Buffy lay on her bed, one arm folded under the pillow, the other one wrapped around the blanket. The voices in her head didn't stop whispering.
"What did you do ? What did you do ?"
The same question all the time and she had no answer.
Suddenly she felt her bed shaking. The blanket was pulled aside and she felt someone lying beneath her. She didn't need to turn around. She kept her eyes closed, pretended to sleep but she knew he could feel that she was awake.
Buffy wrapped the blanket tighter around her body as she felt a cool shiver running down her spine. Her eye lids fluttered when she felt his chest against her back, his hand moving softly over her shoulder.
Now his voice took away the whispers of the creepy creatures lingering in her head, accusing her.
"It's allright, luv !"
She shuddered a little as he kissed her shoulder, moving his fingers over the bare skin of her arm. She tried to say something but her lips were sealed.
"Shh … don't worry. It'll be our secret !"
Another kiss on her shoulder.
Buffy turned around and looked directly into Spike's eyes. They had this warm blue which made her shiver in this very moment. She had never felt for his eyes like this before, but right now they gave her a certain warmth and comfort.
She lay on her back facing him. Then she wrapped her arm around his neck, pulling him closer.
Their lips met in a passionate but also very soft and tender kiss. Buffy closed her eyes and tried to relax. Through her clothing she could feel his cold body. His tongue flickered into her mouth, carressing hers, playing with it.
Suddenly the whispers came back, haunted her. "What did you do ?"
Buffy broke loose from Spike's arms. She shoved him aside and sat up. Her fingers clawed the blanket and her knuckles became white.
"What's wrong, luv ?"
She felt Spike's cold hands on her shoulders, his thumbs carressing her skin.
"The voices ! Can't you hear them ? They haunt me !"
Her voice was nothing more than a whisper in the silence of her room. Her head was ringing with the sound of the accusations.
"No, I can't hear them and you should not, too. They're just in your imagination !"
Spike tried to calm her down and he moved closer to her. But it didn't work at all.
"No, they accuse of what I've done."
"You've done your job. It was an accident. It was not your fault !"
Buffy could feel his cold breath on her neck. She so wanted to forget what had happened. If she had the chance she would have turned back time. She would prevent the girl from the demons, she would do her job properly. She'd never felt this way before. Sure, she was used to all the killing and the voilence that came with the Slayer package, but she'd never killed a human. Although she tried to convince herself, that it had been an accident, which it actually was, she couldn't stop accusing herself.
"Make it stop. Please, make it stop !"
She sniffed and a little rolled tear down her cheek.
"I will if you let me. Just lay back and relax. Everything will be allright !"
How much she loved the sound of his voice right next to her ear. With a tender movement he forced her back onto her pillow. He bowed over her, looking into her eyes with this warm, comfy shimmer she needed so much in this moment
"Close your eyes and trust me!"
And so she did. Although she told him she would never trust him, she did in this very moment. She wanted him to do whatever was in his power to free her from the guilty conscience, from the pain she felt.
As she felt his cold lips on hers again, his tongue carressing hers, biting a little into her lower lip, she knew that this was the thing she wanted. He could make her feel alive - real. He could give her a place to be in a world she wasn't supposed to live in.
His kisses moved down onto her neck. His hand pushed the strap of her t-shirt aside and he kissed her shoulder again.
Everytime he did that she felt a little afraid. He might bite her, drink from her, turn her into a vampire. But after a tiny second these thoughts were gone. He would never do that. Never.
Then he shifted, moving on top of her but his arms kept his weight above her body. He kissed over her collarbone, over the soft skin her neck and her shoulder. Spike pushed the tissue upwards and his lips were touching the soft skin of Buffy's stomach. She breathed heavily, she knew what would follow and she couldn't wait to feel it.
Sure, they had done it before and not just once but this was different. It was soft, tender and kind of romantic although they had no music or candles which she thought may be a romantic extra.
Still, Buffy had her eyes closed. All she wanted was to feel and to enjoy. And she was enjoing it already.
A little sigh escaped her lips when his hand moved under her shirt. He pushed the tissue aside and his left hand ran over her breast just soft enough to call it a touch. She shivered again, but immediately the joy was back.
Then he bent down and touched her hardened nipple with his lips. His tongue was running around it and he softly sucked on it.
Buffy moaned silently, she couldn't keep it inside. She felt her head turning upside down and her thoughts were tossed around by a storm of feelings. It was amazing how he could arouse her this much with just a little touch.
The pure metaphorical electricitys floated through her body.
Then he moved on to the other breast, doing the same process. He sucked on it, wrapped his tongue around the nipple. His hand carressed the other one simultanously.
"Oh god "
Buffy sighed, her voice heavy with pleasure. She had to release the words.
Spike's kisses were sliding down her body, over her stomach and further, further down.
His hand slid into her pyjama-pants and tore them down her legs. Still, he was so soft that she couldn't believe it to be him. Last night at the Bronze he was rude to her, taking her from behind with the cruel words he'd said. This was a new experience and she swore to herself not to forget it.
She wanted to feel him like she had never felt him before. Tonight she would let him do a thing she had never let a man do to her before. It was a ridiculouse thought, but she'd always retreated when he'd wanted to kiss her there. She never wanted him to move his tongue through her so very private folds. But tonight everything was different.
His hand slipped between her thighs, touching her skin like a cold wind.
Voluntarily she spread her thighs. She felt his shoulders between them and his hand sliding over her panties.
She so wanted to feel him that she was going to explode right away. She could feel the arousal inside of her and she knew that he could feel it, too.
With a swift movement he undressed her completely. She didn't feel ashamed like she had imagined it would be. She just felt the need of his touch, releasing her from the pain she felt minutes before. With a shudder of pleasure and heat, she bent under him as he started kissing her thighs. Then his lips ran over the curls.
"Oh my god !"
Buffy moaned loudly as his tongue flickered over her clit. A wave of pleasure floated through her as he began to suck on it. Slowly, his tongue circled around this very sensitive spot and again, he sucked it between his soft lips.
She had never felt so good before. She prayed silently that he would never stop licking on her clit that way. She didn't expect it to get better every moment.
Then his tongue slipped into her warmth. She had never thought that this feeling could be so deep but it was. He follewed the path of her folds and every millimeter gave her another shudder of pleasure.
Buffy felt the pressure growing and she knew she would explode. But she wanted to feel him inside of her. She wanted to feel his strenght, his passion, his love.
Her fingers ran over Spike's shoulders. Her hand and voice both shook with desire.
"I want you. Inside o' me !"
His eyes were an ocean of desire und passion as he looked up to her. He moved over her, his arms placed beneath her shoulders.
Spike bent down over her and gave a passionate, deep kiss. She could taste herself on his tongue and it made her wish for him even stronger.
She wrapped her legs around his hips as he slid softly into her. She moaned beneath his ear and her heart pounded against her chest.
Slowly, he started to move, a slow rhythym which made her body hum along an unheard melody. She could also feel his arousel when she heard his muffled moanings beneath her ear. It wouldn't take her long to explode right in his arms.
Buffy wrapped her arms aroung his neck, pulling him closer, tighter inside her.
She could feel him coming in the very same moment she did. Her arms lost every hold, she threw her head back with a loud moan of pleasure. She bucked up against him, but simultaneously, she had the feeling of beind pulled back into depths, she never experienced before.
As Buffy had caught her breath again she felt his head on her chest, moving up and down with her breath. It wasn't just the pleasure, the arousal of his touch that made her relief. The pain was gone. She hadn't thought about the accusations.
That's what she loved about this thing they had. She could be herself in his arms, she hadn't to try not to piss the others off. He could make her feel alive. He - the vampire - the dead guy. He had so much passion und love for her that she could melt in his arms without thinking.
Buffy didn't know what this might mean for the future. Everytime she had told herself that it would be the last time, but she needed it so much and especially when she was in pain that she couldn't stop herself from thinking about it.
"Is it better now,luv ?"
His voice was shaking as Spike move beneath her, pulling her close to his cold body.
"You know it. You felt it !"
Buffy leaned her head in the crook of his shoulder. She like his heart being so calm. It calmed herself down, too.
"I guess I did."
He stroked over her hair and her shoulder.
"Just hold me now. Keep me close and hold me !"
She shifted a little closer. She could smell his scent, a mixture of cigarettes, liqour and grave, but it wasn't disgusting at all. It was his scent and it was part of his being, the being that made her feel in this amazing way.
She actually didn't know what it was but she felt home and innocent at this moment.
Author's Chapter Notes:
This is the first fic I ever wrote in English, so it's kinda lame. Anyway.. I hope you like. Any kind of feedback is appreciated.