Buffy smiled, “I have perfect faith that the both of them will run screaming in terror, and go back to Metropolis by morning.”
“So you’re betting on the fact that fear for their lives will cause them to not finish out their stay.”
“Right,” Buffy said, putting plates in the dishwasher from dinner. Clark and Lois, along with the rest of the Scooby gang were in the living room, getting acquainted.
“I don’t know. That Lois Lane? She’s pretty fearless. Have you read what that woman has done and witnessed firsthand? She’s a regular daredevil, and all in the name of – what?”
“You’ve been studying Lois Lane?”
“Well. . . yeah. She wrote a lot about Superman.”
“Oh my God. You have a crush on Lois Lane. And possibly Superman.”
Xander glared at her. “No, I do not have a crush on Superman. That’s my girlfriend who does remember? And I don’t . . . okay, maybe a slight crush on Lois Lane.”
“I have to ask,” Buffy said, leaning against the corner. “Is it the girl power thing? Do you like the idea of a woman being able to kick your ass?”
Xander nodded slowly, thoughtfully. “I really think it’s a throwback to Wonder Woman. I used to watch it when I was a kid and no woman has ever lived up to that ideal until, well, you.”
“I doubt Wonder Woman ever got vampire dust and demon goo on her though. That kind of takes away from the sexiness of it all, don’t you think?”
Xander shook his head, “Nah. In a sick, twisted way, it just adds to it. Kind of like seeing a woman in a football jersey changing your oil.”
“You are strange man, Xander Harris.”
“I try,” he shrugged.
“Are we going to be leaving soon?” Lois’ impatient voice questioned loudly.
Buffy glared at the doorway and then turned to Xander. “I might have to kick her ass. How does that Clark guy put up with it? He’s so. . . “
“Mild mannered.”
“Yeah, and she’s so. . . “
“Intrepid.”
“Exactly.”
Xander slung an arm about Buffy’s shoulders as they walked out to the living room. “Opposites attract, my friend.”
“Guess so.”
“So about when does Superman show up?” Lois asked as they started out for Restfield to do a sweep.
Buffy was praying a herd of vamps came out to frighten Miss Lois away. “I never said he was regular,” Buffy answered.
“But he does help.”
“He does what he can,” Spike supplied smoothly.
Lois laughed, “Oh, I’m sure he does.”
Looking over at Clark who was walking with his head down, Buffy studied him. The poor guy; he must hate being stuck on assignment with Lois Lane. When he nearly walked into a gravestone, she wondered if the feeling was mutual on Lois’ side. Though, it was kind of cute; Clark himself was kind of cute. In a bumbling, dorky sort of way. Whatever he was though, she felt sorry for him. He was clearly not happy about this turn of events, and she had to admit, neither was she. She should have just told Lois to pack up and go. But, she’d had a funny feeling that Lois was not the type to take kindly to that. She’d more than likely follow them quietly, and somehow end up getting into more trouble that way.
And the lie. What a lie it was. Looking over at Spike, her new doting boyfriend, she sighed. She could save the world from ending, but she fell short on telling a simple, white lie. Or figuring her personal life out.
How did that happen?
Spike grinned at her, a Cheshire cat grin and she rolled her eyes.
“Where is he?” Anya whined. “I did my hair and everything. I even got new highlights! Do you know how much highlights cost these days?”
Lois stopped abruptly. “Are you talking about Superman?”
Anya grinned. “Yes, I am.”
“Who are you to him?”
Anya opened her mouth to answer, but Buffy beat her to it. “Stalker. She’s his stalker.”
Lois snorted. “Get in line, honey.”
“Actually, Anya, Lois is the perfect person to ask regarding Superman. She’s written many articles on him,” Xander said helpfully.
“Yes, the most famous being ‘I Spent the Night with Superman,’” Lois told the ex-demon, a hint of a challenge in her tone.
“Really? But you won the Pulitzer for ‘Why the World Doesn’t Need Superman’,” Xander said, confused.
Lois turned on heel, “Yeah, a brilliant moment in my life,” she muttered.
“Sounds like someone has regrets,” Spike mused. Buffy nudged him and he had the audacity to look innocent.
Lois said nothing, but caught up with Clark. “You all right Clark?”
“Hmmm? Oh yes, Lois, I’m fine.”
“You’re not scared or anything are you?”
“Scared? Of a vampire possibly taking a chunk out of my throat and draining me dry? No, I’m not scared at all.”
Lois blinked. “Clark, was that sarcasm?”
Clark grinned, “Maybe a little. Sorry, Lois.”
Lois shook her head, “No, don’t be sorry. Just took me by surprise is all.”
Clark nodded, still grinning. He was beginning to think that Spike was having an influence on him. He groaned inwardly when he looked up and saw that gaggle of vampires Buffy had been looking for.
“Great.”
“Good job, Spike.”
“Well done, Spike.”
“What exactly were you thinking when you decided to go into game face?” Buffy asked as they all stood over Lois’ motionless body in Spike’s crypt.
“Hey, you told her not to get involved. She got involved,” Spike pointed out.
“But you were still in game face,” Buffy retorted. “That’s what sent her over the edge. If she hadn’t gotten an eyeful of you all with the bumpies, snarling at her, she wouldn’t have passed out.”
Clark looked up at them all, hovering above Lois’s lifeless body as he held her head in his lap. “Maybe we should move this someplace safer for her?”
“Good idea,” Willow offered.
“I got her,” Clark said when Spike made a move to help carry Lois.
“Let’s take her to my crypt. Not far from here.”
Clark nodded and lifted Lois effortlessly into his arms.
Silently, they made their way to Spike’s crypt where Spike motioned for Clark to lay her out on his couch until she awoke. Clark spread her out and knelt by her, stroking her brow.
“They were bruising the leather,” Spike muttered.
“What?” Xander prompted.
“They were bruising the leather!”
Buffy shook her head. “Of course.”
“Hey, I didn’t appreciate you getting tossed around like a rag doll either,” Spike informed her.
“So, what was it that sent you over the edge, Spike? Me or the leather?” Buffy challenged him, hands on hips.
He looked at her incredulously. “What do you think?”
“Right. The leather.”
“No! Not the leather, not the bloody leather—“
“Guys, shut up, she’s waking up,” Willow admonished them.
All eyes were trained on Lois as she slowly came to and then sat up, screaming.
“Lois, you’re all right,” Clark said reassuringly. “We’re safe. You’re safe.”
Lois was taking in her surroundings, wide-eyed. “Where are we?”
“My crypt,” Spike told her casually.
Lois gulped. “Did you say…crypt?”
“Yeah, my crypt. It’s where I live. It’s really not bad; I’ve fixed it up with all the things I’ve nicked. It’s quite posh when you get past, you know, the tombs.”
Lois looked up Buffy and Spike. “What the hell is going on? I mean really going on?” she demanded.