“I’m sorry—“
“Or that. Don’t say that either. You’re sorry? Do you think that makes it all just better?”
“I know it doesn’t—“
“Then don’t patronize me by saying you’re sorry!”
“I’m – what can I say?”
“I don’t know that there’s anything you can say,” she said, grabbing some clothes out of her suitcase and stomping off into the bathroom.
Clark stared at the space she’d just evacuated and felt his heart plummet. The Man of Steel could leap tall buildings in a single bound, and was faster than a speeding bullet, but when it came to one woman, he was completely helpless.
He knew there would be some level of hurt if – and that had been a very big IF-- and when she would have found out the truth, but he also thought – perhaps it was just wishful thinking on his part – that there would be some joy in that news too. As in, she could keep easier tabs on “Superman”, she could share his day to day life more, and he could share in hers, there would be no more secrets that “Superman” had to keep from her and it’d be a great cover for him to be able to spend some time with his son. There were perks all around.
But first, they had to get through this part. And, of course, Richard. Well, Richard would only have to be “dealt with” if she didn’t decide she hated him now. Surely she didn’t hate him…
Buffy looked up at Spike, studying him thoughtfully. “I want to try.”
“Try,” he said slowly, as if he were trying that word out. “What do you mean by try exactly? I mean, you either think we can do this, or you think we can’t.”
“It doesn’t always have to be black and white, Spike. We live in a gray world. I want to try,” she stepped away from him and began to pace. “You see, you have to understand one thing: For a long time our relationship has been you vampire, me Slayer. It’s been kind of drilled into my head that that was the only way our relationship could be. Especially after all those times you’ve tried to kill me. There’s a part of me that doesn’t trust you still. There’s that Slayer part of me that feels she has to be on guard ‘just in case’. It’s going to take reprogramming on my part. Which, I have to say; you’ve already started on that. I have Giles and my friends who tell me ‘Go patrol Spike. Trust Spike with your life’, and then they can turn around and say ‘Why are you spending so much time with Spike? You can’t trust him, you know’. I mean, I realize that you are not like other vampires Spike. I mean, you never have been. Unlike Ang—he who shall remain nameless, you were in love with someone—“
“Not like I love you, Buffy.”
“Yes, I sort of realize that, but that’s not the point. He who shall remain nameless couldn’t have given two craps about me without a soul, but you . . . you go and . . . you know . . . “
“Fall in love with you?” he supplied, smiling tenderly.
She blushed. “Yes, that, not to mention you fight by my side. But I’m not going to lie to you Spike, part of me still wonders what would happen if you were to get the chip out.”
“Buffy, haven’t we been over this? Didn’t I tell you that you were my soul?”
“Yeah, but . . . do you want me to be honest here? Or do you want me to just keep these thoughts to myself? Isn’t it better to talk about stuff? I hear it is anyway.”
“You’re right, it is.”
“And since I’m not looking to fall flat on my face before we even get anywhere, I want you to know what I’m thinking and feeling so that you don’t have to play guessing games with me. Been there, done that and I’m just so . . . I’m so done with that.”
“Buffy Summers is growing up,” he noted with awe.
She smiled, “Go fig. It took you to bring it out in me. Of all people.”
“Oi, pet, what are you trying to say?”
“I think it goes without saying what I’m trying to say…wait. Did that make sense?”
“I got it just the same. But, pet, don’t you think that the fact that we’re having this discussion, that you’re sharing with me as I am with you means that we’re on the right path? We’ve both been searching for something to make us whole. We’ve been searching for a counterpart that we could be ourselves with and not have to hide. We’ve found that in each other, Buffy. We’re equals. Mates.” He stared at her so intently Buffy started to fidget. “Maybe,” he continued, “I had to become a vampire to meet you. To get to you. The fates kept us apart for one reason or other before – it wasn’t our time yet perhaps. But now is our time.”
Buffy grinned, “Anyone ever tell you what a big softie you can be?”
“You do, all the time.”
“Well, it’s true. It’s . . . sweet. Romantic.”
“Well, I’ve always been a romantic at heart. Just no one ever appreciated it.”
Buffy smiled warmly. “I do.”
Lois stormed out of the bathroom after checking to make sure it didn’t look as if she’d been crying. Taking a deep breath and adopting her tough exterior, she looked over at Clark who was sitting in a chair at the table, just staring at his hands. He looked positively forlorn.
Good, she thought. Stew in that for a bit.
“I’m going out,” she announced.
Clark looked up at her, “Where?”
“I don’t know. For a walk. Maybe a bar and get a drink. I don’t have a plan right now. I just know that I want to be alone for a while.”
“Lois, this is Sunnydale, former Hellmouth, remember? I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
“Well, I’m not asking you if you think it’s a good idea. I’m telling you what I’m doing. I’ll take some of the stakes Buffy gave me with me.”
“Lois—“
“Clark, I’m going. I’ll stay in well-lit places and won’t be going even remotely close to any cemeteries.”
“And what of Lex? What if he sees you?”
“Then we’ll be closer to getting to the bottom of this won’t we?”
Clark stood, “Lois, I’m telling you I don’t feel comfortable with you going alone.”
“I don’t care. I don’t feel comfortable with you having erased my memory or having left without a goodbye for five years, but you still did it. Guess what? I’m still doing this!”
Seeing he was losing this battle, and would lose it short of tying her to a chair to keep her in the room, he acquiesced. “Fine.”
“Thank you. Don’t wait up.” And she was out the door, slamming the door behind her.
Clark waited a nervous five minutes and then followed. If he had to, he’d fly and follow her.