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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks for your patience. Hope the story is interesting. More chapters coming up. PLEASE REVIEW. Only chapter without any reviews is Chapter 12: "Finding Spike." So please be kind hearted and leave some reviews in that chapter.
Disclaimer : Joss Whedon owns the characters. Atleast most of them. I’m continuing the story which didn’t end when he finished. Just want to have an ending.



After a little while, both sisters went downstairs to talk with the others about Spike’s condition. They found everyone in the library with worried faces. Apparently they have heard Spike’s scream and loud voice very clearly. They had a worried expression in their faces too.

“I’m assuming you guys know what we came here to talk about.” Buffy stated. Everyone just nodded their head in agreement.

“We need to find out what happened to him and fast. He seems to avoid both of us. He wants to be left alone and I don’t know if it is a good idea or not.”

“Maybe it would be better if someone who is not close to him speak with him” Angel suggested.

“I guess that should put me in charge” Xander grimaced at the thought.

“Why don’t you go and try while we discuss on what we could do?” Buffy requested him with her slayer attitude but pleading in that request didn’t go unnoticed.

“I’ll try my best” Xander assured her and left towards Spike’s room.

“I hope something will help him soon.” Buffy said it to herself and looked back at the others to discuss the situation.

“Do you think it was a plan to have Spike in there?”

“I don’t know. It may seem to be a plan. It is unnatural for someone to go into that realm with natural death. Even for a vampire.” Giles stated.

“So there must be someone who wanted him there.” Buffy finished. “Who can that be?”

“Who won’t it be? Spike has the tendency to piss everyone off remember?” Angel said with a smile. Buffy grinned for moment thinking about Spike’s attitude.

“He has been working with you for the last year. It must be someone involved with your line of work who would be trying to do such a thing.”

“I don’t know. It may have been Lindsey. I mean he was the one who brought Spike back alive in the amulet in an attempt to kill me. He used Spike to try and get my attention away from helping the innocents. But I’m assuming he is dead along with the Black Thorn” Angel said it while wondering if it was true or not. He didn’t know about Lorne or what happened with them.

“What do you mean you assume?” Buffy narrowed her eyebrows on Angel’s last sentence.

“Well, I don’t know if he is or not. I asked Lorne to kill him after getting rid of the Black Thorne. I think he would have done that.”

“But you are not sure?” Buffy kept asking the question.

“No. The apocalypse came in and I didn’t get the chance to confirm it.”

“So can you do that now? We need to know if anyone is there against Spike is still alive.” With that, Buffy went back towards Spike’s room to see what was going on.



Meanwhile, in Spike’s room…

“Can I come in?” Xander asked Spike from the doorstep. When he didn’t get any reply, he entered the room.

“What do you want Whelp?” Spike asked without raising his head up from his knees.

“I don’t know. Just wanted to see whether the evil undead or maybe just undead is still the same.” Xander said it with a smirk.

“Still here unfortunately. Not for long though.” answered Spike.

“What’s wrong Spike? Do you want to talk?”

“Since when did you care about me?” Spike has raised his head up and looking at Xander now.

“I think ever since you saved the world and us. Also got a new shed of light on your view after Anya’s death” Xander said while trying to hide his sadness.

Spike gave a sorrowful look and said “I’m sorry.”

Xander cleared his emotions and sat by the floor next to Spike.

“So that’s the reason. If you need to talk, I’m here for you.”

“Thanks Whelp. But I don’t think I need to talk. I know what I should do and you don’t have to worry about me interfering again.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” A voice from the doorstep distracted them.

Spike looked up to see Buffy with red eyes clear from the crying and looking at him with anger and frustration.

“I think I’ll leave you two alone.” Xander said and left the room for them to talk.

“What did you mean by that Spike?” Buffy questioned again.

“You know bloody well what I meant.” Spike spat back at Buffy. But this time, she was ready for it.

“No I don’t. Tell me. Explain it to me. What did you mean?”

“I’ll be out of all of your lives. You go live your happy life with the poncy Immortal.” Spike said it with the venom he felt when she spoke to him before.

Buffy was gobsmacked by his tone of voice. His words registered into her mind slowly and when it did, she realized why he was angry with her. Her eyes went wide at his thoughts of her.

“You… you think I’m happy with Immortal?” She was struggling for words now. The confidence she had when she came in went flying off the roof by his statement. Tears started to come back in her eyes.

Spike sensed her emotionally troubled. He was confused. He didn’t know if she was sad about his statement or angry about it. He looked at her face and saw tears coming from her eyes.

“Don’t” Spike said softly.

“What?” Buffy whispered trying to control her tears.

“Don’t cy. Please… I can’t stand it.” Spike spoke with his comforting tone.

Buffy controlled her emotions and tried to move on towards him. She saw him move back and stopped moving forward.

“I’m not with Immortal. It was not a relationship.” Buffy said to him trying to convince him.

“It’s not what you said. You have moved on with your life. You are having your happy life. I won’t ruin it for you. You don’t have to worry about me. I will not bother you again.” After a moment, he continued “EVER”.

She was shocked. She couldn’t say anything. She wondered if he still felt any feelings for her anymore. “Do you think you bother me by being alive?” She asked with a low voice filled with emotions.

Spike laughed at her question. It was his first laugh since being back and it felt strange to him. “I forgot. I’m nothing to you. Just a muscle worker who can be wasted right? I’m nothing but a thing to you. An evil soulless or now soulful thing” Spike said it controlling his pain and anger from the memories of their conversation.

Buffy was emotionally pained by his words. She recognized some of her words she spoke to him when he didn’t have a soul. She was hiding from her emotions at that time by saying cruel words to him. And now they are showing up hurting her just like it hurt him back then.

“Why are you saying all this?” She whispered while tears forming in her eyes again.

“I told you to stop crying. I can’t stand you crying.” Spike said it again.

Buffy looked at him with her hopeful eyes. She thought he might still have feelings for her. But when she saw the plain look in his face, her face fell down again.

“I didn’t mean them back then. I was trying to deny my feelings for you. I didn’t want to be in a relationship with you. It would be same as my relationship before.” She spoke too soon before she knew what she was saying.

Unfortunately Spike didn’t miss it. “Ha. The Great Poof. The love of your life. Who am I compared to him right? That’s what you said? I’m nothing but worthless expendable vampire who can be used whenever you want. So what do you want from me now? Need me to die again for you? No thanks. I’ll do that myself. You don’t have to worry about me showing up and ruin your life with Immortal.” he spat all his venom on her. He was too weak to get up and fight with her, not that he would.

It was too much of emotion for Buffy to handle. Tears were running from her eyes and she couldn’t control it anymore. She turned back and ran to her room to hide herself from him. Spike saw her leave and his head fell back in his arms. ‘Great. I made her cry again’ he thought for himself.



It took a while to control her emotions in her room. When she entered, she found the duster that Spike has been wearing left in her room courtesy of Willow. It felt familiar yet different. Buffy knew it was not the duster Spike had back in Sunnydale but it did belong to Spike. She held onto it closely to her body and let it comfort her. It gave her the strength and memories of Spike back in Sunnydale and the difference between him and the Spike in the room. Even when soulless, Spike was not as harsh as he was back then. Ofcourse he was pointing out the hard painful facts but still it didn’t hurt as much as his words just did. And she was determined to get her old Spike back. That thought itself made her control her pain and brought out the inner slayer in a mission.

Buffy walked back to her friends and saw their comforting faces towards her. She gave them a small smile and sat down by the table.

“So how is he doing?” Willow questioned her friend.

“I think he is mentally hurt more than physically. His physical wounds have healed a little but he is talking about stuff I can’t understand.” Buffy spoke with a weak voice.

“Maybe he is becoming like Drusilla now.” Xander commented. When he saw the glares he got, he raised his hands in surrender. “Sorry. No more jokes about deadboy up there.”

“He was talking about me saying things to him that I never said to him before. He is really hurt by those words and if I’m right, he might try to kill himself. He reacted similarly towards Dawn too.” Buffy looked at Dawn and she nodded her head in agreement.

“Maybe he was hallucinating when he was there. We must remember he was starved without blood for some time now. He might have side effects because of that.” Giles said his thoughts out loud.

“Maybe if you tell us what he said, it might be useful to figure out what is happening to him.” Xander questioned Buffy.

Buffy hesitated for a moment. She didn’t want to say his feelings and words out loud to everyone. It might make the situation more uncomfortable. But then she remembered the look he had in his face. She decided to tell them to see if there is any chance of helping him.

“He spoke about me having a happy life with Immortal. He said I didn’t want him in my life. He said I told him he was and evil soulless thing and used him as a muscle worker. He told that I thought of him as expendable. He thought he would ruin my life by showing up alive and he said I didn’t have to worry about him disturbing anymore.” Buffy said controlling the pain she felt from those words.

“Don’t get me wrong but isn’t that partially true?” Xander spoke too quickly and when he saw the painful glare from her, he quickly continued. “What I’m saying is that some of the things he said are your words. You have said them to him before. Like him being an evil soulless thing? I used to tell him that many times. And you are happy with Immortal. He saw that himself didn’t he?” Xander explained.

“I’m Not happy with Immortal. I pretended to be so that all of you can stop worrying about me.” Buffy blurted out. All the members of the Scooby gang were shocked by her statement.

“Why Buffy? We just cared about you. You didn’t have to pretend to keep us satisfied. You could have just been yourself and that would have been enough for us.” Willow spoke with soft voice.

Buffy melted down from her anger. “I know Will. It’s just that all of you guys were worried about me mourning for Spike, I just wanted to pretend I was happy so that you can move on with your lives and stop worrying about me.” Buffy explained.

“Oh Boy… I wonder what we are going to do now.” Xander wondered.

Just then, the front door of Hyperion opened up with full force. A figure ran in through and came straight into the library noticing them there. Everyone was shocked at the sudden outburst. They looked at the figure speechless.

“Andrew?” Xander called out loud.

“We have a problem.” Andrew said it while taking big breaths.

A/N : Spike is having problems and what is the big trouble that is coming now? Wait and see. PLEASE REVIEW.

TBC





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