CHAPTER FIFTEEN
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After a long and awkward silence, it was Angel who finally broke it.
“You know, Gunn’s really gonna hate it that you found us.” He made the observation with a crooked smile. “Once he remembers what it actually means.”
Buffy relaxed a bit, welcoming the change in subject. She forced herself to push past the angst that had overtaken her since finding out about Spike’s interrupted Shanshu, trying for something that resembled normal conversation. “It means he gets to go home?” She gave him a quizzical look.
“Well, that, yeah. But it also means he has to pay up first.” Angel’s faint smile morphed into a wicked grin. “On our bet. He didn't think anyone would ever find us here. Was sure we'd be here the rest of our lives. I knew you'd come. And Spike, if he wasn't dust.”
Buffy nodded slowly. “And that payment would be…?”
“Sorry.” He shook his head. “Don’t want to spoil the surprise. But let’s just say if you’ve ever had a hankering to see Gilbert & Sullivan’s Three Little Maids performed on a tabletop smack in the middle of the tavern’s lunch rush? You’re in for a real treat.”
“Oookay. Not really sure what that is, but something tells me it comes with an extra helping of humiliation on the side.”
Angel shrugged innocently. “Hey, the bet wasn’t my idea. I just set the stakes. And I only thought about it because Wesley…”
As Angel’s voice trailed away and the light in his eyes dimmed, Buffy was reminded of what Willow had told her about the friendship between Angel and the former watcher. “Because Wesley…?” she prompted gently.
Angel glanced down. “Nothing. He just caught Gunn at it once. Singing. Said he was pretty good, actually.”
The silence returned. This time, Buffy was the one who finally broke it.
“Angel?”
He met her gaze, and she was struck by the overwhelming loss she saw in his eyes.
“I’m really sorry about Wesley. I know he was important to you.”
“Yeah.” He smiled weakly. “It’s funny. He was so clueless in Sunnydale, but after he came to LA, he changed a lot. You wouldn’t have known him. And he wasn’t just my friend, either. He was my Giles.” He frowned. “Except…not in that whole surrogate father/daughter way. But the rest…yeah.”
Buffy nodded. “So you got the idea from Wesley.” She kept her tone soft but matter of fact. She knew from first-hand experience that offering any further sympathy would be like poking at a raw wound.
He nodded.
“Something tells me he would be loving this.”
Angel’s face lit up with a full-blown smile and he actually laughed. “Oh, yeah. He’d be all over it. Trust me.”
They seemed to have made it out of land-mine territory in one piece – a big relief to her, and no doubt Angel felt the same.
“And if you’d lost instead of Gunn?”
He actually squirmed in his seat, or would have, if he hadn’t been sitting on the ground. “Yeah, uh…hey! I meant to ask…how long did you say it’s been since we got sucked through the portal? Because it’s been a lot longer here, you know. Wouldn’t it be funny if we ended up getting back there before you’d even left?”
“Angel.”
“I know, I know. It’s not really possible. Or, I guess it is, but then you’ve got that whole time paradox thing going on and that stuff always gives me a headache. And who needs the aggravation, right? But still, back there I bet it’s been less than a second or two since you came through to this side.”
“You’re ducking the question.”
He sighed. “I was afraid you’d notice. Mandy.”
“Mandy?” Had she heard him right?
“Yes! Mandy! Okay? I like it! I like Barry Manilow! I’m not ashamed of it. The man’s a musical genius, only people today are too…” He trailed off, eyeing her with an expression that verged on petulance. “I don’t know why everybody thinks it’s so funny.”
“You were going to sing it?”
“You think it’s funny, too,” he accused.
“No! I…think it’s…I’m sure it would’ve been lovely. I’ve never heard you sing.”
“I don’t do it much. It’s…kind of a private thing.”
“I understand. Maybe you could…sometime?”
He looked up. “Really? You mean…yeah. I guess I could. Sure. If you think you’d like it.”
“Can’t imagine I wouldn’t. I bet you’re really good.” Buffy smiled at him reassuringly.
He shrugged.
“Lorne said he’s heard worse.”
“Lorne?”
He smiled faintly. “A friend. He was a demon, but he helped us fight the good fight.”
“Did he…?”
“No. He’s okay. I think.” He was silent a moment. “I’m sure he’s fine.”
“Maybe you can look him up when you get back.”
“Maybe.” After another long pause, he continued. “Spike did, too. Help us fight the good fight. I gotta tell you, I wasn’t happy about it when he first showed up. For one thing, he was a ghost and he had this annoying habit of popping up in all the wrong places. You couldn’t keep him out and you couldn’t shut him up. And you sure as hell couldn’t strangle him no matter how much you wanted to. And I wanted to, believe me.”
She didn’t want to ask, but she couldn’t stop herself.
“Gunn told me about the fight you had. After Spike stopped being all go-throughy, I mean. Over that thing…that Shanshu thing. He really…he really wanted it?”
Angel didn’t her answer at first. Then he nodded slowly.
“Yeah. He wanted it. I think that’s when I started to trust the change in him. The Spike I knew never would’ve wanted to be human. Sure as hell wouldn’t have fought to get his soul back. That Spike didn’t care about being a hero. Just wanted everybody to know how bad he was.” Angel shrugged. “At first I thought he wanted it because it was mine. Because it was something he could take away from me. And maybe to impress you, too.”
“But now you don’t?” She found it hard to get out the words.
“Now I think…it went deeper than that. Like it would mean he was finally good enough. That he was…forgiven.”
Neither one of them said anything for a long time. Buffy’s gaze locked onto her hands, twisted together in her lap, as her mind and emotions swirled in a million different directions. Behind a thick dam of hard-won control, tears threatened.
“Is that what it means to you?” she finally whispered.
His answer was slow in coming. “I don’t know. I don’t know what it means.”
Looking up, she found Angel’s eyes focused on a non-existent horizon. His gaze was contemplative, but he no longer seemed haunted by the air of sad resignation that had once been such an undeniable part of him.
“But it makes me happy.”
And the dam broke.
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TBC in Chapter 16
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This is currently a WIP written in response to a Spuffy Kinkathon challenge. The story requirements were as follows: The requested kink was hurt/comfort. Three other requests were to show Spike reluctantly biting Buffy, include Dawn and/or Xander in the story, and set it anywhere from Season 5 to Post-NFA.