A/N: I know it's been forever, and I'm so sorry, but life got hectic there for a bit. I hope people are still reading this, let me know that I haven't lost you. Review and I'm sure I'll be compelled to write faster. This is the end of the Spander, and the beginning of the end Liam/Buffy. Even so, only Spuffy smut will be found here, I hope you enjoy.
The winter nights so long and dark
The autumn leaves begin to fall
And spring it comes and goes again
And still you do not call.
I walk alone on summer days
While lovers hand in hand
Remind me of the times we had
I need your love to get me by.
N'ere will I roam
Your the only one
N'ere will I roam
I'll wait till you come home.
-"N'ere Will I Roam"
Buffy had been trying to write her note to William for almost an hour now. She'd only slept for about an hour before she woke up and decided she needed to go to Liam and decide what to do with Will and Xander. She was pretty sure that she could convince him to keep them alive, she knew he loved her and would do just about anything for her. She hated using that to her advantage, but there was nothing she wouldn't do for William.
She turned and looked at him again, sighing. He looked so beautiful in sleep, just as he always had. She didn't want to leave him, she really didn't want him to wake up alone, but if Liam found them there, things could get difficult.
She sighed again and turned back to her note. She'd gone from sappy, to angry and bitter, to neutral, to so obviously still in love it hurt. She didn't want to be any of those things. She just wanted to let him know she cared without giving too much away. She didn't want to hurt him, she didn't want to give him hope.
Mostly, she didn't want to leave.
This was his thing, not hers. He was the poet, writing her verse that she still had to this day, hidden away with the rest of his things in her mother's house in California. She couldn't bear to look at his things anymore after a while. Apparently she should have just shipped it to him.
Now the bitterness returned.
She shook her head to clear it and put her pen to the paper again.
William,
There are some things I have to take care of.
She thought over the lines for a few more minutes, wondering if it sounded too cold. After another twenty minutes she decided to screw it all and just write. He could think what he liked. He'd left her high and dry without a word for years, she could leave him for a few hours with an imperfect, although heartfelt, note.
***
Spike woke the next morning and immediately knew she wasn't there. He reached out anyway and imagined wrapping his arms around her again. She'd felt so perfect against him, his body ached to touch hers again. He rolled so that he could bury his face in the part of the pillow she'd used and inhaled.
She still smelled the same after all these years. He'd know it anywhere. He heard something crackle and looked down to see a scrap of paper under his arm. He pulled it up to his eyes and immediately recognized the handwriting.
"'Least you left a bloody note this time," he muttered with more anger than he felt.
Will,
There are some things I've got to do. To make sure you and Xander are safe. I don't know what will happen. I'm not going to let them hurt either of you, but I can't guarantee much more than that. Last night
I don't know what to think about anything right now.
Sincer Love,
Buffy
He read it over a few times before he allowed that last bit to fully sink in. In spite of himself, he felt hope swell in his chest.
***
Buffy collapsed against Will's chest both of them panting heavily, their lower bodies still jerking occasionally with aftershocks, his hands still holding her down on him.
"Bloody... bloody fantastic, luv," he panted into her hair.
Buffy could do little more than smile and nuzzle his cheek. She let out a contented murmur and he wrapped his arms around her back.
They lay together for a while longer, catching their breath and stroking each other down from the high.
"Will?"
"Hmmm?"
"Do you think we'll ever have to go to Belfast?"
Will brushed some hair out of Buffy's face and looked down at her. "Why do you ask?"
Buffy shrugged against him and sighed. "I don't know... Just, I don't really get it."
"Get what?"
"Why we're there, why they hate us so much, why this all started."
Will thought for a moment and then shrugged. "Been that way for soddin' ever. Hundreds of years. Politics and land, religion, long time prejudices, I guess."
"I don't see how people can kill each other over it. How people can recruit others to do it. What do you think?"
Will shrugged again. "I expect that a lot of it is more personal than all that. Families involved. Friends, girlfriends."
"I can't imagine knowingly killing civilians."
Will rolled them so that he was leaning over her. He looked at her for a moment before kissing her softly but with enough passion to remind her they only had a few hours before he had to leave. "If it were you, Buffy... I can't say what I wouldn't do."
He looked so serious, so deadly serious that she had to kiss him to shut him up. She didn't want to think about the power they had over each other, the fact that this was exactly why their superiors hated them together. They were too involved to make the right decisions about the other. They could never leave each other, even if it meant the death of hundreds.
William shifted and slipped inside her. She met his thrust and soon they were coming together hard gasping and groaning loud enough to get them in trouble, but they didn't care. Life without the other would be damn near meaningless. William wasn't sure that he would be able to go on if something happened to her. He thrust harder wanting to give her every part of him that he had, wanting to crawl inside her and never leave. Too soon he felt his orgasm nearing and he captured her lips, smothering her own cry of pleasure as he spilled his seed inside her.
"I love you, Buffy, do anything for you."
"I know, Will, I love you too."
***
Buffy sneaked into Liam's room and crawled under the covers hoping he wouldn't wake and notice how late, rather early, it was. He stirred but didn't wake, and wrapped his arm around her waist. She flinched and then cursed herself for it.
She wasn't going to start anything new with Will, she couldn't. They may love each other, they may have a history, but he'd left her without so much as a goodbye, and she couldn't forgive him when he wouldn't even try to apologize.
She fell into a fitful sleep for a few hours until she awoke to Liam's kisses on her neck. He looked up and smiled and she tried to smile back but it was weak. He noticed and stopped.
"What is it?"
"I didn't get much sleep last night."
His expression darkened and he rolled onto his back. "You were with him for quite a while."
"Liam-"
"Don't, Buffy. Just don't. Did you fuck him?"
She was so angry that he could think something like that, that she forgot any guilt she had been feeling and sat up, pulling on her robe and cinching it tightly. "I can't believe you just said that."
Liam rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. "Look, I'm sorry... just... what do you expect me to feel? The love of your life walks back into it and you spend the first night he's here with him. Are you leaving me?"
He looked so dejected that she had to lean over and kiss his brow before reaching up a hand to caress his cheek. "Liam, he left me... he left me a long time ago, and I haven't forgiven him for that. He doesn't want me back. I love him, yeah, but Liam, I'm not in love with him anymore." She looked away and tried to keep her tears from falling. She could lie to everyone, but it was getting harder and harder to lie to herself.
"I still love you, I'm not leaving."
He smiled sadly and kissed her before sitting up. "Just as well anyway, I think he and the other one..." He turned to look at her. "You know."
Buffy stared at him for a moment, he couldn't possibly be saying what she thought he was saying. "What?"
"What's the other guy's name? Harris?"
Buffy nodded slowly.
"I'm pretty sure they're more than friends. That's what Anya thinks anyway. Harris kept asking for him and so this morning she's taking him in. She's never been wrong."
Buffy tried to hide her reaction. This was worse than just leaving her, he'd left her for they're best friend. Both of them had lied to her.
"I'm going to breakfast." Buffy kissed his cheek absentmindedly and walked in a daze out the door.
***
Xander looked up when he heard the door open. Anya stood there watching him as another woman with a gun brought Spike in. Cordelia, he thought that's what her name was. She didn't look like one you could fuck with.
Spike's eyes misted over when he saw Xander on the bed. His head was bandaged, he was hooked up to an IV and he was paler than Spike had ever seen him. Cordelia untied his hands and left.
"I'm going to be right outside the door. I'll leave you alone, but if you try anything funny, friends of Buffy or no, we'll kill you."
Anya walked out stiffly and locked the door.
Spike fell to his knees next to the bed and cupped Xander's face in his hands. "Xand, God, we knew.. I couldn't fucking admit it, but I knew and I let you down."
Xander brought up his hand that wasn't connected to an IV and stroked Spike's hair. "It wasn't your fault. I'm not that bad, I'll be fine. The girl..." he swallowed, "she was the one. Did you see her?"
Spike nodded. He'd recognized Anya the second he'd set his eyes on her. "She being good to you?"
Xander nodded slowly. "She's alive. She lost her eye, but she's alive."
"Does she recognize you?"
Xander shrugged. "I'm not sure, sometimes I think she does, but she's so kind to me sometimes, when she thinks I'm not awake. I don't see why they haven't killed us." Xander started and Spike looked frantic, trying to understand what had his friend upset. "Wait a minute, Buffy?!"
Spike shook his head. "Got a lot to fill you in on, mate."
***
"Holy... Holy fuck, Will."
Spike leaned back against his chair next to Xander's bed and nodded. "Yeah."
Xander looked up at his friend and his heart broke at the pain written across his face. Xander had been the only friend Spike had truly had during his time trying to get over Buffy. When her letters stopped coming, and they learned that she had moved back to California, Spike had gone into a depression so deep Xander wasn't sure he'd be able to get him out of it.
Seeing it happening all over again killed him. For some reason he couldn't seem to muster up as much anger at Buffy as he had been able to when she first left. Something here didn't fit, none of it made sense.
Most of all, Spike was still deeply in love with her, and unless she was playing him for information, which would be pretty foolish, she seemed to be just as in love with him as she always was.
He reached out his hand tentatively to Spike and was relieved when his friend grasped onto him, holding on tightly.
Spike turned suddenly and kissed Xander hard but both of them felt the desperation in it.
The weight of Buffy on his mind.
He broke it almost as quickly as he started and buried his face in his hands, sighing loudly. "I'm so sorry, Xander."
The brunette had always known this time would come. He could always feel Buffy whenever he and Spike were together. It was only a matter of time before he would lose him to her.
Knowing it all along made it easier to accept, easier to keep from getting bitter and blaming people. It didn't make it easier to take. He loved Spike, could have loved and taken care of him forever, but Buffy would always have a part of him that Xander couldn't touch.
"Hey, it's ok, man. I'm not... it's not like winning the lottery over here, but I'm ok."
Spike looked up and realized just how amazing his friend truly was. Xander had long ago accepted Buffy's role, her permanent role, in Spike's life, even if Spike hadn't. Fuck him if he wasn't a total bastard for not understanding that Xander had known all along.
Spike leaned over and kissed him softly this time. A goodbye.
"I'm gonna get us outta here, Xand. I swear."
"I know you will."
"Even if things won't-"
"I know, Spike."
Spike nodded and ran a hand through Xander's short hair. He turned to go but Xander's voice stopped him.
"It was good though? While it lasted anyway?"
Spike returned the sad smile Xander was giving him. "Bloody brilliant, pet, and I still meant it. I do love you."
Xander nodded and closed his eyes, trying to get some sleep. He wasn't sure what the next few days would bring. "What's not to love, bleachboy?"
Spike snorted and walked out to meet Anya.
***
Xander woke hours later when someone knocked on the door to his room. He thought it not a little odd that his captors would knock before entering. After muttering a sleepy "come in" and seeing who it was, he understood.
"Buffy."
"Xander."
They stood silently for a moment, unsure of what to say, where to begin, or if they should speak at all.
"Are you feeling ok?"
Xander nodded and gestured for her to sit in the chair near his bed. She sat and clasped her hands together in a nervous habit he thought she'd lost years ago.
"What's going to happen to us?"
Buffy closed her eyes and sighed softly. "I'm not sure yet. Liam and I have been talking about it all day and we're still trying to find a solution that doesn't end in two bodies being dumped." She looked at him suddenly, hard, and he remembered all the reasons he'd ever trusted her. "I won't let them hurt you anymore than you have been already, Xander. I swear."
He nodded and they sat in silence for a while longer.
Finally, Buffy found the courage to ask what was really on her mind. "You and Will?"
Xander started and looked at her with a mixture of shock, embarrassment, anger, and pride. "What of it?"
Buffy wrapped her arms around herself and cleared her throat. She really didn't have a right to question either of them about it, but she needed to know. "Xander... I'm not... I just want to know. It's not like I have any kind of claim on him anymore. I just... I want to know."
Xander understood that, and he still cared for Buffy, no matter how callously she'd treated them. There was still something inside her that drew him in. He loved her too he supposed.
"It's over, Buffy, you should have figured that."
There was a moment of joy, then grief, finally an odd numbness. "Did he leave for... Nevermind, I should go."
"Wait, Buffy, what are you-"
"Xander, I'll find a way to get you guys out of here. I'm sorry about all this, about everything and the way things have turned out."
She reached the door and turned the handle.
"He still loves you, more than anything, and that's the reason Buffy."
Her body stiffened and then she relaxed, leaning against the door. "How did we all get here, Xander?"
"I'm not sure, Buff. But for whatever reason, he's here, and so are you, and you guys both still love each other as much as you did when he left, so maybe you should take advantage of it."
Buffy took a deep breath and opened the door.
"Thanks."
She walked out in the direction of the room Spike was being held it.
Xander watched her go and hoped for both of their sakes that they could figure out what went wrong before it was too late for them.
"You're welcome."