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Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry for being MIA with the chappy last night, wasn't feeling well.

This is beta free, and chocked full of errors. Enjoy!
Buffy ran; her lungs felt like they were going to burst, but still she ran.

Finally stopping she collapsed on the hard ground of the cemetery, her body overtaken with sobs. Humiliation and disgust welled up within her. She had called him the monster, but it had been her all this time.

She couldn’t get control of her emotions. She hated herself, and she hated him for taking it. When had her feelings for Spike gotten so complex? Weeks ago all he was to her was a pain in the ass. Now she couldn’t get him out of her head.

Her breath caught her in throat as a thought passed through her mind.

*When did I start feeling…living again?*

All this time in the past with Spike had robbed her of all the regret of being alive. She had forgotten about the emptiness she had been feeling since being dragged out of heaven. He had done it; he had saved her.

Despise the overwhelming emotions she felt centered on Spike the voice in the back of her head was still reprimanding her.

Spike didn’t have a soul, Spike was a murderer, Spike wanted her because she was the Slayer, Spike couldn’t love.

She was so very confused. Having these intense feelings for Spike was wrong, and she didn’t know when she had accepted the fact that she did care for him. She didn’t know if she could admit it to him. She had danced around it with him recently, but she knew he had brushed it off. Her little episode outside the high school and the one with Angel had made sure of that.

She missed him; it had been over a week since she had spent any real time with him, and it was tearing her apart. He’d been around it seemed like, almost forever. His absence left her with a strange and uncomfortable feeling she didn’t understand. Like something was missing, something that was supposed to be there.

*Loneliness*

She didn’t sense him approach, but then her was there staring down at her. His eyes were hard and piercing, and he was scowling at her. She looked up at him and her eyes filled tears once more. She watched the turmoil flitter across his face as he struggled with himself.

*He doesn’t know whether to kill me or help me*

She didn’t care at this point; neither option would clear up her confusion and pain.

“Are you hurt?” his voice was gruff.

“Always,” she whispered not trying to mask her pain.

“I didn’t…I mean…bloody hell!” Spike raked his hand through his hair obviously distraught. “Bleedin’ hell Slayer I was just doing what you asked. You’ve know who I am, and you know what I’ve done. I was just telling you what you needed to hear.”

A fresh batch of sobs consumed her. The other her had just stomped his pride into the ground and spit on it. She had managed to twist one of the most notoriously evil vampires in history into a sobbing wreck, and he was apologizing.


“Why,” sob, “are,” sniffle, “you still here?”

His gaze hardened once again. “Right then, off I go to pillage, torture and main. Have a nice life Slayer.” He turned and strode away.

“No!” she cried out desperately. “Don’t leave me again!”

***

She was holding his hand; the Vampire Slayer was holding his hand. The irony of it made him want to laugh. He didn’t know what was stranger, that a Vampire Slayer was holding hands with a vampire, or that Buffy was willingly holding hands with him.

*It’s just the spell you git*

It didn’t matter if she was under a spell or not, he was thoroughly enjoying having her stare up at him with her eyes full of love and devotion. Wasn’t like it was going to happen again, and since he was getting a second chance to relive this, he was going to enjoy it.

They were walking slowly down the sidewalk; Buffy was chattering away about wedding plans, and he couldn’t help but smile. She seemed so carefree and happy; he hadn’t seen her like this in a long time.

“…and so I was thinking the brides maids dresses should be lavender and silver, what do you think.”

He smiled at her. “Whatever you want luv.”

She pouted at him and stopped walking. “But it’s our wedding, not my wedding; I want your opinion.”

“Right then, well you know what I think? I think…” he swooped down on her as she stared up at him expectantly. Pulling her against him roughly, he devoured her lips running his tongue along the inside of her mouth. She moaned and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Mmmm…Spike….”

He pulled away from her suddenly. “Buffy why don’t you head on back to Giles’; there’s something I want to get.”

“For me? A present? What is it? Can I have a hint?”

He chuckled at her excitement. “You’ll find out later.”

Buffy grabbed him and kissed him hard one last time before skipping off. As soon as she was out of site the smile he had plastered on his face slid away.

He couldn’t get shake the guilt he felt; him, soulless and evil, feeling guilt. It was Buffy, but it wasn’t his Buffy. The other Spike was the one deserving of all the wedding cheer, not him. He’d been through it once, and had enjoyed it the first time through. Secretly of course.

He didn’t want it if it wasn’t real; if his Buffy wasn’t the one raining down all the love, he didn’t want any part of it.

***

Giles sighed in relief as he heard the front door open and close. “Buffy…is that you? Did you get everything we need?”

“Hiya Giles, and no they didn’t have everything. I’ll go back tomorrow.”

He lay back down on the couch and put a hand over his face. Buffy started squealing and he heard a thump, and the distinct sound of kissing.

“Stop that right now! I can hear the smacking.”

The other Spike and the other Buffy stopped, and just cuddled.

“Spike, how did you beat me here? You said you had something to get?”

He frowned. “Don’t know what your talking about luv, been here with Rupert the whole time.”

“No, seriously Spike, I was just talking to you outside the Magic Box. Did you bump your head we had an entire conversation and lots of kissage.”

Spike threw Buffy off his lap and jumped to his feet. “You were out kissing another man! I’m going to bloody rip his head off!”

Giles sighed and tried to block out the sounds of the squabble. Then something Buffy said made him pause. She had been out and talked to another Spike.

*Buffy may be delusional and completely insane right now but she isn’t going to mistake Spike for someone else*

It seemed there was more than just a magic spell gone awry that they were going to have to deal with.

*Two Spikes…thank God I’m blind*

***

Giles took off his glasses and sighed. He had just finished re-explaining the whole Buffy/Spike time travel situation to Willow, for the second time. Luckily she was pretty open to the idea, and not too freaked out.

A gentle nudge within his mind made him drop his glasses. It was an odd feeling, like something pushing his way through his memories. The back of his neck began to tingle.

“Oh good Lord,” he gasped. “I know where Spike is.”

***

“What ‘n bloody hell are you talking about Slayer? ‘Leave you again?’ What’s that supposed to mean?”

Buffy wiped the tears from her face and climbed to her feet. “I didn’t mean it, you aren’t beneath me.”

His eyes widened and he looked at her skeptically. She continued not waiting for him to speak. “You won’t understand this, and you probably won’t understand me, but I need to get it out. Some things are going to happen between us, and I’m going to do some things I’m not proud of. You may not think I see how you feel about me, but I do.” She groaned, and started pacing. “This isn’t coming out right. I treat you like trash, like you are worthless, but you aren’t. And I wanted you to know that I’m sorry now, and that eventually I’ll make it up to you.”

His mouth was open and he was motionless.

*Way to go Buffy you freaked him out-he wasn’t ready to hear that, shit your Spike probably wasn’t ready to hear that*

He straightened, his expression changing. He raised an eyebrow at her cockily. “Very funny pet you almost had me there. Now totter off to your little Scoobies like a good little Slayer.”

“Spike please…”

Abruptly her body was seized by unknown hands, she struggled and watched as Spike vamped out and charged forward.

For a moment she felt like she was flying, until she slammed into a headstone and everything went dark.


A/N: Little snippets of dialogue taken from Season 4, "Something Blue" courtesy of www.buffyworld.com
Broccoli with melted cheddar cheese (half) is on the menu tonight.





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