A/N: I need to say again that I’m not trying to press any particular political agenda, although I think my bias is fairly clear. This fic is about choices, believing in something, and the consequences of both, and this particular situation just happens to be one that interests me and I know something about. Oh yeah, and this is fiction. Reviews are appreciated and loved. Thanks to all who have reviewed so far.

“Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling

From glen to glen, and down the mountain side

The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying

'tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.

But come you back when summer's in the meadow

Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow '

tis I'll be there in sunshine or in shadow

Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come, when all the flowers are dying

And I am dead, as dead I well may be

You'll come and find the place where I am lying

And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me

And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be

If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me

I simply sleep in peace until you come to me.“

-”Danny Boy”

Willow and Tara watched with worried faces as Buffy ran past them and out the door. Something had happened with Spike, and now Liam was upset. Even though they loved Liam like a brother and hated to see him in pain, they couldn't help but be glad that Buffy had finally started to deal with her feelings for Spike.

Against Tara's better judgment, she allowed Willow to drag her into Buffy's room to see if they could find a clue as to why she ran out like she did. They nearly missed the letter lying on the floor. When they did read it, their hearts broke for Angel, but they could sense his relief at having finally been given some closure.

Willow looked at Tara and shook her head. “Have you ever, in all your life, heard Liam so calmly give something up?”

Tara took the letter from her and read it again. “He knew this was coming.” She met Willow’s eyes. “He knew before Spike showed up here that Buffy would never really be his. I think he’s relieved that he can stop worrying about when it’s finally going to happen.”

“I guess, he does sound really resigned to his fate. What do you think Buffy’s going to do?”

“Liam knew this was coming, but Buffy kept denying it. Something happened with Spike earlier, something she didn’t like. If I know her at all, she’ll try to get Liam back, just to prove to Spike that it’s what she really wants. Hopefully Liam doesn’t let her use him like that.”

Willow and Tara exchanged a look, then took off after Buffy.

***

Spike scrambled up from his place on the floor when he heard someone at the door. He wasn’t going to let Buffy get away this time without clearing up this whole mess.

“Buffy, listen, I-” He looked up and sighed. “Oh, it’s you.”

“Yeah, don’t get so excited, I only have the whole reason Buffy stopped writing to you.” Xander said, stepping into the room shakily with Anya holding his arm.

Spike grabbed his shoulders, looking from him to Anya and back again. “How, when... Wait, what did you find out?”

Xander chuckled softly and pushed Spike back so that he could sit on the cot. His sexcapades with Anya and the shock of finding out the truth about Buffy had left his newly healed body weak. Anya eased him onto the bed and when Spike moved toward him again she stepped forward and without words told him to back off.

Spike put up his hands slowly and backed away. Xander could tell his was chomping at the bit for information, and he toyed with the idea of making him wait, but decided he’d waited enough.

“Maybe you should sit too, man, I don’t think you’re gonna like this.”

Spike shook his head. “Can’t, mate, waited too bloody long for this.”

Xander took a deep breath and let it out quickly. “All right, well first off, I think someone was seriously fucking with you.” He looked over to Anya who nodded and took another breath. “They told Buffy that you’d died, they told your uncle the same thing. I think maybe they stopped letting your letters and calls through. Every time they told you that no one had answered, I’m guessing that was shit. Buffy stopped writing because she thought you were gone, she moved to California to mourn you and try to move on and she got caught up with these guys on a trip back to England. Spike, they wanted to split you guys up-”

“Those bloody bastards! They told her... oh fucking hell what she must have thought.” Spike did sink down onto the cot at this. His mind was racing and his heart beat a painfully quick staccato in his chest. He ran his hands through his hair and then stood abruptly. “Well I’ve got to bloody find her, explain. She thought this morning that I’d... Fuck, get me out of her!” he yelled at Anya who merely raised an eyebrow before standing to look him in the eye.

“And why would I do anything you asked?”

Spike sputtered for a moment before Xander stood and spared him having think up a decent answer. “Because he’s my friend, Ahn, and he’s waited long enough.”

She looked at Xander hard for a moment before her eyes softened and she smiled slightly at him. “I guess this is really helping Buffy too, and maybe if I do this, she’ll remember she owes me that money.”

Xander grinned at his.. he didn’t know what, lover, enemy, caretaker, friend? He shook his head and stood, wrapping his arm around her waist. “Let’s go find her.”

***

When Willow and Tara found Buffy, they knew that their prayers that the smoke was not coming from Mahoney’s had gone unanswered.

She stood back, far enough away that she wouldn’t draw attention to herself, she was well known enough by this crowd that it was dangerous to be close to the scene of such a crime. Even if it was obvious she could not have committed it.

They approached her quietly. Silent tears made their way down her face and her foot tapped impatiently. As they got closer they heard her whispering something barely audible. “Please not Liam, please God don’t let Liam be in there.”

“Buffy?”

She turned and stared at them with wide eyes. “Gunn said Mahoney’s, he said he came here, he said... How did this happen? Don’t we have people watching this place, don’t we...” She turned back to the one time building that was now reduced to a pile of smoking rubble. “God Willow, there were so many people in there... But not Liam, I know Liam couldn’t have been in there.”

Tara exchanged a glace with her partner before moving to Buffy a putting an arm around her. “Let’s go back, we can have someone find out where Liam is, ok? We should get out of here, Buffy, it’s too dangerous.”

Buffy shook her head and gripped the wall next to her. “Sean, he, umm, Sean O’Connor. He’s over there, he’s looking for Liam, he’s coming here when he finds...” Buffy pulled away from Tara and walked a little way from her hiding place.

A young man with dark hair and sad eyes approached her. Willow recognized her, though Tara did not and she turned to seek comfort in Tara’s arms. “He’s gone.”

Tara pulled her closer and watched as Buffy collapsed into the stranger’s arms.

***

Anya and Xander thought it best to leave Spike in his room while they fetched Buffy to avoid any problems with the rest of Liam’s crew.

Now that Spike had been left waiting for a few hours, he realized that it had been a bloody stupid idea. He had no idea what was happening outside his door, he had no clue if Buffy was refusing to see him or if they just hadn’t been able to find her.

He didn’t know which option frightened him more. If she didn’t want to speak with him, it may mean she may never want to speak with him again. If they could find her, it may spell more trouble for both of them. It could mean she’d been captured, it could mean she’d been killed, it could mean a million things and none of them were anywhere near good.

He’d paced, he’d tried to sleep, he’d banged on the door and screamed at them to let him out until his voice was rough and his fists were bloody.

Now he was sitting against the door, alternately sulking and banging his head against it. The sounds of a key in a lock didn’t penetrate his melancholy and when the door opened he spilled out into the hallway. He looked up to find a teary eyed Anya looking strangely apologetic.

“I didn’t mean to leave you in there all day. Something’s happened, Spike. It’s bad.”

Spike scrambled to his feet and gripped her shoulders. “Where’s Buffy, is she alright?”

Anya looked at her feet and Spike felt his heart clench painfully. “Oh, oh God.”

Anya’s eyes met his and she shook her head. “No, Spike, not that, she’s fine, physically. There was an attack today, someone bombed the pub down the road.”

Spike shook his head slightly. “I don’t... what does that mean for Buffy.. I mean, I know, that’s bloody awful, but-”

“Liam was inside.”

Spike swallowed hard and shook Anya to draw her out of daze she’d fallen into. “Anya, where is she?”

“I don’t think it’s a good id-”

“Where is she?”

***

Buffy didn’t stir when the door opened. She didn’t want to move for a long while. If she sat still enough, and concentrated hard enough she could be in a place that wasn’t so full of death.

She was tired of it, tired of doling out punishment and death, and tired of seeing good people die. Liam wasn’t perfect, she wasn’t under any delusions about it, and he’d been sure to die in this war. She had just figured he would have been fighting, he would have known what was coming, and she always thought it would be by her side.

She felt the tears begin again, they slid down her cheeks and irritated her by falling in her ears but she didn’t have the will to stop it. He was gone, and though logically she shouldn’t have felt guilty about him being the that pub, she did, and she hated both herself and Will for driving him there.

“Buffy?”

She closed her eyes. “Get out.”

She could hear him stepping closer to her until he stood right next to her. She knew he wanted to reach for her, but he was restraining himself. She was glad, she couldn’t bear the thought of him touching her now. She never wanted to see him again.

“Buffy, please, talk to me.”

She opened her eyes and stared at him with enough poison to make his blood freeze. “I don’t want to see you now, I don’t want to see you ever. You’re free to go, I don’t know how far you’ll get, but you can get going.”

“Look, I know you’re upset, and-”

She sat up abruptly and he saw the fire in her eyes. “You know I’m upset? Let me guess, you feel my pain? I should be used to this now, huh, Will? Liam probably isn’t even dead, just faking it until I’m finally getting over the pain, and then he’ll show up again.”

“Buffy, listen to me, that isn’t what happened, I didn’t do that, I don’t know who decided to make everyone believe I was dead, but it wasn’t me!”

Buffy stared at him for a minute, and he was sure that in her eyes he saw a glimmer of hope before she forced it down again. “Don’t fucking lie to me, not anymore.”

When she made to turn from him he grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at him. “Buffy, I swear to you, I swear I’m not lying, I wouldn’t do that to you. You’ve got to believe me pet.”

She turned her head and refused to look at him, but she couldn’t the sobs that wracked her body or the tears that escaped her tightly closed eyes.

“Look, I know you’re upset, and I can’t say I know exactly what you’re feeling, but when I thought I’d lost you, when I thought you and Giles had stopped caring, I shut down. I couldn’t deal with it, Xander barely pulled me out. I know what it is to lose someone.”

“Will, please don’t-”

“Don’t what? I love you, Buffy, I do, and I’m furious that this happened, and my heart is breaking seeing you like this. I didn’t know Liam, I probably wouldn’t have liked him just on principle, but I know that you cared for him, and you know I can’t stand to see you cry. Buffy-”

“Why didn’t you try to find me?”

“What?”

“You didn’t think to find me and ask why I would just stop writing you? I thought you were dead, Will, you just thought I stopped caring. Why didn’t you fight for me?”

“Buffy, pet, c’mon-”

She wrenched herself out of his grasp and pushed him away from her. “Fuck you, Will, that’s the most pathetic lie I’ve ever heard. You would have tried, the old Will would have tr-”

“Shut-up!” He grabbed her again and held her tightly. “You don’t know a goddamn thing about it. I fucking fell apart without you, and I did try, but I couldn’t exactly leave could I? Couldn’t exactly fly off to California and track your ass down. Don’t try to cheapen what I felt, what I feel for you because you’re hurting!”

Buffy squeezed her eyes shut and covered her face. She’d been so fucking selfish, always worrying about she and William without a second thought to Liam. He was dead, he was fucking dead and she was crying because her ex-boyfriend wasn’t as big an asshole as she thought.

Spike felt her tense in his arms and he tried to soothe her, rubbing his hands up and down her arms. “Buffy, I’m sorry about Liam, I-”

“It’s our fucking fault!” she screamed at him suddenly, pounding her fists against his chest. “We’re always so concerned with ourselves and we couldn’t even think about what he might feel. If I hadn’t gone to you, if I had talked to Liam first, he would still be here! You son of a bitch! You don’t even care!”

He stilled her fists and held them against his chest, pulling her against him. “Shhh, Buffy, I care, I’m sorry, I’m so bloody sorry, but it’s not your fault. Blame me if you want, but it’s not your bloody fault, you didn’t plant the bomb, you couldn’t have known. This is not your fault.”

She stopped resisting him when he released her wrists and wrapped his arms around her, whispering words of comfort into her hair and planting soft kisses against her temple. “Shhh, so sorry, luv, so sorry...”

“God, Will, he didn’t deserve this, such a meaningless death.”

“No, luv, not meaningless. He believed in something, he fought for it, he did a lot, hell I’ve been hunting him down for years, people are going to remember what he did for his cause, yeah?”

Buffy clutched him to her tighter. “I thought I would be there, I thought-”

“Shh, Buffy you need to rest.” He couldn’t bear the thought of her death, not when it was so real to him right now. He pulled her toward the bed but she stopped him.

“Not here, I can’t be in his room.”

Spike nodded she led them into a room that they reserved for Doyle, Liam’s cousin, when he would visit. She allowed Spike to hold her as she drifted off into sleep. Even as guilt and despair over Liam’s death plagued her, being back in Will’s arms made it possible for her to find peace, if only in sleep.

***

A/N: I was wondering if people would fall for the mislead at the end of the last chapter, and I’m pretty glad that worked out.