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A/n: Well here it is the chapter that explains all. WARNING: SOME GRAPHIC FLASHBACKS AND EXPLANATIONS OF BUFFY’S PAST. IF YOU DO NOT TAKE WELL TO VIOLENCE I URGE YOU TO NOT READ ANY FURTHER!!


Chapter 14: Scarred Beyond Belief

“But no matter what I can‘t seem to escape what he did to me.” Her last few words were spoken in a soft whisper, so soft that Spike leaned forward to hear it. He observed her as she pulled her legs up to her chest just as she had the first time he was in this room.

The afternoon sun shined in through the window and onto her face, giving her a soft glow. The little cut on her cheek was covered by strands of hair that fell from her hair clip. The way she was right now, all still as if frozen in time, reminded him of a painting he had seen his aunt paint a year after he first began living with her. It was of an angel with tattered wings looking up into the heavens. And, that's what Buffy reminded him of right now. A fallen angel who just couldn’t seem to get up.

Already Spike wanted to beat the shit out of this monster for what he had put his kitten through and he didn’t even know what had occurred yet. Wanting to know, but figuring pushing her to tell wasn’t going to help, Spike waited patiently.

She went back to staring out the window and the bleached bad boy could tell she was struggling to find the right words. How could she tell him all that had happened to her. Fearing the he would treat her differently is what kept her silent.

“I had just turned sixteen when I met him. I remember as if it were yesterday because since that day my life seemed to turn upside down...”
*~~~*~~~*~~~*
L.A. January 1997, A Club Called Sizzle

Buffy danced her little heart out putting on the show to lure in what ever caught their eye of her. Placing her hands above her head, the little blonde girl who had just turned sixteen the day before, gyrated her hips against Faith Giles, her best friend. They were currently in the new club Sizzle that only allowed anyone over the age of sixteen to enter. Seeing as it had it been her birthday the night before, Buffy and Faith decided to celebrate in their own way rather than the nice family dinner that had taken place last night.

Like always, men flocked around the brunette and blonde duo trying to get in on the action. Trying to get a feel for both girls. Buffy and Faith smiled at each other before turning their heads to guys that stood behind them.

The music pulsed through out the club, some electro techno music that you would hear at raves. Strobe lights, and even a lightened dance floor beneath their feet seemed to stimulate all of Buffy’s senses leaving her on some kind of high. The body heat that everyone projected and added together made her sweat. The name of the club, Sizzle, seemed to fit perfectly. This place was making her feel like was on fire. This was wonderful. The usual haunts that her and Faith had been going to had gotten boring. Now it was time to live out what the new L.A. scene was projecting onto their culture.

Giles had at first objected to them attending Sizzle, saying that it wasn’t fit for them to go to especially since they were only sixteen. Though Faith and Buffy, who seemed to have him wrapped around their fingers quickly got him to change his mind.

Buffy danced faster staying with the beat. Feeling the hairs on her neck stand up, Buffy sensed someone was watching her. She discreetly looked around the club checking to see if anyone was obvious staring, but to no avail she found no one. The blonde turned her focused back on dancing, but in the back of her mind she still thought she was being watched. The songs changed and Buffy felt like it was time for a break. She signaled to Faith that she was going for a water break and left the dance floor heading to the bar.

She stepped up to the crowded bar and signaled to the bar tender. He came up to her and asked her if he could see some I.D. Buffy flashed him the back of her hand showing the stamp that said, ‘Underage’ and quickly ordered a bottle of water. She leant against the bar waiting for her order when she spotted him.

He stood at the other end of the bar and was completely staring at her. Buffy gasped and looked away but could still feel his eyes on her. He was totally cute! Buffy’s mind screamed. She peeked back at him to find him still staring at her with a smile on his lips that made her melt. It was a smile between a boyish and manly smile. The bartender came back, interrupting her good stare at the cute brunette across the bar. Paying for her water, she turned so her back was against the edge of the bar, unscrewed the cap and chugged down a huge gulp of water.

When she looked up, to Buffy’s shock the man who had been staring at her was now standing right in front of her. He was a good almost two feet taller than her, his large muscular body hovering over her small petite frame. His brown hair was spiked up and he matching boyish brown eyes. He reminds me of an angel Buffy stupidly thought as she took in his features.

“Hi I’m Angel. Angel Wilkins.” He held out his large hand to her to shake. Buffy giggled inside at the irony of his name and what she thought. Taking his hand she introduced herself.

“Buffy Summers.”

“I couldn’t help but admire you and your beauty.” Angel complimented. Buffy blushed which was rather unusual from her. Usually if a guy fed her that line she’d be rolling her eyes and tell the idiot to find some more original lines of his own. Though she didn’t, she graciously accepted his compliment.

“Why thank you.”

Before long Buffy Summers and Angel Wilkins sat down at the bar and began chatting and aimlessly flirting.
*~~~*~~~*~~~*
Present Day

“...He was the mayor’s son and he was twenty. He was a junior at UCLA. By the end of night I gave him my number. He called we went out, and had a relationship for almost year.” Buffy finished her sentence and broke her stare away from the window. She was worried to look at Spike knowing he’d be seething with some kind of anger. And she was right. The jealousy was evident on her face. Sighing, Buffy sadly thought, And the story‘s not even over with.

Spike didn’t say anything he just sat on her bed across from her with his mouth shut, his jaw clenched closed. This Angel guy sure sounded like a real ‘ponce‘. An obvious pervert as well for picking up sixteen year old Buffy when he was four years her senior and she was obvious jail bait for him. Though he didn’t say anything. He just sat there and listened as she continued talking.

“It was really nice. The relationship. He was always so kind and caring and he didn’t push me into anything. Which I worried he would when we first started dating, seeing as he was a college guy.” Buffy said thoughtlessly.

Understanding, Spike nodded. “But things changed?” Buffy just nodded a new wave of tears. Spike wanted to go over to her and wrap her into her arms but decided that it would just probably set her off into possible hysterics.

“He started urging me to do things. You know little things like fooling around. But I said I wasn’t comfortable with it. And, whenever the matter was brought up and I said that we’d drop it right there until it was brought up again.” She leaned her chin to rest on her knees. “Then Faith stepped in. She had her ‘sister talk’ with him. Telling him that he better lay off on the sexual acts or she’d be sure he did her way.” Spike thought back to the talk that Faith had given him and now understood why. She saw Faith in a newer light. The wild brunette had a different side to her like they all seemed to have. Faith had the side of a caring and very protective side to her, willing to lash out if someone so much as even made her sister like friend upset. “That’s when things got bad. I don’t blame Faith for what happened next or afterwards because it wasn’t her fault. Though Angel was really angry that I had talked to Faith about our relationship. One night when I was at his dorm we were just...making out.” Buffy let out, feeling rather uneasy that she was telling this to Spike. “When he tried to get me to do other things and I said no and he got annoyed. He....” Buffy trailed off and she couldn’t bring herself to say it.

“He raped you.” Spike said. Buffy shook her head.

“Angel tried and he failed.” The blonde gave him a sad but still very serious stare.
*~~~*~~~*~~~*

1997, December. L.A. Angel‘s dorm room

Buffy laid under Angel kissing him lightly. She wrapped her arms around his neck tighter pulling him against her a little more.

Suddenly she felt his hands move down from her cheek over her breasts and to the top of her leather pants. He fumbled to unbutton the top of her pants but she stopped him. Breaking away from kissing him and placing her hand at the button, Buffy halted his actions. Too fast. Too soon. She told herself composing herself again.

“Angel please I’m not ready for that step in our relationship.” She told him softly.

His gentle angelic look changed immediately and he changed to almost a devil’s type of expression with an annoyed look evident in his eyes. “Well when are you going to be ready? We‘ve been dating for almost a year.”

Buffy shrugged trying to play it cool that his anger was starting to frighten her. “I don’t know. I‘m just not ready for that. I thought you understood that.” She sat up on her elbows and looked at him with a glare.

“Well you seem to be ready to go telling Faith about our relationship huh?” He accused. “She came to me and told me to lay off as if I was the bad guy.” She noticed Angel was getting annoyed and angrier by each word he spoke. “You know I don’t even need this shit. I have plenty of girls that could be willing to lay in my bed to screw rather than do some high school making out type of shit.” He spat out to her.

Buffy’s eyes flashed with her own anger. “Well if that’s the case then why don’t you just go and screw them.” She made a move to get up from the bed but Angel pushed her back down so she again laid under him.

“NO! I will have you.”

Fright instantly showed into her eyes and she tried to push him off of her. “ANGEL GET OFF!!!!” She screamed at him. But he didn’t move an inch. His hands moved to rip away her top and it tore off her as if it were made of tissue paper. She let out a scream hoping that maybe one of his dorm neighbors could come in and save her. Though her screams were covered by the loud blasting music that he had reached over to turn on to muffle her screams.

As she tried desperately to push him off, she realized that her greatest fear was coming true. The fear of being raped and defiled as if she meant nothing. Her little hands beat at his large chest but it was no use. She screamed and screamed trying to get him off her. She didn’t know how many times yelled and pleaded no before her pants were pulled off of her.

Seeing an opportunity to run, Buffy got up but he again slammed her back against the mattress of the bed. She sobbed out feeling the wind get knocked out of her. NO! As each second went by she felt herself getting more and more abandoned by the world.

How had she not seen this side of him. He always seemed so caring and gentle around her but now it was as if he was a different person. Like a monster had taken over his body and that really this wasn’t her Angel.

He had just pushed her legs apart and readied himself but Buffy wasn’t going to stop fighting she clawed at his face but sadly he pinned her arms down. She let out the loudest scream, hoping it would float over the blasting music and to someone’s ears.

It seemed God was listening to her prayers because before he could complete take her, Angel was ripped from her on top of her and thrown to the ground. She looked up to see her rescuer was and found it was Graham, Angel’s roommate. Feeling the sudden need to cry Buffy burst into tears at the fact that she was finally safe.

Turning away to not see what Graham was doing to Angel, Buffy curled into a ball and wept. She heard the pounding of flesh over the music but that didn’t stop her tears. Minutes later the music was shut off and the silence filled the room, the only sound was Buffy’s sobs.

“Buffy...?” She heard Graham say from behind her. The blonde was afraid to look, to see what had happened as she cried. “Buffy do you want me to call security?”

“NO!” She screamed out. She couldn’t deal with being questioned. With having to watch him being taken away in handcuffs. She just wanted to get over it and fast.

“Ok...do you want me to take you home?” He asked her understanding she didn’t want to cause anymore trouble. She nodded her head. Hearing Graham move around the room looking for what was left of her clothes. Quietly he slipped her the leather pants and underwear. As she dressed he tried to see anything as he moved across he room to grab one of his shirts for her. When she was finished dressing all Buffy wanted to do was get home, shower and sleep.

Buffy looked at the ground an unconscious Angel at her feet of where she stood. His lip was already swelling and Buffy just couldn’t keep looking at him. She turned away disgusted. Silently her and Graham walked out of the dorm, soon the hall, and it seemed like pass had been going at warp speed because she soon found herself in front of her home. Faith was standing outside on the porch with Giles both looking really worried; Buffy guessed Graham had called them on their way here and she hadn’t even noticed.

She gave Graham a look of deep thanks and pulled herself out of the car. She trudged across the lawn, feeling empty and dirty. When she came up to Faith she just looked at her friend with eyes that scream, ‘Just save me’. Images of what had happened in the dorm between her and Angel kept flashing in her mind. Before she could fall to the ground both Giles and Faith caught her. Finally feeling real safety Buffy wept like she had never before.
*~~~*~~~*~~~*

“The biggest mistake I’ve ever made was not pressing charges against him. If I had maybe what happened next wouldn’t have happened.”

Spike stared at Buffy shocked, disgusted with his own kind known as men. The feeling in his stomach got worse when she said If I had maybe what happened next wouldn’t have happened The pain brought to her wasn’t over?

“Pet what happened next?” He asked in a grave tone.

“Two weeks went by and he didn’t seem to show up. I was getting better. The first few nights I wouldn’t eat and I wouldn’t go to school. I kept having nightmares and by the end of the first week I had both Dawn and Faith sleeping in the same bed with me to make me feel safe. I was walking home from school one day alone because Faith had gotten detention when he pulled up. He tried to get me talk to him, take a ride with him, but I said no and I finally ran away. But somehow caught up with me.” She took a deep breath not wanting to tell what happened next. “He threw me into his car and knocked me out. When I woke up I was in some kind of warehouse or something. I knew we were on the docks because I could hear the ocean and the seagulls. He had me tied up and God....I felt so trapped again. I never thought that this could ever happen. That what he did to me was only for those stupid psycho movies.”

Spike moved next to her slowly in order not to scare her and his look seemed to be scared. Scared of what she was going to say next. “What did he do to you Buffy?” Her face was buried in the crook of her knees. At his question Buffy looked up at him with pools of tears in her eyes. The look on her face broke his heart but before he could reach her out to take her into his arms she got up and stomped over to a standing canvas that was covered with a sheet. She flung the sheet off with the flick of her wrist and the canvas revealed to be a painting. Spike got up and walked over to stand behind her and what he saw made him gasp.

The whole canvas was black except for the middle of the canvas. A girl sat huddled just like Buffy had been a minute ago, naked and with her back to the viewer. A spotlight affect made it look like a light was shining down from Heaven onto the girl. ‘Her’ blonde hair was covering her face and all that peaked out and that you could see of her face were her eyes. It held the same greenness as Buffy’s. The whole painting held the same feelings and aspects and feelings that Buffy had described her when Angel had nearly attacked her. Lonely. Abandoned. Lost. Vulnerable. All feelings he never wanted Buffy to ever feel again. What shocked him and brought horror to his mind next was the fact that there was a thin bleeding wound that started at the middle of her back and lead down all the way to the top of her buttocks.

As if to silently answer his question Spike reached out again to Buffy’s back. She didn’t stop him or cry out as he raised the back of her silk black top. He could hear her sobbing as he revealed the same wound, only now a scar on her back as it was on the girl in the painting. Exact spot. Exact length. Leading from the middle of her back all the way to be covered at the bottom by her pants. He reached out with his other hand and traced the scar, his mouth open from shock.

“He tortured you.” Spike whispered out feeling his own tears. Buffys head nodded.

“Angel didn’t have to rape me. He did much worse than that. He gave me a scar.” She fell to the ground and Spike kneeled down to finally take her into his arms. She felt weak so suddenly in his arms.

All that Angel had done hadn’t been as bad as when he taken the long blade and sliced the flesh on her back. He beat her, cut her on her arms lightly though the scar he now made on her back was the worst. Hiding it so she wouldn’t see it everyday but still know it was there. That was torture for her. “Faith was the one to find me...”
*~~~*~~~*~~~*

Faith walked down the street in the direction of her house completely wiped. The brunette hoped that Buffy was home and fast asleep to get rest. Since her ordeal with Angel two weeks ago, Faith still worried.

Her best friend had cut back on food, had nightmares, and Faith found Buffy countless times just staring out at nothing. Faith was sure if she saw Angel now he probably wouldn‘t be going home to his family but in a body bag.
Faith turned up the walkway to her home but stopped when she found a heap of something unknown on the porch right in front of the door. Seeing it moving Faith broke into a run. She stopped and turned away on the verge of throwing up.

Her best friend laid on the porch as if just dropped there bruised, battered, and bloody. Her clothes were torn, her hair matted in blood and Faith could no longer tell the difference between her red streaks and the blood. Buffy‘s hands were completely bloody and she reached out to Faith with one of them, tears of pain streaming down her face.

Faith fell to her knees her own tears staining her cheeks. She carefully pulled her Buffy‘s head into her lap and pushed back her bloody hair. Her golden hair that was covered in blood. The brunette let a scream of anguish as if feeling Buffy‘s pain. It wasn’t a scream of horror or fright. The only thing that could be heard in the neighborhood was Faith‘s scream of sorrow.

“Faithey....” Buffy whispered out. She gasped for breath.

“Shhh Buffy were going to get you help I promise you! Just hold on okay...” Buffy nodded her head in understanding. Not caring that her hands were bloody Faith slipped her hand into Buffy‘s.

Giles pulled up into the driveway and seeing on the porch he charged out the car and ran to his niece and charge.

“Uncle Giles. Help!”
*~~~*~~~*~~~*

“Angel was arrested two days later. I was still in the hospital when his case was arraigned. He made bail and decided to make the mistake of visiting Faith at school. When she saw him she tore at him. Beat him worse then what Graham had done to him. This time size didn’t matter. That’s why the school expelled her.” She leaned into Spike her tears finally coming to an end. Spike rubbed her arms and pulled her closer. “The doctors said the scar will soon go away over time. That I can get plastic surgery to remove it if I really wanted to.”

“What happened to Angel?” Spike spit out hoping the bloody bastard got killed.

“Five years in prison.” Not enough! Spike thought. He took her hand that held the leather wristband and unsnapped it. A scar was over her wrist and Spike didn’t have to question. This wasn’t intentionally caused by Angel but the bastard might as well of put it there himself. “Two months after it all occurred I still kept having nightmares and they wouldn’t stop. I kept worrying that he’d somehow show up just like he had that one day. I couldn’t take it anymore. I tried and I failed. Only ended up in hospital but this time on suicide watch.”

She looked up at Spike, both having cried their eyes out. Spike just leant down and kissed her gently. “I’m so sorry kitten.” He hugged her to him. “I promise I will never hurt you. Never like him.”

Her eyes showed that she believed him. “I know. Your nothing like him. Your perfect.” She leaned her forhead against his. They shared another kiss before he picked her up and placed her on the bed. He laid behind her gently spooning her into his arms. “Can we just rest now?” She asked softly. Spike stroked her hair and kissed it gently.

“Yeah kitten we can rest.”

They fell asleep in each others arms just like they had the night before under the stars. Buffy slept easier like she had the past night knowing she was safe in the arms of a caring man.
*~~~*~~~*~~~*
Spike awoke two hours later when the door of Buffy’s room opened, Buffy still fast asleep. Giles stepped in and before he could say anything to Spike, Faith walked in. She put a hand on her uncle’s arm and shook her head.

“She told him.” Was all Faith said and she left.

Giles finally understood it. The young British rebel was there protecting Buffy and making her feel safe and the older man finally had a newfound respect for Spike. “If you hurt her I will track you down. I didn‘t get my nickname Ripper for nothing.” Giles said to him referring to his old high school nickname. Spike just nodded . Giles left and closed the door leaving the two blondes to rest.

Spike moved to inhale Buffy’s scent. Vanilla. He closed his eyes intent on going back to sleep with Giles words still in his head. He had a feeling he was going to be getting that a lot when it concerned Buffy.

A/N: Well finally you all know what happened to her. That took a long time for me to finally come to terms about writing it. I hope you all understand and enjoyed (not in the sick way) of this chapter. I'm sorry for making Angel seem like a hunk in the first flashback but it had to be done in order for her to fall for him. Please Review.
Spuffy_obsessed





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