“They still do that?” Buffy asked, half innocently, and half sarcastically.
“Yes, they still do that, Miss Snarky.”
So now Buffy was presented with the task of finding something nice to wear. Not something she was used to doing. At least not for a . . . well, a date. It was a date, right? Whatever it was they were doing, it had to be some form of dating. Though, she hated that word. It put some kind of label on it, made it seem as if there was a level of commitment involved.
It was strange, no she was strange perhaps. She seemed to have no qualms about still going out with him, spending time with him, kissing him, hell even coming to see him for advice, but when something like a label attached itself to what they were doing, that was when she felt closed in; suffocated.
How was it possible that the girl who never had any relationships, felt suffocated? Shouldn’t she be jumping in with both feet into this? Embracing it and soaking it up for fear it might fade away and never present itself again? Wasn’t that how most did it?
She remembered listening to Dru go on and on when she had a new romance on the horizon. It was always the same thing: she’d start out so excited and unable to eat, every thought had to do with her new beau, and every dream was about him. Then she’d spend night and day with him and it was bliss, bliss, bliss, and love, love, love. Eventually though, the fallout came and a break-up would ensue. She’d end miserable and unable to eat. After a few days of that, the anger phase would kick in and that’s when Buffy would get to hear how he did this and it annoyed her, and she knew it wouldn’t last because of that, or how he bothered her a lot of the time and how she just never said anything. Then she’d go through these periods where she was sure to be alone forever. Then she’d meet someone and it would start all over again. There were always variations on how it all unfolded, but basically, they each seemed to follow a distinct pattern.
Buffy often wondered if boredom ever set in. How many times could you do the same thing over and over before you got completely sick of it? Didn’t knowing how it was going to end get a little old and depressing? It seemed the inevitability of it was monotonous, and it seemed to take a lot out of a person. At least it took a lot out of Buffy having to hear about it.
There are things you do with William over and over and never get tired of. . . like kissing . . .the voice inside her head told her, sounding like a teasing child. Well, yes, that was true. She was convinced however, that was just hormonal, a combination of hormones and never having done any of that before. Though she couldn’t deny that she did feel things for William that she’d never felt with another. Companionship. Safe. Comfortable. Dare she say it – even happy. She felt a smile bloom on her face by just the thought of him. Endorphins, she told herself time and again, you smile and endorphins are released. You kiss him and it’s the same thing. So naturally you would associate that endorphin high with him. It was, she had to admit, getting harder and harder to tell herself these things.
Part of her wanted to just embrace it and enjoy it and live. Have that fun and romance that William seemed to promise, and take the memories with her when she went back . . . if she went back. However, the thought of nothing but memories of William were harder to think of than she thought. It was downright terrifying. So much so that she wasn’t sure what frightened her most: Intimacy or losing William.
Possibly both.
But it was inevitable right? It was the way of the world. The way romances seemed to go. And yet everyone on God’s Green Earth flocked and rushed to them like moths to a flame, even if they ended up getting burnt in the process. Did Buffy have it in her to deal with that setback? She never was one to handle rejection well. And even though she knew what it felt like to not be loved, it didn’t mean that it made things any easier. In fact it hurt worse. The two people in the world that were supposed to love her the most could barely stand the sight of her.
And now the only person in the world, who had loved her, was dead.
Buffy had never been one to cling to someone, not even to her own sister, but she was finding as time passed that she was beginning to depend on William. That was a frightening concept: To depend on someone. Not in the sense of needing him or she felt she’d perish. In the sense of the things he did that he just did without thinking. It was those things that he did for her that meant everything – his silent support, his encouragement, even his persistence sometimes, and the way he always had a smile for her. Those were all the things she had come to depend on and look for. It was the whole reason why he was the one she chose to discuss the B&B idea with. He was always honest with her; he would give it to her straight. Even if she didn’t always want to hear what he had to say.
So, a dress. Buffy decided to treat herself a bit. She decided to do something that she hardly ever engaged in and often looked down upon: She was going to shop.
Coming up the walk, having passed an unidentified car in the driveway, Buffy wondered who had come for a visit. She decided it must not have been for her, and perhaps for Edina. Entering the home, she felt something immediately different. Knitting her brows, with her dress on a hanger in one hand, she took pause.
Something about the house felt different. For one, it was quite quiet. She was used to hearing at least some whispering just on the outskirts of her consciousness, and feeling at least something around her.
She felt something, but at the same time, nothing. It was hard to define and Buffy wondered if they knew something was up and were playing tricks on her. No. They wouldn’t – would they? Perhaps they were as nervous as she and were hiding out until the moment of truth.
“Miss? Something wrong?” Edina asked, coming around the corner and up to her. She smiled. “You’re standing in the doorway as if you’re waiting for someone. Is Mr. Giles with you?”
Buffy shook her head, “No, sorry, I’m . . . who just left?”
“That was another niece of mind, Tara’s sister, Darla.”
“Everything all right?”
“Quite. Some fences needed mending. It’s all taken care of, or at least in the process of being taken care of. Shall I take up your dress?”
“Oh, you don’t have –“
“Let me, please. Consider it my apology for my rude behavior this morning. It is your house to do with what you like and it is not my place to say yay or nay.”
“Edina, I’d want you to be part of it, no matter what. This is your home as well.”
“Have you made any definite decisions yet?”
“Not yet. Only that I want to refurbish those rooms that haven’t been touched. It seems a waste to have all this space and not have anything done to them.”
Edina smiled, “I agree. Now, let me take your pretty dress. Have you got a date with Mr. Giles?”
Buffy blushed and smiled, “I do.”
“Would you like me to draw your bath for you?”
Buffy smiled. William was right. It was in her blood to do this sort of thing. “Sure.”
Seeming pleased, Edina bustled off and Buffy stood there, listening carefully. Nothing. Entering the ballroom, she stepped inside and listened once more. “Hello?” she whispered. Still nothing.
“Maybe tonight,” Buffy whispered to herself. She snorted, “I’ll probably get ambushed.”