A/N: Sorry this is so damn short, but I had to get it out, and tacking it on to what I have planned for next chapter would make it too long. Hope you enjoy this, and I'll try to have the rest of this part out tomorrow night at the latest. Reviews are always appreciated and loved. Thanks!

-Bob Dylan, Not Dark Yet

Spike paced next to the car. He had to ask Buffy for the keys before he could leave, but he couldn't look at her right now, or anyone for that matter. He needed to settle things with Dru once and for all. He knew that allowing what happened to Xander to go by without any word was a mistake, but he hoped that maybe she would lay off if he didn't react.

At least that's what he told himself. He was scared to face her again. Scared that she'd say just the right thing to draw him back in. She was so damn good and finding his weakness and using it against him until he broke into tiny pieces at her feet. She'd gotten him to fuck for money, there wasn't much more you could ask of a person than to give you their body and their dignity.

He shook his head to clear the memories. That was all he needed, to be paralyzed by some remembrance of a time when he was lower than dirt and he loved it because she wanted him to.

God, but he was the ultimate fool for love. She'd told him that, of course. Explained to him that he was so fucking scared of being alone that he'd do anything to keep her. He'd fuck, he'd steal, he'd lie, he'd kill for her. And he'd do it all for nothing more than the crumbs she fed him out of her filthy palm. He'd wallowed in shit for her for a year, and he knew that it'd be all too easy for her to get him to do it again.

She had all the magic words. Knew all the buttons to push. Was well aware of all the places you could touch Spike and make him a little puppy that loved to beg.

He could still hear the neediness and desperation in his voice. He could still remember how it felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest as she sold him to anyone who could get her what she wanted. He did it all for her and she still rejected him.

He turned quickly and slammed his fist into the lamp pole next to him. It felt good to feel something else for a change. He could either fuck or fight to forget. He preferred to fuck, but as nothing was around, he'd settle for a tussle with an inanimate object.

"Spike?"

He looked back and saw Buffy running toward him. In that moment he looked to her like a wild animal backed into a corner. His eyes darted around for an escape and his fists clenched and unclenched at his sides.

"Spike, it's just me."

He wanted to tell her to get away from him, he was too high-strung at the moment to be rational. If everyone would just leave him alone, he'd have it out with the bloody pole and be done. He could face the bitch that was his ex and finish things like he should have done a long time ago.

He looked up and saw her fear, it brought what little sanity he had left at the moment to the forefront and he took a deep breath to calm himself.

"You should get out of her, luv, I'm not myself just now."

"Spike, I think-"

"I said get the fuck out of here, Buffy. I don't give a buggering fuck what you think right now."

Buffy had to stop herself from responding in kind as was her instinct. "Spike, you need to calm down and talk to me."

He took a step forward and pulled her to him roughly. "That really what you want, pet?" She struggled lightly against him but she wasn't exactly sure what needed to be done. His moods were mercurial at times, but he needed more than anything to be understood. Still, she could be playing with fire here. "I'm giving you one last chance to get the hell away from me before I break, you got that, lamb, one last fucking chance."

She stared at him for a moment and saw nothing in his eyes, it scared her more than she cared to admit. "Fuck you, Spike, don't try to intimidate me."

He turned and slammed her against the car, his body pressed tightly against hers. "You wanna play, pet? You wanna see the real me."

"I've already seen it, William."

"Don't fucking call me that!" He kissed her harshly and grabbed her hands, pinning them behind her. "You think I'm just some simpering little boy you can jerk around because I told you about my vulnerable past?" He ground his hips against hers and leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Stupid little bitch, oldest trick in the goddamn book."

She pushed him off violently and he nearly fell down. "Don't try that shit, you know it doesn't work," she yelled at him angrily.

"Nah, luv, this works much better on you." He grabbed his crotch and pinned to her to car again. "Like it like this, Buffy?"

A slow, sexy smile spread across her face. "Yeah, I like it like that." She used his moment of confusion to shove him to ground. "But it won't be you, Spike. You can sit there and played scared little boy all night long. I'm sick of this shit. If you don't get the fuck up, dust yourself off, apologize for being an asshole, and tell me what in the fucking hell is going on, I'm leaving, and this time I really won't come back."

They stared at each other for a moment and right as Buffy was deciding to leave, Spike covered his face and spoke. "Please.. just give me a minute."

Buffy let out a silent sigh and thanked God he'd come to his senses. She'd invested too much of herself to walk away, it would have killed her to do so.

Spike stood slowly and reached out hesitantly to touch her hand. She met him halfway and squeezed reassuringly. He sighed with relief and ran his free hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I-"

"Just leave it at that. I know. Just tell me what's going on."

Spike looked around them and then back to the ground. "Can we... I want to be alone with you. Let's sit in the car or something."

Buffy nodded and pulled him toward the car, she opened the back door and when he looked at her questioningly she just got inside and pulled him with her. "If we sit in front, I'll feel like I'm too far away. I want to be with you right now. I think you need that."

He looked so grateful to her and incredulous that she could be so understanding that she had to smile. "I know, I don't know how I can be so kind either. Think maybe you bring out the best in me."

Spike looked down and fidgeted with his hands. "I wish I could be a better-"

"Shh," she put a finger to his lips and shook her head, leaning in close. "No wishes. Let's just do what we should and deal when we do what we shouldn't. I'm sick of talking about the past like it's going to change. We've got to face what we've done and move forward. You're living in the past, Spike, and it's killing you."

She leaned forward and kissed him softly. He didn't respond at first, but soon he was accepting all she was giving him and trying to give back what he could. It was just a meeting of lips, comfort and security, and what she hoped he understood as love.

They broke the kiss and pulled each other into a tight embrace. "Help me, Buffy. I want to but I can't do it alone."

"You know I'll help you, you know I care."

He nodded against her neck and placed a soft, sweet kiss there before pulling back to look her in the eyes. "When I told you about what I did with Dru, there are some things I left out. You asked me why I stopped, and I never answered you."

"I thought maybe that it just became too much."

"That it did, but you only know half of what it was." He took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes. "If after you hear this... if you want to go, or maybe you just want to be friends, I'll get it."

"Spike-"

"No, Buffy, I'm giving you this out because there's a good chance you'll take it. I'm not a good person, I've told you this before, but you're going to hear exactly why I say this, and you'll probably agree. If you want to pull away," he thought of Dru and flinched at the memory, "I'll get it, and I won't hold it against you."

He held both her hands in his and kissed each knuckle reverently. "Just promise me you'll give the truth about what you feel. I can't have it come up later when you let it come to surface and can't take it anymore. If you can't stand me, I want to know, don't try to hide it. Please, Buffy, it's all I ask."

She thought for a moment about all the consequences and then nodded. "I promise, Spike."

He tugged her hands gently and she moved to lay her head in his lap. He ran his fingers through her hair and sighed softly. "I have to start... You need to know about my mum... not my real mum, but Jenny, woman that practically raised me." She could hear the tremor in his voice and she stroked his knee lightly. "What happened to her... because of me, it's like what's happening now. And... what I did because of it."

He stroked her cheek lightly and she looked up at him. "Ready, pet?"

Buffy nodded and he began.