Drowning. That was what she felt like. She felt like she was drowning. In what, she was unsure. Whether it was despair or blood. It surrounded her. Despair. And blood. Millions of hands pushing he under it. Trying to drown her. In blood. She had to fight off the hands as best she could. Fighting…fighting.
She kicked out and flew to the surface, landing on the ground. And it became quicksand. She was sinking. Sinking. And drowning. It became blood again. Why was it always blood?
“No matter how far y’run from your problems, they’ll always come back to haunt you.” She saw her mother. So beautiful as the ray of light shone on her.
“I don’t run.” She replied stubbornly.
“An’ pretending it didn’t happen, that it doesn’t bother you, does what exactly? Besides, make y’miserable o’course.” Her blue eyes twinkled in merriment.
“You don’t understand-“
“Understand what, exactly? You got angry, or it was a direct order from the Powers. Either way, you did it. End of sentence. Doesn’ really matter if I believe you should be forgiven, ‘cause believe me, I do. What matters is if you believe you should be forgiven.”
“I was thirteen.”
“An’ some say it’s when y’prove yourself. You did a bang up job on that one, pet.”
And she was awake. Spike was obviously talking to the TV very loudly from his place on the living room couch. She entered the room and found him exactly how she expected.
“Well, good morning to you.” Spike said.
“G’mornin’. What time is it?” she asked, flopping down next to him and leaning on his shoulder.
“It’s eight.”
Eight. Eight hours of sleep. Eight hours since she…
“Anya's wedding’s at eleven thirty.” Katherine commented.
“That’s nice.”
“You’re coming with me.” She tried again.
“Doubt it, Kat.”
“C’mon. It’s my other best friend’s wedding. And I’d like to be on your lovely arm.”
“Don’t call my arm lovely, Kat.”
“You’re gonna come, then?”
“As long as you swear never to call my arm lovely again.”
“Okay, then. I’ll just go pick out your clothes b’cause you are so not wearing all black today.” The demi-god then bounced out the room as if nothing happened.
Not having to face the Scoobies alone helped to boost her spirits. She wasn’t really worried about the Scoobies, more about having to kill the Slayer and messing up Anya’s wedding. And then it would be a definite disaster.
Killing, is that all you do? She asked herself. Every aspect of her life involved death. Hell her love life involved death, Spike being a vampire and all. Undead. The term is undead.
She pulled out a blue dress shirt and a pair of black pants and threw them on the bed before trying to find her blue and gray dress.
“You’d look beautiful in that.” She could almost hear her father saying.
So now she was having hallucinations in the middle of the day? Well, if she wasn’t certifiable before, she damn sure was now.
It was time. Halfrek, Dawn, Tara and Buffy stood at the back in their hideous green gowns. Anya stood behind them, smiling brightly in her all white ensemble. Dawn was thanking whomever that there had been no need for a flower girl, making her first bridesmaid instead.
She saw Katherine and Spike enter out of the corner of her eye, smartly having decided to avoid the rain. She couldn’t help noticing how they looked like they belonged together. Couple comfortable. Katherine waved, smiling and she waved back.
She was glad that Katherine seemed okay. Yesterday she’d seemed messed up and halfway gone. Even as she told Buffy off, she’d seemed dazed, as if in a dream.
Katherine and Spike sat in the second row, on the side of Anya’s demons as Xander and Willow took their places in the front as the four Scoobies and “justice demon” got in line.
The music started and the guests started. The bridesmaids moved the aisle one by one, first Dawn, then Halfrek, Tara and lastly, Buffy.
Xander’s smile only widened as the music changed and Anya made her way towards him in the front of the room. It suddenly occurred to him that he’d been stupid to want to get away from Anya. To not want to marry her. To be scared.
He loved Anya. And Anya loved him. They weren’t his parents. And that was all that mattered. Not even his father drinking religiously at the bar would deter him from marrying her.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony…”
Katherine watched the nuptials with a smile as it continued, moving on to if anyone protested to speak now or forever hold their peace. Out of the corner of her eye, she spied both Mr. Harris and D’Hoffryn about to speak. She waved her hand quickly as both opened their mouths to speak and found they couldn’t. She held her breath, waiting for the priest to continue.
She let it out slowly when they moved on to the vows. Spike looked at her for a moment and she smiled before turning back to the ceremony.
Anya spoke first. “I, Anya, promise to you. To love, and cherish you. To honor you, but not obey you, because frankly you’re not a sea captain. And, besides, it anachronistic and misogynistic. I love you and will always love you. Before I knew you, I was like a completely different person. Not even a person really. And I had seen what love could do to people and it was…hurt and sadness. Alone was better. And then there was you. And you knew me, you saw me, and it was nice. You make me feel safe and warm. But, I do trust you with my heart. Take care of it because it’s all I have, and if you let me, I’ll take care of your heart too. I can’t imagine a me without you and I don’t ever want to know what that’s like. I hope you feel the way I do because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So, I get it now. I finally get love, Xander.”
Buffy couldn’t control what her subconscious was telling her as she continued to stray from the ceremony to look at Spike in the second row. He seemed happy. With Katherine. She hadn’t seen him like that since he first arrived in Sunnydale. Had she done that to him? Worn him down? Made him weary? Sad? Depressed? Was she his real hell and torment? The bane of his existence and reason for needing someone like Katherine?
“I, Xander, promise to love you. I promise to cherish you forever. Before this day, I had doubts. Even when Katherine came and told us what was going to happen, I had doubts, no matter how much I love you. Before I met you, I had bad luck in the love department. There was a lotta bad choices and bad moves. And, to tell you the truth, when we first started out, I didn’t know if we’d even last nearly three years or not. But then, I watched you walk down the aisle a few minutes ago and I had to ask myself, ‘how could I doubt or relationship?’ How could I think that I would mess up, when I should’ve realized that I’d try my hardest to make sure I never hurt you? Now, I just want you to know that I love you just the way you are, it doesn’t matter about your past, or mine, and I hope you never change.”
Katherine looked at Spike out the corner of her eye and tried to ignore the fact that his concentration was more on Buffy than the ceremony. She kinda should’ve expected that. It wasn’t like he just fell out of love with her the minute Katherine came to town. Besides, he was a good friend. The best, actually. He stood beside her the other day, even against Buffy who was technically in the right. Was it a mistake to bring it past friendship for real this time? To try a real relationship at the risk of breaking a friendship? She didn’t know, but she was starting to doubt that she and Spike should be anything more than friends, no matter how much she may love him.
“With the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Anya, the unconventional person she was, pulled Xander to her and kissed him hard on the lips. Around them, the Scoobies cheered their friends, smiles on their faces and tears in their eyes. A successful relationship on the Hellmouth within the Scoobies was virtually unheard of. And Anya and Xander were the first successful ones.
“Well, well, well. Look who’s the bride!” a voice yelled in the crowd of guests.
Anya stepped back and Xander flushed a bit at the peals of laughter that followed.
“I present to you, Mr. And Mrs. Alexander Harris.” The priest said as the newlywed couple made their way down the aisle together, the rest of the Scoobies following. The guests followed after. The reception was on its way.
Xander and Anya were officially Mr. And Mrs. Alexander Harris and it was time to celebrate it with them.
Anya had set the Scoobies, Spike, Katherine, Halfrek, and D’Hoffryn at the same table. To Katherine, she must’ve been insane when she decided to do so. For one, Halfrek was responsible for “A Day in the Summers’ House With No Way Out.” D’Hoffryn was a demon. Period. She and the Slayer were not fit to be in the same town at the exact same time and Spike was just downright uncomfortable.
The reception was beautiful. The decorations and everything were purely Anya and perfect. Katherine had a feeling that it had to do with Anya threatening everyone involved, but she could’ve been wrong.
A half-hour into the reception, Katherine excused herself to go stand on the balcony, watch the sun set and smoke a cigarette.
“I never saw him that happy.”
Katherine turned and looked at Buffy. She blew out the smoke from her cigarette. “You never saw him ‘appy. Period.”
“I-I know.” Buffy looked back at where at where Spike and Dawn were playing catch-up. “He-he actually…I don’t know how to say it but, he glows.”
Katherine’s face became wistful. “Effulgent…”
“What?” Buffy turned to the demi-god.
“Nothing.” Katherine refocused on the Slayer.
“You didn’t come here to talk about how Spike glows. What do you really want?” She put the cigarette out.
“Why do I have to want something?”
“’Cause we’re not friends.”
“You’re not friends. You’ll never be friends.”
Buffy looked up at Katherine. Then back at the where she heard Spike laugh. “I’ve never heard that before. Well, not a lot at least.”
“What?” Katherine said, looking at the Slayer in confusion.
“Spike laughed. I haven’t heard that a lot.”
Katherine’s eye brightened. “Don’t tell me y’came here to-“
“Ask you to give Spike up? No.” Buffy sighed and wrung her hands. “You and Spike are-are together and it’s not my place to interfere.”
”Bloody right it isn’t.” Katherine agreed. She tilted her head. “You’re in love wit’ him.”
“So are you.” The Slayer shot back.
“Doesn’t matter. I know it. He knows it. All your friends know it. I’m not afraid to admit it. Can you tell your friends without worrying what they’ll think of you?”
Buffy sighed again and sat on the outside swing. Katherine sat next to her. Neither said anything for a long period of time.
“I jus’ want ‘im to be happy, know what I mean?” Katherine looked up at the setting sun. “If don’t care if he’s with me of not. If he’s happy, I’m happy.”
“I think-no. I mean, I know I don’t want to hurt him again. I mean, I look back on what happened between me and Spike-“
“Spike and I. Not me and Spike. Spike and I.” Katherine interrupted.
“Between Spike and I and I can’t help thinking, ‘did I really do that? A-and that?’ And I know that it’s not really me. And I don’t want to give off the impression that it is. Me. And I’ve seen it. How you and Spike are together. And it’s happy and nice and-“
“He doesn’t love me.” Katherine said softly.
“Maybe he hasn’t said it yet.” Buffy was surprised at her comment. Giving away the one she loved had not been on her “to do” list. Ever.
“I don’t think it’s the ‘I can’t live without you’ way.”
“I’m pretty sure he can’t.” Buffy said.
“Maybe. Sometimes you can only hope.”
“Is this a conversation?”
“Are we having a conversation?”
“What? No! No.” She paused. “Maybe.”
“No. It’s a treaty. A truce. I don’t want to ever hurt Will, so what makes him happy, make me the same.” Katherine replied, standing and looking at Buffy.
Buffy stood. “And I don’t want to ever hurt him again.”
Katherine held out her hand and Buffy took it, sealing the deal.
Buffy turned back and looked at Dawn. “You got advice on teenagers? ‘Cause I’m a dope there.”
“I saw. Not lying there. The thing about Dawn is that you’re overprotective, overly commanding. And you don’t let her do anything. Half the time none o’you listen to her. The other half, you all put her down. So, she doesn’t even try to talk to you all. Example, the stealing and the wish she made.” The demi-god started for the door. “She’s not goin’ to turn into a perfect carbon-copy from a fifties’ TV show, Buffy. Don’t hope for it.”
“Katherine, “ Buffy’s voice stopped the other blonde, “this may sound stupid, but do you learn from your mistakes?”
Katherine smiled and turned back. “If I learned from my mistakes, then I wouldn’t be a step down from a real god, would I?”
She left Buffy standing there, contemplating her words.
Katherine stood at her seat, drink in hand and smiled brightly at the other guests. “I’ve known Anya so long that it seems like seven hundred years.” Some of the Scoobies started laughing at the comment, unable to hold it in. “I knew her from way before she met Xander. And I can say that he’s one of the best things that ever happened to her. And, I haven’t known Xander that long. But it was like that day I met him, I could see his entire life.” Dawn started laughing again until Buffy nudged her. “And I can tell he’ll be good for Anya. Because one-he’s scared of Anya, two-he’s scared of me, and three-they love each other. With that said, I see one kid and two grands. Good luck, Mr. And Mrs. Harris.”
Katherine sat down as everyone drank. She watched with everyone else as Anya and Xander shared the first piece of cake. And she smiled as they shared their first dance in wedlock. Anya and Xander moved across the floor, the former grinning all the while.
Halfrek sat up. “Someone wants vengeance. Not a child…but regarding one…oh…”
“Halfrek, do you not remember Anyanka’s rules?” D’Hoffryn interjected.
“I know. ‘No vengeance during the wedding or reception’.” Halfrek answered. “But, really, the woman only wants to make her daughter heterosexual.” She looked at the other seven at the table. “What’s so wrong with that?”
Willow looked a little nervous, what with her mother being in attendance.
“And on that note, Will and I are gonna dance.” Katherine said once a new song started. Willow and Tara quickly followed suit.
Buffy and Dawn shook their heads, turning to watch the couples dance as the two demons talked. The Slayer’s heart constricted as she watched Spike and Katherine dance. They looked so good together. Like they fit.
She didn’t understand why it hurt so much, but she bet it had to do with feeling for Spike. In the vicinity of her own mind, and to Katherine obviously, she could admit that she loved Spike and was jealous that Katherine had him, even if it made him happy. She wanted him to be hers.
But, the logical part of her…the part that told her and knew that her heart was being stupid…the part that messed things up for her heart. It said, “He’s Spike. There’s no way you feel this way for him. Deny it with a passion. Let him be with Katherine, who makes him happy. And maybe he’ll love her back and move on.”
Then again, neither her heart, nor her logic wanted him to move on. And to say that confused the hell out of her was a serious understatement.
Katherine had her head on Spike’s shoulder as they danced. She had something she wanted to ask him. She wondered if he’d go for it.
William.
Kat-
What’s wrong?
Nothing’s wrong. Spike insisted. I hate weddings.
About that…thanks for coming with me. In reward we’re taking a road trip. I’m talking around the world.
The idea of being away from the Hellmouth for weeks brightened Spike. You’re serious?
Totally. How about we leave Monday?
He nodded and they continued to dance. As long as he’s happy, I’m the same.
Under Katherine’s intense insistence, Spike asked Buffy if she would like a dance. Katherine watched, hiding her smile from the look on Buffy’s face when Spike stood and held his hand out to Buffy, saying, “A dance, milady?”
Tara, Dawn and Willow also watched the smile that broke out on Buffy’s face with knowing smiles of their own. Buffy was in love.
Buffy let herself be lead onto the dance floor. They moved slowly to the beat and, to Spike, she seemed to fit with him just as well as Katherine. Which didn’t help him at all. Not with all these feelings running through him. For two different girls. He was surprised he knew what was up and what was down.
Oh, God. This just feels so right. Buffy kept thinking as they moved. She moved into Spike’s eyes, smiling slightly. Why didn’t I notice how blue they were before?
Buffy wrapped her arms around Spike and he unconsciously pulled her closer. She had to try not to sigh in contentment.
Katherine watched them from her new position at the bar, on her fourth martini. She knew she was asking for trouble. Buffy was finally letting herself feel and gradually realizing how much she actually loved Spike. And she told him to dance with her. “Stupid.”
They didn’t notice as they danced to two more songs before Buffy reluctantly allowed Spike to take her back to her seat. Then he sat next to Katherine at the bar. He grabbed her wrist as she got ready to drink her next martini.
“How many?”
“This is seite. I’ll let you drink your whiskey if you let me have my martini.” Katherine said.
Spike let her go and she smiled smugly before picking up the drink as Spike ordered a shot of whiskey. Both blondes tuned out the teary-eyed speech Willow was then giving and then disgustingly cute “aww”s coming from the guests. It was way too fluffy for their tastes.
Katherine downed her ninth martini and looked at spike. “Wanna leave?”
“You couldn’t have asked sooner.” He answered.
They made their way to Xander and Anya’s table as Willow finished her speech, “…And I just want to wish you a happy life together and thank you for sharing your special day with me. Us. Everyone. Good luck, Xander and Anya.” She sat down as people wiped tears from their eyes and applauded.
Katherine grabbed her purse and waved to the Scoobies at the table. She and Halfrek did the snobby air-kiss, before the blonde couple made their way to the table the bride and groomed occupied.
“Katherine and Spike.” Anya smiled brightly. “I’m married.”
“I noticed.” Katherine returned the smile. “Will an’ I are gonna push off. Things to do…”
“Or people.” Anya added to Xander’s embarrassment. “When we go on our honeymoon, I’d appreciate it much if you’d watch the Magic Box for me.” Katherine nodded as Anya took out the keys to the shop.
And she carries her work keys to her wedding because…?
Katherine kept her laugh to herself as she took them from Anya.
“And I hope your gift was very expensive.”
“It’ll be worth a lot to you, I hope.” The demi-god said, mysteriously.
“Good. Bye Katherine, and Spike.”
“Harris. Anya.” Spike said, Xander nodding in response.
“Bye, Anya. Bye, Xander.” Katherine and Spike then left the reception, glad to say the day was over.