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It boggled his mind. He hadn’t even begun his tale and already he was knackered…in a good way. He carried that anger around for a long time and it was damn well time he unloaded it where it belonged. He knew Giles wasn’t accepting any responsibility for those lives…yet…but he knew he would have to before this night was done.

It hurt though, bringin’ it all up again. God, how it hurt. He knew it would be this way and still he came ahead. He lived it once, and he was reliving it all over again; it was becoming more apparent every day that he really did need his head examined. When it was over he should have just disappeared into the mist, found something different….let it all go. If the Council really needed to know these things the Powers would have seen to it.

Suddenly, and without warning, it was all clear. He squeezed his eyes shut and hung his head. How could I be so thick? The Council does need to know and here I am doin’ their biddin’ again. He fisted his hands and roared at the ceiling, “When are you wankers goin’ to leave me alone? Just let me be,” he pleaded.

Xander and Giles froze in their seats. Spike had been quiet for a time and seemed to be having an internal conversation when it erupted into a shouting match with the ceiling. “What the fuck?” Xander aptly said followed immediately by Giles, “I concur!”

Brought back to the moment, Spike glanced at both men and laughed. The watchers met each others glance and tried to read his thoughts and wondered if now was the right time to run. This was all too weird. Spike smelled their fear, settled down and said, “No worries, mates. I just had a funny thought.”

“…and you felt the need to yell at it?” questioned Xander.

“Yeah. Don’t tell me that never happened to you?” Spike said as he rearranged the cheese and fruits to make the platter appealing again.

Xander conceded to himself that he spent a lot of time talking to thin air and decided to let the issue go. Giles wasn’t admitting anything and sought to change the subject with patter, “Great cheddar, Spike. Did you get it in the market in town?”

“No, as a matter of fact, I transported to Wisconsin just a few minutes ago. Didn’t miss me then? (pause) Of course I got it at the market in town you pillock! I’m fine. Just let my mind wander a minute is all. I’m drained. This talk is bringin’ it all back and it’s damn unpleasant. Listen up, now. I’m gonna go outside and have a smoke. You two talk about me all you like, maybe put some notes in your Watcher Book, Rupes. Harris, you watch how he does it so you can learn. Howzat, then?” and out the door he went.
~~~
The two sat quietly for what seemed like a reasonable amount of time and when Spike still hadn’t returned they got up and went to the kitchen to do the wash up. They were silent except for the occasional exchange as to where things were stored and whether or not to save some of the leftovers.
They were just finishing and at the point of some concern over Spike when he pushed aside the still broken door and came in. He noticed what they did and started with, “Thanks for that, gents. Shall we get on with it then?” He poured himself another drink and settled himself on the couch opposite Xander.
The others made themselves drinks and settled in as well.

Spike went on to tell the tale of Angel’s involvement with Wolfram & Hart. Giles was unmovable until Spike explained that Angel convinced his team that they actually could effect a greater good with the resources of the infamous law firm. The feeling in LA was that they did make a difference until they came to realize that for all the good they did, evil was still flourishing.

“The way I hear it, it was a pretty cushy lifestyle over there.” Xander said with something of a sneer, siding with Giles.

“Yeah, it was.” Spike remembered. “Be lyin’ if I said it wasn’t. And I’d be lyin’ if I said I didn’t like the Viper I have stored in a parking garage in the States or the Swiss Bank account that Angel set up for us before we made our move. Figure it’s payment in advance and dosh to continue the good fight. Couldn’t do evil if I wanted to anymore…” he met each man eye to eye, “soul weighs too heavy.”

He lowered his head and stared into his near empty glass, threw his head back and downed his drink… after a pause he included, “and don’t think I wouldn’t like to do the occasional evil, y’ know, I AM still Big Bad!” He grabbed the bottle and poured himself a generous drink and topped off the others glasses too.

“It seems you have a moral dilemma, Spike. Taking the money and the luxury car from Wolfram & Hart? Doesn’t that give your soul a twinge?” asked Giles with disdain.

“Ye..ah,” sing-songed Xander. “What would Buffy think, dead one?”

“Buffy doesn’t know anything. She doesn’t even know I’m back.”

“What? I’d have thought you’d hop on your scooter and find her ASAP?”

“Yeah, me too….and I did…hop on my scooter….but I didn’t. It’s complicated.”

Giles listened to this exchange and decided to keep his call to Buffy to himself for the moment. He would wait to hear the rest of the story before deciding whether or not to let Spike know she was coming. Spike would probably be leaving by nightfall tomorrow and even with good connections, there was no reason why their paths should cross. He said, “Get on with your story, Spike.”

“You ever hear of the Circle of the Black Thorn, Watcher?” Spike asked. With the mention of that organization, Giles sat up and pondered Spike’s face, trying to read it.

“Ye…es. It’s a fraternity of demon Lords, for the want of a better description….ancient….some of it is believed to be mythical. Sort of…a demon Mafia.”

“That’s a good description, Rupert. It wasn’t mythical…and it’s gone! Well, bloody well damaged anyway.”

“Gone? What do you mean, …gone?” cried Giles.

“Gone.” Spike said simply taking another deep draught of his drink and reaching for the bottle again.
“We took ‘em out just like Al fuckin’ Pacino in the Godfather…all at the same time. We took ‘em out…we did…paid a helluva price though” he said as he poured another four fingers of the liquor into his glass.

“How…for god’s sake, man…?” Giles stuttered. “THIS is why Angel wanted help? Why didn’t he say that? We had troops, supplies, magics. We might have helped!” said Giles, his voice becoming barely a whisper, “We might have saved lives….”

Spike retorted, “…and don’t you think I said so to the great Poof? Ho…no! He’d have none of it…besides, you refused him once, you really think he’d come crawlin’ to you again? You’re daft if you do….No, HE had a plan.” He repeated after a time….in barely a whisper, ”He had a plan,” he said, gulping the drink down.

The enormity of the thing was beginning to dawn on Xander and Giles and they could only sit in silent respect and do their own damage to the alcohol.

“Listenin’ to Angel tell it, it was like some kind of soddin’ epiphany. He’d seen that the team was driftin’ apart and he was itchin’ from sittin’ behind a desk. Vampires can’t sit for very long y’know.”

‘We know, ” Xander chimed in, …”we know.”

“Yes, Spike, we’ve noticed that without a regular opportunity to vent energy that vampires tend to get restless.” Giles added in agreement speaking slowly. He made this comment without intending any irony. The scotch, wine, brandy and what all was starting to muddle his thinking.

“Bloody right!” Spike went on. He had the peculiar feeling that they were being snarky, but couldn’t quite tell. He decided to let it go…this time. Maybe the alcohol was starting to get to him too.

The evening wore on. Spike told the whole tale of the orchestrated elimination of the Circle of the Black Thorn. He explained each members assignment. Wesley’s death had been witnessed by Illyria, the god-King that was inhabiting the body of the sweet young lady physicist. Spike himself saw Gunn go down, and finally Angel as he burst into dust on the back of a dragon as a zambroth, a creature that looked like a parrot on steroids with a double horned beak, came down and ripped his head off.

Spike’s voice cracked with emotion as he continued his tale. He said as soon as Angel was gone, the alley they were trapped in went silent. No sound…no sound at all and the legions of demons and Hell spawn sent to destroy them faded. Really…faded like in a movie. Not so the knee-deep blood and gore they were left standing in.

“I saw that Illyria was still standin’ too. I went to her and we hung onto each other for a bit. Neither one of us knew what to say…. or do. A soddin’ strange one, that one…. she called me her pet.”

Xander looked up and snorted, “Like your honey, right?”

“No, mini-Giles. Like a sod all, fuckin’ cat, or dog or bird”. Spike replied through the foggy mist of alcohol that was enveloping all of them.

“Ohhh,” Xander answered with a huge smile on his face. Giles lifted his eyes and appreciated the idea too.

Spike went on to say that they figured they needed to get out of there while they could. They stopped and considered the bodies of their friends and sadly understood there was nothing more they could do for them. More to the point, they knew that Wes and Gunn and Angel would want them to get out while they could and get on with whatever life had in store for them.

Illyria was the first to leave, he explained. She said she couldn’t stay in this realm any longer. She was willing to “keep” me…if I wanted…..until she decided which dimension she would conquer.

He admitted that in dealing with a god-King it was just easier to go along with her misconceptions of this world, so he respectfully declined, with strong emphasis on the respect. He confessed to Giles and Xander that while he didn’t like to admit it, she was known to seriously and repeatedly kick his undead ass and didn’t want another go round.

She agreed to set him free, he said, and Giles and Xander couldn’t let this one go. Giles giggled and slid right out of his chair. Xander tried to stand and give Giles a high five, tripped over the tea table and landed on the floor…both of them nearing tears in their laughter.

Spike simply stood swaying, watching them…enjoying their laughter at his expense waiting for the moment to end. It took just long enough to piss Spike off and he yelled, “Oi! Enough!”

The two Watchers composed themselves after a time that included giggles that came back in waves with phrases that included words like “kibbles’n’bits” and “choke chain” and “litter box.”

When they finally quieted down they realized they’d killed the bottle of brandy and it was time to move on to scotch, or rye or bourbon…whatever the watcher had in stock. Fresh drinks poured, Spike became solemn again.

“So that’s it, mates!” Spike whispered. “That’s why I’m alone now. Comin’ on a century and a half and I never been alone before…not really…Always had someone to go with or someone to go to.” He continued, “Dru’s still out there, but there’s nothin’ there for me. Not even friends anymore. Just two vampires with some common memories. She’s mad as a hatter, worse ‘n ever… Once takin’ care of her was my raison d’être…No more. Couldn’t deal with that kind of insanity anymore. No…not anymore… Not since….”

“Of course, you’re talking about Buffy, I suppose, “ said Giles.

Spike considered Giles’ comment and looked at him long and hard, trying to decide what to say to the watcher. The old record player had stopped long ago and the silence in the room was ominous. “Buffy looked past the demon. She saw the man. I’ve been walking on this planet for generations, but she made me understand what life is.” He paused for a long time. When he finally spoke tears welled in his eyes, “I stayed with Dru for over 100 years. I worshiped her. She released me from the pinched, stuffy, pompous Victorian shell I existed in. As a vampire I could see colors I never knew. I could sense every scent in the universe. I was alive in a way that I’d never known…a way you’ll never know.” His voice slowly rose to a near roar, “I could hear the soddin’ grass grow.” …and then dropped to a whisper. “She let the poet in me be free. I never thought I could go on without her. I adored her.” Stopping once more to gain his composure as the tears streamed down his face, and he choked as he said, “But what I felt for Drucilla was nothing at all. It pales in comparison to how I love Buffy”.

Xander realized that the Buffy fixation was still on the vamps mind. This time was the first that he heard him use the word “love” aloud. Sure, this had been a nice reunion and all, and he was willing to put aside what had gone before, but it never occurred to him that Spike was still thinking about Buffy. His first instinct was to stand up and punch the vampire in the nose….he didn’t want to go through all that again and he wasn’t afraid to say so…but there was a bigger problem….his legs weren’t working …and his mouth was all fuzzy …and why were there two Spikes now?

Giles, being a more seasoned drinker than Xander was able to hold his alcohol better and listened to Spike’s comment and slowly nodded his head as he kept repeating, “Yes….yes,” as his glass tipped and fell from his hand when he passed into oblivion.

~~~





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