I did what he said, I stayed away from him, it didn’t take a lot, Cordy was furious with me. Hell, I was furious with me. I was so stupid, why did I ever let it get that far?
The thing is I genuinely believed at the time that I was doing the right thing. Oh to know then what I know now.
I knew when his flight was and I couldn’t stop myself, I had to see him one last time, I had to watch him leave. I guess I was punishing myself.
So there I was in the airport, watching him with his family surrounding him, saying goodbye.
I can’t describe how I felt standing there, a part of me died I think. No I know a part of me died, I haven’t been happy with anyone since.
He was hugging Dru and she was whispering something in his ear, suddenly he looked up and his brilliant blue eyes met mine. Even across the busy departure lounge they shined bright.
It was a single glance, but in that glance I saw my world leaving me. We told each other all about the love, pain and fear that we felt.
Then I turned and walked away. I was unwilling to give anymore of myself to him, he was already taking my heart with him, what more could he possibly want.
So that was then, the last time I set eyes on him, not that over the last ten years I haven’t been following his career with interest.
And do you want to know the funniest thing of all? I ended up in England anyway! Not for a long time, I went to college, got a job, dated but they where all compared to Spike, and none of them knew the reason I followed the English racing scene.
Well except for the last one, I tried for a long time with him, he was an angel, literately, his name was Angel and he loved me. Would have given me anything to make me happy. We were together for three years and it had taken a lot for him to get me to go out with him in the first place.
Then he found my sketches, book after book of pictures of Spike. I wish he’d been angry, I deserved it, I wasted three years of his life, but he just looked up at me from his position on the floor, sketch books scattered around him,
“Guess this explains a lot huh?” he laughed, but the look on his face wasn’t funny, it was just plain sad. “How come he got through your wall and into your heart?”
I sighed gathering up the books carefully, “He was there before the wall went up.”
The thing that worries me a little late at night is that Angel ended up with Cordelia, I introduced them about six months after we split and Cordy has always kept in touch with Spike. I wondered about Angel’s reaction when he met him, what he would say.
I introduced Cordy and Angel at my mother’s funeral, about a week before I packed up everything and went travelling. Trying to find a place to settle, finally I found myself in the English countryside, that was a month ago now and I’ve rented a cottage, the scenery helps my painting and I’m selling very well in a number of large London galleries.
So here I am. Ten years later, in the very place I was avoiding, because I was scared. So I threw away my love and suffered for it ever since.
Why don’t I go to see him? I hear you asking, why didn’t I before now? Well the answer is simple and stupid. I was too stubborn. I could have seen him when he visited his family in the first year, but I wouldn’t swallow my pride. The more years that passed the harder it become, he’d have moved on, found someone to spend his life with, he wouldn’t recognise me. I had a million excuses, just to avoid seeing him, because I was scared. The biggest problem with fear is that it only grows the longer you fail to confront it.
So why am I sitting here, writing this, I mean I’m a painter, not a writer.
Well the thing is a couple of hours I got a phone call from Angel.
“Hello gorgeous”
“You wanna keep your male parts, I would suggest not letting Cordy hear you calling me that!”
“She’s busy at the moment and anyway she told me to call you” He sounded anxious.
“Angel, what’s wrong?”
“Well you know Cordy’s dragged my over to your neck of the woods.” He was clearly dragging this out and I was getting frustrated with him.
“Yes, you’re both coming to visit me tomorrow remember? Please get to the point.”
“WewenttotheracestodayandImeetSpike”
“You what now?”
“We went to the races and I met Spike” He answered slower I could almost feel him cringing, “and…”
“And what Angel?” I was starting to get wound up, this was not a nice call.
“I was stupid okay, I… said hello to him before Cordy introduced us and well…”
“Yes?” My voice was very strained.
“I told her about your pictures! Buffy I’m really sorry. He was right there.”
“He was what?!” Now I was pissed.
“He questioned me about it, I wouldn’t say anymore, I promise, I told him he would need to ask you himself.”
“Well as long as you didn’t give him my number I guess I can forgive you.” I said thinking quickly, “It’s not like I’m ever going to see him anyway”
“Well that’s the thing…” I groaned at his words, how could this possibly get any worse?
“I don’t think I really want to know.”
“I caved Buff, I’m sorry, I gave him your address. He left straight away though. I really think he wants to see you. He even missed the big race.”
I sighed and put the phone down on Angel then, I didn’t want to talk anymore and I figured that I could always apologise to him tomorrow, that’s if I didn’t decide to kill him.
So here I am, I’ve come to the end of the story, I considered running some more, but to be honest I’m tired and if he’s coming here that must mean something right?
There was a knock at the door, Buffy and the butterflies in her stomach went to open the door. She has many worries in her heart, but for once she hasn’t run, she will stay and fight her fear. Just maybe it will be worth it.
She opens the door to see a older, more haggard Spike, with a scar over his eyebrow. They stand there for a minute drinking in the changes to one another, before without a word Spike grabs her and pulls her close, leaning down as she cups his face in her hands, looking at him tenderly. They begin to kiss.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This is the last chapter. This wasn't ever meant to be a serious story but it was supposed to show what kind of stupid decisions we can make when we are younger. Whilst teenagers don’t have the monopoly on stupid decisions, I made most of mine when I was 17. So there you go… Hope you enjoy the ending.