A/N: I'm going to take a few liberties with the medical procedures, etc.. so just bear with me.

Chapter Three

They were lying on their backs a few feet away from the water. The sand sticking to their bare, wet skin was uncomfortable, but they made no move to wash off or dress. Buffy blinked out the tears from her eyes and Spike lay next to her, staring at the sky.

She wanted so much to get up and leave without a word, like he had done to her the night before. But she couldn’t. Invisible vines rooted her to the ground. The heat coming from his body kept her where she was. She wanted to look at him, but she couldn’t.

A few more silent moments passed before Spike sat up to leave.

“So that’s it?” Buffy asked, voice hoarse from crying. Her eyes remained planted to the motions of the lake. Hearing her voice made him freeze and Spike turned to look at her for the first time since they moved from the water to land.

“You want more?” He asked her, flatly. Inside, he wanted her to tell him to stay with her. Hold her. But the inner voice was strangled down and strapped in with his conflicting emotions. For the first time in years, he had forgotten about his ruined face and it all now came barreling back to him. An onslaught of hurt and hate blasted him in the chest during this moment of vulnerability. It kept his voice hard and cruel.

“No,” she said, softly. “Yes. Maybe.”

Her indecision kept his head spinning and he was glad for the darkness that surrounded them like a blanket. He was glad that her head was turned away from him so that she wasn’t looking at his face, because he knew that if she looked at him, she would be revolted. She would want him to leave, then she would not come back the next night, or the night after that. But, something inside him protested, she had called the scars beautiful.

“Tell me,” his voice was soft this time. She sighed and shook her head.

“I don’t know.”

That was all he needed. He got up, wiped the sand off his body, and picked up his clothes. Buffy propped herself up, then finally turned to look at him standing off to the side, naked and pale, almost glowing under the stars.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” she asked him, hopeful. Bitter.

He started walking off without looking her way. Finally he stopped and said to nobody in particular, “If that’s what you want.” Then he disappeared in the shadows.

Buffy sat there and stared at where his body was moments before. Emptiness filled her and swallowed her whole, but the heat that he had made her feel remained and warmed her. Everything was wrong and everything was beautiful.

There was a rustling in a nearby bush and she saw a raccoon staring at her before going back to his own business.

“I want to know you,” she whispered.

………
………

Something was shaking his shoulders. Something very irritable and insistent. Spike groaned and buried his head deeper into the pillow.

“Get up!” Cecily growled for what felt like the millionth time. “We have to go. Now.”

“No,” he mumbled, voice muffled by sleep.

“You need to go to see Dr. Giles!” She shook him again. Nothing. He just let out a little snore that made her scream in frustration.

“Don’t want to,” he yawned, twisting his body into a more comfortable position.

“He says it’s important!”

“Nothing’s ever this bloody important.”

“William,” her tone grew sharper and Spike knew it was useless. She was just going to keep prodding and shaking and annoying him until he got up.

“Bloody hell, woman,” he cursed under his breath, opening his eyes slowly to meet the very angry gaze of his sister.

“Good,” she smiled tightly, pleased that he was finally on his way to the living and awake. “Now get dressed and meet me downstairs in ten minutes. We’re going to see the doctor, then we’re going to actually go to a real restaurant with real people, where you will order real food instead of the junk you eat day in and day out – “

“Do you ever shut up, you annoying bint?” he flopped a lazy arm over his eyes while Cecily busied herself raiding her closet, finding something for him to wear.

“God, William,” she put her hands on her hips as she surveyed the mess of a closet in front of her. “Don’t you have clothes? Something presentable to be seen in public – “

“I don’t do public and what’s wrong with my clothes?” his brows furrowed together under the weight of his arm.

“Oh, nothing,” she sighed and grabbed a pair of black jeans and a black T-shirt, “Just the general lack in variety and color scheme. But don’t worry. After we eat, I’ll take you to the mall and we will buy you a great new wardrobe – “

“I’m not going anywhere,” he cut her off. “Now go away.”

Cecily flung the clothes on top of his sprawled-out body and exited his room, calling behind her, “Ten minutes, Will. That’s all you have, so hurry up.”

Spike groaned in exhaustion and went back to sleep.

………

Summer College Course…

Anya Jenkins narrowed her eyes at the classroom full of college kids who seemed like they would rather be anywhere but in her Biology 2401 class. A few of them in the front row even had the audacity to sleep. And snore. Loudly.

“Silver nitrate. There’s really just one time where we use it in life… can anyone tell me when that is?” She asked the class. They stared at her blankly.

“In Travers’s boring-ass chemistry labs?” A voice called out in the back of the class and a few people – who were still awake – laughed at that.

“How about…” She smirked a bit, a thought running through her head, “Do you all remember when you were little babies… pushing your way from the womb through your mother’s VAGINA - “

It worked. Heads popped up and stared at her. She couldn’t help but laugh.

“You know, I could have easily said birth canal, but don’t you feel like vagina’s such a more affective word? It even managed to wake up Mr. Harris – “

“Hey, I wasn’t asleep!” Xander’s head popped up. Buffy laughed at her friend as he gave their professor a charming smile. “You know… just resting the eyes..”

“Right,” Professor Jenkins shook her head, amused before turning back to the topic at hand. “Some doctors rub silver nitrate in your eyes when you’re an eency weency baby to prevent conjunctivitis –“

Buffy felt Xander poking her while she was writing down notes and turned to see him slip a sheet of paper under her arm. Curious, she unfolded the note and squinted to read his scribbled writing.

Bronze @ 9. Up for it?

She grinned and nodded at Xander who gave her a thumbs up sign.

Bronzing would be good for her. She hadn’t really been out much since her summer break besides to go to the courses she was taking for some college credits. And of course, at nights…

Which brings up another point of why Bronzing would be good for her. It would give her something else to think about other than … him.

………

“There’s a what?” Spike asked Dr. Giles sharply, not sure if he was hearing right. The aging doctor nervously removed his glasses and started cleaning them with the edge of his tie.

“Well, there’s, ah, to put it mildly… a cure.”

“What?” Spike raised an eyebrow, “Am I sick? Do I have a bloody disease?”

“N-no, not in the slightest, William,” Rupert Giles widened his eyes, horrified at the mistake he made. The poor boy, having to go through years with… that face. And to call it a disease… he could not believe such a preposterous thing had come out of his mouth. “What I mean is, well, a cosmetic surgery.”

“I don’t want to end up like those barbies and nancy-boys on the telly,” Spike’s jaw was set and his eyes glittered angrily. “I don’t need cosmetic surgery.”

“William!” Cecily said, sharply, embarrassed by her brother’s more than negative reaction to what she thought was great news. “Don’t you want to look like… you know…”

“Like what, sister dear?” he snarled, turning towards her. “Like normal? Like a human? Like something that isn’t a monster? Is that what you mean?”

“Of course not,” she sighed, tired of his behavior. “You know what I mean. Don’t you ever want to go out and face people again? Do something other than hide out in the woods and in your room doing who-knows-what until you’re old and gray?”

“Doesn’t bother me,” Spike shrugged.

“Well, why don’t you think about it, William,” Dr. Giles cleared his throat and stood up from his chair. Cecily and Spike got to their feet, too, and shook his hand as they exited the room. “Just think about it and call me. If you want it, I will get you on the list. If you don’t, then, uh… well, we’ll see.”

“Thank you, Dr. Giles,” Cecily smiled up to him. Spike grunted in his direction then headed for the exit of the doctor’s office as soon as he left the examination room, ignoring the children who stared at him and their parents who scolded them for staring at the deformed man.

The minute he walked through the glass doors and stepped foot into the sunlight, tilted his head back and took a deep breath of the cool, wet air, it hit him. He could be a new person… or, at least, be the person that he was before the fateful accident. For so long, he had forgotten how to smile at somebody and have them smile back, how to hold a conversation, how to have all the girls in the room turn their heads because he was attractive, not because his face was ugly. It seemed unreachable. He didn’t even remember who he was back then, didn’t remember how it felt.

A rare smile appeared on his lips as he closed his eyes and imagined the look on Drusilla’s face when she saw that he was perfect again. Utter satisfaction.

And Buffy…

And, well, Buffy …

His eyes opened. Would Buffy be happy? Would she caress his face and kiss it where the scars used to be? Suddenly, he felt his heart pounding and his pulse racing. There was a little flutter in his stomach as he thought about Buffy.

Buffy loved the scars. Buffy loved him. Didn’t she?

He felt this mildly churning sensation inside that made him want to dance all over. And he didn’t understand it.





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