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Author's Chapter Notes:
:D Enjoy!

I suggest opening the following link in a new window so you can listen while you read. This is the song I wrote the chapter to.

Reading Music
*Oh God, my head hurts, I am never drinking again*

Buffy opened her eyes and groaned. Her head felt like it was ready to explode.

*Wait, I wasn’t drinking.*

She remembered being in the cemetery, and then Spike, and then….

*Oh, ouch the headstone*

She sat up and groaned again pressing one hand to her temple. She couldn’t see at all the room she was in was pitch black, but she did know she was sitting on an extremely comfortable bed.

*Where the hell am I?*

She let her feet slip to the floor and she stood wavering a bit. She was still a bit dizzy and the darkness wasn’t making things any easier. She took a tentative step forward and her shins slammed into something hard, and she toppled to the floor a loud explicative escaping her lips.

Then there was light.

“Slayer? Buffy?”

Her head popped up from one side of the bed, and Spike contained a chuckled at her unkempt state.

“Spike?”

He leaned against a wall and raised an eyebrow at her.

“Yeah pet, how you doing? Took a nice knock to the head back there.”

She crawled to her feet, and then sagged down on the edge of the bed.

“What happened?”

“Just a fledgling caught you by surprise is all, I took care of him and brought you here. You being all unconscious and all.”

He braced himself for a verbal attack, and was pleasantly surprised when she remained silent.

“You alright Slayer; you don’t look so good?”

“Gee thanks Spike.” She frowned at him. Something was up; he was acting too nonchalant about having her in his bed. Normally he’d be all over her.

*Get it together Buffy; this isn’t your Spike-even if it was he still wouldn’t be all over you*

“Haven’t been here in a while…”she mumbled.

“What? You haven’t been here at all you daft bint. When have you even been in my bed.”

Her eyes widened. She needed to learn to just keep her mouth shut.

*Just tell him or better, show him*

She got to her feet and crossed the room to stand inches from him.

“About what I said earlier…”

“Yeah I know you didn’t mean it right? Can’t blame it on the headstone though, that happened after you spouted all that nonsense.”

“I did mean it,” she whispered.

He shook his head in denial. “No Slayer, you didn’t mean it. Not 30 minutes earlier you were slinging nasties like no one’s business. Don’t try to tell me it didn’t mean anything.”

Her eyes stung. She had no right to be hurt, and he had ever right to not believe her. She was a different person than the girl in the alley; she was not that person anymore. It sickened her how dead she use to be inside.

When she came back from Heaven she had thought she was without feeling that it was then she was dead. Now she knew it had been before, she had never really been living. She had encased herself in denial to protect herself, and putting down Spike had been her way of shutting him out. Now she realized even then the feelings had been there, concern and maybe even more. That is why she had hurt him, not because she was offended by his words, but because she couldn’t let him know, she couldn’t let herself know.

She took a step closer. “Spike…” She rested a hand on his cheek, and watched as disbelief filled his eyes.

“I think if I can’t convince you now, then someday when it matters you won’t believe me when I say it.”

He opened his mouth to speak and she shook her head.

“I love you.”

***

The beer in his hand was getting warm, but he chugged it anyway. He was in one hell of a bloody mess. He couldn’t go to Rupert because the other Buffy and Spike were there. He didn’t know where else to go, except back to the place it had all started, the cemetery.

Leaning against the headstone he let out a sigh.

*What to do now?*

He was trying to desperately not to think about her, but it was impossible. The nagging in the pit of his stomach wouldn’t cease. He knew she was ok, but being years away from her was tearing him apart. He’d like to think she made it home, was safe and sound in her bed, but he doubted it. If he’d been sent here, who knows where she’d gone.

He knew he should still be mad at her, but that was fading. The fear in her eyes as the time loop had begun again was burned into his memory.

He threw the bottle of beer and it smashed against another headstone. “Stop being a git, she didn’t bloody mean it.”

“Don’t let go, ok?”

“Never pet, never lettin’ go.”

He wanted to be mad at her; he wanted to be able to look at her with the disgust she’d shown him many times before. But his love for her overweighed and his anger of her treatment of him. It didn’t matter what she did, he couldn’t stop loving her. He would love it her until it killed him.

“The sooner the better,” he grumbled running his hands through his hair.

When…if he saw her again he would tell her, that he was sorry, that he wouldn’t leave her, and he would stick to it this time.

***

Giles couldn’t stop pacing.

*Where is she?*

Now that he knew *where* Spike was they could proceed and try to send them home, again. He didn’t completely understand where the realization of Spike’s whereabouts had come from. The memory was blurry. All he knew was that Spike had changed something in the past which had caused his memory to be altered. He had a vague recollection of the original memory, which was now mixed with a new one.

He didn’t even care anymore. All he cared about was getting everyone in their prospective time periods. There was still the risk that Buffy had changed something, or could change something. The consequences of that would be irreversible.


***

“Wh…what?” His mouth was hanging open.

Buffy took a deep breath. “You heard me.” She was trembling.

*Oh my God, did I really just say that?*

It had come out, and she couldn’t take it back now. She didn’t even know if she wanted to. The look on his face was priceless; he was most definitely in shock. She couldn’t let him see how scared she was, or he wouldn’t believe her.

*Buffy WHAT ARE YOU DOING?*

She felt like someone had punched her in the chest. She had just told Spike she loved him. She hadn’t even realized until she said it, that she really did meant it. She loved Spike. She was still waiting for the disgust to come, but it didn’t. Some of the emptiness she had been feeling drifted away.

Something inside her snapped, and a thought popped into her head.

*You didn’t mean it, you only said it because it wasn’t your Spike, and he won’t remember*

She did mean it though, and that scared her even more. She had admitted to a past version of Spike that she loved him, and she was unsure that she could ever admit it to her Spike. She felt weak and vulnerable. She had loved Angel, Angel had been good, but Spike was evil, Spike was wrong…

*Shut up!*

Spike began shaking his head violently throwing his hands in the air. “No..no way…”

She slapped herself mentally and grabbed him by the back of the neck and dragged his face to hers. Slamming her mouth against his, she felt him soften and the tension melt away. He slipped an arm around her waist and drew her in closer.

She ground her hips against his, and moaned when she felt his tongue slide into her mouth. He tasted the same, like cigarettes and alcohol. It was so familiar and comforting.

He broke the kiss and stared down at her. “Buffy…”

“I love you.” She said it again firmly, and the corners of his mouth lifted into a smile.

“I know.”

A/N:Coconute iced-coffee and a warm donut from KK. :D





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