Taking a deep breath, he looked up at her and found her patiently waiting. Or not so patiently as one foot was tapping on the floor. For once though, she was silently waiting for an answer, not demanding one as he’d often seen her do to others. He wasn’t sure who he was dealing with at the moment – Lois Lane, aggressive reporter, or Lois, the woman. The woman he loved and adored, the woman who bore the only other creature on the planet that he loved with his whole being – his son; their son. He knew that Lois put on brave fronts, but that she felt deeply, and was wounded easier than she let on.
He knew this was the moment; the moment of truth, and nothing could have prepared him for this. He doubted he ever would have been truly ready.
Lifting his hand, he put it on the side of his glasses, and slowly slid them off.
Her impatient look fell away to one of disbelief and hurt. Clark thought that this was the first time he’d ever seen her speechless.
Spike leered down at Buffy and wrapped her up in his arms tightly. Growling, he nuzzled his neck. “What do you think I want to happen now?”
Buffy rolled her eyes. Of course, what did she expect really? She’d never met a hornier vampire than Spike. Scratch that, she’d never met a hornier anybody than Spike. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who’s the horniest of them all?
“Spike.”
In a flash he was up and away from her, hands up. Her eyes widened. That was much too easy, and all she’d said was his name.
He grinned. “I do want that, Buffy, don’t get me wrong. Want to lay you down on my bed and love you all right and proper, but it’s not all I want and it’s not what I want our relationship to be all about.”
She was stunned, and her face must have read that because Spike continued as if to assure her. “Don’t worry, it’s still me. Haven’t been switched or anything of that caliber. Here’s the thing, pet. Before Dru, I was told I was beneath a bitch that in actuality wasn’t fit to lick my boots, and after Dru, I spent over a bloody century being treated like shit and playing second fiddle to he who shall remain nameless. Now I know you’re not carrying any big torch for him – at least you better not be – but the thing is – I know what it’s like to have sex be mistaken for love. I know what it’s like, also, to have lust mistaken for love. I won’t do that. I don’t want to play second fiddle, Buffy. If you’re telling me you want to make a go of us, if you’re willing to give us a try -- me a try – then I’m gonna love you like. . . like no one’s ever loved anyone, cause I gotta tell you, pet. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone. Cecily was nothing as far as I’m concerned, and while I did love Dru once upon a time, I think I loved mostly the idea of her, and the fact that she saved me from the life I was barely leading. She was someone who saw something in me, and I latched onto that. Then of course, it became all bloody competition with Angel…”
“I thought it was ‘he who shall remain nameless’?”
“Funny. So, look. I don’t want you and me to be one above the other pet. I don’t want it to be me vampire, you Slayer and therefore, I have no bloody say –“
“So, how about you man and me woman and therefore you have no say?” Buffy asked, smiling cheekily.
He gave her a look. “I want to be equals, pet. I want us to be partners. I want you to stand by my side, not walk ahead of me or behind me. Though I’m convinced you’ll always walk ahead on account that you’re a white hat and I’m . . . well, I’m not. I want to be part of your life, and I’m not saying that you have to consult me everytime you want to do something, but I . . . I just want to be part of your life, Buffy. I want it to be real. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
She nodded and strolled up to him, running her fingers through his gelled locks. She smiled softly. “Yes. You don’t want to make decisions for me or vice versa, but you want to be able to talk about things. You don’t want me to discard you or for you to discard me because of the lot we have as you vampire and me Slayer. You want me to take you as you are.”
“Yes,” he breathed and gazed at her imploringly, “Do you think we can do that, Buffy? Do you think you can do that?”
“How could you…I …” Lois shook her head.
“Lois, believe me, so many times I wanted to tell you—“
“Was that before or after you left for five years? Not only do you leave me without saying goodbye, but then you lie to me!”
“I had to—“
“No, you didn’t have to, actually,” she spat. Her eyes filled with tears and she swiped at them angrily. “You’re supposed to never lie.”
“You knew once and it killed you to know,” Clark said softly.
“What?” she asked, sniffling.
“Niagra Falls—“
Her eyes widened. “Is that why I can never remember what happened on that trip—“ She glared at him. “What did you do to me?”
“I wiped your memory, Lois. I had to. You were in so much pain and it was because of me. Not to mention Zod had used his knowledge of our relationship to hurt you—“
“Someone is always trying to hurt me if you hadn’t noticed Clark. I’m the one that covers Superman, remember? Of course I’m a target. And guess what? It doesn’t seem to matter if I know or not! God, what do I even call you now?”
“Clark, you can call me Clark.”
“Is there anything else you want to tell me, that you could possibly be keeping from me?”
“Yes. I love you, Lois.”