“I am?” Buffy said, the uncertainty and hopefulness in her tone matching the expression on her face.
Nodding, Spike said, “Yes, luv. You doubt it?”
“Well…yeah,” she laughed nervously, sending the tears that were pooling in the corners of her eyes at his speech away with a quick swipe of her hand. “I mean you know who you’re talking to, right? I have never been the one for anything, really, not that I know of and—what is it—what do you mean I’m the ‘One’ exactly? The one that motivated you, the one that…I mean, what am I the ‘One’ at?”
“What do you think it means, Buffy?” Spike asked, smiling gently at her, thinking how adorable she was.
“I don’t know that’s why I’m asking!”
It’s not time, Spike thought, watching how frazzled and on edge she was. It’s not time to tell her yet. You’ve told her just enough for now. And he knew that part of the reason why he didn’t tell her he loved her was because he was afraid to. Afraid it’d cause more trouble than he’d already given her. Wasn’t it a mark of true love to not want to add any more to her already full plate – all of which he’d piled on? Plus, she’d just started dating Doyle, who yes, he was jealous of and yes, he wished he’d known that she’d been single all this time, but in all honesty and fairness to Buffy – what could he offer her? He couldn’t even claim Brandon as his own at this point in time and engaging in a relationship with her—if she even wanted that, would prove difficult and risky until his divorce was final. Besides, Doyle was a good bloke and Buffy deserved to have something free of complications for once instead of having to wait around on him. She deserved to have someone with their shit together already, not someone still wafting through shit to figure shit out; if that made any sense.
It just wasn’t time yet for them. He’d never understood that concept when it came to relationships and two people who were in love just not being yet ready for it (that was assuming of course that Buffy reciprocated even one smidgen of his feelings), and needing to wait. He got it now. There were a vast number of things he needed to do, the least of which was just the divorce, though that was the first and foremost on the list. He wanted to be on his feet and able to offer her some kind of life – not having to tell her that she had to pass Brandon off as someone else’s because of what his hopefully soon-to-be ex-wife could do to her and to him. That’s a great way to start any relationship, Spike thought bitterly.
Besides, Buffy would laugh in his face at this point if he told her he wanted a life with her. How would she, for one, trust him? She’d made it quite clear already that she didn’t and who could blame her? Trust was something earned, not handed out, and he’d blown that to smithereens already.
Being able to court her when they were both ready for it was another matter altogether, because once he got his act together, he knew there’d be no stopping him.
If of course, she wasn’t with Doyle still. That was a problem that kept cropping up in his best-laid plans for courting Buffy. And isn’t that a sign that William is coming back when you start saying things like ‘courting’, Spike mused to himself, chuckling inwardly.
“Just take what you will from it at this time,” he told her, smiling at the thoroughly confused look on her face.
She opened her mouth to speak and he stopped her by pressing a finger to her lips. “Just take what you will from it for now and save the rest for another time, all right?”
She nodded, eyes wide. Leaning in and chuckling, Spike pressed a kiss to her brow, inhaling her scent and thought, Be ready for me.
After that conversation with Spike – or rather William, which she truly wanted to make an effort call him now-- Buffy felt some things shift in regards to their relationship. For one, thinking back on what he was willing to do for her and for Brandon in the name of protecting them, it moved her. All this time she’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to either blow them off completely, have a bazillion affairs now that he was out of Cecily’s clutches, or for him to go back to Cecily and say ‘fuck it all’ to her and to Brandon. Yet, he hadn’t done any of those things and thus far, he’d kept true to his word on what he was going to do.
For another, she had seen the pain in his eyes when he asked her to pass Brandon off as Doyle’s. He hadn’t wanted to do it, that much she could tell – what parent would want to do something like that? Yet his desire to protect his son –and her—was that strong and that had to mean something, didn’t it?
She wondered if she were less of a coward if she’d say, “screw it, I don’t care, he’s your son and I’ll tell them all!” But she was a coward in some respects and that would make things harder, not easier. Not that any of this was easy. However, Brandon came first in her eyes and she didn’t want to subject an innocent child to that kind of slander.
What she replayed the most in her mind, one week to the day later, were the words ”You’re the One, Buffy.”
Oh, how that stirred the pot of her emotions and sent her battered heart fluttering. Those words packed a punch and mended her in ways she had so desperately needed to be mended. What she decided to take away from his comment: She was the one for him. If in fact that was what he actually meant, she wasn’t sure, there were so many ways to interpret that, but that is what she decided to take away from it because that is what she wanted it to mean.
But then what? Wasn’t something supposed to happen after that? Yeah, right. If it were a book or a movie it would. But this is my life, ergo, nothing happens, she thought bitterly as she sent her draft syllabus to the printer. Granted, it was early, mid – July, to be getting ready for classes, but when Faith wanted to take Brandon for a play date (how much playing could infants do?), Buffy figured instead of loafing around or caving and calling Spike, she went to her office and started prepping. Who knew the next time she’d have a few hours to prep anyway?
She was about to get up and head toward the printer across the room when a woman quickly entered her office and all but slammed the door behind her.
“Excuse me?” Buffy said, “Can I help you?”
The woman turned to her and Buffy’s stomach dropped. “Cecily.”
Cecily smirked and waltzed over to stand before Buffy’s desk. “Stay away from my husband.”
Okay, so what did she do now? Play dumb? Say “No, we’re just friends”? Say just plain “No”?
She went with: “Excuse me?”
Cecily shook her head, shooting her a look that clearly told Buffy she thought she was a moron. “Stay away from him. I know what’s going on.”
Buffy snorted. “You know crap, Cecily.”
Cecily smiled and Buffy felt a cold front come in. “I know more than you think.”
“You know what, Cecily? You didn’t scare me in high school and you don’t scare me now. You’re still just a pretentious bitch that thinks she knows everything and owns everyone. Now, get out. Shall I call a taxi or just whistle for the monkey’s to come around with your broom?”
“You think you’re so smart—“
“Smarter than you!”
Cecily smirked, “Your time will come.”
Buffy’s office phone buzzing made her jump slightly and she cursed. Picking it up, she calmly greeted the caller.
”Buffy, it’s Judy, can you come in my office please?”
Buffy froze and looked up at Cecily who was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
“Looks like your time has come now,” Cecily purred and practically skipped out.
Buffy stood and straightened herself, palms sweating. It was not a good sign when Judy, the Head of the English Department, wanted to see you just as Cecily Adams was leaving the building.