Disclaimer : Joss Whedon owns the characters. Atleast most of them. I’m continuing the story which didn’t end when he finished. Just want to have an ending.
Spike was surprised to see the little girl in there. He wasn’t sure if he was hallucinating or not. Angel and his mother felt real and he wasn’t fully confident that they were hallucinations. But Dawn cannot be there without Buffy. He was sure of that. Buffy will never let Dawn be in a place like that all alone.
“What are you doing here Niblet?” Spike questioned weakly. He didn’t have much strength left in himself anymore. He needed blood and some rest very soon.
“Don’t call me that.” Dawn snapped.
“Huh?” Spike was surprised by her reaction and confused.
“Don’t call me by your nicknames. You lost the right the moment you tried to rape my sister.” She glared at Spike.
Spike hung his head down again in shame. He remembered the conversation he had with Dawn. He knew how much she hated him at that time. The person standing in front of him seemed exactly like that one. His doubts of this being a hallucination is fading away.
“I’m sorry” Spike whispered to Dawn.
“You think Sorry would clear out what you did? You go and get a soul for yourself and all what you did goes away? No. Not by me and definitely not by my sister.” Dawn said.
Spike didn’t say anything. He kept quiet listening to her.
“You made the right choice of staying away from us. If you have come back, I’m sure we wouldn’t have invited you in. You were finally out of our lives and we moved on. So deal with it.”
Spike was hurting by Dawn’s words. He felt his non-working heart being crushed inside. He felt the pain run through his body. He thought eternal hell would be heaven than to hear her words.
“I wonder if you would do the same to me after I grow up to be a beautiful woman. If you would obsess behind be and when I reject you, you will try to rape me. But since I’m not a Slayer, I guess you will succeed in where you failed.” Dawn spitted the words with venom.
Spike’s head shot back with Anger. His eyes turned yellow where his demon was taking over him. He felt his face change for a minute. He was allowing his demon to take control to avoid the pain he was facing at the moment.
“There’s the demon that tortured all those young girls and drank their blood while they cry.” Dawn continued her verbal assault on the vampire.
Hearing her final words, Spike decided not to let the demon out. He got his control back and just listened to the words Dawn was saying to him.
“I hope you are satisfied with whatever you wanted to accomplish. You crushed the little faith that I had in you with your actions. Now you have nobody to care about you. Nobody in this world wants you. I wonder why you are still alive.” With that, Dawn went back into the darkness.
The final words were echoing into Spike’s head. “Why am I still alive?” Spike questioned himself. He thought all the people who cared about him. Because of him, his mom turned into a vampire. Joyce died and he couldn’t do anything to save her. And Dawn who worshipped him sees only a demon in him. And he knows Buffy cannot love a person like him. No wonder he never had any love in his life. He had no purpose in his life. He was trying to achieve something he could never have.
Far from the room, Maricca was watching Spike’s soul break down with all the emotions she was making him feel. She felt the power that she got by his soul’s emotional torture. She was smiling and enjoying every moment of it. She felt someone approaching and turned around to see W&H.
“I came to see the progress.” he confessed.
“It is going fine. The vampire does have very emotional soul. He has sinned a lot and hurt a lot of people he cared about. I think the soul is on its verge to dying. I don’t think it will last very long. And your army is almost ready. You don’t have to worry about it.” she explained and turned back to watch the vampire suffer.
“Great. This is my final chance and I hope I am satisfied in the end.”
“I think you will be more than satisfied.” Maricca said with a mischievous smile.
W&H wasn’t sure what it exactly means but he knew she was trustworthy and whatever it meant must be a pleasant satisfaction. With that, he left the room.
After taking a rest and having her lunch with Dawn, Buffy was moving around Hyperion restlessly. Dawn and Xander wanted her to go with them around L.A. to take off their minds from the tension and since it is day outside, demon attacks will be least possible. But Buffy wanted to be there when Willow comes back so she refused. She watched Dawn & Xander go out of the hotel. She went to the library and Giles said he was going to take a long nap before Willow gets back. He was tired of all the research. Angel was back in his room taking a nap as usual. The Slayer training was over and all the Slayers were pre-occupied with other works. Faith went out to make a phone call to Robin Wood. She didn’t want it to be public to the Slayers so she went to make it privately. The only person left was Illyria. So Buffy took the chance to have a conversation with the ex-demon god.
“Hey Illyria. I was wondering if I could talk to you for a while.”
Illyria looked at the blonde woman next to her and after a moment of consideration nodded her head in acceptance.
“Great. So tell me what you are and what you are doing here.” Buffy started trying to make a question.
“I am the god-king of the primordium, shaper of things. I was destined to be raised from the hidden well where all the old demons lay asleep. I came back to raise my army from my dimension. But during my sleep, they seized to exist. What I am doing here still is the question that is hovering on my mind.” Illyria spoke without any expressions.
Somehow Buffy understood what she was talking about. “How long have you been working for Angel?” It seemed like an innocent question but it brought the wrong reaction from Illyria.
Illyria turned to Buffy with anger stating “I do not work for the half-breed. I merely assist as it was what Wesley would have wanted.” With that thought, she felt the sudden grief rush through her.
Buffy also felt sorry for Illyria. Buffy remembered her ex-Watcher and she couldn’t believe him to be some sort of hero. ‘But when Spike turned out to be a hero, why can’t Wesley?’ She questioned herself. And remembering that this is an attempt to forget about Spike for a moment, she turned back to question Illyria.
“So were you and Wesley close?”
“Not intimately as you mortals seem to presume. Wesley had intimate feelings for this shell. After I took over, I felt the grief he had for the shell. She seemed a lot important to everyone in here. Even the pet confessed his love for her.” Illyria said.
Buffy got a sudden jealousy feeling towards Fred. ‘Did Spike say that he loved Fred?’ She wondered. ‘What does that mean? He loved her like he loved me? Or did he just care about her? Did he have another life in here? Is that why he didn’t come back?’ All the questions were running through her mind.
Illyria noticed Buffy’s distress by her response. She was confused as to why humans were so emotionally weak.
“I feel you are disturbed by my answer. Did I say anything wrong?” She quizzed the blonde.
“No. No no. I was just thinking for a moment.” Buffy snapped back from her thoughts and responded to Illyria.
“I see you have certain feelings for my pet too. You care about him like Wesley cared for this shell.” Illyria said it as a statement.
Buffy simply nodded her head in agreement.
“I do not understand human emotions. They are confusing. They say they have feelings for others yet they tend to hide them. I felt the feelings my pet had for someone as well. I don’t know who but I believe he never claimed her as well.”
“Things are complicated than it seems. Humans act differently due to various reasons. It is not simple enough to confess and get it over with.” Buffy tried to explain.
“In my lifetime, humans were weak. Yet they were simple. Now they have grown stronger but more complicated and confused for themselves. I don’t understand it but I have to be here to help them succeed from the demon attacks. It is what Wesley and my pet gave their lives for. I wish to honor their deaths.” Illyria stated.
“Thank you. But I will do everything I can do bring back Spike. I promise on that.” Buffy said it with confidence.
“Then I am willing to assist on that. I believe I can be useful.”
“You are always welcome. I believe Spike would need all the help he can get to go through this.” Buffy said it and gave Illyria and appreciative look.
Just then Buffy felt a whirlwind coming in the middle of the hall and after a moment, Willow materialized from it.
“Buffy. I found where Spike is.” Willow said excited.
Spike was physically and emotionally hurt more than he could imagine. He didn’t know what was left in him. All he wanted is to completely go away. He didn’t know if anything could hurt him anymore. But he thought it too soon.
Spike heard footsteps again in the dark.
“Who is it this time? My Grandmother?” He said it with sarcasm.
“No” came in a female voice. Very familiar to him. He looked up and saw the green hazel eyes he missed for a long time. The blonde hair has grown and she looked ravishing as always. He missed how she looked and how he felt when he saw her. He felt a sudden hope rushing through his body.
“Buff… Buffy? Is that really you?” Spike asked with the voice he has gained by hope.
“Yes its me Silly. Who else did you expect?” She replied giggling.
“I didn’t expect to see you. Did you come here to rescue me?” Spike asked remembering the last time she came in for his rescue from the First.
“Why? Do you expect me to?” Buffy asked with sarcasm. “Why would I want to do that? You were finally out of my life. Finally I got rid of you and you expect me to save you? Take you back and feel like shit again? You must be going crazy.” Buffy continued.
Spike’s face fell upon hearing her. He knew this was not a pleasant surprise. He remembered Dawn’s words earlier and it brought back the bad memories. ‘How could I expect her to save me after everything I did to her?’ Spike questioned himself.
“You said you loved me. Before I died in Hellmouth” Spike said weakly.
“And you believed that? I said that out of courtesy you fool. You were nothing but a dead thing to me. Just because you got a soul doesn’t mean I will fall in love with you. I could never love a thing like you. You are nothing but an extra muscle to me.” Buffy exclaimed.
Spike felt crushed after that. The final bit of hope he had on her statement ran out after hearing that. He didn’t feel anything was left for him.
“I’m finally happy with Immortal and you expect me to ruin my happy life for you? By the way, he is a much better lover than you.” She made sure he got every word she spoke to him.
Spike wanted to be dusted more than ever now. But he couldn’t do anything but listen to her babbling.
“I heard what happened to Angel and the others in the battle. Thought finally my problems were over. Then I heard you were here. So I just came in to drop in to say hello. No kissing though you know. I can’t betray Immortal like that.” She stuck more knives in Spike’s already wounded heart.
Spike remembered the last time he saw her with Angel. She was kissing him and she told it was just a hello. But she is now saying she would not kiss him because she would betray Immortal. That means Immortal means more to her than him. He was nothing to her.
Buffy let Spike torture himself with thoughts for a moment then decided to continue.
“You know, when you went to get your soul, I thought finally you were out of my life. But you came back with a soul to make me feel guilty over using you. You used my sympathy to settle in my basement. You were trying to get back with me by playing with my emotions.” Buffy’s tone was rising and it was showing anger in it.
“That was not what I was doing.” Spike tried to argue with a weak voice.
“You were a pathetic use for a vampire. Couldn’t kill the Slayer. Just followed me everywhere with moon eyes. You claim to love me but you knew nothing about love. You are not even human. You are just a thing. The only reason I let you alive was because you were a strong hand in my fights. And I knew I could use you when the situation comes. And it did. I used you to sacrifice instead of Angel. Because Angel meant more to me than you.” Buffy continued with a sadistic voice watching Spike crumple himself with the emotions.
Spike was having his worst nightmare coming true. He didn’t know how to stop it or what to do about it. He was helpless and his soul was dying with the pain that he was feeling. His demon was getting hold of him slowly and Spike knew once it got out, there is no turning back. So he fought hard to keep the demon under control. He wasn’t going to allow the demon take control because of Buffy.
Buffy gave him a look that said ‘You are worthless.’ before turning away. “And for old time’s sake…” with that, she gave a punch to Spike’s nose and walked away into the dark. Spike hanged there helpless and bleeding from his nose hurt than the words than the physical contact.
A/N : OK. I know some of you may be pissed by this. I just want to say that I am a SPUFFY fan. So don’t take it the wrong way. Most of the dissing Spike was from some of the Bangel fans I had arguments with. I just used it to torture Spike in my story. He was being tortured emotionally so harsh words were in order to break his soul down. The Buffy in Reality doesn’t feel that way. So forgive me for the dissing and it is over now. Everything will get better eventually. Still some way to go though. PLEASE REVIEW.
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
As my apology to the delay, here's a double feature. Two chapters in the same day. More chapters coming up. PLEASE REVIEW and I'll make sure to update quickly as possible.