A/N: To keep away confusion Buffy will be thinking about her past during this chapter its not like a flashback its really just her thought kind of thing. Enjoy.
Chapter 15: During the midnight hour
Buffy awoke to find her room completely engulfed in darkness. As far as she could tell the whole house was silent. She sat up and looked over at the clock on her bedside table. 12:23 A little after midnight and she was surprised she had slept through the rest of the afternoon and evening. She turned to find Spike laying there sleeping peacefully. Buffy couldn’t help but blush of the thoughtfulness of him staying with her the whole time.
Observing him sleep Buffy smiled. His hair was messed up from its normal slicked back manner. It was currently in a bunch of untamed bleach curls. She smiled, thinking it reminded her of a little boys. He slept on his back with one arm up covering his eyes and the other sprawled out where she had been laying.
She had been so surprised with herself when she had told him especially since no one else knew except the family and the psychiatrist that Giles had urged her to see after her near suicide. Remembering that day she had attempted to take her life Buffy looked down at her wrist. Spike had taken off the leather wrist band she always wore to hide the scar earlier that day. The scar was about two inches long cut diagonally across her wrist, going over all the veins that rested there. Without holding them back tears again sprung to her eyes and began to fall down her cheeks.
It was unlike her to have done something like that. Remembering the moments that she had felt when she slowly cut open her skin with the exact-o knife she had used as an art tool. Surprisingly it hadn’t hurt and when she had crashed onto the bathroom floor, a bunch of bathroom products being knocked over with her, she could literally feel herself being set free. From all the pain she had endured the past few months. She looked forward to dying and probably even seeing her mother again once she passed.
The sounds of pounding and muffled yells had filled her ears as she had laid on the bathroom rug bleeding out, just like she had when Angel had dumped her on her porch two months previous. When she had closed her eyes she wasn’t sure if it was because she had finally died or if it was because the loss of blood slipped her unconscious. The last thing she remembered seeing though was Dawn breaking the door down and trying to stop the wound from bleeding. “Don‘t bother Dawn it will only make things worse.” Was what she had said to her sister before closing her eyes.
When she had woken up in the hospital alive things did get worse. She found Dawn next to her holding her hand on her injured arm, Faith on the other side of her and Giles standing behind Faith. All Buffy had done was cry out and screamed out why she hadn’t died. Why she was still on this Earth. The place that others hurt each other like animals and left teenage girls on their porch of after being tortured. The girl finally felt the pain again and not before long she slipped into a numb state.
The doctors had told Giles that she would soon snap out of it. Buffy hadn’t said a word in days since she had woken up alive in the hospital. Most of the time she’d just stare at nothing or at least an object for hours on end. Even though seventy-two hours of suicide watch had ended the hospital had still kept a her in for observations especially since she wouldn't eat anything. The only reaction they got out of her was when Buffy would purposefully knock the tray of food the nurse brought in for her off of her table, not being affected by the loud crashing noises the dishes would always make. If they wouldn’t allow her to take her own life to end her misery then she’d starve herself.
Each night as she had laid in the hospital room not sleeping, the blank blue color of the TV screen illuminating her room was when images from the day she had gotten the scar on her back would come to haunt her.
She was like that for two weeks and the doctors nearly gave up on her, thinking that if she had not come out of the state a week ago then hope of her returning back to her bubble rebellion self would never show again. Though Faith wouldn’t have any of it. Finally wanting her friend back she had taken Buffy from her bed and put her under a cold shower. After minutes of just letting her standing there in the water, Faith let out every emotion that she too was feeling. She screamed at Buffy, telling her she had to start living again. That if Buffy didn’t make any effort or succeeded in killing herself she’d be the coward that she always feared she’d be. It was the harsh truth but it had worked.
Buffy was in full tears by the time she had finished thinking back on when Buffy finally broke down. She had been released from the hospital a week later after making good progress though Giles still urged her to see a therapist.
Spike sat up at hearing her sobs and he looked to Buffy with half sleepy eyes. “Pet what's the matter?”
She wiped at her face and stuttered out. “I was such a coward. How can you still be here? Knowing what has happened to me. Knowing what I’ve done to myself.” She held up her scarred wrist. Feeling total disgust with own self Buffy turned away from Spike, only allowing him to see the back of her with her head bent forward. “Why do you want to still be with me even after all of this you found out?”
Spike’s stomach rolled and he was seeing a side of Buffy that she had seemed to hide very well until now. Understanding that she hated herself probably for trying to take her own life, the easy way out, and as she had referred to it as the cowards way. He could tell Buffy was very fragile when it came to her past and she was still on edge.
Pulling her back into his arms Spike explained why he was still sticking around. “Because pet, your a wonderful person. A goddess in my eyes and that sick asshole didn’t even deserve a glance from you. Every time I’m with you, I feel more alive than I ever have since I had met Drusilla. She had always been going on about how she was afraid to lose me to the light and she’d be alone in the darkness. Well pet, you are my light. I know its soon to say this kitten but it’s true...” Spike took in a breath not believing he was finally letting out the feelings that he had said were too early to have. “Buffy Summers....I love you. I think I bloody fell for you the minute you walked on campus with your confident stride. I admired you when you stood up to Harmony and beat the stupid bint. And even though you’ve had a bad past you’ve still come out of it stronger than any body I’ve ever known. I’m sure your still struggling with your inner demons but your winning pet. You are the one pet. And I love you for it.”
By the end of his speech all Buffy could do was lay in his arms speechless. No one had ever said that to her. Not like that. Not with that much emotion pouring out of his voice. The feelings he had for her were clear to her in his eyes. The eyes that mesmerized her beyond belief. Looking into them and laying in his embrace made her feel warm and safe. Made her feel alive again for once in a long while.
She cupped his cheek in her hand, caressing under his cheekbone lightly with her thumb. Before the moment could pass, Buffy leaned up and pressed her lips to his. Spike responded instantly and began to take over running his tongue lightly across her lip, a thing that seemed to always make her feel like jell-o.
Their tongues caressed each others and their hands explored the other’s body for the first real time. Without pushing him away he allowed his hands to caress her breasts under her t-shirt earning a moan for him. She broke away the kiss still allowing his touch to caress her and breathed in deeply. She saw rockets in the back of her eyes after he slipped his hand under her bra and fondled her softly.
Feeling the sudden urge to touch him she pulled his face back to kiss her getting lost in his kiss again. She didn’t stop him when he began kissing down her neck and lifting her shirt up to kiss her skin. Everywhere his lips touched seemed to set fire to that part of her skin.
She halted his actions when came closer to the edge of her pants. “Spike...I’m not...” Her voice wavered trying to calm herself down.
He crawled back up her body and gave her a light kiss. “I know kitten I’m sorry. I just got carried away by you.” he smiled at her blush and kissed her forehead. “You want to me to go and let you sleep?”
Buffy shook her head no. “Stay with me please.” Spike just nodded his head and laid back down with her. He pulled her close so that her head rested on the pillow next to him and his arm was bounded around her waist. They just laid there in a comfortable silence lost in their own thoughts. Buffy found herself growing tired from the easy strokes he was giving her cheek. Before the petite blonde drifted off to sleep world, she whispered to Spike, “Thank you for understanding.”
“I love you.” He said once again but she was already fast asleep. Kissing her on the top of her head, he laid back and relaxed before quickly following her into a peaceful slumber.
*~~~*~~~*~~~*
Kids walked around her but she didn’t even seem to notice. Buffy felt like she was in a daze as she walked down the hall and towards her locker. Fellow students pointed out Buffy’s new hair and whispered among themselves gossiping about the fight that had occurred between her and Harmony. Like always Buffy didn’t care about what they were saying. It probably wasn’t true what the rumor was and she thought why should she bother with it then.
Pulling up to her locker Buffy dropped her backpack and her art project next to her feet to put in her combination.
“Hey Buffster!” Buffy turned and found Xander, Willow, and Tara walking up to her. Buffy flashed them a big smile and went back to opening her locker.
“What’s up?” She asked as she put in her un-needed books in her locker, leaving out her English book.
“What‘s that Buffy?” Tara asked pointing to the covered canvas.
“My make-up art project.”
“May we see it?” Willow said excitedly wanting to see how good Buffy was at art. Buffy shook her head quickly.
“Not yet. If you don’t mind I kind of want Ms. Calendar to see it first. Plus its a really long story and I know you’ll have questions that I’m not ready to answer yet.” She explained. It was the painting that she had shown Spike the day before. At first when she had began painting it, Buffy was on edge about what Ms. Calendar would think with her dark and violent art. Though as she had painted it and even showed it to Spike, she found it was much easier to deal with her past.
Her friends nodded their head in understanding. She closed her locker and began to walk to their next class, discussing how the rest of their weekend had gone. Buffy thought back to her weekend and what happened between Spike. The next morning after she had woken up she found Spike had left but written out a note for her which was placed neatly on the pillow next to her.
Dear pet,
Don‘t worry I didn‘t run off like a git. I just thought I better get home before my aunt started to really worry. I‘ll let you have your day at home today and I‘ll see you at school on Monday.
Love, Spike
Buffy had squealed at remembering he had said ‘love’ in the note and to her on Saturday night. The rest of the day was just spent lounging around with the other two girls. They all sat in Buffy’s room listening to music, discussing all that had happened in the past week as Buffy had finished her painting.
Coming up on her and Willow’s classroom they said good-bye to Xander and Tara and walked in. Buffy frowned at Spike not being there at his seat yet. Sadly she trudged to her desk and plopped down in it hoping he would be here.
*~~~*~~~*~~~*
“Hey mate what’s up?” Spike asked Gunn walking into the school building and spotting his friend. Gunn and Spike did the manly handshake.
“Not much. I heard about what happened at the Bronze on Friday between Buffy and Harmony. Got to hand it to you man, you picked a feisty one.” Gunn said smirking
Spike smiled at the image he got in his head of Buffy decking one to Harmony. It had been really awesome to see her pull that good a punch and having Harmony fall and slide back a few feet.
“Yeah. You have no idea how much this woman has got me bloody bent.”
Gunn raised his eyebrows shocked to hear that Spike actually really liked this one. His best friend had been just dating around ever since he got out of jail, and sleeping with anything that gave into his charm. Though none of it was serious as it seemed it was getting with Spike and this new girl. Gunn only hoped she didn’t turn out to be like Drusilla.
“You really like her huh man?” Gunn asked Spike with a fascinated look. Spike just smirked and nodded his head.
“You have no idea mate, no idea.”
A/N: There will be more to come. I hope you liked the little Spuffy make-out moment. Question is will they move closer or farther apart....
Spuffy_obsessed
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm going to be updating more and more now that my drumline season is over and I have a handle on all my classes.