Buffy didn’t get out of bed until Monday morning. The entire weekend had been one huge barrel of conflicting emotions. Initially, she felt sad. The ride home from Spike’s house had seemed much longer than it actually was, but she had been able to hold back the tears until she made it to the shower. She cried like her heart was breaking, because it was. The running water had masked her tears as she sat on the shower floor sobbing. It wasn’t until she started shivering from the cold water about an hour later that she realized she wasn’t even crying anymore. She felt numb as she turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. She didn’t even take the time to dry herself off before putting on her robe and getting into bed.
Buffy slept until the next morning. She woke up, wishing that the previous night had been a bad dream, but she knew it hadn’t been. Spike had broken up with her. On some level, she knew that it was what she deserved. Karma was one hell of a bitch that way. So, she started blaming people. First, she blamed herself. If she had never agreed to do what Angel had asked her to do, she would never have developed feelings for Spike, and he could never have hurt her this badly. Then, she blamed Angel. If he had never asked her to seduce Spike, she would never have done it on her own. And lastly, she blamed Spike. For giving Angel bad grades. For being so damn sexy and charming. For making her see what a crock of shit her life was with Angel.
It wasn’t until Sunday that Buffy got angry. Who the hell was Spike to presume he knew what was best for her? She was twenty one years old and could make her own decisions! He was no better than Angel, telling her how to live her life. Buffy was also angry with herself for not putting up more of a fight. It had taken less than ten minutes for their relationship to crumble into a thousand pieces. At the time she hadn’t been able to, but she should have done or said something to change his mind.
That weekend had, however, been the perfect time to tell her friends about her breakup with Angel. It was the perfect excuse why she was wallowing in her room instead of out with her friends. They tried to get her to go out on Saturday night, so she could forget all about Angel. Little did they know that Angel was the furthest thing from her mind.
Only Willow knew better. She also knew that Buffy needed time to grieve. Willow may not have known all the details, but she knew it wasn’t Angel that Buffy was heartbroken over. It was Sunday evening when Buffy went looking for her friend. Willow was studying in her room when Buffy knocked on the door. The redhead smiled at her, welcoming Buffy into her room. Buffy closed the door for privacy before joining Willow on the bed. She gave Willow a detailed version of the breakup. Although she didn’t cry-Buffy wasn’t a crier-Willow could see how deeply hurt her friend was.
Moving away from the bed, Buffy began to pace. “I’m just so angry!” Willow knew better than to interrupt when Buffy went on a tirade. “I can’t believe I just let him tell me it was over! Who the hell does he think he is? Angel? What right-what right does he have to make decisions for me?” She stopped pacing to face Willow. “Always acting like he’s so much better than Angel, when in the end he’s exactly the same!”
It wasn’t until Buffy had quieted and rejoined her on the bed that Willow spoke. “I don’t know Spike at all,” she began. “But maybe he really thinks he’s doing the honorable thing here.” She held up her hands when Buffy glared at her. “Hey, hey, on your side here! I could totally be wrong, but maybe, just maybe, Spike thinks he’s doing the right thing.”
Buffy surprised her, saying, “Maybe.” She looked at Willow, the pain shining through her green eyes. “I know he could lose his job, but it just hurts so much, Will.”
Willow put her arms around Buffy, cursing Angel for the hundredth time for getting Buffy into this mess. She knew Buffy wasn’t completely without fault, but she also knew how manipulative Angel could be, and how easily Buffy went along with his ideas. And, it really didn’t matter how wrong Buffy was. Buffy was her friend and she’d support her no matter what.
Buffy pulled back from the embrace, a look of determination in her eyes. “I need to talk to him.”
Willow put a hand on Buffy’s arm, stopping her from getting off the bed. “I don’t think that’s the best idea.” Buffy was about to respond, but Willow cut her off. “I’m not saying you have to let this go. O-or that you should. But at least wait until tomorrow! Sleep on it and if you still want to talk to him, then go find him.”
It was a minute before Buffy nodded slowly. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.” She hugged Willow again, thanking her for listening. “I’ll go see him tomorrow in his office.”
The next morning, Buffy was still determined to confront Spike in his office. She had come to know his schedule as well as she knew her own and knew he had a break from classes at noon and ate his lunch in his office. Knowing that she’d never be able to concentrate in her own classes, Buffy had spent the morning imagining how their conversation would go. Would he have realized he made a mistake and beg her forgiveness? If he didn’t, would she be able to make him see how wrong this was? Would they scream? Fight? Fuck? She imagined their conversation going in a hundred different directions, but had no idea what would actually happen.
In desperate need of caffeine, Buffy stopped at the campus coffee shop. She had half an hour before Spike got out of class, and at this point being in her room was making her crazy. Unfortunately, as she was waiting for her order she heard her name being called. She groaned, instantly recognizing the voice. She was so not in the mood to deal with him.
“Hey.” At least this time, Angel had the decency not to try and give her a kiss. “How have you been?”
“Really not in the mood.” She silently willed them to make her coffee faster.
To her extreme irritation, Angel seemed delighted by her bad mood. “Can we sit down? Talk? I’d really like to talk to you.”
Talking to Angel was the last thing she wanted to do. “I’m actually in a hurry.” Luckily her order was handed to her. She gratefully accepted it from the barista and moved past Angel, hurrying out of the coffee shop.
Angel was right behind her. He caught up to her quickly, getting in front of her and effectively blocking her way. “I just want to see how you’re doing. I miss you, Buff. I was hoping that you’d want to talk and try to work things out.”
“Angel, I told you last week and I’ll tell you again. I’m. Not. Interested. Now, I really have to get going.”
Angel watched as Buffy stormed past him, clearly on a mission. That hadn’t gone exactly as he’d planned, but luckily Angel always had a backup plan.
Just as she expected, Spike was in his office. Even after imagining all the different ways this could go, she still had no idea what to say to him. Feeling uncharacteristically nervous and insecure, Buffy contemplated turning around. It was at that moment that Spike looked up and saw her standing in the hall outside of his office. She couldn’t quite read the expression on his face...was it surprise? Relief? Guilt?
No turning back now. “Listen, Spike. I didn’t get much of a chance to say anything on Friday, and there are things that I need to say.”
Spike stood from his chair, drawn to her. The weekend had been hard on him, as well. After Buffy had left his house he’d headed straight for his liquor cabinet. He had taken one sip of the whiskey before hurling the tumbler against the wall so hard it shattered. Buffy wasn’t the only one who was angry. Spike was angry, but mostly at himself. He had been reckless. He had once again let himself fall for a student-and not just any student. A student whose boyfriend was now blackmailing him. Or, actually Angel was her ex-boyfriend, but that was hardly the point…
“I’m listening,” he told her even as he cursed himself. Nothing she says will make a difference, you bloody idiot! Do you want to lose your job?
Spike’s office wasn’t huge and Buffy was now incredibly aware of how close they were. She almost wished he had stayed behind his desk. Maybe then she wouldn’t be having such a hard time speaking. She tried to summon some of the anger she’d been feeling just moments before she had entered his office.
“You don’t get to just decide what’s best for me.”
Why was she putting him through this again? It had been hard enough to do this the first time, he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to do it again.
“It’s not just what’s best for you, pet.” Damn it. “It’s what’s best for both of us.”
“How? How is this what’s best for either of us?” Spike didn’t have an answer for her, and he was avoiding looking her in the eye. “I don’t give a shit about this school! If you’re afraid we’ll get caught then I’ll drop out, or transfer.”
Her words made sense, but the evidence-the evidence she didn’t know about-would guarantee he’d be fired whether she left the campus or not. Could he really give up his career and his reputation for someone he’d only known for a few months? He already knew the answer, and it scared the hell out of him.
Spike could feel himself caving. Buffy could feel it too. Their lips were inches apart when they realized someone else had moved into the room with them.
“I think it’s a little too late for that.”
Buffy jumped back, spinning around to face her ex. “What are you doing here?” she asked, her eyes flashing. “Are you following me?”
“Yeah,” he admitted, so smug she wanted to slap him. “I’ve been following you-or actually, having you followed-for months now.” He resisted a laugh when Buffy’s face turned pale. “But, I guess Professor Thompson left that part out.”
Buffy looked between the two men. Spike was glaring at Angel, his fists curled up into balls at his side. “No, I didn’t tell her. I thought I’d spare her the gory details. But now, you can do whatever you’d like with those photos.”
Angel casually sat down in a chair, throwing his feet up on Spike’s desk like he owned the place. “I’d think twice before throwing my life away for this little whore.”
Buffy place a restraining hand on Spike’s chest. “Shut up, Angel,” she pleaded.
“No way, the fun hasn’t even started! I guess Professor Thompson isn’t the only one keeping secrets here, is he, Buff?”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Spike growled at the same time Buffy said, “Angel, no.”
“Well, you see, Spike. Right around the time you gave me a ‘C’ for the third time this semester, I was looking for a way to get back at you. And raise my grade, of course. Since you weren’t willing to listen to reason, I came up with a fun little plan that would kill two birds with one stone.” He gestured Buffy’s way. “That’s where she came in. She was only supposed to sleep with you once, but knowing the slut she is I knew better than that. So I had her followed, and well, you know how that turned out.”
As Angel was talking, Buffy’s eyes were glued to Spike’s face. There was hatred there, but also disbelief. Her stomach dropped.
“I don’t believe you.”
Angel loudly put his feet back on the floor and stood. “I don’t hear her denying it.”
Spike’s eyes turned back to Buffy. The guilt must have been evident on her face because the disbelief quickly turned into betrayal. “Spike, let me explain-.”
Spike jumped back and away from her like he’d been stung. “What could you possibly say? You’re obviously not denying it, so that means it’s true?” He didn’t give her a chance to respond. “Get out. I want both of you out of here.”
A smug smile firmly planted on his face, Angel left the broken couple. Buffy reached out to Spike again, but he evaded her grasp.
“Spike, please,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. I lov-.”
“Don’t. You clearly don’t know the meaning of the word,” he told her angrily. “You need to leave. And don’t come back.”