A/N: I've been trying to think of a good plot for this setting for a very long time, and it finally came to me a few weeks ago when I was listening to the song "Sniper's Promise" (you can find it here: http://irelandsown.net/SniperSong.htm). I'm going to play a bit with the actuality of life in the SAS and as a member of the IRA, but I try to keep it factual until it messes with my plot. I'm not sure if anyone wants to see this continued, so please let me know if the idea intrigues you or if you hate it. Hope you enjoy.
"He went away from me
And he moved through the fair
And slowly I watched him
Move here and move there
He went his way homeward
with one star awake
As this swan in the evening
moves over the lake
I dreamed last night
that my own love came in
He came in so sweetly
his feet made no din
He came close beside me
And this he did say
"It will not be long Love
till our wedding day"
-He Went Through the Fair
"Is this it then?"
He could hear the tears in her voice and he turned to pull her to him again. "No, baby. I'm coming back, you know I am." He pulled back and kissed her like he was trying to memorize what it was like. "You could come too, wouldn't be SAS, but it'd be something, and we could be closer at least."
She shook her head as he knew she would. It wasn't the first time he'd asked her to come with him, at least to Wales for a bit, they could be on the same base even if they were in different programs. She didn't want to leave their little family, and he understood.
"I know, luv, I know." They kissed again and this time it was softer, more resignation than desperation. Her hands made their way under the back of his shirt and she pulled him closer to her.
"When do you have to go?" she murmured against his lips.
He pushed her back against the bed and when her knees bent he followed her down. "Tomorrow, morning, something like four-thirty."
She squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to cry in front of him. He was going off to do what they'd been training to do since they were freshmen in high school and she wasn't about to hold him back. Part of her wanted to go with him, get a transfer to be closer, but she knew it would hold him back and he may not make it through if she were there to distract him. She and Giles had made that decision without him, something he wouldn't have liked, but he didn't have to know.
He groaned when she arched her hips up to rub against him. She moved her hands to his belt buckle and tried to get it undone but he pulled her hands away.
"Last night, luv. Make it last, yeah?"
She nodded and finally the tears fell down her cheeks. Who knew when she'd see him again. She'd known him almost her whole life, been in love with him since they knew what love was and now he was going off to possibly get killed. If the actual training didn't do him in, the work he'd be involved in after was of the most dangerous kind.
She looked up when she felt his tears fall on her face as well. "I don't wanna leave you. You've gotta know that."
"I know, Will, but you have to. If you don't go for this, all our lives, we've just been wasting our time." She kissed him in an effort to reassure but she knew it didn't do much but tell him more of her pain.
"England needs lads like you," she said trying to lighten the mood. He tried for a smile but they both failed miserably. He moved them both until they were lying fully on the bed before he reached for the buttons of her shirt.
She did the same and sighed as he kissed each inch of flesh as it was exposed. He sat up and removed his shirt and pulled her up slightly to slip off her bra. He stared at her in wonder, her beauty took his breath away. "God, you're always so beautiful like this." He bent and took a nipple in his mouth softly. She moaned above him and he reached his hand up to caress her other breast. He kissed a trail from one nipple to the next and then moved his hand to undo her trousers.
She helped him get them off and her panties quickly followed. Her hand trailed down his chest to rest on the bulge forming in the front of his jeans. He slid his hand down her arm and pressed her to him more firmly. "God, Buffy, please touch me."
She ran her fingers through his hair and grinned. "Oh, but I am."
He glared up at her before kissing her hard. "You know what I mean," he practically growled into her ear, sending vibrations straight to her crotch.
"Yes, I do." She undid his buckle slowly and pushed his pants off completely with her feet. She wrapped her hand around him and stroked once. He let out a long, low groan and she gasped when he slid a finger inside her. He pumped two fingers in and out matching her own strokes and then kissed a path down her body until her came to the juncture between her thighs.
"Shall I kiss you here, pet?"
Buffy panted and moaned. She grasped at his short curls and nodded.
"I need an answer, luv."
"Will.. God, please do it."
He contemplated making her say exactly what he should do but decided to take pity on her. He licked the entire length of her pussy up and down once before he pushed his tongue inside her. She cried out his name and he had to grind his cock into the bed to relieve some pressure. He pumped in and out a few times before replacing his tongue with his fingers and kissing and licking around her clit. When her moans reached a certain pitch and he knew she was close he finally took her clit into his mouth and sucked hard.
She came hard around his fingers, shuddering underneath him and he moved up to kiss her. He whispered in her ear as she came down from the high and kept his hand lightly stroking her.
She finally was able to breathe properly and she kissed him softly before pushing him onto his back. She could taste herself on his tongue and it made her even hotter. She pulled back and looked at him seriously, trying to memorize the way his hair looked after she'd been pulling on it to keep his face where she wanted it, and the way his lips were swollen after so many kisses.
"I love you so much, Will."
He stared into her eyes and tried to bare his soul to her. "I love you too, Buffy, you'll never know how much."
She kissed him again and moved down his body, paying special attention to his nipples, knowing exactly how hard to bite so that it made him beg her to touch his poor neglected cock.
She smiled impishly up at him and kissed his navel before taking him in her hands. Just by looking at him she could tell he was going to blow in seconds. She made sure he was looking at her when she lowered her mouth onto him and took him almost all the way in.
"Oohhh, Jesus fucking Christ!" She cupped his balls and felt them tighten as she moved her mouth so that just the head was inside and wriggled her tongue just the way he liked. "Oohhh, Buffy!" He shot into her mouth and she swallowed while she watched him jerk under her.
When he finished she lay next to him and kissed his face softly.
"I'm going to miss this," she said softly.
"I'm going to miss everything."
***
Some days, Buffy Summers hated living in Belfast.
Okay, so most days she hated it. But she was here, and it was where she wanted to be more than any place. Well, any place that existed in the real world. She wanted to be in the South of France with the one person she could never have, raising a family that would never exist.
She sighed and sat up slowly. She only let her fantasies consume her thoughts just after she'd wake up. It was the only time she had to herself. She looked down on the bed next to her and smiled weakly at Liam's sleeping form. She loved him, she really did, and there was a time when she could have been in love with him, but then there was William, and after him she didn't think she'd ever love again.
Not like she had loved him anyway. It had consumed them both and they were slaves to it, but maybe God had seen a problem with that. Maybe love wasn't supposed to be all about each other and forgetting about the world around you. She'd learned only a few years ago that all her life she'd been ignoring, and even perpetuating oppression and violence. She thanked Willow everyday for bringing it all to light.
The minute she helped Willow get out of England and back to Belfast, she knew life as she'd known it was over. She'd been forced to leave everyone behind, Giles, Dawn, her mother, even William's memory. She consoled herself with the knowledge that this seemed to be the most likely path whatever higher powers there were had chosen for her. She was built to be in some military position, her whole life had been full of training of both the tactical and physical kind. She knew the inside of the British Army like the back of her hand, and now she was able to use that knowledge to the best advantage.
She'd learned so much of the terror and injustice of life for the non-Protestant, non-Anglo half in Belfast since she'd come, and now she knew there was no way she could go back to the life she'd once lived even if she wanted to. She couldn't walk away, not when there was so much work to be done and so few people to do it. She was needed and she liked it that way, she liked to be useful.
Particularly since her period of restlessness and loss. Without William and Xander around to work with, she wasn't sure what she wanted to do with her life, she hadn't felt the fervor for her work without her best friends there to share it with. She'd been discharged and she was happy about it in a way, because she hadn't needed to pretend to care anymore. But that had left her with nothing to do, and when Willow came along, life finally gained some semblance of meaning again.
She felt an arm wrap around her waist and pull her back down to the bed and against Liam's warm body.
"Morning," she whispered.
She felt him smile against the back of her neck and he pressed soft kisses there. "How long have you been up?"
"Just for a bit."
"Mmm... We have about an hour before anyone needs us."
She smiled and closed her eyes as his hands began a slow caress. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
A sudden memory flashed in her mind and she tensed slightly before forcing herself to relax into Liam again.
"I love you, Buffy," he whispered against her skin.
"I know." She hated this. It wasn't fair, not to anyone, especially herself. William was dead, he was gone and he wasn't coming back.
***
"I'm going to miss everything."
They were silent as he stroked her back and she drew nothing in particular on his chest.
"I want you to get through it, Will, no matter what happens."
He stared down at her head for a moment. "What are you saying?"
"Nothing... just, you can't give up on this for anything, nothing's worth that."
He rolled her onto her back and moved so that his forearms rested next to her head. "You are." She looked away and he felt absolute fear gather in the pit of his stomach. "Please tell me you're not ending this."
"Will-"
"Buffy, please. Don't fucking do this to me."
"I don't... I can't have you distracted, it could get you killed."
"Yeah, well having nothing to come home to's gonna give me little bloody incentive to make it home." He sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. "How can you do this?"
She sat up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her cheek on his back. He was stiff and she sighed. "Will, I'm not saying that we should break up." The tension lessened a bit, but he was still wary. "I just want you safe, don't be worried about home stuff, focus on you, there."
He relaxed and turned around to hold her. "Baby, nothing you or anybody else can do or say's gonna take you outta my mind. Or my heart, you're always there, not a bloody thing I can do about it. But, I hear you, and I know that, I do. I'm focused, and I'm gonna finish this and be back, at least until they find a place for me to go. It's only for a few years, and then I'm out for good. That's what we always said right?"
She nodded. "Is that still what you want?"
He kissed her desperately and pushed her back onto the bed. "'S all I've ever wanted. To be with you." He moved between her thighs and looked up at her. "And you?"
"Yes..." He pushed inside her and they both gasped. "Three years, Will."
"Yes, luv. We'll do our time and then we're out." He thrust into her slowly trying to draw out their pleasure. She cupped his ass and pushed him harder, deeper.
"I don't ever want to leave here, Will."
He put his forehead on hers and sighed. "No, baby, me either." Their movements were picking up speed even though they were both trying to go forever.
Buffy felt her body begin to tense, she shook her head. "I don't want to yet, Will."
"Shh, lamb, this isn't the last time, I swear to you."
His voice was so determined that she had to believe him. Even so she tried to hold on.
"Let go, Buffy." She shook her head and he kissed her until she looked at him. "Come for me, baby."
Her orgasm immediately triggered his and they screamed together. He pumped inside her a few more times until he was through and then remained inside her. When he went to move she held him. "Stay here, don't you dare move."
"Anything you want, Buffy, I'm yours."
"Your mine..." She kissed him and he looked down at her. "And I'm yours."
She wrapped her arms tightly around him and they cried softly together.
***
Spike Giles hated having to wake up in Belfast.
This infernal city was the last place he'd wanted to be stationed. He hated the isolation of guerilla warfare. He couldn't even make limited friendly contact with those outside his fellow soldiers because anyone could be fighting on the other side.
He looked over in the bed next to him and smiled. At least Xander was there with him. After he lost Buffy, he'd needed a good friend, and as it turned out, a good shag.
He thought he'd been in love with Buffy, but now he wasn't so sure. What they had was passionate and crazy and intense. He couldn't see anything other than her and it had kept him blind from what he was capable of in his career. Even so, he knew that if she contacted him now he would crawl back to her with no regard for his dignity.
The least she could have done was tell him why. It was like she dropped off the face of the bloody planet. No letters, no calls, no form of communication whatsoever. At first he thought maybe she was trying to give him some space so that he could get done what needed to be done as he trained for the SAS, it was pretty brutal, but as he saw it, it was a time when he needed the connection to her the most.
After he finished with all that and he and Xander were now officially in one of the best military units in the world, he figured she would at least find some way to congratulate him, but there was nothing. And he noticed that his uncle's notes had stopped around the same time, and he wondered what if something had happened to them both, but his superiors had informed him that they were fine and that they'd both moved back to California.
It didn't make any sense, so he'd had to supply his own. Out of sight out of mind. They just didn't care about him anymore, he wasn't there and so they moved on. In a way he got it, this wasn't the life you lived if you had ties to the world outside, maybe they understood that and wanted to make it easier on everyone. Didn't change the fact that it hurt like hell.
He still thought of Buffy. Often. That's when Xander knew to leave him alone, or fuck his brains out, just depended, and he loved that Xander knew how to read him so well.
Sometimes he thought that he might even love Xander. Not in the way he cared for Buffy, he hadn't felt anything like that since he'd left four years ago, but maybe what he felt for Xander was the real thing. It was softer, safer, no less protective but he didn't feel wild and crazy when he wasn't with him. He didn't feel like he had to be constantly touching him else he'd go mad. He felt like they understood each other and it was enough for him then.
He wasn't sure he ever wanted that again. Losing Buffy had almost broke him. He only got through to SAS because he rationalized that if he was going to lose her, he best lose her for something that was going to happen.
He settled back down into bed with Xander and nuzzled the brunette's neck lightly. "Wakey, wakey, captain," he teased softly, his hand traveling down to grasp the growing length between his legs.
"Mmm, don't wanna." Spike squeezed gentle and Xander gasped. "Actually, it's looking more appealing."
Spiked smiled and leaned in to kiss him softly. "We don't have to be anywhere until tonight." Xander caressed Spike's sides and thrust gently into the hand fondling him. "But... we should probably be getting rest, gonna be a rough night." He stopped and rolled over feigning sleep.
Xander growled softly and forced Spike onto his stomach as he moved himself on top of him. "You know I love it when you play hard to get."
Spike smiled and opened his eyes. He looked back at Xander and was struck dumb by the love he felt for the man in that moment. Looking into his eyes he saw the loyalty and caring that was all directed solely at him.
Xander looked shy under the scrutiny and Spike just laughed softly and kissed him. They gasped into each other's mouths as Spike felt him push inside. Xander began to stroke his lover in time with his thrusts. It was slow and soft and when they came they didn't cry out, just sighed and rested against each other as they tried to catch their breath.
"I do love you, Xander."
"Yeah, I know, Spike," he said a little confused at the desperation in his friend's voice. "I love you too."
Spike just turned his head and closed his eyes trying to will away the images of Buffy that usually came when he was happiest. Xander just stroked his back and was silent.