// Spike's thoughts//
*/Buff's thoughts*/
“And she awakes.”
Buffy turned her head to the voice, groaning as she felt the jagged cut shift at the back of her head. She’d been knocked out hard. The room or crypt as she recognised a minute later seemed full of alabaster pillars, Spike lighting tens of thick white candles. They stood almost a foot tall, of varying thickness, the flames like bursts of sunlight in what was otherwise a silent tomb. Buffy watched the droplets of wax litter the floor, creating what looked like frozen puddles. */ This was so not good.*/
Just as she was about to call out for him, Spike strode out of the darkness, face impassive. Buffy could only stare. The vampire’s cheekbones, already striking were heavily highlighted by the odd reflective light, making him appear like an alabaster god. He wore all black, having cast away his earlier clothes as one did a bad habit. It only drew more attention to his eyes. */ Very yummy.*/ The Slayer shook her head at that thought. */This guy has chained me up in a dark crypt, full of bones and dead people, so not yummy or anything nice!*/
“How’s your head?” The question floated in the silence for a moment before Buffy sneered at the vampire.
“How do you think my head is? I just got knocked out by some random demon who is obviously in league with you and then chained up here. How would you feel Spike?”
The vampire shrugged, his form looking oddly naked without the heavy leather duster. “I don’t know pet. After a while I got used to it.”
The Slayer quirked an eye brow at him as though to say ‘you’re insane’.
“Huh?”
“Dru and Angelus pet” said Spike gently, already berating himself for bringing the topic up. “This used to be one of their favourite little games. I couldn’t even take a bloody nap without wondering whether the poof or my sire was going to tie me up and have a go at pin the crucifix on spike.” He sighed heavily. “I didn’t plan to copy them though. This wasn’t what I had in mind.”
The Slayer rattled her chains which were strapped to the ceiling. “So what did you have in mind Spike?” she asked bitingly. “Is this how you got your insane ho-bag girlfriend to date you cause newsflash, so not happening with me.” */Not even if you have the sexiest pair of abs that I have ever seen.*/
Spike growled in anger. If he thought about it rationally then the bint had every right to be mad as spitting hell, but wasn’t it sort of her fault for even entering the crypt? Not that he was complaining, but the Slayer had to have lost some brain cells in order to go snooping about. Either that or she didn’t fear him at all. Spike suddenly became angry.
//Right then. The silly bint thinks I can’t seduce her and has the nerve to sneak through my stuff. Must think I’m a git.// Spike’s hands turned into fists and began to clench. //I’ll show her.//
The vampire strode across the room, becoming more in his element with each second that passed. Buffy would have to listen to him now, what with the slayer tossing like a yo yo on chains that stretched to the ceiling. There would be no slamming of doors on his ego and definitely no talk of the sodding poof. Besides how badly could it go? She’d either recognise the truth in his words and declare she felt something for him or and this was a nasty possibility that he hadn’t thought to hard about… scream, alerting her friends who would subsequently stake him and leave the dust to be swept out on a broom. For Spike there was no other option.
And if the Powers that Sucked decided to make one, he’d just flip them the bird as usual and carry on anyway.
Perhaps not the wisest of choices.
“You must think that I’m insane for wanting you.” The words fled his mouth in a growl which just brushed the corner of the slayer’s ear.
She shivered.
“I mean what girl wouldn’t think I was a little off my rocker for still pursuing you, even after being told to royally shove off?”
“I don’t know Spike” retorted Buffy. Her breath had quickened with his increasing proximity and was now starting to come out in puffs. “It seems that you have finally picked up on what humans want instead of trying to live down to your ho bag’s standards.” She grinned sarcastically before continuing. “I’d give you a hug except for the fact that you disgust me.”
Buffy did not expect the dry chuckle which escaped Spike’s lips. Both of his lean hands now rested either side of her face, the knuckles blood stained and jagged as though from a recent fight. They were like blinders, the slayer finding it difficult to pay attention to anything but his eyes. They glimmered with a dark mirth usually reserved for Giles after several long swigs of whiskey. In Spike’s early chip days, Buffy had thrice found them passed out on the floor, old records by the Kinks and Stones sitting in a messy pile. When she had tried to mention it, Giles had grappled for his glasses, cleaning them furiously. Spike had called him ‘Ripper’ for weeks afterwards, even sometimes telling a blood filled story to the scoobies when feeling peckish. She remembered Giles staring back at the vampire, as though he could identify with that malicious element of the demon. */A ridiculous idea… which I really should just forget about*/ Buffy stared at the black clad T-shirt wishing for once that Spike liked logos. She was scared that it wasn’t exactly accidental that Spike knew about Ripper. That, maybe, and this was a very big MAYBE, Spike was good at finding out what was hidden.
Perhaps too good.
Buffy gulped, willing away the uneasy feeling that she was next.
“The thing about you pet, is that you aren’t just a girl. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with being a chit but you’ve also got the demon in there. And –
All of Buffy’s soft feelings evaporated rapidly, the slayer rising up angrily at his comment. “I SO DO NOT HAVE A DEMON!”
Spike laughed again, chipped black nail polish flaking off as he ran a fingertip along her side. “Yes you do luv. What else explains that rush you get when killing something? That deep satisfaction that rips through you when a neck breaks… its clean crack ringing through the air?” He snorted in laughter, “you’re lying to yourself if you think any different Bufffy. Those flurries of punches are more than for show pet but they aren’t mortal shots. They’re for enjoyment. Part of the dance.” His mouth had shifted to her neck, the lips a hairs breath away from touching her skin. She was barely breathing whether from fear or something else that she refused to name. He continued on though. “That chilling snap is like a song to you pet, maybe not flowing out your mouth but definitely whispering through your veins.” He tapped the side of his head. “I can hear it whenever I’m near you, it calls out to every fiber of me. Screaming out its purpose, its beliefs, its fire. You can’t deny that it’s in there Buffy.”
“But its not!” she protested weakly. */ I can’t have a demon… I just can’t*/ She had to admit it was the first point that had seemed to make sense besides Faith’s rather dirty reason for enjoying a fight. Not that she would ever confess that to Spike. One small concession to his point of view would end up very badly, perhaps in a slumber party where Spike sang her sex pistol ditties… Definitely not something she was interested in.
Buffy grimaced, echoes of ‘death is your gift’ resounding all too clearly in her head. If that was what Spike thought was good about her, then he really did deserve Harmony. Buffy wanted nothing to do with slaying, she liked it, okay maybe more than liked it… craved it but it didn’t make her a better person. Hell, it made her worse. She had missed out on countless parties, chatted to the dead instead of boys, killed her lover for a sacred duty. Nothing that would ever get her anywhere except in a box of wood. Sometimes she could reconcile it within herself, people needed her to fight and of course the whole apocalypse had its own weight. But at the end of it, Buffy was alone. Willow, Xander, and Giles could never understand what she had sacrificed, lived with. The only other person who even came close was serving a prison term for murder and wasn’t considered all that right in the head either. The Slayer was isolated. And specifically on purpose if she thought about it, neither the Watcher’s Council or the Powers that Be could deal with an old granny slayer with tens of grandchildren. They needed young girls without a jaded attitude and as Spike pointed out, a death wish. If Buffy wasn’t so sick of the Wankers Council, she could have been made redundant long before now. The Slayer shook her head worriedly, reaffirming in her head what her heart already knew: she could never be the slayer and be normal… but she could certainly reject that element of her and pretend to be a girl. Ignorance is of course bliss.
The whole demon thing was another ball game. Definitely not something that Buffy A. Summers wanted to discuss whilst one stood in front of her. */ More like leant across*/ though Buffy with a half smile. Her arms, hanging for over an hour had become tired, causing her to lean her forehead across the vampire’s chest. If he was going to stand so close, she could at least take advantage. */And I am so not analysing that last thought*/
Spike sensing her turmoil, deciding to let the topic stand for what it was. Buffy couldn’t hide forever about it. “Let me ask you this then. Out of all the men that you have been with, demon included, has there ever been one that you didn’t fight against?”
The Slayer began to nod her head before Spike’s lips parted daringly close to her own. “Just think about it for a minute Goldilocks. You know I’m right.”
Buffy glared at him before actually considering his question. Spike possibly did have a point, not that she would ever tell him. Barring the awkward dates with Riley she’d first really met him in the college’s hallway whilst trying to save Willow. He had been dressed up in his toy solider outfit and she had quite happily kicked Riley and his men’s asses all the way down the hall. Even after they had become a couple they had still practiced sparred with each other, though if Buffy was honest with herself it was more like acting. Riley had always had an overly sensitive ego.
She didn’t even need to wonder about Angel. The one thing that both he and Angelus had in common was fighting and the thrill from it. All that pent up sexual frustration and brooding only helped Angel become an excellent fighter and spar partner. */ perhaps too good, what with all the puppy eyes we’d give each other when tackling*/ Retrospectively she could admit that Angel had quite often sat atop her far longer than necessary.
Which left only one person.
Parker.
Buffy shifted uncomfortably. It always made her feel ashamed when remembering anything to do with Parker. Trust Spike to bring him up. Her angry hazel eyes glared at her adversary who even now was causing mushy feelings to course through her belly. Spike had moved away from her, shoving both hands into the front of tight black jeans, and thrusting his hips forward in a way that should be made illegal. The vamp was a menace.
“I never fought with Parker.”
Cobalt blue eyes rose to meet her own, and for a moment Buffy was struck by the intensity of his emotions. Feelings swirled through them, far more powerful than they ever had with Angel and Riley. Her thoughts could not help singing out. */Maybe he does love me. No wait that’s stupid. People who love you do not chain you in the bottom of their crypt and swagger around. That is unless they are an evil vampire!*/ Buffy pursed her lips. The whole thing was ridiculous. Without a soul Spike didn’t have any feelings worth acknowledging.
//And she’s out again.// Spike stared at the Slayer for a minute before shaking his head despairingly. It had always confused him how women could completely zone out to the world around them and carry on a conversation perfectly by themselves. One moment the Slayer had been looking at him, eyes actually connecting with his before the little blonde chit had faded away, changing emotions creeping across her face with each thought. All Spike could conclude was that all women were absolutely off their rockers. Insane without hope of recovery.
Perhaps Spike was being driven mad by them too. He could still feel the pull of sire even though Dru remained unconscious. //A bloody blessing on us all.//
“Spike? Did you hear what I said?” Buffy, still hanging was rattling the chains irately. “SPIKE!”
The vampire winced in response. “Bleeding hell Slayer there’s no need to scream if I’m not torturing you.” He glared at her for a moment before curling his tongue in a suggestive smirk.
"You know since you 'don’t' like all the fighting involved maybe you could simply screech at demons, pierce their bloody ear drums It damn near worked with mine.”
Buffy snorted in response. “As if Captain Peroxide. Did you hear me before?”
“Yeah I sodding well heard you Slayer. You reckon Parker got away with the deed with no punches….lucky bloke.”
Buffy’s shocked face only made Spike feel like a ponce. Her face which had been turned towards him with no snide glances or glares, turned quickly away, hidden by a wall of hair. He always seemed to be fucking everything up.
“I hate you.” said Buffy quietly. “You can pretend all you want that there’s something in me trying to break free and maybe there is… but there’s definitely nothing inside of you.” Her voice steadily rose in tremor and anger with each sentence, Spike’s snark quickly deflating as a result. “I mean you tie me up, tell me how evil I am and expect what? Do you want me to kiss you Spike? Would that get you to forget about this whole fiasco and – “
Spike pressed his finger against her lips before she could continue, “Gods yes.”
Buffy, shocked and very much regretting ever mentioning the word ‘kissing’ gulped loudly. As intense as Spike was normally, it could never compare to now. Every muscle was stretched taunt with anticipation and desire? Buffy glanced at his eyes before checking that emotion off her list. */Definite desire residing here*/ A giggle escaped her mouth before the Slayer could blink, resounding oddly in the heavy mood that was his crypt. This was all a very horrible mistake yet Buffy could see no really way to fix it.
“Buffy?”
“Buffy, luv, if you don’t want to do this I understand… but you have to know that I love you.” Spike stepped back as she shook her head in denial. It was hard to not yell when she ignored his emotions so blatantly so the vampire turned his back to her. “You’re all I see pet, can’t help myself when I know there’s a part of you that responds to me. I couldn’t keep you out even if I tried…” He smiled despairingly when he heard her give a grumbled ‘hmph’ in response. “My demon knows you Buffy, loves you even and if you would just give me a chance, I could help.”
The slayer had watched somewhat confused as Spike’s shoulders quivered with emotion. She had trouble understanding why he couldn’t just let this go and return to the usual snark? Angel had left her so easily just two years before and thrown her out of LA not long after… how could Spike want her more than Angel? Angel was the one with the soul ultimately; Angel was the one who had loved her!
“Why do you say help?”
Spike growled his frustration, having had just about enough from the denying bint. If he didn’t love her, the demon would have already found some way to silence that infernal tongue.
“As much as all your little pals like to tell you how perfect everything bloody well is, it isn’t and neither are you! Moping about poor sodding Captain Cardboard who couldn’t buy a personality even if it was for free; carrying around all this bleeding guilt about the great poof who is too wrapped up in himself to even find out about this Glory chit; lying to yourself every night when you go hunting, trying to tell convince yourself that it isn’t a thrill and that some part of you doesn’t crave it.”
“Believe me when I say this. You Buffy Anne Summers are in desperate need of help.”
“So this is your grand solution Spike?” retorted the slayer.
A deep bellowing laugh ricocheted around the crypt. “Not in the least” smiled Spike rather darkly. This” he said, waving his arms between them “is my bloody revelation!”
“What do you mean?”
“Exactly this pet” Spike drawled, bottom lip jutting out in a defiant manner. “Unless you let me in, and by let in I do mean completely, there won’t be much more time for you to worry about how to be all sodding normal.” He pointed to a corner in the dark which Buffy had not bothered to peer at. “You do remember Dru right?” He paused for a moment, noting her frenzied nod. “Well she came back for me and was the one who knocked you out. I haven’t got her chained but I can keep her from you as long as you stop with this whole nobility rot. Really talk to me and stop hiding behind sodding walls. I don’t care about Angelus or your friend’s views pet, I just want the real you to show itself for once.”
“My demon as you call it.”
Spike merely nodded.
“And if I don’t you’ll let the insane bitch snack on me?”
Another nod greeted her amazed query.
Buffy shot her most hated look at him, shaking internally with fear as she considered his demand. She just couldn’t expose herself like that. Not to someone like him, maybe not to anyone. “I am so staking you later.”
Spike sighed, half expecting her to refuse. He started walking towards his sire, hoping all the while that she would call out and stop him. //Let’s hope she thinks I’m serious.//
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Finally I can go off canon! There may be some chapters and sections in future where Spike's POV will be written to length but I also want to take a slightly less personal approach. I would like to hear feedback on whether the fic is still okay without the narration style voice. I won't be getting rid of it completely and any reviews would be adored. I will do my best to reply to every one from now on. Thankyou Brat for continuing to read and review, it means a great deal to me. Please note that this fic centers around the idea of being a demon and what exactly is 'natural' for Buffy? Though I can’t help writing some fluff there will be very heavy elements in this story. Dru though won’t be one of them. Sorry for the long boring post.