Author's Chapter Notes:
Phew...this chapter took forever to write. Just a few notes, we're just going to assume that the S5 Spike kicked out or got rid of Harmony before he brought Buffy to the crypt. I didn't really want to get into that confrontation, so I left it out.

Reading Music

^^^Open in a new window; themed writing music :D

Once again, beta's haven't gotten the chappies yet, so the errors are all mine.
His fingers slid through her hair; twirling a strand around his finger he met her gaze. Cupping his cheek she brought her lips up; a shock sizzled through her body with first contact. She slid her tongue into his mouth, and he responded in kind.

*How can he taste so warm when he is so cold?*

Her fingers crawled their way up his skin sliding his shirt up and over his head in one swift motion. She broke the kiss and let her gaze drop to his chest, as she pressed her hands against his skin. He didn’t move, but let her explore. She closed her eyes and began to run her palms over his skin; feeling him like it was the first time.

*It is the first time*

She drew in a breath. This was her second chance to do everything over, and do it right; even if he wouldn’t remember it in the future. This wouldn’t make everything right, and it wouldn’t erase the pain she would eventually cause him, but it would give her hope. Hope that she could treat him like he treated her, hope that one day she could make him understand how she felt about it.

*Don’t make it about you; it’s about him. Feeling guilty isn’t the way to show him, he deserves more than your pity*

He still hadn’t spoken; he was allowing her to touch him. She knew it was he was afraid if he made a move she would shy away. She opened her eyes and took a step backward. His eyes were full of passion, and fear. He was scared of her; it almost made her laugh. This was the ‘Big Bad’, William the Bloody and being with her scared him.

She pulled her shirt over her head, unzipped her pants and let them fall to the floor. Slowly she unsnapped her bra and let it fall, and then she stopped. Taking a few steps backwards she sat on the edge of the bed, and held out her hand to him.

He hesitated, and she could see the turmoil in his eyes. He didn’t believe this was real, or she that she meant what she was offering.

*Please don’t reject me…not again*

There it was her fear of dismissal of being left behind. Despite her fierce demeanor and tough exterior she was just a girl. Twice she had been left behind without being given a choice, three times if she counted the last time Spike had left her. There was a scared little girl inside her hiding behind resilient hazel eyes.

A lifetime past in that split second of hesitation, and he made his decision.

***

“We don’t need her here Giles; according to you she wasn’t with you the last time the spell as cast. We can send her home now.”

“I know Willow, but it’s possible she is engaged in something important. Tearing her away before obviously wasn’t without its consequences, and I won’t make that mistake again. She knows what she’s doing, and I know without a doubt she is doing something now she deems is necessary.”

***

He took her hand, and pulled her up and into his arms. She relished the feel of his cold skin against hers before he settled her on the bed. He stared down at her, smoldering blue eyes taking in her nude body. His pants fell to the floor, and he slid onto the bed, covering her body with his.

His cold lips traced their way across her skin and she shivered. She let her fingers run through his hair and down his neck as he kissed her stomach.

“Buffy…luv…so sweet...” he murmured into her flesh.

His fingers brushed over the nest of curls between her legs and she let out a whimper. His blue eyes met hers and she was floored by the emotions swirling within them. He was in awe, and it made her want to cry. He slipped one finger into her warmth and she shuddered. He pulled it out and licked it, and let out a groan of pleasure.

“So warm…so bloody wet…”

“Spike…I need you…” she moaned, and he stopped his exploration. Pushing himself up he position himself above her. She pulled his head down, and captured his mouth. The kiss was fierce and aggressive. She let her hand move down between their bodies and grasped his cock in her small hand. He let out a groan as she let her fingers stroke the sensitive skin of his shaft. Parting her legs she drew him closer until his head was poised at her entrance.

She let go of him, and waited for him to make the move.

“God I love you…” he burst out, and averted his eyes from her face.

“Spike look at me,” she commanded in a firm voice. “This is me, I’m here with you.”

His breath came out with a hiss and he plunged forward sinking in to her. He let out a moan as she squeezed every inch of his cock as it slid into her. He filled her completely, and she wrapped her legs around his waist to bring him in deeper.

He moved slow and deliberate, drawing out of her inch by inch and then thrusting forcefully back into her depths. They moved together, and she kept her arms wrapped around his neck.

This is how is should have been; love and not fucking. They were together now because she could admit her feelings to him, and the passion behind the act came from love not anger.

He breathed deeply with her, not because he needed to but because they were one. The moans grew louder as the pace increased.

“Spike....ohh…god…” she held back tears as she clenched against him. This was beautiful, this was perfect.

Each time he sank back into her she felt like she could explode; the friction was ecstasy. Her nails dug into his back as she felt herself tense, and then she came with a scream.

“I love you!!”

***

“Giles, I honestly think we should just do it.”

He sighed and nodded at Willow. “Buffy didn’t indicate that there was anything serious she needed to deal with other than finding Spike, so I hope it isn’t anything other than her search for him that is keeping her. Do it Willow, send her and Spike home.”

***

Spike came with a roar emptying himself inside of her. They lay in silence, and Buffy drew his head down and kissed him softly. The feel of him hardening again inside sent a rush of moisture between her legs.

He gazed down at her, a serious and thoughtful expression in his eyes. “I know you’re not her.”

“Wh...what?” her mouth was dry and her heart began to race.

“Whatever this is, or wherever you came from, you aren’t the Buffy in the alley a few hours ago.”

“Spike…”

He silenced her with a kiss. “I don’t want to know how, or why, but I know someday I will.”

She stared at him. “Then why did you...”

"Say I loved you?" he chuckled. "At that moment I did."

She closed her eyes.

He laughed. “As much as I would like to sodding believe you realized you loved me in a matter of hours I know it isn’t possible. My Buffy is too stubborn and strong for that. Loving me would equal weakness, and she couldn’t have that pet.”

Buffy couldn’t stop the hurt from flashing through her eyes. “So who am I then Spike, if not Buffy?”

He pulled away from her, and slid to the edge of the bed. “Oh, you’re the Slayer, but you’re not my Slayer.”

“So you could never love me like this then?”

“I love her because she is strong, and because she doesn’t need me, not because she does. The Slayer I know would never willingly hop into my bed without a soddin’ apocalypse on her heels.”

Buffy narrowed her eyes. “Remember you said that Spike, because some day, you are going to wish you could have this moment back.”

“Is that what this is about luv? Feelin’ guilty about what you’ve done to your bed toy?” He let out a snort.

The pain in her gut was so intense she wanted to vomit. This hadn’t been about her guilt had it? She had wanted to give him something back, something she had never been able to give him before and it had turned around and bit her in the ass. He had used her, like she would eventually use him.

She stood pulling the sheet off the bed with her. “Think of this of payback Spike, because some day I’m going to make you wish you had never loved me.”

He growled at her. “Is that a threat Slayer?”

She wiped the tears from her eyes. “No, it’s a fact.”

***

Spike had passed out; or at least that he thought he had. Staring at the headstones in the cemetery was altering his sense of time; he could have been there hours, or even minutes. He couldn’t tell anymore.

Then it was there, the flashing light, and the rumbling as the earth began to shake. “’Bout bloody time!” he yelled at the empty cemetery. Closing his eyes he prepared for the storm. “Bring it on you bleedin’ wankers!” he screamed as his vision began to blur, the cemetery shimmering into blackness.

He didn’t pass out, not this time; at least he didn’t think so. The blackness shifted back into the cemetery like no time had past. He scrambled to his feet.

“SLAYER?” he roared whipping his head around frantically. She had to be here.

He heard a groan, and a curse from behind the headstone he had been leaning against. Her blonde head popped up, and she stared at him. Her eyes were red and swollen as if she had been crying.

“Spike…?” she sounded hesitant.

“Bloody right pet.” He moved around the headstone towards her and froze. His eyes narrowed and his gaze hardened. “Been busy I see,” he spat staring down at her.

Buffy’s eyes widened and she glanced down at herself in shock. She was still naked.


A/N:You can have the rest of the m&ms i'm feeling a bit sick :D





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