Buffy’s eyes, as if expecting a biting reproof, or worse, for interrupting the Slayer’s tirade. “So – so *all* of its effects should be over and done with – right? The Slayer’s bound and obviously *not* trying to kill you anymore – and the chip’s up and functioning again, so…no more danger – right?”
At the dubious look Buffy gave her, the former vengeance demon hastened to clarify her words emphatically, “But still lots and lots of blame and – and condemnation and fault…we’re all very guilty and deserving of vengeance, it’s by no means all right – but – no one’s – in danger of getting killed – or – or slain – right?”
Buffy had to suppress a small smile that actually rose to her lips at the girl’s attempts to show beyond all doubt that she acknowledged the fact that the mistakes that had been made were by no means “no big deal” – she just wanted to make sure that they were out of the woods as far as any further magical consequences of Willow’s botched spell.
But Buffy was really not so sure of that, either – all things considered.
“Yeah – see…there’s the thing…” Spike began slowly and quietly, standing up behind Buffy and moving closer to her protectively, as if to shield her from her friends’ reactions to the revelation he was about to make.
“Spike…”
“They’ve gotta know eventually, pet,” he reminded her as she turned to face him with troubled eyes. “How long you planning on keeping it a bloody secret?” A soft little half-smile crossed his face as he gazed at her affectionately, before adding with a little smirk, “Besides – not sure how long I’m gonna be able to keep from smacking the Whelp around a bit – so you might wanna give the boy fair warning, yeah?”
Buffy’s anxious expression was broken momentarily by a reluctant smile of amusement at his words, though it quickly faded, swallowed up in fear for him. She had absolutely no intention of allowing anyone to harm him, and she knew that now he was more than capable of defending himself – but still, she dreaded to think of how her friends would react to the news that Spike was no longer controllable, by the claim *or* the chip.
He turned abruptly to face her friends, when he realized that she was not going to be able to bring herself to make the announcement.
“Right, then – here it is…” he began resolutely, drawing in a deep breath before blurting out, “The chip’s no longer functional. The spell is broken that was meant to free me from the chip – but it’s still not working. So – apparently something *else* didn’t quite go as planned with Red’s mojo there.”
The alarmed murmur of several voices rising at once followed a moment of stunned silence at his announcement, as each of the Scoobies seemed to instinctively move backward, away from the vampire.
“But – the bond *is* still in place – correct?” Giles guessed cautiously, his eyes intent and questioning on his Slayer’s face. “The original wording of the spell said that the warrior’s power would be freed, until the warrior was bound again by some other bond…”
“So – Spike’s chip should have started working again once Buffy claimed him,” Willow broke in, thinking aloud as she tried to process what had happened. “Except – it didn’t. But – if the bond is still in place – then it’s not a problem, right?”
“How did you bind *Buffy’s* power?” Anya’s quiet, tentative voice somehow pierced the din of the mingled voices of the others, and they quieted as the question reverberated in their minds. “The Slayer demon…what was the bond that brought her under control?”
Spike’s lips formed a little grimace as he readied himself to answer this second question of the hour – one that he knew would meet with even less approval from the Scoobies than the revelation about his non-functioning chip.
Buffy’s gentle hand on his arm stopped him before he could begin, as she met his eyes and shook her head slightly, with a rueful smile.
*I’ve got this one, Sweetheart,* she assured him. *Let me tell them.*
He searched her eyes for a moment, to convince himself that she was really prepared to do it – and then nodded slowly, stepping back as she stepped forward, facing her friends boldly.
“The -- the mating claim,” she replied, the look in her eyes as she scanned the room, meeting each of their eyes in turn, daring any of them to protest. “Between me and Spike. I – I allowed Spike to return my claim – and – and equalize it. So – I’m every bit as bound by the claim as he is now. It was the only way to – to make him free to fight the Slayer, and complete the dominance ritual, and bring her back under control. That’s what we did. Once the mating claim was completed, she took over again – Spike fought her – and forced her to submit to the dominance claim. So – she disappeared…but…Spike’s chip didn’t turn back on.”
Giles’ face grew increasingly pale as she went on, his eyes widening in alarm. He was the only one of the group, with the exception of Anya – who really saw no problem with the way things had turned out in the end – who had any understanding at all of vampire claims and their effects.
“So – what you’re telling us is – Spike is no longer bound – by the claim *or* by the chip.”
“Give the berk a biscuit,” Spike muttered, turning away slightly, shaking his head in disgust.
No matter how badly he wanted to tear the lot of them to bits – as long as he was mated to Buffy, her friends were in no danger from him. And still, all they could focus on was the fact that he was no longer on a soddin’ leash – never mind the fact that there was apparently *still* something not quite right with the spell Red had cast.
“That’s right,” Buffy replied, her tone firm and a bit defiant, as she crossed her arms over her chest, holding her Watcher’s gaze. “And it’s going to stay that way.”
“Buffy – you can’t mean to tell me that the fact that a master vampire – a renowned killer of your kind, no less – is free and mated to you – and that fact poses no problem for you? Doesn’t bother you in the slightest?” Giles’ tone was incredulous, and more than a little angry, when she stubbornly refused to respond, the look in her eyes telling him clearly that his words were correct. “Are you bloody daft, girl? To think for a single moment that…”
Spike immediately turned to face him again, advancing a few steps without thinking about it, pointing an accusing finger at the Watcher. “Hey! Don’t bloody well speak to her like that, you…”
“One more step in this direction…” Giles cut him off coldly, his hand hovering near his pocket, where there was no doubt a stake secreted away for emergencies.
“If you touch that stake, Giles,” Buffy interrupted softly, without moving from where she stood. “I’m gonna have to do something I’d really regret – but I *won’t* let you hurt him.” She paused, smiling softly, though her eyes were serious. “And I have a feeling, neither will he.”
“Buffy,” the Watcher’s voice was imploring now, softened with his concern for the girl, though his eyes stayed fastened warily on the vampire facing him. “Think of your mother – your *sister*…”
“I am thinking of them, Giles,” Buffy replied. “And I’m thinking that if it wasn’t for Spike – I’d have killed them both.” The quiet, intense ache in her voice was enough to sober and silence the group, who stood waiting as she went on. “I *wanted* to kill them – because they were standing between me and Spike. And he had to know – he knew that it was in his best interest to let me do what I wanted – that standing up to me – was only gonna get him hurt.”
The Slayer swallowed back a sob, lowering her eyes for a moment, and when she looked back up at her Watcher, her face was tear-streaked. “But he stood up to me – he stood between me and my mother, and – and placed himself in danger in her place – put himself in a position so I’d hurt him instead of her. And – and I *did* hurt him…”
Her voice was barely over a whisper now, as she concluded softly, but with a firm conviction in her voice, “So don’t try to tell me that my family is in any danger from Spike. He’s the only reason they’re alive right now. And if anyone thinks for one *second* that I would allow them to hurt him, after what he did for me and my family – they’re in for a very unpleasant surprise.”
“Buffy,” Xander spoke up quietly, his voice trembling, pleading, his eyes wide and disbelieving as he took a step toward her. “Think about what you’re doing here. This is a very important decision you’re making…you can’t just…”
“No. I *can*,” Buffy corrected him firmly, her eyes blazing with authority as she turned to face him. “I’ve made my decision, Xander. I thought I was making that very clear.” She paused, her arresting gaze sweeping the room once more, before addressing them all in a voice of soft certainty, “The only decision left to be made at this point – is yours.”
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