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Chapter 5

“You were pregnant. You were going to have his child.”

Buffy stumbled back, feeling as if he’d hit her. The Barbie and wrapping paper fell from her hands, and she looked down, too numb to pick them off the floor.

“You’re lying,” she said, finding it difficult to form words. “I don’t know who told you that, but it’s not true.”

“Buffy…”

“No!” she insisted, hearing sympathy in William’s voice. “I wouldn’t have let him do that to me! I wasn’t pregnant! I’m not a kid person! I-I hate kids!”

William cringed, taking a step closer. “Sit, love. Please, baby, don’t faint on me again.”

“I’m not going to faint! I’m not--.” Feeling sick, she doubled over to grab her stomach. “God, I was only two months along,” she gasped. “I didn’t want it.”

“You remember? Do you remember more?”

“I didn’t want it,” she repeated, looking up and suddenly realizing that tears were streaming from her eyes. “I didn’t want my baby.”

“Oh, honey, I know.”

“But I didn’t, I forgot. How could I forget?”

He shrugged hopelessly, carefully reaching out to touch her shoulder.

“I begged him to let me terminate the pregnancy. Was I relieved? Happy when it lost it?”

“No! No, of course not!”

Still in a daze, she tried to brush his hand away. “What am I doing? I shouldn’t ask you. You don’t know. I wouldn’t have told you how I felt--.”

“What—oh, yes you bloody well did!” His eyes narrowed, hurt and aggravated. He grabbed Buffy by the upper arms and gave her a good shake. “You cried your heart out for weeks! You still do some nights, and I know because I hold you while you grieve!”

Buffy opened her mouth, wanting to tell him to let go, but he didn’t let her say a word before giving her another shake.

“You talk to me, damn it! You tell me your thoughts and feelings, and not just because I’m your husband, but because I make you better!” He stressed the last word by pulling her against his chest.

“I make you feel safe,” he continued, tucking her head into the curve of his shoulder. “I understand you and I don’t judge. I listen and I love you and it’s enough to make you feel better.”

Buffy let out a whimper and William squeezed her tight. “I take care of you, and you do the same for me.”

“William…”

“I’m not lying! I never lie to you. Please, you’ve got to believe me.”

Hearing the desperation in his voice, she gave his neck a gentle kiss. “I do. Just tell me—I need to know, did I want the twins?”

“You were scared, we both were, but yes, you wanted them.”

“Thank God,” she breathed in relief. “I didn’t hate—I-I don’t think it’s even possible to hate my babies, William.”

“Well, you do make downright irresistible babies…and I know that would’ve been the case, even with Finn involved.”

“You…you make irresistible babies too,” she said, with a hushed sniffle. “And speaking of your babies, you should check on them. Joy’s waiting for you.”

His hold grew stronger and he mumbled that he didn’t want to leave her. Against her own desire to stay clinging to his warm and inviting body, she wormed out of his arms.

“Go,” she said softly. “I’d like to be alone. I’ll finish wrapping the presents.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

“Alright,” he sighed, rubbing his red eyes with the ends of his palms. “Hide the gifts in the closet when you’re finished, and be down by dinnertime, I don’t want you cooped up here all night.”

“It shouldn’t take that long but…by the amount of toys…the kids are spoiled rotten, aren’t they?”

“Eh, well, it’s not my fault. I nearly clipped all your credit cards after seeing this mess.”

The ends of Buffy’s mouth curved up and she leaned forward to briefly kiss William’s lips. “Go. I’ll see you at dinner.”
***

As Buffy had expected, it didn’t take long to wrap the remaining gifts and hide them in the closet. Though she’d taken her time—finding folding paper, taping edges, and picking out the perfect colored bow calming—she was finished in less than two hours.

“I wonder,” she mumbled, thinking out loud. “I’m sure William and I exchange presents. If I bought him some things, where would I have hidden them?”

Using the fear of William waking on Christmas to nothing under the tree as her excuse, she searched the bedroom. She daringly peeking into drawers, thumbed through the closet, and looked under the bed.

“Can I help you?”

Buffy froze, hearing William’s voice. She was on all fours, head under the bed and butt up in the air. “Don’t you knock?”

“I would, but then, it’s my room.”

“Oh, you’re right.” Tucking her hair behind her ears, she turned to sit flat on the floor.

“May I ask what you were doing?”

“I was looking for presents.”

“Looking for presents?” he repeated, lifting an eyebrow. “Did one run off?”

“Yes.”

“Liar.”

“Well, what can I say? A stupid question deserves a stupid answer.”

“You’re feeling better.” His eyes narrowed, but it wasn’t an angry glare. To Buffy’s surprise, he sat beside her and leaned against the side of the bed. “Damn, today’s been a hard day. I don’t know about you, but I’m knackered. I’ve been beaten with a pillow, tossed off the bed, yelled at, cried on, chewed on—I owe Joy a big kiss for not puking on me. But then, I’m sure I’m speaking too soon, we haven’t had dinner yet.”

“Why’s your shirt wet? Wait—and when were you chewed on?”

“Funny you should ask,” he said, pulling the damp garment over his head and tossing it aside. “Once I got Joy cleaned up, Sarah wouldn’t let me leave her sight until I gave her a cupcake. Know anything about that, pet?”

“Uh…maybe.”

“I told her that she couldn’t have one ‘cause it’d spoil her dinner. She then decided to make such a racket that it woke Jamie. So, ultimately I had two kids throwing royal tantrums until I gave in and put a bloody cupcake in each of their greedy paws.”

“That still doesn’t explain how you got wet though, or the chewing.”

“I left them for not even one full minute and all hell broke lose. Frosting was everywhere. All over Sarah’s clothes, in Jamie’s ears--.”

“In his ears?”

“I don’t know what happened, he’s your son.”

“Oh, he’s a little messy so you disown him?”

“Yes, and when he’s not an idiot, he’s mine.”

Buffy snorted, even though she found his logic amusing. “What about Sarah? When is she yours?”

“Well, most of the time, but not at this very moment. Lookie here,” he sighed, sticking out his thumb. “It’s the shy ones you need to watch out for. She bit me, love.”

“Sarah bit you? What’d you do to her?”

“I gave her a bath that’s all! She had some tangles in her hair—I tried to be gentle and she bit me!”

A smile tugged on Buffy’s lips and she tried not to laugh. “I’m sure she didn’t mean to bite you--.”

“Yes she did! I don’t bathe her often and definitely don’t brush her hair on a regular basis, that’s your department. You should’ve seen me trying to braid her hair. I was all thumbs and I’m sure she has more tangles now than she ever did before. Oh, bugger,” he mumbled, closing his eyes, letting his head fall back. “I’m not at all surprised that she took a bite out of me. Hell, I wanted to bite me for hurting her!”

“Do you always do this when she’s hurt?” Not waiting for an answer, she let out a soft laugh and scooted closer. She slipped her arm around William’s and rested her head on his bare shoulder. “It’s sweet, but I’m afraid that the over-protective father role may kill you someday. What’ll happen when the twins start school?”

“I’m going to lose my mind, go bug-shagging mad, I wager.”

“Bug-shagging, eh? Well, that’s gotta be difficult, to shag a bug. Unless ‘shag’ means something else in the future, like ‘bad’ means good or how ‘sick’ means--.”

“Buffy, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Um, slang terms and their varying connotations and how those connotations change over time?” she said quickly in one breath.

With a chuckle, he took her hand in his. “Oh, is that it?”

“Maybe I should give bath time a try tomorrow. I’ve tackled one or two tangles in my time—yikes, now that was a mouthful.”

“Oh, tomorrow…I’ve been thinking about tomorrow, when you wake, I mean.”

“What about it?”

“Do you think your memory will be better or worse, Buffy? Will you be good as new or so gone that you don’t remember me at all?”

“Oh, it’ll be better. Much better, I’m-I’m sure of it.”

“Pet, that wasn’t very convincing.”

“Well, it’s never crossed my mind that I could lose more of my memories.”

“Not a pleasant thought, is it?”

“It’s really scary to be honest with you.”

“I didn’t mean to spook you.”

“No, it’s…good, I think. We should consider everything that can and can’t happen.”

“You making a full recovery, which list does that fall under?”

Buffy sat up, looking into William’s soft, hopeful eyes. “It can happen, and it will. I don’t know how, or when, but it’ll happen. You’ll get your wife back, or the closest thing that I can give you.”

“What does that mean, Buffy?”

“I’m not sure,” she admitted truthfully. “Once I figure it out, you’ll be the first to know. But until then…are you sure that we can’t be friends?”

“We’ve never…”

“Could we try?”

“Can’t you…you can’t feel the tension that’s buzzing between us?”

“Oh, I can feel something, and it’s making us fight and argue--.”

“It’s pulling us together,” he said, circling his fingers around her wrist. “Can’t you feel it?”

“There’s passion, heat, desire. I know you can feel it.”

“I feel something,” she whispered.

Fingers traveled under her sleeve and up her arm. His touch coaxed goose bumps to stand along her skin. “Well, I guess something’s better than nothing… Do you really want us to be friends, baby? Just friends?”

She nodded, unable to say yes.

“If that’s what you want…” His sore thumb outlined her bottom lip, and Buffy found herself hoping that he’d kiss her. She knew he was trying to seduce her, and she also knew she wouldn’t be strong enough to withstand his advances for much longer. “Alright, then.”

“What?”

His fingers disappeared and he moved away to get on his feet. “You win.”

“I win? What do I win?”

“A shiny new friendship. Hope you enjoy it.”

“But…”

“No buts. You made your decision.”

From the floor, she kept an eye on him as he went to the closet and pulled on another tight-fitting dark shirt. “Are you mad?”

“No.”

“Disappointed?”

“No.”

“Are you going to try to change my mind?”

“No,” he answered again, but this time with a laugh. “You know how I feel about you. If you want me, you should know by now that you can have me. It’s just a matter of you stepping off your high horse and allowing yourself to be happy.”

“I want to be happy,” Buffy mumbled, causing him to laugh again.

“Again, love, you’re not very convincing.” Still smiling, William offered her a hand and helped her off the floor.
***





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