“Yeah, Spike?”
“You do know that it wasn’t the leather that made me snap earlier, right?”
Buffy stopped in front of her house and smiled up at Spike. “I know. Thank you.”
“Pet. . .”
“What? Tell me.”
“I love you—“
Buffy took a deep breath and took a step back.
“Pet, please—“
“It’s not what you think, Spike.”
“What do you mean?”
“Me with the avoiding. It’s not what you think.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s not because I hate you.”
“It’s not?”
“No. I don’t hate you. I don’t know when I stopped, but I don’t hate you.”
“Buffy am I . . . am I getting my crumb now?” Spike asked hopefully, looking at her with such hopeful intensity, it nearly brought her to her knees. She’d seen that look before, seen it many times before he confessed he was in love with her, and she’d never paid any heed to it – she never cared. Here he was, standing before her, vulnerable and open, hoping to not take a hit, but knowing that with her it was a possibility. He was the amazing one.
“If you consider me not hating you, then yes, you’re getting your crumb,” she told him, not able to give him all that he wanted, but at least part.
“Thank you, Buffy.”
“Slayer, remember?” she said and grinned.
He smiled, “Right. Slayer.”
“Have you ever felt completely stupid, Clark?” Lois asked as she sat on her bed in their hotel room, brushing out her wet hair.
Clark cleared his throat, trying not to pay too much attention to the fact that Lois had just taken a shower and was now sitting on her bed in green cotton pajama bottoms and a t-shirt looking so incredibly sexy and approachable. This was the first time since they’d left the group that she’d spoken. She’d been quiet and thoughtful and Clark hadn’t wanted to push her to talk. Lois did everything on a timetable – her timetable.
“Have I felt stupid? You do know who you’re talking to, right?” Clark joked. He sat in the chair at the table in the room, his suit jacket on the back of the chair, his tie undone, and his shirt taken out of the confines of his pants. He’d been waiting patiently for Lois to take her shower and he’d pondered how he was going to present himself to the group, and have it feasible that Clark not be there.
Lois gave him a small smile and shook her head. “Don’t be so hard of yourself, Clark. You’re a fantastic reporter.”
“That means a lot coming from you, Lois.”
“I call ‘em as I see ‘em. I’m not always good at praise. Something I’m trying to get better at since having Jason.”
Clark smiled. “Jason has a good affect on you. You’re a good mom, Lois.”
Lois beamed at him. “Thank you. Sometimes I feel like I’m not. I feel like there’s more I could do for him.”
“Such as?” Clark’s heart was racing. He hated this at times, feeling like a double agent getting the scoop for his altar ego. Since he’d been back, he’d only thought of his own pain and not of Lois’s and what she’d been through when he left. How she’d hurt because of his abrupt departure, how she’d had Jason without him, and how she had to have wondered if it was something she did to make him leave without a goodbye. And how could he hate Richard for being there, then and now? Richard had been there for her, for Jason. Plus, the man had saved his life – and not just because it was the right thing to do, but more than likely he did it for Lois. He was a good man and he’d done nothing wrong except love Lois and be the man that she’d needed when he’d left without saying goodbye. He couldn’t hurt their family, even if it was under false pretenses.
It was too hard to have to say goodbye to you, Lois. I just hope one day I can earn your forgiveness. I’ll take whatever piece of you I can get.
Lois shook her head, “Nothing, nevermind. Just end of the day thoughts. Ever have those? Where you look on your life and wonder about the things you should change?”
Clark nodded, “I do,” he admitted quietly.
“What sorts of things would you do differently?”
Looking up, Clark met Lois’s eyes. “I would tell the people that mattered that I loved them. I wouldn’t keep secrets from them.”
“You keep secrets, Clark?”
He smiled and looked down. “I have some.”
“What kinds of secrets?”
“I can’t tell you, Lois. That’s whey they’re secrets,” he teased.
“Fair enough. Got some secrets of my own. I know how you feel about keeping them from the ones you love. It’s hard. Feels like you’re living a lie.”
“Yes,” Clark whispered. “Lois?”
“Hmm?”
“Why do you feel stupid?”
“Buffy. She’s an amazing woman.”
“She is.”
“And I wouldn’t blame Superman at all if he wanted to be with her.”
Clark stared at her in shock and watched her get up and walk back to the bathroom. That, he had not expected.
When she came back in the room, he couldn’t stop himself from inquiring. “Lois, why do you think he wants to be with Buffy?”
“He’s helping her, isn’t he?”
“He helps a lot of people, Lois.”
“Yes, but he had to have sought her out. I’m rather sure he didn’t just happen to stumble upon the Vampire Slayer.”
“I’m sure it’s about solving the case—“
“And he didn’t show up tonight. Do you know why?”
“No.” But I’m sure you’re gonna tell me.
“Because I’m here.”
“Lois—“
“It makes sense for them to be together. They both fight crime. I get myself into trouble and those two are here to get people like me out of trouble.”
“You’re jumping to conclusions.”
“Why are you defending him?”
“I’m not, I— I’m not.”
Her eyes narrowed, “You’re the one that always rolled your eyes whenever I mentioned Superman.”
“Because I can see you’re upset about it and –“
“Just forget it, Clark. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because I have Richard and Superman is no longer of my concern. Right?” she said and violently tossed back her bedcovers.
“Lois—“
“Right?”
If he wasn’t who he was, he’d be downright afraid of her. “Er, right.”
“Hey Buffy?” Spike said thoughtfully as they swung on her porch swing.
“What?”
“Did you notice how Clark didn’t seem at all shocked to find out I was a vampire? He didn’t even bat an eye.”
“He was more concerned about Lois I think.”
“Hmm…maybe. He wasn’t even put off when we went to my crypt. And Superman didn’t show up tonight at all.”
“Maybe he had people to save.”
“He has people to save every night and every day, but he still manages to come out here.”
“Spike, what are you getting at?”
“Not sure yet, luv. Not sure yet, but I’m in the beginning stages of a theory.”
“Well, let me know when you have the complete theory.”
“Trust me Slayer; you’ll be the first to know.”