It had been a week since their clinch on the sofa and Buffy didn’t know whether to be relieved or hurt that Spike hasn’t mentioned it. She couldn’t bear to bring up the subject herself, she just wants to forget all about it. Unfortunately, when you are living in the same house as the man you are lusting after, forgetting is not something you can do.
Spike seemed to be doing a good job at it though, she thought with a scowl, he wasn’t avoiding her; he talked to her all the time even hugged her once and kissed her on the cheek. He wouldn’t be able to do that if he was feeling the same way as her. Every time he got close to her, touched her, her body would begin to hum, he didn’t even need to touch her to turn her on, when he looked at her with his bright eyes, she would melt.
He can’t possibly want me, she decided, the first time I was drunk and practically threw myself at him and the last time he was drunk and hadn’t gotten any yet. Oh God, she thought, suddenly, he’s probably relieved it’s all over.
As she sat there with her face in her hands, Spike wandered into the living room with Katie in his arms, seeing that Buffy was upset, his stomach clenched. She had been like this a lot the last week; he knew she regretted what had almost happened and that upset him more than he could explain.
“You alright luv?” he asked, sitting down beside her, Katie in his lap.
She looked up at him in shock, she hadn’t heard him come in, reaching out to cuddle her daughter, she replied “I’m fine, just thinking.”
“’Bout what?” Spike asked; hope flaring in his chest, maybe now she would talk to him.
Buffy searched around for something to give him, something that wasn’t the truth. There was no way she was going to tell him that she was thinking about how he didn’t want her.
“Angel” She blurted out; “I was thinking about Angel” She was so pleased to have come up with a believable excuse that she completely missed the look of hurt on Spike’s face.
He quickly rearranged his features and decided to change the subject, there was no way that he was going to set himself up for more pain by discussing her husband with her.
“I figured you’d wanna put the little nibblet to bed before you went out, you look nice by the way” He spoke with a slight smile, looking at her.
Buffy looked down at herself when she heard the complement. She was only wearing a pair of old jeans and a tank top, nothing special and she said as much to Spike, taking Katie out of his arms, ready to take her to bed.
“You always look amazing to me luv.” Spike blurted out without thinking, his eyes burning with restrained passion.
Buffy looked at him like a rabbit caught in headlights, before turning and making her way up the stairs as fast as she could.
Spike groaned, this time he was the one with his head in his hands. You stupid pratt, what did you say that for. He thought, “Fuck!” He said aloud as he grabbed his coat and walked out to the back porch to have a cigarette.
Before he had a chance to take more than a puff he heard the back door open,
“I’m sorry luv,” Spike said without turning round, “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Said what?” Came Giles’s voice from behind him. Bugger.
“Da, its you, thought it might be Buffy.” Spike said, hoping his father would leave it there. Fat chance.
“So what did you say to upset her? You really should try to be nicer to the poor girl, she’s been through a lot” Giles sounded concerned.
“I just, it doesn’t matter, I just opened my big gob without thinking again!” Spike replied. “So what are you doing out here?” He asked, stubbing out the cigarette butt.
“I was wondering if you were staying in tonight.” Giles looked nervous, Spike was intrigued.
“Well, was going to meet the guys for a few drinks and a couple rounds of pool, but if it’s a problem I could stay in. Why?”
“Well,” Giles coughed, clearly unsure of himself, “I told Buffy I would baby-sit Katie, but now I have a date.”
Spike grinned, “Good job Rupes!” he said slapping him on the back. “So who’s the lucky girl?”
Giles ignored the question, “I take it you’ll look after Katie then?”
“Sure, I’m happy to stay in. Can I meet her?”
“No!”
Spike stayed a minute longer on the back porch, sulking about his father’s secrecy, before grinning and turning back to the house.
******************************************************************************
Despite her feelings about Spike personally, Buffy had no problem with leaving Katie with her uncle, he was great with kids. She couldn’t help comparing Spike’s behaviour with that of Angel, who had never so much as picked up his daughter since the day she was born. She shook her head, no point dwelling on that which you can’t change she thought as she wandered to the apartment shared by Willow and Tara.
She wondered about Willow and Tara, there was something more than friendship between them, she just wasn’t sure that they knew it yet.
Tara opened the door to Buffy, giving her a hug.
“That smells wonderful Tara,” Buffy said returning the hug.
“Thanks” she responded, “How are you getting on?”
“I…”
Willow chose that moment to walk into the room, grinning as she saw Buffy.
“Hey Buff, come sit down, did you want some wine?” She asked waving the bottle in her hand.
It was three hours and three bottles of wine later when the three women where sitting on the sofa, talking to each other.
“So Buffy,” Willow started with a sly smile, “How’s it going with Spike?”
Shocked, Buffy looked immediately at Tara, who simply shook her head, she hadn’t said a word.
Noticing the exchange Willow’s face got serious, “Hey guy’s what am I missing?”
Buffy was feeling guilty for not telling her friend about the whole her, Angel and Spike thing, and she was more than a little drunk, so that lowered her inhibitions anyway. She told Willow the whole story.
Willow and Tara had sat quietly as Buffy told them her tale and her problems it was only when she got to the part where she had almost had sex with Spike on the sofa that Tara spoke.
“Wow, you never told me that.”
Willow turned to her room mate hurt in her eyes, “You knew?”
Tara looked upset, so Buffy stepped in. “Will, it was last Saturday, I went to the Magic shop and I was so upset and Tara was there being so understanding. I asked her not to say anything. Please don’t be angry with her.”
Willow closed her eyes, “I’m not angry, I was just surprised.” She opened her eyes, looked at Tara and smiled.
Tara returned the smile and then spoke to Buffy. “So you haven’t spoken to him about it? What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know yet” Buffy replied carefully, her heart was screaming at her to give Spike a chance, but she knew she never could, it just wouldn’t be right and anyway, he didn’t want her. But then he had said she always looked amazing to him. She groaned putting her head in her hands.
Willow and Tara both moved over to hug the little blonde, concerned for their friend.
“I’m just so confused” She muttered into her hands “also I’m drunk and drunk Buffy equals badness when Spike is around!”
Tara decided to change the subject, “So Buffy, did you fancy a job?”
“What?” Buffy asked, looking up from her hands suddenly, “I can’t get a job, I need to look after Katie.”
“I was just thinking about a few nights a week doing the paperwork for the Magic shop, I just don’t have a head for numbers and Anya says it gets in the way of her many opportunities for orgasms”
The three women laughed and Buffy’s mood picked up a little. “I’ll have to have a word with Giles, see if he’s okay to look after Katie for me. But I’d love to have something to do. Thank you”
“Well just let me know” Tara responded.
Talk then turned to girly things and before they knew it, the clock was saying it was midnight. Tara and Willow offered Buffy a place to stay for the night, but she wanted to be there for Katie in the morning, so she refused.
The apartment was only a five minute walk from the house and Buffy spent the whole time obsessing over finding Spike awake, waiting for her. What would she do? How would she stop anything from happening?
It turned out that she didn’t have anything to worry about, the house was dark and silent, it was clear everyone was asleep.
Buffy got ready for bed, feeling disappointed that Spike hadn’t stayed up for her. Why didn’t he want her?
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Thanks for all the great reviews : )