To all the unheard wisdom in the schoolyard
you think you're the right ones
you think you're the charmed ones I'm sure
how can you go on with such conviction?
and who do you think you are, why do you question me? ~ Can’t Not, Alanis Morrisette
Buffy thought it was a simple instruction that she had given Doyle. He’d even nodded when she said, “Don’t tell Faith what happened.”
He did question her after his nod of agreement. “Why can I not tell her what happened?”
“Because she’ll just lecture me,” Buffy muttered.
“On what exactly?”
She looked over at him as he pulled into Faith’s driveway and studied him for any signs of sarcasm or double meaning to that question; because she got the distinct impression he met something by that seemingly innocent question. His expression, however, was blank and so no answer could be gleaned from that, and his tone had been flat.
She opted to take the route of a double meaning and said simply, “You know what,” before climbing out of the car.
Buffy gave Faith no sign of any trouble. She did not mention Cecily, and as she had learned, she did not mention William. It was a touchy subject with them, Faith often droning on in some fashion about how William was holding her back and keeping her from reaching her potential. What “potential” Buffy was supposed to be working towards, she wasn’t sure, and oftentimes she did feel that William’s presence in her life kept her from moving on past the fairy tale romance she’d built up in her mind of him once upon a time (no pun intended), however, she reminded herself that this was for Brandon, not her.
Besides, she was the “One” now.
“How’d he do?” Buffy asked immediately, not being able to wait to see him. She was nearly crawling out of her skin to see him. The fact that some stranger with a camera had been lurking about trying to get close-ups of her son made her skin crawl. An innocent child was meant to be used as fodder for some insane woman’s inability to be a decent human being and keep her husband happy; most likely because Cecily didn’t know how to treat others like a human being—she treated them as property that could be bought, sold and exploited for her own personal gain. Not that that was any excuse for William’s behavior. It was not. However, Cecily Adams, as far as Buffy was concerned, was a complete loon. She played entirely too dirty and cruel. She wasn’t ready to admit it to William, but she felt sorry for him at that moment. He’d had to deal with her all this time? On the other hand – what the hell had he been thinking?
Buffy hadn’t even given Faith a chance to answer the first question before she was on to asking where he was.
“He’s in the nursery, taking a nap,” Faith told her as Buffy breezed down the hall to the nursery.
As soon as she laid eyes on her son, who was now waking up, Buffy heaved a sigh of relief and immediately welled up in tears. He was safe. He was happy. He was okay. Scooping him up, she cooed and talked to him, asking him questions he obviously couldn’t answer, and prepped him to go by changing his diaper.
When he was ready, Buffy made her way out to the living room where she found Doyle looking slightly guilty and yet fired up, and Faith looking completely fired up. In an instant, she knew.
“I told you not to tell her,” Buffy snapped at Doyle.
“And why shouldn’t I know what that bitch did, huh?” Faith questioned, hands on hips.
“Tried to do,” Buffy corrected.
“Not the point—“
“Faith--”
“You didn’t want me to know because you knew what I’d say. You know I’m right,” Faith said pointing at her.
“No, you’re not right. You want me to cut William out of my life and I’m not willing to do that.”
“So instead you’re going to shove aside something good like Doyle for something scummy like Spike – and why the hell are you calling him William?”
“Because it’s his name,” Buffy said firmly.
Faith shook her head. “You’re really going to fuck up his life—“
“You know what, Faith?” Buffy began, swiping a hand across her forehead.” Shut up. Okay? Just shut up. Brandon is my son, and this is my life.”
“What are you doing with it?” Faith asked, exasperated, throwing up her hands.
“I’m…” Taking a deep breath, Buffy thought back to her conversation with Judy. “I’m fighting like hell to get control back over my life. The life you want to lead for me. I realize I’m not making you happy with my decisions, Faith, but I’m not in this life to make you happy. I’m in this life to make me happy, to make Brandon happy. William isn’t pushing me for anything; he’s just my…friend. Of sorts. He’s Brandon’s father and if you knew what he was willing to give up to keep his son safe—“
“Apparently not that much considering she still got to you.”
“He didn’t have anything to do with that. All he did was leave her. Why should he be with someone like that?”
“Next you’re going to be telling me, it’s all right for him to have screwed around on her!”
Buffy shook her head, “No, I won’t tell you that because I don’t condone that. He should have got out sooner – or not got in at all. However, I’m working on trying to be forgiving and making peace with things, for that’s the only way to move on and it’s not fair that William should be condemned for the rest of his life for those mistakes that he now is atoning for. For that matter, neither should I. Part of my atoning for my sins is having everyone feel they can now tell me how to live my life. Apparently, I’m such a fuck up, I shouldn’t even be leading it!”
“He lied to you, Buffy. He presented himself as someone that he wasn’t and wanted to carry on his affair with you while staying married. How is that okay?”
“It’s not, and he knows it now. Honestly, I don’t think he was planning on staying with her after he met me.”
Faith threw up her arms again. “That what he tell you? Oh Jesus Christ, he’s got you wrapped doesn’t he?” Shaking her head, Faith walked away. “I can’t even talk to you right now.”
“Faith!” Buffy called after her.
But Faith kept going until she was out of sight.
Buffy turned to Doyle, gave him a disappointed look, and set about setting Brandon up in his car seat.
“Buffy—“
“Is there one favor you can follow through on?”
“Buffy—“
“Can you?” she persisted.
Doyle sighed heavily, “What is it?”
“Can you call me a cab?”
“I’ll give you a ride—“
“I don’t want a ride from you right now. In fact, I don’t want anything from you right now.”
“Buffy, I’m sorry. She knew something was up, she could tell—“
“I’m sure. And you just had to tell her.”
“I’ll call the goddamn cab,” Buffy snapped and placed Brandon on the floor in his car seat and snatched the phonebook sitting on an end table and then the phone. When she was done, she took Brandon and his things and started for the door.
“Buffy, please, just—“ Doyle pleaded.
“No!” Buffy shouted, turning to him.
“So, what – you can forgive Spike his sins, but not mine?” Doyle asked angrily.
“William doesn’t tell me how to live my life, and he doesn’t get upset with me when I don’t do what he wants. I’m not a robot, you can’t program me.”
“That’s because Spike has no room to try and tell anyone how to live their lives.”
“Maybe not, but then neither do I, neither do you, and neither does Faith.”
“Buffy, we’re not trying to tell you how to live your life; we’re trying to help you.”
“And when I don’t do what it is you want, you question my ability to take care of myself and Brandon. It’s a wonder I can even get out of bed in the morning with the way you people act!”
“I’m sorry,” Doyle whispered. “I truly am.”
“We’ll talk later,” Buffy said softly and went to meet her cab.
“William?”
“Buffy?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m in a cab on my way to your house and it dawned on me that you might not even be there. Are you?”
“I am. What’s going on, luv? You sound upset.”
“I’ve kind of had a rough day and I need to see you.”
“What happened, luv? Are you hurt? Is Brandon all right? Is he hurt?”
With tears cascading down her cheeks, Buffy shook her head. Yeah, like he was going to see that. “No, we’re fine.”
“Buffy, luv, tell me what it is. I can hear your crying, what is it, luv, please?”
“Cecily paid me a visit today while I was at work. She tried to get me fired by dropping off some pictures she had of us in the park last week. The photographer,” she took a shuddering breath, “tried to get close ups of Brandon.”
“Who has those pictures now?” Spike asked, his voice taking on a cool edge.
“I do.”
“I’ll meet you in the lobby.”