Chapter Three - “Realizations”

Flashback, Six years ago

In her bedroom, 14 year old Buffy clutched Mr. Gordo tightly to herself as the sound of the harsh rain started pouring heavily over her rooftop.

It’s been 3 hours since she'd gotten ready for bed and slipped into her favorite yummy sushi pajamas and yet, sleep would not come. She felt restless and uneasy. Strangely, it has nothing to do with the storm that was beginning to unfold outside her window.


So much like the previous nights before, her continuously agitated mind filled her with images of a boy of whom she cared so much about…probably even more than she would ever admit to herself.


A month already went by and still she could remember it so vividly like it was yesterday when she had stood by his side under the gray cloudy skies. One of her hands held his as they watched them gently lowered his mother's coffin to the ground.

Buffy knew how much Jenny meant to William. Losing Jenny was more than just losing his mom. It was like losing big part of him. It is for this reason that on the day of Jenny’s burial, Buffy made a silent vow to forever look after her son no matter what it takes.


William clutched her hand even more tightly. In spite of not having any tears in his eyes, the way he looked at her made her heart ache at the amount of emotions hidden behind them. 10 years together as best friends and never had she seen him looked so vulnerable and so withdrawn. She knew he needed someone. He needed her. But William chose to disappear from her life after that day.




When Buffy first discovered that William had been skipping school after his mom died, she would constantly look for him in his house, but she would always end up talking to Giles who obviously had to come up with all sorts of excuses just to keep her from being upset. Needless to say, it didn't work.

It hurt. Badly.

She tried calling him so many times but she would either be told he's asleep or out with some friends. Apparently, they were his so called "new friends" that she knew nothing about as she have lately discovered with Willow and Xander. To her dismay, William had chosen to ignore her and all she could do is wonder helplessly about his whereabouts and worry about what he could be doing with the kind of people he had chosen to hang out with.


Although, she understood that William needed some time to be alone to grieve, she still couldn't help feeling hurt and most of all, forgotten. There's nothing more that she could ever want than to be able to be there for William during one of the toughest moments of his life.


God knows how much she missed him. She missed hearing his voice… his laughter. She missed their endless exchange of playful banter. She missed the way he would tilt his head to the side and show her his all too knowing smirk. But most of all, the thing that she really missed were the times that he spent the night with her in her bed.


Snuggling had always been at the top of their favorite ‘Spike and Buffy’ things to do list. Given that they've been doing it since they were kids, they couldn't help but get used to the feeling of being around each other all the time. Whether it's a hug, a kiss on the forehead or holding each other's hand, it's just seemed natural for the rest of their friends to see them together behaving in an almost boyfriend-girlfriend kind of way even if they're not. Buffy always thought of William as the brother she never had and William always felt the same way. They've spent so much time exchanging a lot of physical affection that an entire day without any amount of touching would tend to feel strangely...wrong. And right now, that same "wrong"-ness is causing a lot of anxiety for Buffy.


Just then, a light tapping to the window slowly disrupted her from her deep thoughts. She looked up to her window and a sob almost escaped her lips when she gazed upon the cause of her relentless misery. William. Or somebody who looked like William.


She quickly wiped her tears and opened the window for him.


"My God, William! Is that you?" She exclaimed. She began to pace her room frantically. "What in the world possessed you to-" She stopped mid-sentence, her voice holding too many emotions all at once as she stared upon him." Where have you been? You had me worried sick!"


Amidst the darkness of the room, Buffy could only make out William's lean figure as he slowly took off his coat.


"What happened?" Buffy turned her lamp on and was surprised to find a much different William sitting at the very edge of her bed. Her mouth fell open as she took in the dramatic transformation in his look. Gone were his glasses and baggy clothes. Instead, it was replaced by tight black denim and a soggy black shirt that now clung to him like a second skin. His brown hair had been cut shorter and even if he was completely drenched she could see traces of blond on his dampened curls. "Will, d-did you color your hair?"


"Spike." he mumbled softly.


"What?"


"My name is Spike now."


Buffy looked at him with incredulous eyes. "Since when?"


Spike refused to answer and instead looked at her with a blank expression on his face.


Buffy heaved a sigh. Angry and frustrated, she was about to bomb him with another set of questions when she took notice of his trembling figure.


"You should get out of those clothes before you catch pneumonia."


Incidentally, Spike had some clothes left in her drawer over the countless of times he'd spent the night at her house.


"Boy you're lucky I did not throw your things in the dump the day you've decided I ceased to exist", she muttered, handing him an old gray shirt of his that she found in her bottom drawer.


When Spike made no attempt to move, Buffy's anger was immediately replaced with worry.


"Will?" Buffy went to sit beside him. It was only then that she noticed the tears that were threatening to spill from his deep blue eyes.


"William?"


"She's gone, love and it's all my fault."


Buffy mentally kicked herself for not considering what her friend must be going through. "Oh Will. It was an accident." A terrible and useless DUI accident that was caused by a drunken teenager who also died at the scene, her mind added frustratingly. " Don't you dare ever think that it's your fault, do you hear me?" Buffy told him softly as her hands went up to caress his damp curls before gently placing his head on her shoulder.


The moment he felt Buffy's arms came around him, Spike finally broke down.


" Buffy." his voice almost sounded like a plea. "P-promise me, love....that you won't... ever leave me", he managed to say between sobs.



"I won't leave you." Buffy murmured her reassurance as she planted a soft kiss on his forehead." I promise that I'll always be here for you, William. Best friends till the end, remember?"


"Right, love. Best friends till the end."


End of flashback



**********************************************************


Present Time , At the Bronze


"Did you see the look on Parker’s face when he found out why all the girls he spoke with either ended up slapping his face or making joke about his you know what.” Xander told Spike in between his uncontrollable snicker. He took the shot and missed the ball entirely. “Now look what that creep made me do.”


“I know. It was bloody priceless. “ Spike muttered as his cigarette dangled in the corner of his lips. “Although, I can’t see why you can’t mention the word- dick, Harris when you have exactly the same sodding thing dangling down in front of you! You really are such a nancy boy!”


Xander on the other hand was still stuck in his own little world of Parker Adam's mortification show that he completely missed Spike’s snide remark. “The man deserved it too. " He went on incessantly. "I mean the way he asked poor Amy on a date two weeks ago just as so he could retract his words the very next day to humiliate her is just so-“


“Lame.” Spike finished for him, picking up the chalk and rubbed it over the tip of the cue.

“Well I was going for typically stuck in high school much, but yeah.”


Spike chuckled, sinking the ball easily in the middle side-pocket . “And you not telling the boy that his fly was open when you just had your chit chat with the fella in the locker room was just brimming with maturity.” He drawled in sarcastic tone he was famously known for.

“What and miss all the fun that went along after that? Come on, you hated the guy too. Remember the time when he dated Buffy and you knocked out the porch lights out of the jerk when he tried to-”


“Don’t” He momentarily closed his blue eyes as his mind briefly showed a memory flash of his tear-stricken best friend crying her eyes out to him after Parker tried to take advantage of her on her first date. “ I nearly killed the bloody wanker.”


The way Spike’s knuckles turned almost white with the stick he was holding didn’t go unnoticed by his friend, Xander. His mind started to be filled with unwavering thoughts of his friend’s present predicament. However, he’d made a quick decision and omitted mentioning the delicate subject for the moment and immediately settled for a much lighter topic of discussion.


“By the way, Spring Break’s coming and Anya and I planning to go to Hawaii. You know you could come with us. You know what? I'll ask Willow and Oz as well so we could all go."


Spike's face instantly brightened in spite of his sudden agitation earlier. “I could, but aren’t you forgetting somebody?


“Who?”
“Irritating blond girl with every so often holier than thou attitude.”


“Martha Stewart?”


“Bugger,” Spike muttered exasperatedly. “I meant Buffy you git!”


Xander looked at him like he’d had grown two heads. So much for his steering away from a dangerous topic technique. Way to go Harris!


Spike saw his friend’s reaction and his features suddenly filled with worry. “What?”


In all his years, Spike remembers clearly only 2 rare occurrences that somebody made that kind of expression with him. The First was with his dad when his grandma died and the second time was with Joyce 3 years after. He and Buffy were both 17 years old back then when Joyce had told him that Buffy fell off from the tree house and that she needed to be taken to a hospital.



“Did you receive a call from Anya? Did something happen to Buffy?”


“Spike, Buffy is ok.”


“Then what is it?”


“You mean she hasn’t told you?”


“Told me what? You’re fuckin’ killin’ me here.”


“ Buffy told Anya and then Anya told me that - BuffywillbemeetingRiley’sparentsthatweekend.”


“What?”


“Buffy will be meeting Riley’s parents that weekend. ”
“W-Why would-“ Spike began to pace frantically back and forth. He looked at his friend straight in the eye, his jaw clenching and unclenching. ” Is there something you wanted to tell me, Harris?"


Xander eyed him back warily. How does he always manage to get stuck in the middle? Buffy should be the one to tell him what’s going on. On the other hand, he doesn’t fancy the idea spending the Spring break getaway with Anya with a broken nose. Nope, that’s definitely not of the good. With an exasperated sigh of defeat, he had decided to tell him. “Spike. Buffy has accepted Finn’s proposal. She’s getting married, man.”


Spike's eyes went wide as every vestige of color suddenly drained from his handsome face. “Bloody Hell!”



TBC

A/N : For those who got a bit upset about Willow's response to Buffy's engagement, give it time. Things may not always be what they seem. I promise :-)





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