“Us?” Buffy squeeked.
William nodded and took a step forward, his expression serious and yet tender. He smiled gently at her. “I was going to wait for a while. Wait until you did what you were doing with Doyle and— say, what were you doing? I mean one minute you’re with him and the next you’re not. What happened?”
Buffy sighed heavily and shook her head. “It’s kind of a mess.”
“Care to share?”
“Just…stuff,” she murmured vaguely.
“So, that’s a no then?” he asked, smirking.
Buffy smiled small and breezed past him, settling down on her couch. She looked up at him standing before her. “Remember when Cecily came to visit me at work?”
“How could I forget?” he asked, making a face.
“Well, Doyle had come to visit me as I was meeting with my supervisor. Brandon was with Faith having a ‘play date’ and I wanted to get him and talk with you. I told Doyle not to tell Faith what happened when he took me to get him. I didn’t want to get into it with her since she has an opinion on everything under the sun lately, and well, he spilled the beans anyway.”
William frowned and sat down across from her on her coffee table. “Why did he do that? It doesn’t sound like him to go against your wishes like that.”
“I think because it had to do with you.”
“Oh.” William looked down at his hands. “They hate me, huh?”
“Well, no--”
He looked up at her, “Buffy, don’t lie. You’re horrible at it and really, there’s no need to. They do hate me. You know what though?”
“What?”
“I don’t blame them.”
Buffy blinked, “What?”
William grinned at her obvious confusion. “Well, look at it from their perspective for a minute. You’re their friend that they care about—Doyle wants to date you—and then here I come along. I wooed you, made love to you, and then pulled the rug out from under you in one fell swoop with my big lie about being married. Any good friend would think I’m a complete asshole for what I did to you.”
Buffy smirked, “You know, when you put it that way, you are kind of an asshole.”
William laughed, “I can always count on you to be brutally honest with me, pet.”
“In any event, it didn’t give Doyle the right to tell Faith just so they can try to turn me against you.”
Leaning forward, William took her hands in his, startling her. He held them, studied them, and caressed them. “Buffy,” he began softly, “I asked you in the car if you had any idea what you do to me. You don’t know, do you?”
She stared at their joined hands, her mouth suddenly dry. “I—I’m the O-one?”
“Do you know what that means exactly, Buffy?”
“I-I don’t think so.”
“Am I making you nervous again?”
“Yes.”
“Is that why you won’t look at me?”
“Yes.”
“Buffy, pet, please, look at me?”
Slowly, Buffy lifted her gaze to his. He smiled at her, calming her slightly.
“I am not going to push you for anything, Buffy,” he told her sincerely. “I am not going to force you into admitting anything or having to make any kind of decision.” He heaved a sigh and she could feel a slight quiver go through him. Seemed he was just as nervous as she was. Good, that evened the scale in her opinion.
“Buffy…I have no right to ask you for anything which is why I’m not going to,” he continued. “I wasn’t going to say anything for a long time; I was just going to let things happen as they will. If you found a real relationship with Doyle, then I wasn’t going to stand in your way, because ultimately, you deserve to be happy. At least in my book you do. And it’s not just because of what I put you through, but because of what you’ve already been through and because of the person you are. You are an amazing person to me. You use a lot of self-deprecating humor, and you make comments at your expense for what you think you deserve, and I just want to shake you sometimes because I don’t think you get that you truly are a good person. Good doesn’t even begin to cover it. Amazing, you’re amazing. You saw things in yourself that you didn’t like and you set about changing them. You try hard every day to be a good person, to be a strong woman and to be a wonderful mother and you succeed wholly. You teach me something everyday.
That night we were together…you changed me then. You don’t even know it and I never let you know it out of pride. I think I fell for you that night.”
Buffy’s breath hitched and her hands trembled in his. He squeezed them, lending her strength even though she could see the fear in his eyes.
“Meeting you put the wheels in motion for me. I admit I was reckless after it all blew up in my face -- as it rightfully should have—but then you came back.” His eyes were so full of…God, they were making her weak. “I don’t deserve you, I know that. I don’t think I will ever deserve you or Brandon, but I’m a selfish man still and now that you’re in my life, and he’s in my life, I’m not letting either of you go. I will take whatever piece of you I can get. I will take whatever you are willing to give me. Buffy…”
“Yes?” she whispered.
“I’m in love with you. I think I have been from the start. Actually, I had a big crush on you in high school.” He smiled sheepishly.
“You did?”
“I did, but then you moved away.”
“Oh.”
“Anyway. I wanted you to know that I love you. I wanted you to know because…because it’s this big thing inside me just itching to get out and I felt you should know that it’s more than just out of duty or obligation that I feel I need to protect you and Brandon from Cecily and her clan. It’s because of what I feel for you, it’s because I can’t bear the thought of anyone doing either of you harm. Like I said, I am not asking for anything, I don’t want to push you into--”
“Will?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up.” And she leaned forward and kissed him.
It wasn’t that she planned on it; it wasn’t that she even knew what it was that she was doing. All she knew is that she had the impulse to kiss him, and so she went with it. His words, his heartfelt words, spoke to something deep inside her that knew…that just knew all this time…
His hands cupped her face now, and he drew her in. She leaned into him as far as she could before sliding off the couch, and when she felt that she was about to explode for the ache of wanting him and finally feeling him as she’d wanted to for so long, she pulled apart.
Panting, she rested her forehead against his. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry for that,” he said, panting as well.
She pulled back. “I don’t know why I did that.”
“You wanted to,” he said simply.
“I did.”
“What does that mean, Buffy?”
Taking a deep breath and trying to regain her senses, she shook her head. “I’m…not sure. I don’t know all of what my feelings are for you, William, but…but you’re not completely alone. Can that be enough for now?”
Nodding, William smiled. “That is more than I thought I would ever get, Buffy. Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me--”
He shook his head and said firmly. “Thank you.”
Reaching out, she cupped the side of his face with her hand and smiled tenderly. “You’re welcome.”