A/N: Sorry this is so late. It's been hectic. Everyone is going back to school and I had the worst hangover of my life, possibly made worse by food poisoning. So here's this, hope you like it, and more soon! Reviews are always loved!

I couldn't see what you could show me
Your scarf had kept your mouth well hid
I couldn't see how you could know me
But you said you knew me and I believed you did
When you whispered in my ear
And asked me if I was leavin' with you or her
I didn't realize just what I did hear
I didn't realize how young you were

But, sooner or later, one of us must know
You just did what you're supposed to do
Sooner or later, one of us must know
That I really did try to get close to you
-Bob Dylan, "One of Us Must Know (Sooner or Later)"

Buffy made the necessary calls and before they knew it, their bags were packed and the taxi was waiting outside the house. Spike stopped short of climbing into the car and turned to look at the place that had seen the best and worst of him in the past few weeks.

Buffy got back out of the taxi and touched his shoulder lightly.

"C'mon, Spike, we'll be back soon."

He smiled and kissed her temple lightly before helping her back in and sitting himself.

***

The trip was uneventful and slightly tense. There was no chance for naughty fun on the plane as they were both nervous about their reception in California. Buffy knew that eventually Spike would be welcomed back with open arms, and she was positive they still loved him just as much as before he left, but it was going to be a while before they could trust him again.

Anya and Xander would be the worst. They had spent a great deal of time worrying themselves sick about him. Willow and Tara had been worried too, but they could calm down and think rationally about the situation without breaking, Anya and Xander hadn't been so stable.

They finally made it back to the house and Spike stopped before making it all the way up the walk.

"It'll be ok."

Spike looked at her with vulnerable, pain filled eyes. "Will it?"

Buffy dropped her bags and wrapped her arms around his waist and he pulled her close, burying his face in her hair.

"They love you, they want you home."

He took in a shuddering breath. "I hurt them, I didn't want to and I did, and they know I lied."

"You didn't lie, they weren't at all upset about any of that. They were just worried, and it hurt them that you let them worry. It's not too terrible a thing to have done."

Spike pulled back and kissed her sweetly on the lips, pressing his forehead against hers when he broke away. "Thank you for being here."

"I'll always be here, haven't you gotten that yet?"

He smiled and kissed her quickly once more before taking a deep breath, grabbing his bag and walking the rest of the way up the walk, his hand tightly holding hers.

They opened the door slowly and dropped their luggage in a heap in the entranceway.

"Anybody home?"

"Buffy?"

Tara came quickly down the stairs and stopped when she saw Spike standing there.

"'Lo, luv. Long time no see."

Tara smiled before running to him and wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug. "Don't you ever run off again!"

He brought his arms up around her shoulders and held her just as tightly. "I'm so sorry, pet, just couldn't do it here."

She pulled back and looked him in the eye. Her hand came up to brush some hair from his forehead. "I know, it's ok. I'm just glad you're finally better."

They stared at each other for a moment, conveying things without words, and Buffy had to turn away. She couldn't be jealous, there was nothing that Spike felt for Tara that was more than what he felt for her, but it was such an intimate moment, she felt like an intruder.

Spike cupped Tara's cheek in his hand and kissed her forehead, feeling the years of unresolved tension begin to drain away. "Better everyday, luv."

Willow came up from behind them and squeezed Buffy in welcome. "Should we be worried?"

Spike turned quickly and his eyes went to the floor. He felt ashamed and guilty and definitely not the kind of big brother such a woman should have in that moment.

Willow knew they look and pulled him into a tighter hug than Tara, and not a little violent. "You ever do something like this without telling me again, and I'll... I don't know what, but it won't be pleasant. Maybe involving hot pokers or screenings of Gigli."

Spike laughed loudly, and Buffy could see the unshed tears in his eyes. She knew Willow was the second most important person in his life. If he had felt like he'd let someone down that he was responsible for it was her.

"Gotcha, Red. Not again."

Willow pulled back and glared. "I can't believe you told Dad and not me."

"I couldn't... Things have changed, pet. We're not the same people we were-"

"I know. And I know he had to help you with some things. I was kidding."

He nodded and hugged her again.

"I'm guessing not everyone is going to be happy to see me."

Willow and Tara stepped back from him, looking very uncomfortable.

"They left, then?" Spike knew the answer before they nodded and he swore under his breath before running a slightly shaking hand through his hair. "You know where?"

Tara gave him a look and he sighed. He turned to Buffy and took her hands in his. "I've got to talk to them."

"I know."

"You trust me?"

Buffy gave him a wary look. "You know I do. What's going on?"

He kissed her hands and looked her in the eye. "They're at the pub, and I've got to go. Alone."

They looked at each other for a moment and Buffy's eyes softened. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'll call if things get bad, ok?"

"Call before things get bad."

Spike nodded and kissed her quickly before turning and kissing Willow and Tara's cheeks goodbye.

"I'll be back soon. I hope."

They watched him get into the DeSoto and drive away. "Were they very angry?"

Tara and Willow grabbed Buffy's arms and led her into the kitchen. "I think we should have some ice cream."

"Oh shit."

***

Spike smoothed his hair down and took a steadying breath before walking into the pub. He spotted Anya and Xander in their usual place near the back. They didn't look happy.

Spike walked back and waited for them to look up from their beers.

"Hello, luvs."

Xander didn't look up before standing abruptly and storming out. Anya stood a bit unsteadily and began to follow but Spike touched her arm.

"Ahn, please..."

She finally met his eyes and he could tell she'd been crying. "You really know how to fuck things up, Spike."

"Luv, I'm so bloody sorry, I didn't mean for you to worry, I just couldn't-"

"What? Drop us a line? How fucking hard would it have been to leave us a note? At least you could have let Buffy tell us!"

He looked down and knew she was right, but at the time things had been so crazy, he wasn't ready for any of it. "All I can say is that I'm sorry, and... I never meant to hurt you."

Anya just stood still for a moment, and when Spike slowly tried to put his arms around her she let him. "We missed you."

He held her tighter and smiled into her shoulder when he felt her arms come around him. "I missed you too, so bloody much. Wasn't sure I'd make it through."

She squeezed him tighter. "How could you not have told us you were still..."

"Ahn-"

"How could we not know?!"

Spike pulled her tighter when he felt her start to shake. "I hid it well, my Dad, he's the only one that knew, and he only knew because he put me on it."

"You were going through hell, and Xander and I just played around with you-"

"Anya, you didn't play with me, we love each other, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Then what we did, everything we had together, it was good. I'm not about to jump back into bed with you two, but I still love you, and I don't regret a second we spent together."

"Me neither."

They held each other for a moment longer before Anya pulled back. "You should go find him. He's really upset."

Spike nodded and kissed her cheek and her forehead before stepping away. "Wait here for us."

Spike ran out the door and ducked into the alley nearby. He scanned the area and didn't have to wait long before he found Xander.

Or rather, his face found Xander's fist.

Spike hit the ground hard, stars dancing behind his eyes. "What the bloody hell was that for?!"

Xander stood above him, his fists clenching and unclenching, his breath coming in quick pants. "You fucking bastard!"

"Xand, wait a minute-"

"Shut up. You left, and you didn't even have to fucking decency to tell us. Anya and I spent days looking for you. Searched this whole fucking place for you! We didn't know if you were dead in some alley, fucking around with Dru or what!"

Spike stood and gingerly touched his eye. Already it was beginning to swell. "Xander, listen. I know you feel like I bloody abandoned you, and you're half right, but I wasn't sure what the hell was happening to me. I couldn't think straight, and those were my bad decisions. I want to apologize, and I want you to accept it, but I'll understand if you don't. You know I love you, do bloody anything for you, but I had to do this for me."

Spike stepped forward and took Xander's face in his hands. "I was fucking dying here, Xand. I was slowly fading away. I would have hurt you, hurt Anya, hurt everybody. It took me nearly doing something to Buffy to get that I needed help. Can you please get that I didn't want it to touch you, that's why I had to leave."

Xander looked him in the eyes for a moment before nodding slightly. "I need some time."

Spike stepped back and nodded, even as his heart clenched painfully. "I get it."

They stood awkwardly for a moment before Xander brought his hand up to Spike's face and kissed him softly. "It'll be ok, man. I promise."

Spike watched as he walked back into the pub and sighed before beginning the walk back to the DeSoto and home.

***

Buffy was waiting for him in their room when he got back.

"Jesus, what happened to your face?"

Spike grinned ruefully and shrugged. "Ran into an angry fist."

"Should I get some ice."

He shook his head and pulled her to him. "Just want you."

She pushed his jacket off of his shoulders and pulled his shirt out of his pants. Spike toed off his boots and Buffy did the same before they climbed into bed together.

"What happened?"

Spike nuzzled her neck and shrugged.

"Spike..."

He sighed and kissed her shoulder before propping himself up on his elbow. "It'll be ok. Anya and I talked, we're fine. Xander was upset, obviously, but he said he was ok. Just needed some time alone."

Buffy nodded and kissed him softly. "And you're ok?"

"It hurt, but I'll get over it. Just wish things could go back to the way they were before."

"That never happens, but sometimes it's better. You guys have been through so much. This can only make your relationship stronger."

Spike leaned in and kissed her. Their tongues stroked each other languidly, stoking a slow building fire. Buffy rolled onto her back and pulled him with her. "Made ours stronger, didn't it?"

"Mmmm..."

Spike's hands reached her covered breasts and Buffy pulled her shirt over her head, allowing his nimble fingers to undo the clasp on her bra.

"Beautful," he murmured against her breasts.

"You always say that."

He smiled and kissed each nipple softly, causing her to press her chest more firmly against him. "True, innit?"

Buffy didn't answer, but reached down to unbutton and unzip his pants, freeing his already hard cock from its confines. He yanked her pants down at the same time and gasped when her fingers wrapped around him. He reached between her legs and had to lean his forehead against her shoulder when he felt how wet she already was.

"So wet, Buffy, this for me?"

"Been thinking about you ever since you left."

He growled against her shoulder and moved up until his mouth could reach hers. They kissed slowly as Buffy positioned him at her entrance and he pushed inside with one quick thrust.

"Oh Jesus, you feel... like heaven..."

Buffy thrust up against him and kissed him harder. They pushed and pulled, bringing each other to a quick but satisfying orgasm. She bit into his shoulder as she came, not wanting to alert Tara and Willow to their activities. When Spike felt the sting of her teeth he came hard, thrusting with abandon into her.

He collapsed on top of her, panting. They kissed again, slowly before he rolled off and pulled her against him. "Love you, Buffy."

She kissed his shoulder where she bit him and smiled. "Love-"

Her phone ringing in her discarded pants interrupted her and she wondered who would be calling her. Spike grabbed her phone off the floor and handed it to her. "Bloody irritating things."

She smiled and answered it, not recognizing the number. "Buffy Summers."

Spike watched her smile fade and her face go pale. "Buffy?"

"Thank you, I'll be getting in touch within the next day."

She set the phone down and sat still, staring at nothing.

"Buffy, luv, what is it?"

Finally she looked over at him. "My father's dead."

***