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Chapter 23

“How are you? How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, thanks. How are you?” Not waiting for an answer, Buffy gathered the remaining dirty dishes from the table.

“You don’t have to be fine, you know,” William whispered after joining Buffy at the sink. “I got rid of that pesky nanny.”

“Oh, did you?” She had to smile as she turned on the faucet. “That’s funny because I overheard you asking if Tara would take the kids outside to play and it didn’t sound as if you were getting rid of anybody.” Her grin grew once William nudged her away from the sink with his hip. “Does this mean you’ve finished putting together Jamie’s park? Now you’re here to free me from this pile of dishes?”

“First off, there wasn’t much to finish when it came to the playground. Secondly, I’m here to tell you to use the dishwasher.”

“Dishwasher?” Buffy stared at him as he rolled his shirtsleeves to his elbows. “Why have we been doing the dishes by hand after every meal if we have a dishwasher?”

“We use it once a week and on holidays.”

“My, aren’t we the thrifty little family?” she remarked with a snort. “How do we wash our clothes? With a tub and washboard?”

“Laugh if you must, but it doesn’t have much to do with pinching pennies. We do the dishes together. It’s our time to talk. We enjoy it.”

“You’ve got to be joking. You expect me to believe that we clean for a good time?”

“Well, let’s see. How shall I put this?” He paused to take a casserole dish from her hands. “Sweetheart, when a man and a woman love each other very much--.”

“Are you sure I haven’t heard this before? Mom and I had ‘the talk’ a long time ago, and lucky for you, I actually remember it.”

“Lucky for me?” he repeated with an amused chuckle before shaking his head. “Love, we’re busy people. Most of our conversations take place either in the kitchen or in the bedroom and, nine times out of ten, once we reach the bedroom, we aren’t in the mood to talk about how many times a certain someone was sent to timeout.”

“Jamie?”

“Not always.”

“We can’t find time to ourselves, even with a nanny?”

“Tara isn’t here as often as you might think.”

“Good.” When William gave her a sideways glance, she felt herself blush. “I’m glad we aren’t the kind of parents that pass our kids off to a babysitter all the time. Let’s, um, can I change the subject? Where was your motorcycle? I hope we can still take that ride we talked about.”

“I never found it.”

“What? What does that mean?”

“It means I never found it,” William repeated with a shrug. He placed the last cup inside the dishwasher and turned to face her once it started to hiss and grumble. “It wasn’t in the garage. I even spoke briefly to our neighbor before lunch and he said you came by to look at the bike, but you never made an offer.”

“Really? So now what? What should we do next?”

“I honestly have no idea. The key must go to something, right? You have a wicked sense of humor, but I doubt you’d be that much of a tease.”

“Maybe I bought you a new motorcycle? Maybe it just needs to be picked up from somewhere?”

“Maybe,” William answered. He leaned against the counter, arms crossed, and stared off thoughtfully. “God, I hope you didn’t though. Buying it used from a neighbor is one thing, but to buy it new? Our budget wouldn’t be able to handle that kind of expense.”

“I probably saved for it. If it was something you really wanted, I just found a way to make it happen.” When he didn’t respond, Buffy stepped forward. “I just wanted to surprise you, I’m sure of it. We can look for a receipt or we can call the credit card company. Don’t worry, we’ll find your present.”

“I’m more curious than worried.”

“Is it unlike me to make large purchases without speaking to you first? I know it’s a present but—I could never keep a secret very well, has that changed?”

“Can you keep a secret?”

“From other people and…from you? Do I ever not tell you things? Maybe…have you caught me, you know, withholding information?”

“What kind of information?”

“Oh God, I don’t know,” she laughed. “Any kind, I guess?”

“Like the time you withheld information regarding the whereabouts of the remote? You had the blasted thing hidden for an entire weekend because you wanted to watch some marathon on television.”

“Um, that’s a start, but can you recall something a little more serious than that?”

“It was serious that the time. Babe, what’s this about? Why this sudden interest in secrets and lies?”

“Lies?” Buffy’s eyes fluttered shut once he touched her. He brushed her hair off her shoulder and placed a soft kiss on the side of her neck. “I’m, uh, glad you brought that up. Do you catch me in lies often?” She tried to keep her breathing steady as he continued to dot her skin with kisses. “And I mean real ones…bad ones.”

“You mean the lies that would result in a messy fight if they were found out?”

She nodded twice. “I can’t imagine lying to you, but Tara…she…”

“She? Go on.” As he spoke his lips brushed against her earlobe. “What did she do? Question your morals? Call you a liar?”

Buffy opened her mouth, but she forced herself not to gasp as he pressed her against the kitchen counter. “You said I had twenty-four hours.”

“I know you don’t want my help, but may I ask why you’re so certain that Willow will be the one to come to your rescue?”

“I used to tell her everything.”

The kisses stopped, but he kept his face close to hers. “And this was when, during high school?”

“Until I left college and afterwards.”

“Are you sure? Because I know a slightly different story.”

“We’ve always been close. Isn’t she our kids’ godmother?”

“She is, but you’ve told me time and time again that you and Red have never been as tight-knit as you were in high school. She ran with a different crowd in college, especially when you were staying home from class to take care of your mother. Soon after that she started dabbling in new age hocus pocus and witchcraft.”

“Are you saying she isn’t my best friend anymore? I remember telling her all about my relationship with Riley. She was the first one I told about my pregnancy.”

“She’s still your best friend,” he admitted with a roll of his eyes. “But you shouldn’t just assume that you’d confide in her before you’d confide in me.”

“Oooh.”

“What?”

“I see I’m not the only one here with a jealous streak.”

“Jealous streak? Oh baby, you have no idea and I won’t even deny it like you did this morning.” Lowering his head, he caught her mouth in lengthy kiss. “You want to make something of it?” he asked as he continued to tease her with the occasional brush from his lips.

“No, no. I like it. It makes me feel special…loved.”

“You don’t say.” William matched the softer tone of her voice before kissing her again. “Can you expand on this? Tell me more.”

“Riley was never the jealous type and we both know you gave him so many opportunities to feel that way.”

“Sweetheart, your Riley was a complete nitwit and he probably still is a nitwit because that kind of daftness isn’t something he’s likely to grow out of.”

“Is it bad that I love it when you insult him?” Her arms snaked around his waist and she sighed blissfully with her head resting against his chest. “I stayed with him because I thought he was safe. I could never relax around you because I knew you’d completely take me over. I had no idea that that would actually be good thing. God, I can’t believe I was going to settle for him.”

“He’d make you an awful husband if you ask me.”

“I thought he’d be good for me…for the baby,” she mumbled. “I thought I needed him. We both had dangerous jobs, you were practically an alcoholic--.”

“Excuse me?” William interrupted with a laugh. “I was not an alcoholic. I drank my fair share, but an alcoholic I was not.”

“I thought that I was going to do the right thing, but I was wrong. I hope you kicked my ass just for thinking the way I did.”

“Forgive me for asking this, but what exactly are we talking about?”

“You know, that stupid scheme I thought up after I found out I was pregnant. I was scared and desperate and I had no idea who the father was after we—well, after I cheated on Riley.” She paused to peek up at him, hoping that she wouldn’t have to say more. When he remained silent, she nervously chewed on her lower lip. “William, stop pretending like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“Who’s pretending? Spell out this scheme for me.”

Buffy flinched, noticing a change in his voice. “Do I have to?”

“I think you’d better. Go on, finish what you’ve started.”

“I was…I was going to tell Riley that the baby was his, you know…even if it wasn’t.”

“You weren’t going to tell me if your baby was mine? You were going to keep the baby’s paternity a secret from me?”

All she could manage was a tiny nod of her head. She felt his body stiffened in her arms.

“Is this what Tara knows?”

“I don’t think so, but—William, I-I thought you’d know. Are you sure you don’t know about this?”

“Oh I’m positive, believe me. This isn’t something that I’d be able to forget.”

“Maybe I never told you because I found out the baby really was his,” she suggested with as much optimism as she could scrape together. “Or maybe—oh God, maybe I didn’t think it mattered as much since…since she died,” she finished weakly.

“She? Did you know the gender too? You told me you didn’t know, that you asked them not to tell you.”

“I just—honey, he or she, the baby’s gone.”

“But it could’ve been mine.” He closed his eyes as he muttered a quiet curse. “Of course it could’ve been mine. The math adds up. Why didn’t I figure this out before?”

She let him slip out of her grasp and she watched as he paced in front of her. “William, if I didn’t tell you, it was because I was ashamed.”

“You should be ashamed.”

She nodded as unshed tears stung her eyes. “I lost it so early, who’s to say I would’ve gone through with it? I could’ve changed my mind. I changed my mind about Riley, didn’t I? Once I woke up and realized my mistakes, I… William, I’m so sorry about this.”

“Did you really think that little of me? Even if there was a chance of me being the father, I should’ve been aware of it.”

“I completely agree with you.”

“I broke my bad habits, you know. I did it willingly and I did it for you. But I had no idea—never in my wildest dreams did it occur to me that you’d use them to justify something like this.”

“Maybe…maybe I should’ve stayed with Riley--.”

“What—why? What makes you say that?”

“You had to change because of me. You had to--.”

“What part of ‘willingly’ do you not understand?”

“I should’ve been more accepting. You changed because of me, but I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you.”

“Oh, come on. Let’s not get carried away.” His pacing stopped and suddenly they were face-to-face and standing inches apart. “That who-deserves-who rot is absolute bullshit. It’s old hat, it’s pointless and I don’t want to hear about it.”

“Okay.”

“And don’t tell me that you should be with him. You’re my wife.”

“Of course I’m your wife.” She forced a little laugh. With an unsteady hand she reached out to caress the side of his face. “I hate that I’ve hurt you.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He moved her hand and replaced it at her side. “I was a tosser back then anyway.”

“No, don’t say that--.”

“But then you were a flaky coldhearted bitch.”

Buffy’s eyes grew wide; then she saw him wink. “I understand the coldhearted bitch part, but flaky? Is that the best you’ve got?”

“I don’t know if there’s a quick fix for this, but--.”

“Oh William, I’ll give you all the time you need. I don’t expect you to--.”

“Please don’t interrupt. I was about to tell you that I forgive you. I guess I even understand where you were coming from.”

“William--.”

“More than that, you don’t think along those lines anymore. You’re a lot of things, Buffy, but you aren’t selfish. You haven’t acted selfishly in a very long time.”

“Do you mean it?” She touched his cheek again and blinked away a few more tears once he leaned into her open hand. “I just want to—I’m going to hug you now, okay? I’m going to hug you and I’m going to tell you that I love you, is that alright?”

Without waiting for an answer, she threw her arms around his neck and held on tightly. “I love you so much. The last twenty minutes have been torture. I was convinced you’d leave me.”

“Has it been twenty minutes?” Instead of responding, she only hugged him tighter. “You thought I’d leave? Pet, you do realize we’re a few steps above dating here. I get angry, but I don’t leave.”

“Because of the kids.”

“Because of the kids and because of you. You’ll have to hurt my feelings a hell of a lot more if you expect me to go anywhere.”

“That can’t happen. I can’t do this without you.”

“Then it’s good thing I’m here to stay. Buffy, you know what you have to do now, don’t you?”

“I have to talk to Tara.”

“Corner her, rattle her for information. We’ve stumbled over this hurdle. Let’s tackle the next while we’re ahead.”

“Okay.” She reluctantly untangled herself from his body. She took a deep breath and tucked her hair behind her ears. “I’ll talk to her.”

“And?”

“And I’ll be nice. I won’t see her as a threat or as my competition. She takes good care of my kids and you trust her. Sure she might have information that will ruin my marriage--.”

“Buffy.”

“I’m going outside right now.”

“Good for you.”

She headed for the glass sliding door and took another deep breath once she saw Tara and the kids playing on the new swing set. “Wish me luck.”
***





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