Chapter 16
Buffy didn’t think it was the best idea, but that didn’t stop her from following William into the bathroom. Her eyes were still stinging from the tears she shed, but she forced a smile as she stepped into the shower.
She assumed that he picked up on her discomfort, because he didn’t say a word before washing her body. With gentle fingers, he moved her hair aside and ran a soapy sponge across her back.
“Before I forget, I’d like to thank you,” he mumbled. “What you said earlier, pet, that meant a lot to me.”
Buffy looked over her shoulder, unsure of what he was talking about.
“Please don’t say anymore though. I already feel like a pathetic sentimental poof. Let’s not add to that, shall we?”
I wonder what I said, Buffy thought, standing still as he knelt to clean her legs. “William?”
“Yeah?” he said, flashing her a muted grin. “Did I miss a spot?”
“I think so.”
“Where?”
She helped him to his feet and lightly kissed his lips. Standing on her tiptoes, she wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Are you feeling better?”
“A little.”
“I am sorry. I know you can’t control what you’re remembering.”
“I expect you to tell me everything.”
“About what, honey?”
“Everything,” she said simply, giving him another kiss.
“Oh, is that all? Could you be more specific?”
“I want to know about our first date, the one that didn’t involve a patrol car. I want to know how you proposed. I want to know about our wedding…about our honeymoon and,” she paused, looking into his soft blue eyes, “I want to know about them, our kids, William. I want to know it all: the good, the bad, and even the messy.”
He bit his lower lip, but Buffy still picked up on his smirk. “Alright, I’ll do it.”
“I knew you would, that’s why it wasn’t a question,” she replied, taking the sponge out of his hands. “I’m clean enough. Now, it’s my turn to wash you.”
***
“How many trips up and down the stairs did it take?” Buffy asked, stepping out of the bathroom. Her hair was dry and she was dressed in a red nightgown.
“I lost track after five, I was getting pissed off.”
“Because we spent too much money on the presents?”
“That, and all those toys are just going to clutter up the house. In six months, we’ll be tossing most of them out and buying more. It’s a vicious cycle, I tell you.”
Buffy tried not to smile too widely, inching closer to the bed where William was sitting, cross-legged with a plateful of cookies in front of him. “Aren’t you going to share?”
“You really want one? It’s not good to eat late at night, you’ve told me. Your, eh, metabolism’s too slow and--.”
“Give me a cookie and nobody will get hurt.”
“You want the milk too?”
“Yes, please,” she answered, sitting next to him. “So, this is one of the perks of parenthood: being the Santa.”
“Nice, isn’t it?”
“I can’t complain, especially since you did all the hard work.”
“It looks as if you were busy. Your hair’s all dry and you smell fantastic.”
“I found a stash of perfume and lotions. I hope I didn’t get too carried away…”
“I mean it, you smell fantastic. I also like your choice of sleepwear.”
“I thought it looked festive.”
“It’s very…Christmassy,” he said, clearing his throat.
“And only a smidge sleazy.”
“Oh, no. It’s just—is that new?”
“You think I know? William, this morning it took me half an hour to find my underarm deodorant, but of course I was still suffering from a hangover and loopy from our kiss.”
“Where’d you find it?”
“The deodorant?”
“Your nightgown, love.”
“Oh, in the closet. It might be new. It didn’t have any price tags though. Do you think I got it as a surprise for you?” Brushing her hands free of cookie crumbs, she yanked on the gown in an unsuccessful attempt to hide her cleavage. “Maybe it was part of some sexy present that I had planned.”
“I think that’s exactly it,” William chuckled, amusement glittering in his eyes.
“It’s too bad that you’re exhausted.”
“What? I’m not—clearly, you did not squeeze yourself into that outfit just to get your forty winks in style. A dress like that was made to be taken off.”
“I had nothing else to wear--.”
“Then wear nothing.”
“Unlike you, I like to wear clothing…even if this doesn’t cover much.”
“Unlike me?”
“Every time I turn around you’re either shirtless, or about to take off your pants,” Buffy explained, moving aside the empty plate of cookies and glass of milk so she could sit in front of him.
“Are you complaining about this?”
“Um, no. I think you’re a very handsome man. I like looking at you. I see it as a privilege.”
“Really?”
She nodded, reaching to turn off the lamp, before sinking into his lap. “So you aren’t sleepy anymore?”
“I’m completely worn-out. Did you see what time it is?”
“It’s late.”
“No, it’s early. Merry Christmas, baby.”
“Merry Christmas to you too. Would you like to go to bed now?”
“I’d like to take you to bed now,” he muttered, slipping one of the straps of her nightgown off her shoulder. “Oops.”
“Well, I’m here, aren’t I?”
The other strap fell and the gown tumbled to her waist. “You are,” he purred, caressing her breasts.
“This isn’t a typical night for us.”
“Not at all, so didn’t get used to it.”
“We could change that,” she suggested, lifting her arms overhead as her nightgown was discarded.
“Yeah, but you know our little angels? They wouldn’t have any supervision if we shagged all our nights away--.”
“What about that nanny?”
“That nanny already works for peanuts. We wouldn’t be able to work, there’d be no money to pay that nanny and the kid’s would have no food in their adorable bellies…it’d be a terribly bad idea.”
“We should enjoy this one reckless night then.”
“I love the way you think,” he whispered, lowering Buffy onto her back. “I love you.”
“William, I--.”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to say it. I’m not greedy. I know how you feel about me.”
Does he really know? Buffy thought as he kissed his way down her body. Did I tell him? Did it slip out on accident?
“Before I forget, I’d like to thank you. What you said earlier, pet, that meant a lot to me.”
“William—William,” she pried his head up, suddenly recalling what he said in the shower. “Can we talk for a minute?”
“You want to talk? Really, Buffy, shouldn’t you be over the babbling bit by now? It’s cute, but--.”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Okay, about what?”
She took a deep breath, her heart swelling with emotion as he looked up at her, his chin casually resting mere centimeters above her patch of curly, dark-rooted pubic hair. “Could you move first? Um, come closer? Let me see you better.”
“No,” he replied, blowing softly against her skin. “Once we’re done with the chitchat…” With a flirty wink, he scooted down even lower, “Not to be a pest, sweetheart, but could we get on with it?”
“I don’t know what I said. Now, before I start panicking, I need to know what I told you. You thanked me in the shower and I have no idea why. Did I tell you how I feel about you? Did I maybe…um, did I say that I loved you during sex? I know it’s not impossible, that’s how Riley and I spiraled out of control, because I--.”
“Buffy, what--.”
“It would kill me,” she continued, talking hastily. “Not remembering is one thing, but forgetting my current memories, the ones of you and of our children—God, if I told you that I’m falling in love with you, you must tell me! I need to know when it was said and how and--.”
“Buffy, hold on a minute! Slow down! What the hell are you talking about?”
“That’s just it, I don’t know. I’m so confused,” she whimpered, covering her face with her hands. “I’m so fucking confused!”
William froze, and then he rolled off her body. “Take your hands away. Look at me.”
“No.”
“Damn it, Buffy, you didn’t tell me anything about your feelings. You’re tormenting yourself over nothing. It was just a misunderstanding.”
“You just called me your husband, alright?” he explained with a heavy sigh. “You called me your husband for the first time since this mess began and it meant something to me. Maybe I overreacted, maybe I should’ve made myself more clear, but—you didn’t tell me anything about your feelings, so stop it.”
Buffy peeked through her fingers, unable to speak.
“You don’t have to worry about spouting off meaningless shit to me. In fact, I’m insulted that you’d think I’d be as daft as that prat.”
“But I would’ve meant it,” she whispered, sounding small. “I do mean it. My heart was breaking…if I told you, I couldn’t bear the thought of not remembering…not seeing your reaction, not being able to hear you say it back.”
“This is all my fault.”
“No, I’m stupid.”
“Buffy, please, stop covering your face.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, revealing the long, endless tear that was running down her cheek. “I don’t usually cry this much.”
“I know. Baby, come here.”
“I can really ruin a mood, can’t I?”
He didn’t say a word, lying next to her when she didn’t move.
“William?”
“I’m falling in love with you too. I love you too.”
“Oh…thank you.”
He kissed her temple and wrapped blankets around both of their bodies. “Let’s get some sleep.”
“But…”
“You’ll be here in the morning, I’ll make love to you then. And if we can’t get to it, I’ll have you during naptime…tomorrow night.”
“Oh God,” she gasped, feeling as if her heart could burst.
“Shhh…I know.” He wrapped an arm around her, silently willing her to settle down. “Sleep. It’s been a long day.”
***
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