A/N: This is it.

Now all my fathers, they've gone down
True love they've been without it.
But all their daughters put me down
'Cause I don't think about it.

Well, I return to the Queen of Spades
And talk with my chambermaid.
She knows that I'm not afraid
To look at her.
She is good to me
And there's nothing she doesn't see.
She knows where I'd like to be
But it doesn't matter.
I want you, I want you,
I want you so bad,
Honey, I want you.
-Bob Dylan, "I Want You"

Spike watched Buffy as she slept and wondered just what she'd been thinking as she tried to get him to admit his motives. He was too thrown off by her intuition to give in to her. He couldn't lose that much control, because, with her he already felt like there was almost nothing he could deny her.

He was hers, totally, and forever. But it all came back to the fact that she was just starting out on her own, and he'd been through his fair share of mistakes of the adult variety. He'd seen the best and the worst of himself, made bad bloody calls, but lately he'd finally figured out how to grow up.

Buffy didn't even seem to need it. She'd been his rock throughout the year, there for him in every way without question. He sometimes forgot that she was the younger one. Here she was, raising a sister, both parents gone, and one who was never really there to begin with. He'd had nothing but support from both his parents for his entire life, and he'd squandered it.

And here he was, once again feeling sorry for himself. His whole life he'd been floundering, never really sure where he was going and what he was trying to do. Now he was sure. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Buffy, he wanted to write, and he wanted to raise kids that would a much better addition to society than he'd ever been.

Was Buffy ready for that? Even if she thought she wanted it now, would she feel the same when she'd graduated and found a career? And what if it took them in separate directions, and she ended up hating him for one decision or another they'd make because they were married?

They'd only known each other for less than a year, and granted, they'd been to hell and back, but did that mean they could make it through whatever was ahead?

Spike brushed her hair from her face and couldn't help but kiss her softly. Every part of her was precious to him. Every time he though of her, every time he watched her like this, his heart clenched in his chest and he knew it had to be love.

He sighed and kissed her cheek softly before getting out of bed. He threw on some sweat pants and glanced back to make sure she was still asleep before shutting the door softly and sneaking downstairs.

He stopped in the doorway to the kitchen when he saw Tara sitting at the counter.

"Couldn't sleep either?"

He shook his head and sat next to her. "Too much going on up here tonight," he said softly, gesturing to his head.

"I guess I'm still a little buzzed from the whole thing today. Willow passed out a few hours ago and I didn't want to wake her tossing and turning."

Spike nodded and they sat in comfortable silence for a moment.

"It's been a while since we've had a chance to talk, Will."

He glanced over at her and smiled. "I've missed you, luv."

"Me too."

Spike sat for a moment, trying to build the courage to unburden himself on Tara when she started speaking.

"I think she'd say yes."

He looked at her sideways. "Who'd say yes about what?"

"And I think you should at least be honest with her about your concerns."

"What the bloody hell are you going on about?"

Tara smiled and shook her head. "You're not the toughest nut to crack."

"Tara, I don't-"

"William." He looked over at her and sighed.

"Couldn't even let me bring it up myself, buggery women all hell bent on speaking for me."

"So did she bring it up then?"

He shrugged. "Not exactly, I tried to be sly about it and she caught on without missing a beat. She's too smart for me."

Tara laughed quietly and Spike realized he really had missed talking to her. They hadn't spoken in private since he'd come back from Woodstock, and she'd always been his most level headed confidant.

"So you think she'll say yes. I think she might too, but that doesn't mean it's the best decision for us. I mean, I'm nearly 25, she's 20, and yeah, five years isn't much, but I'm at a crossroads and she's just starting. Who knows where she'll be in two years, and I have a feeling I'm going to be sitting back in Sunnydale, or moping around Woodstock, attempting to write and scraping by."

"So basically, you're done then?"

"Yes. I mean no. I mean... Fuck, I don't know. I know what I want, I just don't think it's going to happen."

Tara reached for his hand and turned it over. "I see... lots of love, a strong family... a big house, swimming pool and three cars-"

"You're making this up."

She smiled at him, but didn't release his hand. "Yeah, but isn't that what you want me to say?"

"I'm not asking you to give me validation or fix my problems," he said sullenly, pulling his hand away.

"Will..." She sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make fun of you."

"Funny, that's what it looks like."

She reached for his hand and held it again between both of hers. "Look, I wish I could solve things, or at least give you the perfect advice that's guaranteed to work, but I can't. I can tell you that I think you're thinking too hard about it all."

"So you want me to jump in head first, see what happens, possibly have Buffy resenting me for the rest of my life because she married me before she was even really out in the world?"

"Do you really even see that as a possibility?"

"I see everything as a bloody possibility! She could hate me, love me, just become indifferent after a while. What we have now is the most incredible thing that's ever happened to me. I can't lose it."

"You do realize that getting married is kind of the way you say you want to keep it forever, right?"

He slumped his shoulders in defeat. "I just don't want to ask her because I think she'll feel an obligation to say yes when she's really not sure. I don't want to make any decisions for her."

Tara squeezed his hand and turned his face toward her. "You seem like you already have."

"What?"

"You act like it's inevitable that things will fall apart a few years from now. It's really not. Look at Xander and Anya, look at me and Willow. You've had relationships, and they've failed, but Will, that wasn't because it was simply going to happen, they just weren't the right ones. I see you with Buffy, and I feel like something is finally perfect in your life. It wasn't there with Dru, it wasn't there romantically with Xander and Anya... and as much as at the time I wish it had been... it wasn't there with us."

Spike looked hard into Tara's eyes. "Yeah.." he said softly. It felt like he was letting something go, and it felt good. And he realized something the longer he looked at Tara. When he'd first met Buffy, he'd been living in the past, and then she'd helped him to get out of that, but he'd jumped into the future. His whole life had been about nostalgia or planning, and maybe all the undue stress he'd put himself through could be easily remedied by living in and for the moment.

Things with Buffy would take their natural course if he'd let them, and if things got bad, they'd get bad, he was a stronger man now. But all signs seemed to point to things going incredibly well.

"I think I'm ready to get some sleep."

Spike stood with her and pulled her into a warm embrace. "Thank you, luv."

She pulled back and kissed his cheek. "Night, Will, I'll see you in the morning."

***

"Spike?" Buffy mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah, luv?"

She rolled over to face him as he removed his pants and slid into bed next to her. "Where'd you go?"

"Just needed to do some thinking, and I was thirsty. Go on back to sleep."

She allowed him to pull her against his chest. "I'm not as tired anymore."

He tensed for a moment before relaxing. Living in the moment. Right. Starting now.

"Oh?"

"Nevermind, Spike, I'm sorry."

He felt her distancing herself both physically and emotionally and pulled her back to him, rolling her onto her back. "No, Buffy, I was being stupid earlier."

"You were?"

"Yeah." He bent down and hesitated before she lifted her head a bit to kiss him. It was soft and sweet, meant more to reassure themselves of what they had than to ignite anything.

"You really want to talk now?"

She pushed him onto his back and rested her head on his chest. "I think it's easier.. in the dark sometimes."

"I don't think I need it to be that easy anymore." She looked up to find him gazing back at her. "Buffy, I love you."

"I know."

He sat up and brought her with him. "Do you?"

"Spike?"

"I mean... I love you, I want what's best for you, and I want you to be with me because you love me, not because of any obligation."

He looked down and moved his hands from around her waist to clasp them in his lap.

"Hey," she whispered, tilting his chin so that he could look into her eyes, "I've thought about it... a lot, and I'm not in delusionville here. I'm not thinking everything's easy or will be. I'm not thinking that there aren't going to be things that might threaten to break us up... But, we've seen some terrible things in each other, we've made it. I wouldn't be here if I didn't believe in you."

He kissed her then, with all the emotions he felt when he was around her. The confusion and the lust, the joy, pain, and most of all, love. She crawled into his lap and reached between them, stroking him to hardness before sinking down and wrapping her arms around his neck.

They rocked together slowly without words until Buffy whispered, "I believe in you," and Spike came.

***

They'd reached a sort of agreement that night together, though unspoken. Neither felt the need to bring up marriage again, really. Things just seemed to be progressing naturally, and that was good for both of them. They were happy, and even though they were only ones left to get married, no one made an attempt to find out from one or the other when they would take the next step.

After Dawn's graduation, Buffy sold the house in L.A. and moved them both back to Sunnydale for the summer. Dawn planned to go to UCLA when school started and live in the dorms, but she took Buffy's old room in the house while Buffy moved in with Spike until then.

Xander found a lucrative new job and it helped Anya make enough money to buy a coffee shop that had all the potential for greatness, just bad managing.

They flirted with the idea of moving away but as weird as it was to still live with everyone, there really wasn't a better place to be for the time being.

Tara graduated and managed to land a job in publishing while Willow finished up school. They remained in the house as well after their impromptu wedding in Boston.

So it left Spike and Buffy, the only couple "still living in sin," as Dawn would frequently remind them. The whole group had plans to visit Woodstock to celebrate Spike's new book soon to be on the shelves. And on that trip, he planned to remedy the sin situation.

And he couldn't wait.

***

"What are you waiting for?"

Spike looked up from his dresser and saw Buffy standing with her hands on her hips in the doorway. "What?"

"You've been staring at that drawer for I don't know how long. If there is one thing about you that I will never come to grips with, it's the way you pack."

"Oi, what's wrong with my packing?"

Buffy sighed and leaned against the door. "Back and forth, back and forth, like you don't even know what you're putting it, and sometimes you just stop, and stare, like you're doing right now."

Spike grabbed his last item and shoved it in the suitcase before zipping it closed. "Just thinking, alright? I'm done now mother, happy?"

Buffy smirked and walked toward him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Don't take that tone with me or I might have to put you over my knee."

"Promises, promises," he sighed wistfully before kissing her softly. "You all ready then, I suppose?"

"Of course, you know me," she pressed herself closer to him and nipped at his earlobe. "Always... ready."

He felt himself harden at her words and ran his hands down her back until he reached her ass and pressed her hard against his erection. "Buffy," he groaned against her neck, "don't we need to call the cab?"

She slid her hand between them and squeezed his cock through his jeans. "I've taken care of everything, I didn't think we could manage to get on the plane before this."

He pushed her back against the dresser. "You know me too well."

She kissed him softly at first, but he was having none of it, all too soon her top was off and he was trying with shaking hands to undo her pants. "Stupid bloody buttons, never get these buggery button flys again, pet."

She couldn't help but chuckle and helped him finish the job. Before he pants were even fully off his head was between her thighs. She threw her head back and tried not to scream, she couldn't lose her bet with Anya. She could so go a day without Spike loving, she just didn't want to. Thin walls sucked.

Spike lifted her bottom slightly so that he could get a better angle and attacked her clit with abandon. He slid two fingers inside her and pumped them slowly, driving her insane.

"God, Spike!"

He smiled but didn't stop with his tongue. He felt her start to clench around his fingers and was surprised when she threw him off and kicked her pants the rest of the way off before starting with his buttons.

"Luv, what are you-"

"No time, the cab'll be here, and I need you."

He wasn't about to argue. He propped himself up against the bed and pulled her into his lap, sliding her slowly down onto his length.

They both let out a ragged moan before she started to move on him. He thrust up into her hard and fast, loving the sounds she made ever time he hit her in just the right spot.

"Buffy, luv... I'm-"

She cut him off with a scream that she attempted to muffle by biting down on his shoulder which set him off. They sat panting for a moment, and Spike ran his hands up and down her back, loving how she melted into his arms after sex.

Outside a car horn honked and Buffy kissed him soundly before standing and pulling her pants back on.

"Buffy, Spike, the car's here!"

Anya stood outside their door with a huge grin. "Nice try, honey, pay up."

Spike looked confused as Buffy grudgingly pulled out a five and handed it to her friend.

"Bitch."

"Sore loser nympho."

"What the-"

Buffy just grabbed his hand and pulled him down the stairs.

"Don't ask."

***

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?" she mumbled, trying to stifle a yawn."

"Nevermind, go back to sleep."

"I wasn't asleep, what is it?"

She focused on his face and realized something. He was nervous. Which made her a little nervous. Which made both occupants in the bed incredibly tense.

They sat in silence for a moment as it sank in and Buffy's eyes grew larger and larger until Spike couldn't help but laugh and soon she was joining him.

And the spell was broken. All the anxiety and fear was gone and he pulled her to him and kissed her passionately.

"I love you," he said, breaking away, breathless. "Marry-"

"Yes!"

"I didn't even get to finish!"

"Sorry, but it's not like I didn't see it coming."

"Yeah, and the whole shock thing, real attractive on you."

"Asshole.. like the whole sweating bullets when you already know the answer thing was totally becoming."

They started laughing again and he grabbed his pants and pulled the ring out of his pocket before slipping it on her finger. "Perfect fit, luv."

"When did you get this?"

"It was Jenny's. Dad gave it to me a while back, it was his mother's I guess."

"Spike-"

He cut her off with a kiss and moved his fingers to her ribs, tickling her gently until he had her gasping for breath and attempting to retaliate.

They couldn't help but keep giggling between kisses. Spike didn't think he'd ever been this giddy. He'd been happy before, joyful one might say, but this was probably the most exciting moment he'd had, and maybe that was due to the total comfort of it.

Everything with Buffy came naturally it seemed. They knew each other in and out, and he couldn't have imagined taking her out somewhere or setting something totally romantic up. For any other girl, maybe that would be the right call, but with Buffy there was something about laying with her, after a long day, nothing too sexual about, though the chemistry was always there, just love and safety. Their bodies fit together just right, and at this point he wasn't sure he'd be able to sleep well without her.

At some point their play had changed in tone and now she was moaning underneath him as he moved his fingers slowly over her body. She pulled and pushed him until he was trapped between her thighs, not that he'd want to be anywhere else.

"Where you planning this for a while?" she asked as he positioned himself at her opening.

"This?" he asked sliding inside her.

"That's a smart mouth you've got," she said before pulling his head down so that she could kiss him thoroughly.

"You love it."

"Yeah, guess I do."

"Now you're stuck with it for life."

She smiled and kissed him again. "Wouldn't want to be stuck with anything else."

***

Had Anya known that getting a new housemate would have resulted in all this, she would have tried a lot harder at first.

She took the pipe from Spike and smiled at he and Buffy, for once totally happy with their displays of affection. Buffy's ring wasn't any more extravagant than hers, so the showing off of it wasn't really a problem either.

She took a hit and blew it out slowly, letting the smoke linger in front of her for a moment as she mused about Spike's money problems and his need for that car bringing him this level of happiness.

"See, money is a good thing."

Everyone looked at her for a moment, not understanding her outburst and then shrugged.

At Xander's questioning look she said, "I'm a little too high to get the point across totally to you, but trust me, money's a good thing, look at Buffy and Spike."

Xander pulled her closer and passed the pipe to Tara. "Sure, honey."

"I'm glad we all got to come back here for this, y'know?" Willow said, leaning heavily on Tara as she blew out a large cloud of smoke.

"Me too, and Buffy and I have another announcement. We want to have the wedding here, not as few people as Xander and Anya's, but pretty small."

There was a chorus of cheers from the group and they all moved to hug the happy couple. "Why this place?" Tara asked when they'd all gotten back into the circle.

"Well... I guess because it's the place where we first-"

"Ahem.." Giles muttered abruptly.

Spike looked panicked for a moment and Buffy spoke up, "where we first.. found God.. together."

"Right, and I'm sure you spent ample amounts of time with the Lord after that," Giles commented dryly.

"Calling out his name at least," Spike replied before smirking and hugging Buffy tightly against him.

"I think it's adorable," Fred said through her own puff of smoke. "They're all grown up, Rupert."

She nudged him slightly and he rolled his eyes. "I suppose, but I'd rather not imagine my son in any more compromising positions than I've already been forced to witness in the flesh."

"Sorry about that, Giles" Buffy said, blushing slightly.

"Just teaches me not to just wander about my own home in the middle of the day."

"You guys are still doing the every room, every visit thing? Xander, we need to catch up."

Giles sighed and cleaned his glasses. "Some things never change."

Spike looked down at Buffy and kissed her softly.

"Thank God for that," he whispered in her ear.

She just smiled.

***

A/N: So there it is. I hope it meets most if not all expectations. This is the first time I wrote an entire first draft and changed it completely. It was something much more serious than this, and I didn't think that fit with the intent of the fic. Big thanks to everyone who reviewed throughout and managed to stay with me with all the gaps at times. I'm glad I could finally pay off everyone who's been waiting.

Now I've got a ficathon to work on and I'm finishing up the rest of my WIPs before moving on to a new idea that's been begging to be written, but I've refused to start until this baby was done. Can't believe how long it got, but I'm pretty proud.

Oh, and I was so excited when I thought of this song for this chapter. It's so carefree and perfect, and that particular verse mirrors the situation with Tara and Spike perfectly. Just a great song, and a great way to encapsulate the feel of this whole thing. Now I'm proud.